Oh boy, folks. It’s time to watch 10 crazy people yell at each other tonight.
Here is your list of lunatics, in descending order of poll results that don’t in any way matter yet:
The Donald
Jeb (Yep Another) Bush
Scott (Fuck the Poors) Walker
Ben (No Matter What He Says, He’s Somehow A Freaking Doctor) Carson
Mike (It’s So Bad That I’m Here) Huckabee
Ted (Yes, This Is My Dad’s Suit) Cruz
Rand (Sure, I Invented My Own Ophthalmology Certification Board) Paul
Marco (Where’s My Water) Rubio
Chris (Real Life Sopranos Governor) Christie
John (Who?) Kasich
Have at it, folks. We’ll be here all night to be just goddamned awful about these terrible people.
Also, some of these guys were very easy to find a ridiculous picture of (looking at you Ted Cruz) and some people, while they are lunatics, never take a dumb looking picture (Thanks Ben Carson. That’s 10 minutes I’ll never get back…).
I missed this entire fiasco.
If I had to vote, I’d vote for Christie because he’s part Sicilian, and that would entitle me and my offspring to get cushy government jobs while we’re banging hookers, eating rigatoni, and trying to get that goddamn RICO act off the books for good.
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/wp/index.php/2015/08/06/daily-show-finale-and-holy-fuck-this-is-so-fucking-slow-its-difficult-to-imagine-open-thread/
http://40.media.tumblr.com/83d6eb348fb25e722fc4041dd0537fc6/tumblr_nmi9u3quQ21qf9hjno2_1280.jpg
http://33.media.tumblr.com/d9b1dd278d71f2ab15c2b40b1f66a2ce/tumblr_n0iabn6VHG1rcoly3o1_250.gif
My brain is tired. I’ll let the Angelic Upstarts make my parting komment :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcvBWLHQj3Y
The Daily Show is off to a promising start
This is ending with a Colbert cameo, isn’t it.
This was just so fucking horrible. Thanks everyone for hanging out together. I appreciate the DFO collective intelligence (or at least humanity).
These guys can all go motherfucking die in a fire.
I don’t like Hillary Clinton. Or Bill for that matter. Don’t trust either one of ’em.
And this debate is a fantastic illustration as to why I will vote for her as many times as I possibly can.
(If you move to Waterbury, CT you can vote as many times as you want!)
It’s weird. I love Bill. I trust him as far as I can throw him, but I love him. He is a charismatic beast. His wife is good enough, in that she’s not one of these assholes.
I have always loved him because he was a politician who said, “Fuck it. I’m the leader, and if I want to bang tons of babes. I’m going to. Because my wife eats pussy like it’s going to be outlawed tomorrow.”
Kasich got a crowd bump, but his ideas won’t go over well with the GOP. Trump was Trump, Rubio looks like an angry 12 year-old, Jeb has zero charisma, Cruz is a sociopath…anything I’m missing?
Christie did well. Serious and practical. That should hurt him with the base.
That was fun. Lots of people don’t know the definitions of words.
This is now a Daily Show finale thread, right?
We don’t beat Japan or Mexico?
Does he have any idea what the economies of either of those countries is like?
Oh sorry, I forgot that Trump and reality are two circles separated by an enormous wall.
Neither he nor any of the idiots who were cheering for him take anything from those arguments other than “Who the fuck do Mexico and Japan think they are? They think they’re better than us? FUCK THAT! ‘MURICA!”
It’s a surprisingly/depressingly effective campaign strategy.
Didn’t they watch the Women’s World Cup? U-S-A! U-S-A!
Is SNL begging Chris Parnel to come back to do Scott Walker bits?
Scott Walker and I have the same hairline; one of isn’t trying to hide it.
When do we get to the part where they vote a candidate off for the next debate?
Huckabee is running to make sure his radio show gets renewed, right?
Persecute religious liberty? You go Ted Cruz!
From now on I will refer to my penis as “The Baton of Freedom.”
“Honey, if that burns, I’ll go get the tyranny treated at the clinic.”
Ted Cruz: “If I am elected President let me tell you what will happen on the first day of my Presidency…”
Moderator: “We’re all familiar with the Book of Revelations Ted.”
FUCK OFF, CRUZ
Rubio was conceived in the back of a bar? I believe it.
Yes! Persecute religious liberty!
Ha.
BTW, the undercard debate was significantly less crazy than this shitshow.
I swear Marco Rubio just said he would persecute religious liberty.
Or it was Ted Cruz. That’s what happens when I’m fully glazed over waiting for Daily Show.
So Cruz wouldnt do anything…
Ted Cruz saying “When I’m elected president” made me laugh out loud.
This debate has taught me how much I truly dislike Rand Paul. I always knew I disliked him, but damn he’s unlikable.
Are these guys running or are their parents? Because some of their parents seem pretty cool.
Rand Paul: #BlackVotesMatter
Chris Christie’s dad was the first college graduate? That should be bigger news, I think.
http://image.slidesharecdn.com/deargoditsmethedog-13342040203083-phpapp02-120411231721-phpapp02/95/dear-god-its-me-the-dog-7-728.jpg?cb=1334187028
My father was a journalist, his father worked in a factory.
What are you talking about?
Oh, sorry, I thought we were talking about things that had nothing to do with the election.
FUCK OFF, RUBIO
Jesus says:
http://i.imgur.com/3E0djeH.jpg
Mr. Cornblower, have you received any messages from God about how you would run the country?
No. I have no further comment.
I cant wait to hear how Trump answers this…
“I’m the son of a pastor, AND A CANADIAN!”
FUCK YOUR GOD CHASE A. NORTON