In a pair of match-ups truly worthy of what we’ve come to expect from Thursday Night Football, tonight we’re “treated” to Washington and Detroit at 7:30, and the “marquee” game of The Factory of Sadness against everyone’s favorite pussytubing coach and his collection of quarterbacks who somehow are still on a professional football team not named the Jets or Jaguar’s roster.
Cleveland and Buffalo is somehow on The World Wide Leader, so at the very least we get to experience some THIS GUY-isms. You’ve got nothing else to do tonight, so join us for the DERPENINGS.
“Tie Rod” Taylor would be a good name to call yourself if you ever got sent to prison, because people would think you were in for manslaughter.
Or know how to repair a 74′ Buick Skylark..which makes you even sexier than Jared.
I remember from some factoid from when he was VaTech: He’s literally named after the Auto part. I think his parents had a ton of kids and just ran out of names.
I assume that the announcers have a bet in the preseason. Who can say the most ridiculous thing that still sounds vaguely possible?
Chris Berman extends that bet through the preseason, regular season, and post-season.
Colt McCoy. ALL TEH GRIT.
Gosh golly
When Arby’s said “the loaded Italian” I thought they were talking about Tony Sparano after Week 12 last year.
May have been thinking Siragusa but that would have been a wheelbarrow full of spoiled sausage out in the sun all day.
Jared, Arby’s? He has the meats? No, no, that’s a terrible idea. Can’t believe I thought that.
– Arby’s Marketing Director
Colt McCoy led the ‘Skins to a touchdown. Matt jones with the 1 yrd run
10-7 Lions
COOCH! HE’S DA ANESWEER, COOCH! SEE YOO SOOPER SUNDEE!
McCown doing his best impersonation of McCown
I call this Munn-y for nothing
[*Redacted] s 2nd and Goal on the 1 yard line at the 2 min warning
Overheard in a mall at a Cinnabon about 4 years ago:
Raven player: “You know who thinks we need to replace Flacco?”
Player’s buddy: “Who?”
Raven player: “Tyrod Taylor.”
Player’s buddy: “Really.”
Raven player: “Yeah, not only is he delusional, he’s an idiot.”
Tyrod is the best QB they have. That’s almost as depressing as living in Cleveland or Buffalo.
RGIII cleared from concussion protocol but will not return to the game
Food goes in here, Mike.
RG3 injured. It’s officially football season.
Wrong, its official when he comes back way to early to exacerbate the problem and tell everyone he’s fine. Or is that Tiger I’m thinking about.
The worst part of this is that now Buffalo is down to their unsigned practice squad players. I haven’t seen this many unpaid Bills since I collected Vince Young’s mail for him when he was on vacation.
Okay, so since it’s no boobs policy, here’s my next best thing:
I’ll bet 10 bucks that’s real lizard skin. Not sure about the bikini and shoes.
Enabler Roll Call
Mill St. Organic Lager: “HERE!”
18 yr. Glenlivet: “HERE!”
/opens fridge
Uh, Shock Top: “here I guess”
/drops head in shame
MIKE TIRICO: “The Browns will be backed up…”
RILEY COOPER: “…by the Blacks? Oh god! Race war!”
You know who else liked race wars? Donovan Bailey and Michael Johnson.
Ol’ Colt McCoy is in for the injured RGIII
I guess they want to save Cousins for when RG3 is injured in the regular season. Excuse me. I’m going to go sob in a corner.
McCoy is driving the ball pretty well
Is it bad that I’m kind of hoping this game finishes with a score of 0-0?
The last time I saw this many Bills and Browns all over a field, I was hunting with Crazy Horse on the plains.
So I’m expecting the next one of the Buffalo Bills to collapse to the ground will be one of the trainers.
So, people who have actually played football. What role do you think conditioning plays in injuries? I have this theory that tossing in a couple hours of yoga a week might help, since it would increase flexibility and help strengthen smaller, structural muscles. Am I full of shit?
The more I stretched, the less banged up I felt. But then again I was young and stupid and in shape.
Flexibility is key. I have known a few “weight room heroes” who could bench and squat the “house” but couldn’t do anything on the field because they were too tight.
It will help with the WR/ Skilled players because their injuries mostly consist of pulled muscles and shin splints but when you are on the line your injuries are usually broken bones and others form taking hits.
Staff Sergeant, you have my complete respect.
