Your Thursday Night Winner-Takes-Nothing Open Thread

[waves beige flag] Up here in The Canada we’re three days into Justin Trudeau’s Reign Of Liberal Terror. Not much has changed. Oh wait, last night on my way home I was dragged out of my car and forced to do a bong against my will. Bastard six year-old’s-I’ll get you some day! Actually, now that I think of it, I walked into work the day after the election and my new boss was an Inuit-and I own my own business. That’s not right. Well, I’m sure I’ll feel better at 4 pm tomorrow when I collect my first weekly $500 Happy Citizen Stipend. I can apply for more but I don’t want to seem greedy. I guess at some point I’ll get accustomed to all the changes but it’s going to take some time…

Sea @ SF: Is it week seven already? Then it must be the first of many must-win games for the dregs of the NFC West. The team that does the vanquishing tonight will greatly increase their odds of finishing third in the division. Despite Sherman’s bravado, you (if you are a team) can run, pass and wiggle the old kielbasa at The Legion of Boom and they won’t do much about it. Everyone gets well vs. the Niners this year but the ‘Hawks are wonky as hell. [light bulb appears over head] I’ve got it! “THIS GAME WILL NOT BE A MESS.” There ya go-I fixed it for you!*

 

*pssst…there’s hockey, college football, FIFA U-17 Football, wood nymph volleyball and even Grey’s Scatology on elsewhere-I won’t mind if those things come up every once in while down below.

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Lothar of the Hill People

I just notice there’s not pink stuff on either team. Are we done caring about breast cancer, or is it just because the game is in San Francisco?

litre_cola

Should be rainbows there no? I personally would like to see the 9ers unis in tye dye

entropy

Pete Carroll believes the real crucial catch is getting the real people behind 9/11.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I can’t speak to San Francisco, but the lack of ‘pink stuff’ on the Seahawks side is due to me. I asked my teammates for solidarity.”

– Russel Wilson

JustStopDude

Phil Simms…voice of reason…

“Sure your house is on fire…but…now you don’t have to clean the gutters no more…”

Old School Zero

Anyone have much first hand experience with a Honda Fit?

evilbeaver8

Does extending my right-hand middle-finger to elderly Ohioans driving them at a dangerously low speed on the highway count as first hand experience?

Old School Zero

It sure does.

evilbeaver8

Then nope, sorry, no experience with them.

Why Thank You Eddie

It was much smaller than expected…I meant the car, of course.

/eyes dart side to side

Why Thank You Eddie

*trap door flies open from ceiling* Good evening gents.

Old School Zero

God?

Why Thank You Eddie

Yes, and your god needs you to buy him a drink. He’s got bigger problems than you could ever imagine.

Old School Zero

Here! I got you some slivovitz!

jjfozz

Every twenty-thirty something male I see in a car advertisement makes me want to skin them alive and use their femurs as golf clubs

entropy

That’s good hate. I can respect and admire hate like that.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s pretty good. Really good hate would be using their femurs to club more of their brethren to death.

King Hippo

They write all these fucking songs about love, but it’s fucking HATE that makes the world go ’round.

Beerguyrob

You can’t. They drink soy milk, so their bones are too brittle.

Their balls as Titleists, however…

entropy

Hahaha like these assholes have balls….

makeitsnowondem

Oh shit, got a Pacific hurricane coming.

Beerguyrob

Since when did Deion have strong opinions? THE SHIELD DOES NOT BROOK DISSENT!!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So, for srs, what are our views like lately? Are we retaining eyeballs, expanding reach, or back to 30 of us talking to each other?

litre_cola

I would bet there are a lot of readers who don’t comment like wherever we were last year.

The better question are how many profiles is just one person.

Lothar of the Hill People

We’re all just figments of Otto’s imagination.

DON’T SHAKE THE SNOW-GLOBE, OTTO!

jjfozz

Oh yeah, fuck the whole back to the future day shit
comment image

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Good lord, yes.

evilbeaver8

fucking overrated 80’s nostalgia bullshit

JustStopDude

Seriously…they have killed that entire series for me.

And Robocop got more shit right…

Sharkbait

Let Michael J Fox have his moment in the sun before he goes back to work as the paint mixer at Lowes.

Lothar of the Hill People

You are a horrible person.

He actually moonlights as Khloe Kardashian’s sex toy.

King Hippo

I hope hell has good WiFi, I spit out some of my cider I laughed so hard at that one.

jjfozz

Can we do livebrogs in Hell or will Satan make us watch figure skating?

