Rum, Simile and the Lash: NFL Meats Edition (and Tuesday Open Thread)

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - July 12, 2022July 12, 2022

Good Tuesday to you, reprobates! Hopefully the young week finds you in fine spirits, or at least drinking them. ACTUAL NFL NEWS! *The Chicago Bears and New England Patriots have consummated a trade! Notable first-round bust N'Keal Harry is exiting stage-left in exchange for a 2024 seventh-round pick. IMPLICATIONS ABOUND! -This is about

Rum, Simile and the Lash: Hail Squishface (and Tuesday Open Thread)

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - June 28, 2022June 28, 2022

Sorry I apologize for depriving you of my authorial brilliance last week. We were busy having a baby. Sister Squishface Mayhem was born last Tuesday. She cannot change shape or dance the meringue, but her gas may kill us all, so that's a parallel. UPDATE: I am informed that is the "merengue". This

Rum, Simile and the Lash: Stagflationary Edition (and Tuesday Open Thread)

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - June 14, 2022June 14, 2022

So it's almost Father's Day. Coincidentally, I am jumping every time my wife moves her hand to her belly because she is in The Final Week of pregnancy and I keep expecting our second child to make her appearance at the least-opportune moment possible. This is a joyous and deeply

They Shoot Penguins, Don’t They?: A Larry King Not Live Tuesday Open Thread

Open Threads

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - June 7, 2022June 7, 2022

Hello, friends, Larry King here. Things are heating up across the world of sporting, and I couldn't be happier if they also managed to preserve my penis in this cryogenic storage pod. Baseball is finally starting to cook, playoff hockey continues to surprise and delight with ever-more-gruesome penalties, and basketball

Rum, Simile and the Lash: Writers’ Block Edition (and Tuesday Open Thread)

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - May 17, 2022May 17, 2022

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So...how 'bout them...uh...playoffs? I love it when that team does the sport that they play... Listen, the creative well (none too deep to begin with) has run dry. I tried to do a Larry King Dead column, but I am foiled by the deeply twisted nature of our current Reality. LKD

Kicking Cousins: Tuesday Night Open Thread

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - February 22, 2022February 22, 2022

Oh thank God. I thought that interminable NFL season would never finish. Did it have amazingly high levels of play? Yes. Did it have on of the most engaging and exciting post-seasons in recent memory. It did. And did it feature heroes, villians, betrayal and a stupid new name for the Redacteds? You

…Well Let’s Play Chess: Thursday Open Thread

Open Threads

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - February 17, 2022February 17, 2022

This week's title comes from the classic Blazing Saddles answer to the question paraphrased as "So what should we do now?" Yes, we are staring at a long, cold offseason of no NFL action until (checks league calendar) March 1? Yes, the league's annual Underwear Parade begins in TWO WEEKS! And this

Rum, Simile and the Lash: Tuesday Open Thread

Open Threads

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - January 25, 2022January 25, 2022

So that happened. Yes, it was an amazing game. And yes, if Andy Reid really had any of the good-natured regular-guy humanity we attribute to him, neither Tyreek Hill nor Willie "Marvin" Gay would have been on that field. And Josh Allen might be this generation's John Elway or Dan Marino.

A Modester Proposal: DFO Buys the Denver Broncos (and Tuesday Open Thread)

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - January 18, 2022

I have been called many things: Dreamer. Madman. Mrs. Ethel Burstein. But this is not some delusion of grandeur, like that time I thought I could renew my drivers license in less than two hours. No, this dream can come true. WILL come true. DFO is going to buy the Denver Broncos. It sort

Wait, It’s Tuesday? Where Are The NFL Games? Open Thread

Open Threads

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - December 28, 2021December 28, 2021

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[EDITED: JOHN MADDEN IS DEAD AND A HAMSTER BIT A KID AT A MOVIE THEATER. NEWS ALWAYS BREAKS LATE] Jeebus on a whole wheat cracker, what day is it? Shouldn't there be two or three postponed NFL games? Whole Wheat Cracker Tangent: remember Stoned Wheat Thins? Man, those were the shit back

Death to Our Smurf Overlords: A Larry King Not Live Tuesday Open Thread

Open Threads

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - December 14, 2021December 14, 2021

Hello, friends. It's another High Drama Tuesday in the National Football League, and yours truly has some thoughts. Yes, I am still dead, but my head's cryogenic storage pod only gets NFL Network and the Oprah Winfrey Network, so watching Urban Meyer threaten his handpicked staff with death for

Pole Assassin Monkey Attack II: When Nature Calls! Tuesday Open Thread

Open Threads

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - December 7, 2021December 7, 2021

"Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world, The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere The ceremony of innocence is drowned; The best lack all conviction, while the worst Are full of passionate intensity." -Wm. Butler Yeats Yes, the Bills lost a heartbreaker to the Accursed Patriots /spits. But all is