Rejoice! More EPL and JV NFL and Open Thread Saturday Goodness for Glorious Commentist Party

So much football has been consumed, and we aren’t even 10% into the regular season.  Doesn’t that feel good?  Let it sink in, deep into your soul…

Now, on to your early Saturday Premier League apertif!  Schedule spacing is most excellent this weekend, with interesting fixtures each timeslot.  No reason to bother with nauseating pre-game shows of ny varietal!  Track your fantasy injury status updates online and don’t let the chatterbox “experts” make you second guess yourself into panic moves you will regret.  Enjoy the Lesser Footy, it totes won’t make you gay.  OK, not more than a little.

7:45 EST brings the classic London Derby of Arsenal/Chelski.  Whilst Arsenal is in their happy/safe place in the table (4th, they basically live there), you have to scroll way the fuck down to find the Russian mob money side…in 17th.  One place from the relegation zone, thanks to having their pants pulled down by Everton last weekend.  It won’t last, but it’s still fucking hilarious.  Karma’s a bitch, “special one” – now eat shit and die, already.

Stay on NBCSN for Everton/Swans at 10, in what should be an entertaining, progressive matchup (and easily the best game in that window).  I am a little worried my Blues could have a bit of emotional hangover, plus RB Seamus Coleman might not play.  Everton does not have a “major league ready” backup RB.  Gulp.  West Ham (currently sitting in 5th on 9 points) is next in line for the hurricane that is Manchester City (runaway 1st on a perfect 15), 12:30 on NBCSN.

Sunday Funday!  You gotta flip to USA Network for the good early game (Tottenham/Palace, 8:30), followed by the late shit game (Liverpool/Norwich).  NBCSN joins in the fun late and hungover at 11, but with the best game of the day by far, Southampton vs. Manchester United.  A great opportunity for the Saints to vault back into “interesting top half of the table team” status after a sluggish start.  I have a feeling they will come good this weekend.

 

Everyone ready for some HAWT JV action now?  Well, hawt is overselling it more than a little.  But footbaw is footbaw:

Connecticut at Missouri (12:00, ESPN)

The Fightin’ Horatios invade Columbia (no, the other, other one) in a crucial battle between two undefeated teams absolutely nobody believes to be any good.  Well, I’m sure their mothers think they are absolutely wonderful young men,

Northwestern at Duke (12:30, ACC Network/ESPN3)

Georgia Tech at Notre Dame (3:30, NBC)

This game will make your eyes bleed, and I really despise both head coaches intensely.  That said, it’s  two Top 15 teams and could have national implications.  I probably will have to flip to it at least occasionally.  But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

Auburn at LSU (3:30, CBS)

This game looked way the fuck more interesting before last weekend happened.  Maybe the game will surprise us, but these teams look pretty derpy to me, particularly on offense.  But there’s a lot of shit in this window.  I mean, Northern Illinois at tOSU is a goddamned national broadcast.  I really hate the world sometimes.  OK, most of the time.  OK, almost all of the time.

Florida at Kentucky (7:30, SECN)

This has “wildly entertaining shitshow” written all over it.  I’m mildly annoyed I will be stuck watching NC State/Old Dominion on an old-timey syndicated starwipe network broadcast instead.

Stanford at USC (8:00, ABC)

Open question as to whether the Men of Troy take the Tree lightly and let them hang around for a half, or ass-blast them right out of the gate.  I will defer to Martin’s take, should he decide to weigh in on the matter.

Ole Miss at Alabama (9:15, ESPN)

Hey, it only took 9+ hours to get to the kickoff of an actually compelling matchup between two good teams.  It’s at Roll Damn Tide though, without Johnny Reb good luck charm Katy Perry.  Edge to Nick Saban, which will make him scowl terrifyingly.

BYU at UCLA (10:30, FS1)

DVR the shit out of this game, non-West Coasters/insomniacs/tweakers.  Perhaps the most interesting JV footy contest of the slate.  I want to know how good the Bruins might possibly be, and whether the Stormin’ Mormons can pull another late win out of their magic underwear covered collective ass.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Old School Zero

Now I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger.

But she does work in a mine of some sort.

Beerguyrob

France-Italy in an hour. No way that tops what just happened.

scotchnaut

Unbiased rugby commentator says this is the greatest upset of all time in any sport. Japanese fans are crying in disbelief at the win.

Beerguyrob

Cherry blossoms indeed.

Sill Bimmons

That’s just fucking unbelievable.

Japan went 0-1-3 and were outscored 184-69 in the 2011 RWC.

I still just can’t believe that.

Beerguyrob

Second RWC victory ever. The first was over Zimbabwe.in 1991.

Sill Bimmons

Jeremy Clarkson’s lawyer just trademarked the phrase “Gear Knobs.”

Sill Bimmons

THE SHORT CORNER NEVER WORKS

WCS

Michigan State 28 Air Force 7

Why does Sparty hate the troops?

scotchnaut

The end of SA/Japan is fucking bananas.

Sill Bimmons

The only way I can get it is paying $27.95 on PPV.

