Your Very First Monday Afternoon Open Thread

What’s on your mind? Me? Jackson Browne’s “Running On Empty” has been on my brain for the last two weeks. I sure as hell am not going to tell you that it’s the song of all songs-it’s just there. Every day. It is god damn relentless. If someone could distract me while I attempt to watch an entire Blue Jays game for the first time in 25 years, that would be great. Seriously, what are you up to?

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entropy

So no one from the NFL is gonna mention this Guerero thing, huh?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Grey asked Tommy about it during his weekly appearance on the the radio version. Brady gave the same practiced answer.

Moonbatting Average

Nobody cares, but the Baseball Bears beat the Baseball Hitlers!

King Hippo

HEY! At least we made the NL trains run on time!!

Moonbatting Average

You’re thinking the Baseball Mussolinis (Giants)

Spur

The women in viagra commercials are always way too young.

Sill Bimmons

Men whose wives still look like Viagra models don’t need boner pills.

makeitsnowondem

I think it’s fantastic that this one got caught in the spam filter.

Why Thank You Eddie

I think Vick the should just be made to wear a scarlet D on his jersey from now on to save Tirico some time.

Romonobyl
Horatio Cornblower

Man, if winning money is your best adrenaline rush ever just wait until you talk to a woman!

King Hippo

He’s the best player in the league, ain’t he?

WCS

You know, I’m starting to think this Le’Veon Bell guy might just have a future in this game…

King Hippo

Thank fuck my money league is full PPR. These Le’Veon 1 yard completions are goddamned awesome.

Sill Bimmons

Do it for Lennay, Manti.

Do it for Lennay.

Moonbatting Average

I don’t have a dog in this hunt, but I feel like if The Steelers doggedly stick to getting Bell and Brown the ball, they can win, Doggonit

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

We’ve replaced Vick with Alex Smith. Let’s see if anyone notices.

King Hippo

I’m guessing the dogs would.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

My sleep deprived brain is sending me a message: Marmalard vs Ron Mexico featuring flag bukakke is not enough for me to stay awake. Night all.

Spur

Spurrier on a fire at the football dorm that destroyed 20 books: “But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet.”

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Vick is going to end up playing special teams later

JustStopDude

I’m guessing PETA did the special teams coaching this week…

Can we just have special teams players shiv each other. We seem to be guaranteed a penalty every time, so why not go all out?

Sharkbait

“And the Flag was thrown, to atone for the sins of the receiving team”

Sill Bimmons

Holy FUCKBALLS Stiller ST

King Hippo

at least he got his money’s worth?

entropy

We all float down here, take two.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

MARMAFLOAT!

Sill Bimmons

FLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Woo hoo! Cubs win! Suck it!

Spur

“I know why Peyton came back for his senior year. He wanted to be a three-time star of the Citrus Bowl.” – Steve Spurrier

King Hippo

Can’t spell “Citrus Bowl” without “UT!”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Shit. Cubs apparently want to make this dramatic.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

They don’t get many opportunities to do that.

King Hippo

Don’t tease me. I haven’t watched a single pitch and only checked the score twice.

Horatio Cornblower

Are you avoiding spoilers Hippo?

blordinaryfagicmox

Spurrier and Sarkisian are off to find John Galt together.

Senor Weaselo

Is Spurrier Vladimir and Sarkisian Estragon?

Horatio Cornblower

It’s the worst buddy movie since ‘Tango & Cash’

JustStopDude

YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!!!!

Tango and Cash is a nation treasure!!!!

nomonkeyfun

Walker, I’m sorry is the surname you were looking. You still have the board.

makeitsnowondem

Gentlemen.

entropy

Yo.

Sill Bimmons

Badger-wombat thingy.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Where?

jjfozz

Just finally watched the Utley slide, what a fucking cunt hair. I hope they put one right the fuck in his ear.

entropy

And this is why I want him to get permanently injured while doing something stupid, like getting choked while gassing up the wrong car as it drives away.

jjfozz

Anyone who hits a guy that hard and that illegally, and then walks away without even saying, “Bro, you okay?” is a flaming bag of boar shit

entropy

I’ve spent all weekend coming up with new and silly ways to end his career. Losing his hands in a weed whacker, getting crushed by a frozen bag of shit dropped from a plane, shot in both eyes by a paintball gun as he drives by a field, I could go on.

Horatio Cornblower

Dodgers benched him tonight. Because there’s no way the Mets weren’t going to target him at bat and on the basepaths. As they should.

nomonkeyfun

He’s a bench player at this point anyway.
It takes a hell of alot to replace Rollins as my least favorite active ex Philly.
Pat Burrell, fuck him with a rusty steel dildo.

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Shoot we won’t get spurrier’s second NFL go around

WCS

Field goal? What is this “field goal” you speak of?

Spur

A wildling from game of thrones plays for the Dodgers.

King Hippo

And Spurrier retires. Droppin’ like muthafuckin’ flies, yo.

Sill Bimmons

A MADE FIELD GOAL WOO

Steve Spurrier is retiring? But who shall keep those fucking visors in line.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Apparently Alex S. Gonzalez is back at short for the Cubs.

jjfozz

I remember the first loaded box I saw, it was at the junior prom behind the gym

entropy

TEH BEN looks like he’s gonna be mid-2000’s John Goodman sized by 2022.

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t think any of need to hear what Rothlisberger would have done to a loaded box Gruden.

Senor Weaselo

I thought we already had heard about it. Twice.

Brick Meathook
JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Did draftkings run out of money?

entropy

Well, this week, their payouts were all to FanDuel employees. They’ll be swapping back and forth all season.

Spur
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey, does anybody know if there’s a way I could enjoy fantasy football without committing for the whole season?

Sill Bimmons

No, because I have been living under a rock in a cave on Mars for the last ten years with my eyes shut and my fingers in my ears.

Sill Bimmons

CAN’T UNRING THAT BELL WOO

WCS

“Watch me.” — Boss Todd

King Hippo

WHY is every play not to him?

/loses 5 yards

//guess that’s why

Why Thank You Eddie

Now I’ve got that dumb ass White Stripes song in my head. Thanks.

King Hippo

Hee hee, SC just fired their drunky/pill popping coach. In honor, I am drinking over Vicuprofen.

jjfozz
King Hippo

PATRON SAINT OF COLUMBUS DAY!!

Why Thank You Eddie

Is it still appropriate to tell one to kiss your grits?

King Hippo

You know, Mel was really being harassed all those years!

Why Thank You Eddie

I’m pretty sure it was just sexual tension from Alice’s son Tommy. I mean, c’mon.

King Hippo

You couldn’t just come out and ask for a mother-son three way back in those days.

Spur

The black guy with the bat just hit the baseball far in middle field. 4-3 Mets. Still no fight.

entropy

As a Mets fan, I don’t want a fight. I want every single Met to remain available in case they make it through this series. If it looks like they’re going down in flames, fuck it. Drive nails through the bats and storm the Dodgers dugout.

nomonkeyfun

Dodgers, come out and play.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If the Mets win a World Series, does Bobby Bonilla’s contract get a ring?

No but his agent does…so does Bernie Madoff.

I wonder when we’ll find out that Goodell was secretly installed by MLB to kill the NFL.

Spur

Someone Tweet this to Pete Carrol.

WCS

George Will: “It needed to be done.”
Pete Prisco: “More proof of the sissifaction of America!”
Peter King: [cums]

Simmons? Is that you? Fuck Brady. Always wanted to say that to you.

nomonkeyfun

We got ourselves a barn burner in NY. 4-3 Mets 2nd inning. Two big errors it’s like I’m watching the NFL.