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Geno Smith Channels Coach Ryan

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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New York Jets Locker Room – 8/11/15

Geno Smith: Man, what a long day of practice. I sure am glad I was able to get in here before everyone else. I just needed some time to myself.

[Geno scans the empty locker room]

Geno: It sure is different around here. The off season just flew by. I’ve already learned so much. It just feels weird without all the guys though. Michael… Chris… Coach… Oh Coach. If only you could see what they’ve done to your bathroom.

Geno: I can’t think too much about those times though. He’s Coach Ryan now. He’s the enemy; a division rival! It’s time to take the best of what he taught me and use it to motivate this team. They need guidance. They need a leader. They need… A winner!

Rex Ryan’s Empty Bathroom: …

Geno: I will take this team to the top! I will turn them into KILLERS! IT’S OUR TIME!

[Door flies open]

Todd Bowles: Great practice out there everyone! I’m really liking what I’m seeing out of our offense! Marshall, you might be what gets us–

Geno: I’ll take it from here, Coach!

Bowles: What? Uh, okay. Everyone, Geno wants to say a few words.

Geno: ALRIGHT MEN! The preseason is upon us! Sure, it might only seem like practice, but this is where we set the tone for the rest of the year! The Lions are right around the corner, and it’s time we go into their house and show them who’s boss! You all really need to stop SUCKING out there, or we’re going to be the ones who get killed!

Bowles: Um, Geno? This isn’t really what I had in mind…

Geno: THIS TEAM ISN’T WHAT I HAD IN MIND! We need to stop pussyfooting around and polish up these turds! Alright, now, uh, NICKNAMES! You guys all need new nicknames! Let’s see… Fitzpatrick! I’m not worried about you taking my spot, so you can’t be Competition… I know! You’re Lawyer now, because you went to Harvard!

Ryan Fitzpatrick: What? But I studied Economics at Harvard. And I already have a nickname. Everyone calls me Fitzmag–

Geno: It’s Lawyer now! Uhhh… Revis! Glad you’re back! We really need someone like you to LOCK DOWN our defense! I’m going to call you Padlock!

Darrelle Revis: If anybody calls me that, I’m going back to the Patriots.

Geno: Er, okay. Uh, IK! IK, I’m going to call you Poorhouse, because you seem to think the $600 I owe you is a lot of money!

Ikemefuna Enemkpali: Hey! Fuck you, Geno!

Geno: Winners don’t care about $600, Poorhouse! Does that make you angry? Are you ready to KILL KILL KILL?!

[IK punches Geno in the face, hard]

Geno: OWWWWW! HUT DA UCK, OOR-OOSE! EESUS, MAH AAW!

Bowles: Damnit! Get him out of here!

[A few players grab IK and drag him away]

Bowles: Geno, you’re an idiot. Go see the doctor, then meet me in my office.

Geno: Oo-ay, Ooch.

Bowles: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but now I wish I would have stayed in Arizona.

Rex Ryan’s Empty Bathroom: …

———

My apologies to Drew and Sarah

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UDFA

HOW YA DOIN BOYS????

/Sorry,It had to be done.
//dick joke?

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scotchnaut

The Boob Jays have won 10 straight! All aboard the bandwagon, boys.

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Brick Meathook

Has no one posted this yet?
http://i.imgur.com/yqPQdr2.jpg

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King Hippo

MAH BELOVED!!!!!

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Brick Meathook

http://i.imgur.com/l1mWLBD.jpg

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Curse of Marino

* a lone wolfman howls in the distance*

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HAHAHA! English time zones!

http://i.imgur.com/rgDjxVU.gif

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Big Mister Backyard Grilling Moose put a little too much ghost pepper sauce in the salmon marinade. Still tasted great, but I worry for the Moose Ass.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Scene:

I walk up to the bar, sit down, order a beer. Two utes sit down next to me, bartender rightfully asks for ID. Female patron provides a normal one, is served. Make patron hands over what looks like a New York license made of playdoh. Bartender asks manager to take a look. He eyes the kid, eyes the ID, pauses, and says “are you going to tip my bartender well? Alright then.”

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“If you don’t, I know where you live!”

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Doktor Zymm

http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Ghost_87d364_425734.gif

I have no reason for posting this. Just. Tortoise.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The reason is self-evident.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That was not supposed to be a reply; I will never stop derping on this.

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Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

The auto refreshing comments may be getting you. Got me the other day. I’ll keep looking at it.

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Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

I ate this for lunch.

http://i.imgur.com/TbqrUf2.jpg

I still have a meatrection thinking about it.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Trying this:
http://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/2681/146788/
For an IPA it is light, refreshing, not my favorite but vary good. Definitaly not rust your balls hooppy.

