So much football has been consumed, and we aren’t even 10% into the regular season. Doesn’t that feel good? Let it sink in, deep into your soul…
Now, on to your early Saturday Premier League apertif! Schedule spacing is most excellent this weekend, with interesting fixtures each timeslot. No reason to bother with nauseating pre-game shows of ny varietal! Track your fantasy injury status updates online and don’t let the chatterbox “experts” make you second guess yourself into panic moves you will regret. Enjoy the Lesser Footy, it totes won’t make you gay. OK, not more than a little.
7:45 EST brings the classic London Derby of Arsenal/Chelski. Whilst Arsenal is in their happy/safe place in the table (4th, they basically live there), you have to scroll way the fuck down to find the Russian mob money side…in 17th. One place from the relegation zone, thanks to having their pants pulled down by Everton last weekend. It won’t last, but it’s still fucking hilarious. Karma’s a bitch, “special one” – now eat shit and die, already.
Stay on NBCSN for Everton/Swans at 10, in what should be an entertaining, progressive matchup (and easily the best game in that window). I am a little worried my Blues could have a bit of emotional hangover, plus RB Seamus Coleman might not play. Everton does not have a “major league ready” backup RB. Gulp. West Ham (currently sitting in 5th on 9 points) is next in line for the hurricane that is Manchester City (runaway 1st on a perfect 15), 12:30 on NBCSN.
Sunday Funday! You gotta flip to USA Network for the good early game (Tottenham/Palace, 8:30), followed by the late shit game (Liverpool/Norwich). NBCSN joins in the fun late and hungover at 11, but with the best game of the day by far, Southampton vs. Manchester United. A great opportunity for the Saints to vault back into “interesting top half of the table team” status after a sluggish start. I have a feeling they will come good this weekend.
Everyone ready for some HAWT JV action now? Well, hawt is overselling it more than a little. But footbaw is footbaw:
Connecticut at Missouri (12:00, ESPN)
The Fightin’ Horatios invade Columbia (no, the other, other one) in a crucial battle between two undefeated teams absolutely nobody believes to be any good. Well, I’m sure their mothers think they are absolutely wonderful young men,
Northwestern at Duke (12:30, ACC Network/ESPN3)
Georgia Tech at Notre Dame (3:30, NBC)
This game will make your eyes bleed, and I really despise both head coaches intensely. That said, it’s two Top 15 teams and could have national implications. I probably will have to flip to it at least occasionally. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Auburn at LSU (3:30, CBS)
This game looked way the fuck more interesting before last weekend happened. Maybe the game will surprise us, but these teams look pretty derpy to me, particularly on offense. But there’s a lot of shit in this window. I mean, Northern Illinois at tOSU is a goddamned national broadcast. I really hate the world sometimes. OK, most of the time. OK, almost all of the time.
Florida at Kentucky (7:30, SECN)
This has “wildly entertaining shitshow” written all over it. I’m mildly annoyed I will be stuck watching NC State/Old Dominion on an old-timey syndicated starwipe network broadcast instead.
Stanford at USC (8:00, ABC)
Open question as to whether the Men of Troy take the Tree lightly and let them hang around for a half, or ass-blast them right out of the gate. I will defer to Martin’s take, should he decide to weigh in on the matter.
Ole Miss at Alabama (9:15, ESPN)
Hey, it only took 9+ hours to get to the kickoff of an actually compelling matchup between two good teams. It’s at Roll Damn Tide though, without Johnny Reb good luck charm Katy Perry. Edge to Nick Saban, which will make him scowl terrifyingly.
BYU at UCLA (10:30, FS1)
DVR the shit out of this game, non-West Coasters/insomniacs/tweakers. Perhaps the most interesting JV footy contest of the slate. I want to know how good the Bruins might possibly be, and whether the Stormin’ Mormons can pull another late win out of their magic underwear covered collective ass.
Just killed a fly on the first attempt. This will be the best thing I accomplish all year, perhaps all decade.
Now I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger.
But she does work in a mine of some sort.
City/Hammers puts the JV NFL “action” to shame
corner off the ass
France-Italy in an hour. No way that tops what just happened.
Unbiased rugby commentator says this is the greatest upset of all time in any sport. Japanese fans are crying in disbelief at the win.
Cherry blossoms indeed.
That’s just fucking unbelievable.
Japan went 0-1-3 and were outscored 184-69 in the 2011 RWC.
I still just can’t believe that.
Second RWC victory ever. The first was over Zimbabwe.in 1991.
Jeremy Clarkson’s lawyer just trademarked the phrase “Gear Knobs.”
THE SHORT CORNER NEVER WORKS
Michigan State 28 Air Force 7
Why does Sparty hate the troops?
The end of SA/Japan is fucking bananas.
The only way I can get it is paying $27.95 on PPV.
There are NO free live streams of this thing that I can find.
More unreconstructed racists left in Japan or SA? Discuss.
Japan and it’s not even close.
That was bonkers. A Kiwi gets Japan their biggest victory ever in rugby.
So, just like everything else, FOX Sports intends to ruin rugby in the US.
Instead of the World Cup of proper rugby, they’re showing fucking rugby league.
Another colony gets the rugby decision wrong. Thanks again, Rupert!
Wow, that picture of the UCLA cheerleader makes me feel like an armchair gynecologist. I think I can see her entire reproductive future.
The first team to complete a forward pass of 10+ yards wins the UCONN-MIZZOU game.
Spoiler Alert: No one will win.
