Your Monday! Monday! Monday! Night Game Open Thread

Tonight is the 45th anniversary of the first ever Monday Nighter! We’re gonna be treated to so many wonderful memories-mamember the time that Cosell called Alvin Garrett “a little monkey” and then denied it? How about the time that the self-absorbed Joe Theismann decided that everyone should see his tibia? My best csb memory of MNF involved me and my fellow staff guys trying to close the dining room that I bar-tended early so that we could get over to a bar called Tramps (run by all my exes) and spend all of our combined tip money on pitchers of beer. (“Yes I realize it’s only 7:30 sir but we’re just about to close.”) I didn’t say this but one time I saw Dexter Manley trying to find his coke dealer at that same place. Remember that one year that he played for the Ottawa Rough Riders? Neither does he.

Jets @ Colts: So it comes down to this-Pagano’s thousand yard stare vs. whatever Bowles does that we should be making fun of. What do Tanzania and the Jets have in common? They’re both short of ivory. I had Ivory getting injured by wk. 4 but he up and done it after the first. Brown-noser! So now it’s Ridley or Powell, Powell or Ridley. So much to choose from! Moncrief gets not-Revis so he should do okay. Right? Right! Colts were ambushed by the Bills last week and the Jets lost to Cleveland. Hold up. They beat Cleveland? This is why we can’t have nice things. Play according to form, Jets team! One Jets blog I came across was yakking about Geno maybe coming back early from the punctured ear drum he suffered while listening to some chin music. Congrats Jets desperation, you have successfully disguised yourself as hope.

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Sill Bimmons

wut

jjfozz

Yes it’s been more than a decade, and yes my hometown team has won 2 super bowls, and yes we did to cleveland what irsay did to us, and yes I realize the irony involved but good lord do i still hate the colts, their fans, and that fucking gang of drunken, pill popping sleazoid fucks that own the franchise.

Sill Bimmons

You need to stop editing yourself.

jjfozz

I’m trying, I’m trying so hard.

makeitsnowondem

This is making me long for the nonstop excitement of carrying heavy objects up stairs.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Erik Walden rushes passers the same way he respects women.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Lot of world champions on that offensive line

– Gruden

/ Immediate loss of 5 on a run play

Doktor Zymm

Whichever teams win the Super Bowl and the World Series should play a basketball game to determine how much dumb shit people will watch on TV in mid February.

Sharkbait

At least there will be Archer and ASIP then

VonTazeMeBro

I…would watch that

entropy

That game should be played the Wednesday after the baseball all-star game, also known as Sports Sahara since not a goddamn thing is on that day.

makeitsnowondem

I will watch that dumb shit and so much more.

JustStopDude

That whole stadium smells of cat piss right? Every time I worked in Indiana, I just smelled cat piss the whole time.

Its like the Mecca of Meth…outside the Inland Empire of California of course.

entropy

I like how Fitzpatrick already has his playoff beard going. Shows a certain… delusional mentality I enjoy in a Jets QB.

Sill Bimmons

FAT HUMPS LOUD FAT HUMPS

jjfozz

what the fuck shit is wrong with DFO tonight? anyone else getting slow loading time on website and comments section loading slooooooow? Or is it my animal magnetism fucking things up?

VonTazeMeBro

My auto reply isn’t working and when I have to refresh it takes years to load

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Last night too, I thought it was just me or Japanese art or something.

http://40.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9ngj7wUfj1r4c0a1o1_400.png

Spanky Datass

Open another tab/window with this thread running in both and toggle back and forth. That seems to help on my crappy lap-top.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

The Colts are the only team whose top two players are QB…. and punter.

New game: post a Sad Puppy picture that looks like Pagano
http://aboutpug.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Why-Are-You-Leaving-Me-Pug.jpg

JustStopDude

This game has me all confused…the Colts are suppose to have an offense right?
http://i.imgflip.com/58dm.gif

John Difool

“Hi I’m Ryan Fitzpatrick…. and I’m Ryan Fitzpatrick out of control mustache ride guy….”

entropy

True, kicking out of bounds will prevent opposing teams from returning the kick, Tirico. Where would we be without your stellar analysis and spot-on commentary?

Somebody hose these assholes, please?!

Stabby Pants

And now we have punters celebrating. Thats it, I’m getting tequila.

VonTazeMeBro

OMG I NEED A CHIPPER

Doktor Zymm

It’s always nice when a punter gets a chance to shine.

makeitsnowondem

This game is uglier than original art by make it snow.

King Hippo

Pagano’s halftime speech: “You guys are worse than cancer.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sep

Two things I know:
1. that brunette is super fine
2. Danger 5 is effing rad.

ThePirateSloth

It’s quiet in this stadium not because they want to hear Luck give his snapcount, but because when the Colts are on offense, all the Fat Humps are chugging chicken gravy.

I bet Tirico tries to spike all of Gruden’s fluids with horse tranquilizers

entropy

Tirico was just contemplating using his pen for self-defense.

Sharkbait

…Libraries?

Sep

Chicken Fries are gross… That is all.

Dick E. Phuck

“My CPU is offline, and I have cable.”

MikeWallaceAndGromit

“Pulling the plug on Second and Four” is something Antonio Cromarte has asked a couple of his girlfriends to do.

makeitsnowondem

That’s fantastic.

Duchess

To be fair Fitz played on the Texans last year so he is very used to throwing passes to the Colts

makeitsnowondem

No one knows if Enunwa is a tight end or a wide receiver, or even who he is.

Is Fitzmagic chewing tobacco?

Dick E. Phuck

Fitzpatrick loves throwing to those invisible receivers downfield.

Stabby Pants

Why is that wookie quarterbacking the Jets?

Mother Puncher

Why is that rancor quarterbacking the Colts?

WCS

NFL-Star Wars cross-promotion.

King Hippo

I like how PeyPey can and does laugh at himself.

Stabby Pants

Maybe it’s just my hatred of football after this weekend, but this game is amazingly unwatchable.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

My sobriety during this game is killing me.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Marshall with the big gain. I wish Chicago had a weapon at receiver instead of the 1 injured first stringer and 8 fourth stringers rotating based on which 5 are injured that week. Maybe they could have traded for him or something.

entropy

Welcome to Jets fandom, pre-2015!

entropy

Is it just me, or is Peyton’s “huh… I like it” creepy as fuck?

Sep

I imagine that without feeling in his hands, Manning has to stick his dick in a chicken parm sub to get off.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Do you not?

JustStopDude

Will this commercial would just die already….

(sunk to the Allstate tune)

Sill Bimmons

Fuck you you fucking dickhead!

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Losing feeling in my hands

entropy

I think the people who made “Pan” kinda missed the point of the original story.

Duchess

Right? It was the fan fiction from an old pedophile

Old School Zero

Flat leaf parsley is the only parsley. COME AT ME BRO!

Stabby Pants

The Colt’s strategy of not picking up the blitzers does not appear to be working.

JustStopDude

I don’t think either teams’ offense gets the point of this game…

comment image

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My stream is like 2 min behind. Don’t really care about the game so I am fine with staying and being a couple min behind. I am leaving for Jurassic World by halftime, but actually my slow agonizing path towards a full seizure has gone away for now because I am here and laughing.

blordinaryfagicmox

You’re going to JWorld, but trying to AVOID seizures? What a country!

Dick E. Phuck

Did they re-sign Trent Richardson? Oh wait, this number 34 doesn’t move like he’s in quicksand.

Sill Bimmons

GO JETS

Mother Puncher

Ok.

Sill Bimmons

sup

Mother Puncher

nm. u?