There are NO free live streams of this thing that I can find.

Sill Bimmons

Japan and it’s not even close.

Beerguyrob

That was bonkers. A Kiwi gets Japan their biggest victory ever in rugby.

Sill Bimmons

So, just like everything else, FOX Sports intends to ruin rugby in the US.

Instead of the World Cup of proper rugby, they’re showing fucking rugby league.

Another colony gets the rugby decision wrong. Thanks again, Rupert!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wow, that picture of the UCLA cheerleader makes me feel like an armchair gynecologist. I think I can see her entire reproductive future.

Horatio Cornblower

The first team to complete a forward pass of 10+ yards wins the UCONN-MIZZOU game.

Spoiler Alert: No one will win.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If you’re a cornerback, you should never, EVER throw your hands up in the air. It just makes you look guilty.

Sill Bimmons

Anyone else already sick to death of this fucked up, ass-backward EPL season yet?

Horatio Cornblower

UCONN 6 MIZZOU 2 is perhaps the most UCONN thing ever.

Well that and a complete lack of a passing game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Q: What is Jeff Baca’s favorite EPL team?

Horatio Cornblower

I know this one! West Ham!

Sill Bimmons

Damn! I thought it was Norwich because he’s a big Lotus and Colman’s mustard fan.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When “Out of Control Beard” Andrew Luck appeared I thought the next shot was going to be of him keeping Aaron Rodgers out all night clubbing.

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Hammers know how to play well against the big boys apparently.

Beerguyrob

Japan-South Africa is a surprisingly good match.

scotchnaut

Umm, Japan winning? Didn’t expect that.

scotchnaut

Holy crap! Goal line stand.

laserguru

That damn Directv technician better get his ass here on time today. We’ve got Cubs v Cards starting soon and all of the college football. Satellite link has been down since last Monday and I’m tired of streaming shit.
And why do they give you the nice generic 4 hour window for an appointment? Sometime between noon and 4 my ass.
It’s Saturday dammit and I have shit to do. I can’t just sit in place for 4 fucking hours, especially with no TV.

John Difool

Good luck, I ‘vet never seen a cable guy get to an appointment on time yet, in fact I’m pretty sure it’s a job requirement to be at least 2 hours late.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Mizzou-UConn has a sassy ref.

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Hammers score first goal against MC this season.

blaxabbath

Scrolling local (Phoenix) threads about ASU’s 3rd unimpressive performance this season. They seem to think conference play (and possibly vs USC for College Gameday) is their time to shine.

Love watching people deny a bust season as it occurs before their very eyes.

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

That was some defending Tulsa.

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Mizzou- UConn features a safety, blocked PAT, and an INT, this is the sort of game that tests the viewer’s constitution, will, and fortitude.

theeWeeBabySeamus

WTF is up with Carolina/Illinois getting such an early start?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Tommy Bowden has (sort of) proclaimed that Duke is about to become a football power.

Sorry Duke, you just got Tommy’s reverse mojo jinx applied to your asses.

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

To start binge drinking now or wait for the 3PM slate?

blaxabbath

[Door Flied Open]

Blaxabbath: Good morning.

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Swans lucky to get a point there and damn Leicester with another comeback down 2.

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Cork’s cock caught a clip

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Everton had some chances this half.

Horatio Cornblower

Gotta run out in a few minutes. My son is umpiring his first 90′ baseball game. He has not training and my friend and I offered to double his money if he throws our other friend out of the game at some point.

Old School Zero

Nothing can possibli go wrong.

Old School Zero
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

I don’t know how I feel about clear whiskies.

Horatio Cornblower

Not even their mothers will want to watch what happens to the Huskies in Missouri this afternoon. It will be a bloodbath.

Connecticut should simply not play the SEC.

scotchnaut

Countess Elizabeth Bathory (a real historical figure) loves the idea of a bloodbath.

makeitsnowondem

If Northwestern can beat Duke, I’ll almost certainly get to see the Wildcats go to 4-0 in person next week against Ball State. Exciting!

scotchnaut

Canada down to Ireland in the rugby-I know nothing about it but I expected this.

scotchnaut

We’ve got our share of jarheads but the most athletically gifted tend to gravitate to hockey.

Arsenal is down to 9 men, soccer is typically played with 11 men. Arsenal is where weapons are stored. Arsene Wegner has a feud with Jose Mourinho. Oh shit, Mourinho was responsible for 9-11, drone his ass!

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

My rooting interest aren’t set around one team, but I always like the upstart. Same way for college football.

bourb0nblues

FUCK DIEGO COSTA

I know normally the noon college football slate is slim pickings, but damn is this slate particularly poor.

ballsofsteelandfury

That is a damn fine preview! Specially the Northwestern-Duke matchup.

On a related note, the website I follow for fantasy football and gambling rankings has declared that Miami will cover the spread at home against Nebraska 62% off the time. Adjust your wagers accordingly.

montythisseemsstrangetome

No, Missouri’s mother doesn’t even think it’s any good.

Did you just post this? I’ll delete mine.

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