If you’re a cornerback, you should never, EVER throw your hands up in the air. It just makes you look guilty.
Anyone else already sick to death of this fucked up, ass-backward EPL season yet?
UCONN 6 MIZZOU 2 is perhaps the most UCONN thing ever.
Well that and a complete lack of a passing game.
To be honest, I’m not sure NC State ever had Sherrifs throw the ball.
Q: What is Jeff Baca’s favorite EPL team?
I know this one! West Ham!
Damn! I thought it was Norwich because he’s a big Lotus and Colman’s mustard fan.
When “Out of Control Beard” Andrew Luck appeared I thought the next shot was going to be of him keeping Aaron Rodgers out all night clubbing.
Hammers know how to play well against the big boys apparently.
TWO for the Hammers
Japan-South Africa is a surprisingly good match.
Umm, Japan winning? Didn’t expect that.
Holy crap! Goal line stand.
That damn Directv technician better get his ass here on time today. We’ve got Cubs v Cards starting soon and all of the college football. Satellite link has been down since last Monday and I’m tired of streaming shit.
And why do they give you the nice generic 4 hour window for an appointment? Sometime between noon and 4 my ass.
It’s Saturday dammit and I have shit to do. I can’t just sit in place for 4 fucking hours, especially with no TV.
Good luck, I ‘vet never seen a cable guy get to an appointment on time yet, in fact I’m pretty sure it’s a job requirement to be at least 2 hours late.
I’ve come to the conclusion that all cable/sat coverage/service is pretty much a wash, except that cable is now much more reliable in shit weather. I can deal with no Sunday Ticket now that I get RedZone.
Mizzou-UConn has a sassy ref.
Hammers score first goal against MC this season.
At teh Etihad, no less. I am impress, Hammers.
Scrolling local (Phoenix) threads about ASU’s 3rd unimpressive performance this season. They seem to think conference play (and possibly vs USC for College Gameday) is their time to shine.
Love watching people deny a bust season as it occurs before their very eyes.
The desert heat, man. It’ll bake a brain.
They must really miss Herb Sendek.
That was some defending Tulsa.
Mizzou- UConn features a safety, blocked PAT, and an INT, this is the sort of game that tests the viewer’s constitution, will, and fortitude.
The derp, it is strong. The watch, I will do.
WTF is up with Carolina/Illinois getting such an early start?
Tommy Bowden has (sort of) proclaimed that Duke is about to become a football power.
Sorry Duke, you just got Tommy’s reverse mojo jinx applied to your asses.
To start binge drinking now or wait for the 3PM slate?
YES!
[Door Flied Open]
Blaxabbath: Good morning.
Holy shit, I didn’t know the Fightin’ Horatios were starting NC State’s former backup/transfer! Good for you and him! He was a popular dude, and was never gonna start for us.
Swans lucky to get a point there and damn Leicester with another comeback down 2.
Cork’s cock caught a clip
Everton had some chances this half.
Gotta run out in a few minutes. My son is umpiring his first 90′ baseball game. He has not training and my friend and I offered to double his money if he throws our other friend out of the game at some point.
Nothing can possibli go wrong.
Hey everybody.
http://blogfiles.wfmu.org/KF/2011/08/24/barkley_nirvana.gif
screamed out loud on that one. JEEBUS TAPDANCING CHRIST, Rom
I don’t know how I feel about clear whiskies.
Rebecca Lowe from halftime desk: “Sexy Stoke are back.”
SHE IS GREAT. Getting cheeky with the highlights.
Not even their mothers will want to watch what happens to the Huskies in Missouri this afternoon. It will be a bloodbath.
Connecticut should simply not play the SEC.
Countess Elizabeth Bathory (a real historical figure) loves the idea of a bloodbath.
I honestly think there was more to that half than your usual 0-0 fixture. Lots of tactical maneuvering. Chess player managers who will switch things up at the half. Stick with this one, peeps.
If Northwestern can beat Duke, I’ll almost certainly get to see the Wildcats go to 4-0 in person next week against Ball State. Exciting!
Canada down to Ireland in the rugby-I know nothing about it but I expected this.
Canada seems WAY too polite for rugby.
We’ve got our share of jarheads but the most athletically gifted tend to gravitate to hockey.
Arsenal is down to 9 men, soccer is typically played with 11 men. Arsenal is where weapons are stored. Arsene Wegner has a feud with Jose Mourinho. Oh shit, Mourinho was responsible for 9-11, drone his ass!
good luck to your Swans, Lord. I picked a 2-2 draw on NSNO, which is likely wishcasting on my part.
My rooting interest aren’t set around one team, but I always like the upstart. Same way for college football.
Gooners down to NINE? Wow, the powers-that-be really do want Chelski back into the mix, huh?
FUCK DIEGO COSTA
In proper Euro-terminology, he’s a right cunt.
I know normally the noon college football slate is slim pickings, but damn is this slate particularly poor.
That is a damn fine preview! Specially the Northwestern-Duke matchup.
On a related note, the website I follow for fantasy football and gambling rankings has declared that Miami will cover the spread at home against Nebraska 62% off the time. Adjust your wagers accordingly.
No, Missouri’s mother doesn’t even think it’s any good.
Did you just post this? I’ll delete mine.
I drafted yesterday, must have screwed up the settings because even though the 5am timestamp was still there, it hadn’t published when I awoke (from ex-gf dreams, FUCK YOU, Hippo brain).
Many apologies for teh lateness.
And fuck Chelski.