Friday Night Preseason Open Thread

Oh look! It’s football again. I like football.

Falcons at Jets: A quick perusal of some fan sites informs me that the Jets have issues on the O-line, the D-line, at cornerback and probably in the bathroom line as well. Despite that they are a scorching one point favourite in this “tilt”.With a new coach comes new hope and everyone loves Bowles’ no-nonsenseness because that’s what this team needs right now. Aside from players with talent. Having players with talent would be good. Despite what you’ve read here and elsewhere Ryan Fitzpatrick is the King Of The Check Down in my mind and he’ll be spelled by Bryce Petty at some point. That some point is late in the second quarter since Bowles has stated that starters will play the majority of the half.

The Falcons are more than a little worried about their backup qb, TJ Yates. His play last week was “appallingly bad”, so bad that somebody called Sean Renfree had reps with the second team while Yates was told to “go fold some fucking towels or something”. Safe to say that if Matt Ryan goes down he’s taking the whole team with him. I guess that’s why he’s paid more in one contract than all of us (the stinking lawyers on this site excluded) will make in our combined lifetimes.

Seattle vs Kansas City: Your team might be good when your fan site’s biggest concern is how the new kid will do in the safety spot that Kam Chancellor has vacated while he waits for more money. They are a touch worried about the O-line but that has more to do with small injuries or some shuffling of positions. I don’t know exactly as I don’t like reading about successful teams that I don’t cheer for. A little side note: remember when the smartest guy in your fantasy draft took Michael Christine as his deep sleeper? Now he’s fighting for a roster spot/his life.

The Chiefs tailgaters apparently started many, many hours ago. I guess they like that sort of thing up (down?) that way. The Chiefs also have O-line worries and there is concern that Alex Smith, “a long-snapper disguised as a quarterback” may not get enough protection. I’ve never been a fan of Kniles Davis as a handcuff to JC and word is that Charcandrick “The Mouthful” West is making a run (get it?) at that role. Other players that impressed last week were Chase Daniels and wr Fred Williams. A lot of these tidbits will take a back seat to Andy Reid because he takes up so much room in the front seat. Because he’s fat. Very fat.

All in all what I’m trying so say is welcome, enjoy the football and for God’s sake-make some Andy Reid fat jokes!

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ballsofsteelandfury

Hippo, are you doing an early morning EPL post tomorrow?

Cuntler

Drinking Odell Oktoberfest. Pretty good if you like Marzen style.

King Hippo

yep, I just left it in the hopper.

ballsofsteelandfury

Sweet!

ballsofsteelandfury

This is awesome

blaxabbath

Not watching the game. Going to see Kelly Clarkson on Tuesday so rocking out to Piece By Piece.

SonOfSpam
Cuntler

If it makes you feel better I am watching “How to Train You Dragon 2” for the 28th time. Stupid kids.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

TJ Yates vs. Sean Renfree

Or

I’M A MINOR, STOP!

Beastmode Ate My Baby

2nd stringers on the move.

comment image

King Hippo

So…the guy who wrote the song they played in the stadium after Chefs scores was written by a British pedarest (as they just ‘splained on the teevee for my amusement) and they are having a contest to replace it. How very Hee Haw.

Sill Bimmons

I didn’t know Jared wrote songs.

blaxabbath

“My greatest uncredited inspiration was Like A Virgin.”

http://ww2.hdnux.com/photos/30/16/77/6352853/9/628×471.jpg

Sill Bimmons

DANIELDOW…wait, what?

Sill Bimmons
Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Jesus, even in preseason, Knile Davis is useless!

Old School Zero

Gotta go true a bike wheel. I hope I make it back in time for the 3rd stringers!

Cuntler

Assuming you put on the spandex for that? And then go to Starbucks in the spandex when you are done?

I know a lot about cycling.

Old School Zero

Yeah. And then I masturbate into somebody’s frappicino.

Cuntler

More like FAPpicino. Hahahah…

*cough*

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

TJ Yates vs. Sean Renfree

Or

Oh my, what a disastebacle!

King Hippo

Renfree was mostly a backup at Duke. At. Duke.

SonOfSpam

HOW THE FUCK YA DOIN BOYS?

Finally, Friday night. And football, and beer, and football!

SonOfSpam

That’s a pretty damn safe bet.

SonOfSpam

Everything belongs below me.

Sill Bimmons
Why Thank You Eddie

I should be drin-kin-yeah! Drin-kin-yeah!

King Hippo

Friday night SHOULD ALWAYS HAVE NFL.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Hara-kiri?

King Hippo

Hey, don’t try to dump that shit on me.