How in the fucking fuckity fuck you doing, boys?
fucking fuck, man! you?
Gentlemen! Language! What will our #sponsors say?
RGIII to the locker room to get his shoulder looked at. He gave up a fumble in his own redzone and was on the ground for a while.
Now reported as a stinger and possble concussion
I think think -3 games into the season marks the earliest point I’ve lost hope.
*looking for terms of surrender documents online*
Not a great week for Subway, huh?
Brown Defense : Stops the runs…
Do you want your team to go places? All you have to do is sign up a 36 yr. old McCown.
That was a 36 year-old McCownception.
Could that drive ended in a more Browns fashion?
Could Paul Walker’s death ended in a more Fast and Furious fashion?
Anything you can do, I can do better!
/your move, Bills
He’s been my rb3/flex play for about 3/4 years running.
I want an NFL RB to retire and open a chain of barber shops called Shifty Cuts.
RGIII is already down and out
Fuck, really?
Shoulder. He’s back up but not looking too happy. He was on the ground for a while.
He needs to get fat. It seems to have helped Matt Stafford stay healthy.
Cousins for the Sooper Bowl, COOCH!!!
Ahh, Brown and Orange, just like shitty Halloween.
Wow. I wasn’t expecting Cleveland’s defense to give up a drive like that until the regular season. Specifically, in a regular season game that they were losing by two points with eight minutes left in the fourth quarter.
Could that drive had ended in any more Bills fashion?
Hopefully they will take that as a dare,
Off the extended banana!
I think the Bills are going to run the ball a lot this year.
Undead Fred Jackson, a value play yet again (that nobody wants).
FredEx fantasy comment belongs here.
Factory in regular season form – making Tyrod Taylor and assorted 5th string flotsam skill players look GOOD.
It’s the Christian (Ponder) thing to do.
Football! Footballfootballfootball!!!
Foobaaaaaww!
FUBA-
Wait, what? It’s the Browns vs. the Bills…?
http://cdn.sheknows.com/articles/2012/10/sarah_parenting/baby-crying.jpg
I believe it’s spelled, “FUBAR.”
“A professional run-stuffer”… Not to be confused with my ex, who was a professional bra-stuffer…
http://i.imgur.com/5PE4QJc.gifv
Ape won an Academy Award for this role.
LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, YOUR UNIVERSITY OF BUFFALO FOOTBALL-PLAYING TEAM.
/5 rb’s out?
//no starting wr’s?
Everyone knows Virginia Tech is known for their football prowess.
http://gamedayrcom.c.presscdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/beamer-bad.jpg
Asking a Hokie to do something other than block a punt ,, smgdh
I’m walking into work tomorrow holding my collar. I’ll be the man. Yes, I am Yes I Yes I am.
[whimpers] when are they going to get to the fireworks factory?
http://www.11points.com/images/july4-fireworks.jpg
Trapped at in-laws in Georgia. No access to game. In celebration of our presence, they are breaking out the “fancy” Stouffers French Bread Pizza, which I take to mean that the expiration date is only a month passed.
And for this, I am missing the Bills D taking free shots at Johnny Fuckface.
I am a sinner in the hands of an angry God.
Whatever you do, don’t let them take you canoeing on that river their going to flood for the damn.
NFLN is replaying Skins/Lions at midnight. Don’t forget to set yer DVRs!
/yes, I am considering it, I am a sad, sad man with less than no life.
I’ve got a wife and two kids and I’m DVR’ing it because…[mumbles incoherently].
Don’t feel bad, you just reminded me to tape the Raiders next preseason game so I can watch it when I get home from this weekend’s trip.
Is there anything more sad than watching taped preseason football? A one-eyed puppy, I guess, but at least he’ll probably be wagging his tail.
Sad? In the last half hour I called out a poster on a Syracuse Basketball site for not including Sarunas Marciulionis as one of the best Lithuanian NBA players in recent memory.
/top that
//I was polite about-it is my way
I like how there’s two O WE GON DRANK tags.
Where is the O WE GON SNIFF AIRPLANE GLUE tag?
Maybe we’ll get lucky, and the camera will inadvertently pan over to JOHNNY FOOBAWL snorting blow behind the trainer’s table.
I’m so damn curious about Rex’s Bills, I will watch the shit out of this game.
Well, there’s the bill from Payless, there’s the bill from the Spearmint Rhino, there’s the bill from Arnie’s Package Store…