Or as pacman_jon would say “overrated”

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JerBear50

I won’t say they’re overrated just because I don’t like them, but it’s really frustrating how much they dominate the market when you’re not an IPA drinker. There’s a bar I go to with 99 taps and almost 25 of them are PA or IPA, yet the only German beer on tap is Warsteiner, not a Belgian to be found besides Stella. I can’t get a dunkel, a doppelbock, a weizenbock, a tripel, a quad, hell, not even a good Hefe, but I can choose between 17 fucking IPA’s.

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Lothar of the Hill People

This, 1000%. The goddamn grocery store where I shop has beers on tap you can take home in a growler. Usually they have 6 beers to choose from, and at least 3 are IPAs. Last time I went, they had 1 hefe and 5 IPAs. I almost cried, because this is where I’ve been getting my fix of Kentucky Bourbon Barrel Ale lately.

Also, many–if not most–IPAs suck balls. For some reason, brewers think that IPA means “throw hops in until the brew tastes like Lysol” and/or “more hops=better” or “more hops=more authentic IPA”.

It’s lazy. And all the labels/marketing for IPA seem to feed into it. Naming your beer “Hop Blast” or “Hop Demon” doesn’t make me think it’ll be tasty. It makes me think you don’t know how to brew beer.

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ballsofsteelandfury

PK: Did you hear about Lothar?
Starbucks barista: Huh?
PK: Got stuck with IPAs. Thought he would cry.
SB: Fuck you.

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Spanky Datass

Yes on the brutality of the IPA overlords.

Also I have become a man-whore for barrel aged beers lately and have also developed a sweet tooth for stouts. That is all.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Also, many–if not most–IPAs suck balls.”

No, you just don’t like most IPAs; nothing wrong with that, what is wrong is that you pull an internet and say something sucks balls because you don’t like it.

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JerBear50

What really pisses me off is when they hop the shit out of a beer that traditionally is not heavily hopped and don’t bother to note it on the packaging. If your porter is 80 IBU’s, that might be something you should tip me off to ahead of time.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think IBUs on the label are a good idea, and if you are brewing it that way you are doing it for a reason. Go full hop and describe it on the label, go with it.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not sure about other markets, but my experience in Denver and recently in San Diego is that these have a complete variety in styles beers. While I love IPA, they are like single malt scotch; DEFINITELY not for all or even most taste buds. I’ve been try to post some other beers and the lighter side of IPAs, others have been doing the same. I have a bomber of stout I’ll post tonight when I try it. A lot of brewers here are very proud of their Belgian types, but the REAL GERMAN (according to my cousin) is only done well by a few and none of the huge breweries.

P.S. I was pretty much just givin pac_man jon shit.

I’ll try to get more of a different nature to you, but here is one you might try if you can find it:

http://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/267/50241/

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JerBear50

There’s a small brewer down here (Rapp Brewing) that specializes in German and Belgian styles and his beers are fantastic. He’s won a ton of awards but he’s purposely kept it small for quality control. For the most part if I want German, I don’t buy American versions of them. I’m a big fan of Weihenstephaner and Ayinger, and Paulaner is solid as well.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The is a brewery here in Denver that specializes in German beers, I can’t think of it right now, but it is on my pub crawl list. I’ll put it on to see if you can find it in your liquor store.

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JerBear50

Yeah, let me know and if they have FL distribution, I’ll check them out. The only CO breweries I can think of off hand that are widely available down here are New Belgium and Avery. I’ve had a couple from NB that were solid, but could they find a less exciting, completely average beer for their flagship than Fat Tire? Avery has some nice beers though. I’ve had several bombers of “The Reverend” and it’s a really damn good Quad. I’ve been wanting to try Salvation and Kaiser as well.

0
5foot7

http://i.imgur.com/JN9EMVG.gif

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Horatio Cornblower

This gif pretty much describes the last 5 Yankee games.

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Don T

If not for the sure grip, would’ve thought that was Vince Young.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

In doing research for my upcoming puzzle (Eli’s Vocabulary Test) I encountered an amusing story.

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Don T

He’s taking about stink and says there’s nine of them. And is not a PG story. The mind boggles.

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Lothar of the Hill People

That site is awful. Multiple stories on why Tim Tebow is the best QB on the team, or how he’s improved so much. Ugh.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

‘Tis this the open thread? What’s every drinking?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not a bad idea; I’ll see what’s in the fridge.

http://i.imgur.com/jGL6xGa.gif

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Horatio Cornblower

I’m eating an entire watermelon. No joke. If my kid doesn’t get back in here right quick this thing is history.

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Old School Zero

I have a can of Grapefruit Sculpin in a koozie and I had to bike up a damn hill in 90 degree heat to get home today.

Fuck your kid. Eat that fucking thing.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Fuck your kid.”