– Satan

Sep

Hold up…

Old School Zero

PRAY. FOR. OTTO.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Has anybody tried to direct message him?

Sill Bimmons

Not with a bang…

Sep

Andy Reid’s coaching is in mid season form I see.

King Hippo

womp womp

Sill Bimmons

hoo boy

King Hippo

A pre-season Alex Smith 2-minute drill is a sad, sad thing.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Alex Smith is a sad, sad thing.

There fixed it for ya.

King Hippo

verily, I used too many of teh words

Old School Zero

I hear the reason Alex Smith has tiny hands is because his grandfather was the munchkin in Wizard of Oz that hung himself on set.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

There’s the Alex Smith we all know and loathe.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Apparently, I can’t post a Vine video here.

https://twitter.com/NFL/status/634897814594588672

Sill Bimmons

Alex Smith’s Potential: The Photograph As Metaphor

http://www.banterist.com/wp-content/uploads/mt/low-ceiling.jpg

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

No wideout TDs for Alex Smith last year? Nooooooo…

Sill Bimmons

Ladies and gentlemen: Your 2015 Kansas City Chiefs!

I Will Dye Blonde

He’s that player that always annoys the opposing team. So glad we don’t have to worry about him any more.

http://cdn2.hiphopsince1987.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/11855688-standard.jpg

Old School Zero

A VERY SHORT INTERCEPTION on Alex Smith.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Well, if the O can’t score, the D might as well.

Old School Zero

He throws the shortest pick sixes in the league!

King Hippo

Seahawks D now on the Bored TOO

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Ladies and gentlemen, the last hope for the 2011 Texans: T.J. Yates!

Old School Zero

Who’s this James Graham fellow on the Salt Water Birds? He seems like an above average player.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Sshhhhh…he’s a secret…

Old School Zero

I’d ask if he played basketball, but, I mean, come on… this is Seattle we’re talking about.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, I laughed, but we don’t know what the rest of the portrait really is and the smile indicates something.

http://41.media.tumblr.com/fcc3fff73c8362ed9424ba4cde0198bd/tumblr_nd8jfbgvSq1rhhql5o1_250.jpg

Old School Zero

Howdy howdy howdy, how’s everybody doing tonight?

Old School Zero

Just getting home, and damn happy to have a little football on.

Old School Zero

Uh, can’t remember. I thought it was Always Partially Cloudy In Saskatchewan?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

It’s Always Middlin’ in Moosejaw

Old School Zero

It’s Always Neutral In Witchita

The Maestro

Maybe?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wait, wut?

Brick Meathook
King Hippo

Holy fuckballs, TRENT GREEN is announcing this game. Waiting for him to take his pants off and start singing “I’m a little teapot.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wait, I do that.

Brick Meathook
The Maestro

HOLY SHIT THE FREAK BROTHERS

I remember finding one of their comic books when I was like 8 or 9 and my mom whooped me for it. She was pretty skeezed I’d snuck it home.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
ballsofsteelandfury

That is glorious!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

This used to be a pretty entertaining AFCW divisional game. I always cheered for the Sea Chickens then, so sticking with that, in this pivotal practice contest.

King Hippo

So far, just the one oxy. Trying to save teh beer for second half so I don’t cancel out of the nap’s power.

King Hippo

questionable (stigmata)

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Because I have him in a keeper league and God hates me?

King Hippo

He’s on quite the roll with you this week.

King Hippo

Napped, caffeinated, and ready. Jest and Falcons replaying at midnight on NFLN for insomniacs and tweakers (and Aussies),

I won’t be able to start annoying everyone with Most Glorious Baseball Cardinals (Forward, Red Army! Da!!!) references until 10, fucking west coast trip.

Covalent Blonde

Welp, hey! Look at that! You’re already off and running. It’s like you didn’t have to wait at all!

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Hey, Andy Reid is…fat.

/I’m not good at this

King Hippo

I wonder if Andy’s high school ex-gf used to cut to this song. If so, is she ever getting her wish from Madam Karma…

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I think LauraM too CMike last year, in the hopes that he would break out. He’ll likely make the team, but they may go with 4 RBs, so…

King Hippo

She did, robbing me of the chance to draft “The Strawberry Girl.” I nominated him using the Siouxsie Sioux moniker at auction, but was outbid.

Turns out, not a great sleeper at all, even in a deep keeper league. Great fucking name, though.

The Maestro

Falcons-Jets is still gonna be a woofer, and yet infinitely more watchable than Browns-Bills.

HOW

The Maestro

Fucking image embeds, man.

The Maestro

FUCK IT I GIVE UP I CANT REMEMBER HTML WHEN DRUNK

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Covalent Blonde

Well, I only drink HTML.