Colin Kaepernick Makes A Tough Decision

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - September 15, 2016September 15, 2016

2 WEEKS AGO - INTERIOR - COLIN KAEPERNICK'S BAY AREA HOME [COLIN KAEPERNICK is on the phone with his AGENT and is clearly very upset] KAEPERNICK: Absolutely not! I won't do it! AGENT: But Colin, if you don't, he'll cut you from the team. He's been trying to since day one! And you know how

A Perfectly Cromulent San Diego Chargers 2016 Season Preview

Old School Zero - August 17, 2016August 16, 2016

(This preview has been brought to you by Low Commander of the Super Soldiers, Old School Zero, and sunrisesunrise) Keenan Allen: Damn. This shit again. Brandon Flowers: Yeah, tell me about it. Hell, I don’t even think Rivers has healed up from last season yet! Philip Rivers: [Limps in on crutches, most of

Is Jim Caldwell Really A Pokémon In Disguise? A [DFO] Investigation

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - August 9, 2016August 9, 2016

Not a lot is known about Jim Caldwell. For example, we have seen him coach at both the professional as well as collegiate levels during his years of employ, but despite all of this, we have only known of his true form for less than a year. I am sure

Request Line: Top of the Class

DFO radio

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - August 5, 2016August 4, 2016

125

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY A pair of radio station employees stand in the production booth, obviously upset and arguing over something. STATION MANAGER: You said you wanted a businessman! That's what we've got! PRODUCER: I said a smart businessman! I'm amazed this guy can even tie his own shoes! DAN SNYDER: [In the

A Year Ago: KSK in Memoriam

The Commentist Party - July 31, 2016July 31, 2016

344

A year ago today, KSK Smelled Us Later, Forever. It's hard to think it's been so long, or even so short sometimes, but I know that many of us feel that we owe the good folks who Made U-----X Great Before a debt of some kind. We've heard from Ape,

Your “Do You Want to Know the Terrifying Truth…?” Open Thread

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - July 11, 2016July 11, 2016

183

Good evening, folks. Beerguyrob is enjoying a much needed vacation this week from preparing your open threads. I am Low Commander of the Super Soldiers, and I will be your host tonight. We have entered that point in the off season where the only NFL news of note now involves bullshit

Halted NFL Product Endorsements

NFL Sponsors

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - June 30, 2016

With 69 days until the NFL season starts, it's time to get back to focusing on what's important in football: #brands Through extensive research, bribes and the occasional sexual favor (I said I was sorry, Horatio!) the team here at DFO have uncovered these products that were expected to be launched

Hillary Clinton Gets a New Campaign Adviser

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - June 9, 2016June 8, 2016

[BROOKLYN, NEW YORK: HILLARY CLINTON'S CAMPAIGN OFFICE HEADQUARTERS] ROBBY MOOK: ...and that's why I'm no longer allowed at the Costco on 118th Street. But enough about my day off! As your Campaign Manager, I want to be the first to congratulate you on officially being declared the presumptive nominee! HILLARY CLINTON: Thank you,

Commentist Beer Barrel: In Space!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - May 14, 2016May 13, 2016

Good morning, evening or next Tuesday, fellow Commentists! Low Commander is here to man the Beer Barrel this week, as make it snow embarks on his yearly tradition of being a big quitter and thinking that he's better than you. Never fear, for there are a whole host of guests

AFC West Draft Roundtable Spectacularium!

King Hippo - May 3, 2016May 2, 2016

Welcome to DFO's initial Divisional Draft roundtable. Drinking an Abita Wrought Iron IPA and avoiding my family, I am King Hippo, representing the World Muthafuckin' Champion Donks. We also have world famous alternate Internet Dad (and Raiders fan) Rikki-Tikki-Deadly, plus the stomp stomp CLAP!! duo of Old School Zero and