He doesn’t mean that in a priestly way, people.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

My good friend was recently hired at Karl Strauss, so I’ve got a bunch of these lying around…

http://www.sandiegomagazine.com/0001%20Jackson%20Images/beer-of-the-week-karl-strauss-off-the-rails.jpg

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One time when I was working in Sorrento Valley we ducked out for a beer and our waiter at Building K noticed that (after he’d drank 3/4 of it) my coworker’s glass had a crack in it. He insisted on getting him a fresh one. I liked that waiter almost as much as the cashier at Mammoth who helpfully reminded me that I was under 25 when I bought my lift ticket.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Oh that is some good shit!

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Lord Joe Don Looney

I drank a lot of Genny in college. If I remember right, the price was $4 a case.

/Fuck that seems like a long time ago.
//Where did I put my pants?

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Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

A Pepsi Max. I spent my work day eating barbecue and shooting guns with one of my customers, which is awesome, but now I’m working late.

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Martin

Jesus Christ. This is the most wonderful gift that Geno has ever given.

Oh, and LCSS. I guess.

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Horatio Cornblower

Uh, Moose? That’s not Martin.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

My replies to Martin are usually accompanied by…. lady gifs, if you will, I should have phrased that better. If that was Martin, he would have masturbated to death by now.

http://i.imgur.com/EE3bA7I.gif

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Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

She seems impossible.

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benjygronk

Snack

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Martin

Kick its ass!

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ballsofsteelandfury

You’re talking to the shark, right?

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Don’t apologize, you magnificent sonuvabitch.

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blaxabbath

Poorhouse has got to be a recurring character. This is like the most LOLly thing I’ve read all year.

/High

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Is it time for hump day drinkin’?

http://i.imgur.com/ZLlEe.gif

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Posting this as a reminder…………..

comment image

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King Hippo

I am constantly aware that life is an unrelenting heap of shit, Moose. No need to remind teh Hippo.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There, there, ssshhhhh, quiet, just put your head down…. closer to the liquor cabinet. Maybe dis will heeelp.

http://cdn3.sbnation.com/imported_assets/2018149/manningtd.gif

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Which reminds me of this catch. We’ll see how he thrives in the Kubs system.

http://extras.mnginteractive.com/live/media/site36/2012/1230/20121230_062534_demaryius-thomas-broncos.gif

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Don T

Yeah, this shit gotta start like now. Though this offseason was kinda flowy.

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Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Hey, Cards won, so we got that, baby!

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montythisseemsstrangetome

Like DTZM mentioned, Cards still won. Another Yadi triple. VOODOO MAGIC CONTINUES!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Will drinking make my headache go away?

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upforwhatever

Also supposed to be a reply. Still getting a handle on WP.

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Spur

Rex is just trolling now, he picked up Enemkpali. I hope he pays him $600 in cash and posts it on twitter.

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Andrew Daisuke

600 dollars in store credit for pedicures.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One G-note!

/plans to run this joke into the ground harder than the Jets franchise is going to be run into the ground this season.

//not really, this is probably the last time I will ever use it.

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Sep

http://i.imgur.com/squKR07.gif

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Why Thank You Eddie

How can I post “Pants of the Floor” man video? I sure hope he’s not dead yet.

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Sep

Copy & Paste the share link from the youtube video.

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IronAvenger6491

Breaking Geno Smith’s jaw is something Rex always wanted to do.

So he’s got the man that did it, back.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[blinks eyes]

Hey, what time is it?

[checks watch, sees that 86 minutes have gone by]

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

WATCH OUT RIKKI!!

http://i.imgur.com/14Gco71.gif

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SonOfSpam

Shonn Greene’s locker knows when to shut the fuck up.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Did the Shonn Green’s Locker run into a door last time?

Wait…..

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pickettschargeksk

My god THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE

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Stabby Pants

So, guess who just picked up Mr. IK Odgenosmith?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The police?

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Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

comment image

He has an even bigger target this time around… And Cassel looks like half the bones in his body would break if he took a punch.

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JerBear50

One of the cable networks is doing an Evil Dead/Army series with Bruce Campbell. I think it’s supposed to start this fall.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nicely done.

http://i.imgur.com/ztmfdoP.gif

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Andrew Daisuke

HOLY SHIT. I finally figured out how the hell to log in.

/sorry

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Welcome! Glad you made it.

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Andrew Daisuke

WP doesn’t make it easy. lol.

Glad to have another place for, well, whatever it is the hell we do.

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Why Thank You Eddie

You better hurry up and get a cot away from Blaxsabbath. He has night screams.

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IronAvenger6491

This is why we don’t grant every Make a Wish.

#Downsforwhatever

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Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

#SidewaysForWhatever?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If heaven actually exists, and by some bureaucratic mix-up Rex Ryan is sent there, I guarantee he will start a “pussyfooting” league within the first two hours of his arrival.

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Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood

Hot shit on a shingle, this is awesome!

/ slaps Low Commander on the ass, HARD

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Enrico Pallazzo

What am I supposed to do with all of these unused pussy tubes!

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Old School Zero

Fabulous!

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WCS

[Geno’s jaw flies open]

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117
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