Lothar of the Hill People

Curling. Hell has 50 channels of semi-professional curling.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wow. I feel like every single special effect in the Supergirl preview could be replicated by me with fifteen minutes and MS Paint.

Lothar of the Hill People

Yeah, I’ve seen better special effects in porn.

entropy

I don’t know what adjustments the Niners will make, but maybe if they started playing football, they’d be OK. Whatever this choreographed modern interpretive dance number is, it’s not impressing the Seahags.

JustStopDude
makeitsnowondem

It doesn’t happen often, but I’m going to have to print a retraction.

The girl in Supergirl was never on Greek.

Old School Zero

But what are her feelings on Greece, the country?

makeitsnowondem

Today she’s happy about it, like we all are. Extremely happy about it, in fact.

Old School Zero

Someday I’m going to ask for an explanation on that whole thing, but for now I’m amused by the absurdity of it all.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

She works in Hollywood, I’m sure she’s been on a Greek.

/Greeks are the same as Jews, right?

jjfozz

But does she do Greek?

makeitsnowondem

I heard she likes the diner down the street.

Lothar of the Hill People

If so, you gotta pray she doesn’t clench. Super-anus powers would be deadly.

Beerguyrob

Does she like it Greek?

Beerguyrob

Whoops, didn’t see JJFozz up top. (That’s what she said.)

Lothar of the Hill People

So how do Supergirl’s superpowers prevent bullets from tearing apart her clothing?

King Hippo

Jeb! eagerly awaits your responses.

She has first rate network censorship abilities

Lothar of the Hill People

Deion Sanders is just barely more intelligible than Shannon Sharpe, who’s two steps up from Emmitt Smiff.

makeitsnowondem

Russell Hamster

Sharkbait

Woo! Ice Giants win!
http://i.imgur.com/1p7dYDC.gif

Now on to this back alley abortion of a game

jjfozz

Thursday night foosball means no fucking Chris “dicksweat” Berman. so there’s that.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Always happy to see John Noble cashing a paycheck. I miss Fringe.

entropy

His rant about the poison in strawberry pop tarts was amazing. That show was great.

makeitsnowondem

This week on Madam Secretary, a teenager has sex.

nomonkeyfun

With the Madam or Secretary?

Lothar of the Hill People

HEY AWESOME, more Sunday morning football from London?

AWW CRAP, it’s Bills-Jags. That’s not technically football.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bills -4. Shut up and take my money!

entropy

It’s an international incident. The UN and Red Cross are on standby, ready to assist people in the game’s broadcast zone.

Lothar of the Hill People

Welp, at least the Bears won’t get pantsed as bad as the 49ers this week.

Mother Puncher

I have my TV on mute. What did Tomsula say during that interview?

entropy

Something about living next to a Fryman and a ball of talking meat.

Old School Zero

He asked if she had any spare change, he’s trying to get a BART ticket.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Tomsula looked like he was thinking of beer and hookers.

JustStopDude

Good on Tomsula not asking for change during that sideline interview…

blordinaryfagicmox

Reggie Bush still hasn’t learned he cant juke defenders even after 10 years in the league.

ThePirateSloth

My roommate upon looking at that QB comparison graphic: “Why is that KC guy standing there looking so gay?”

JustStopDude

Is there an NFL mercy rule?

I mean every single aspect of the game…the Niners look terrible.

bourb0nblues

They beat Seattle 3-0 in retained timeouts!

Lothar of the Hill People

They won the battle of the challenge flags thrown on plays you can’t challenge.

evilbeaver8

Should have had more magic fizz bubble holy water before the game I guess.

Lothar of the Hill People

Dammit, where’d the “This is Great +1” button go?

Brick Meathook

Refresh the page

jjfozz

Ha ha fuck you seahags

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Now, now…save it for the 4th quarter, when it will mean something.

JustStopDude

I always love it when a team is getting its ass handed to them and a player makes one good play like Reid did…and glares down the receiver…

WCS

THE CHARMIEST END ZONE INTERCEPTION YOU’LL EVER SEE, FOLKS! WHAT A COUNTRY!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

7nterceptions coming

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Charmception

New game: develop Tomsula’s halftime speech.

WCS

“We’ll we’re not going to win, but, if any of you want to see a cockfight, I know a place afterwards.”

Who moved my 84 Buick?!

entropy

It’s just silence, him alone in his office, and then a gunshot.

jjfozz

LOOK YOU BUNCH OF GREASY MOTHERFUCKERS, IT’S TIME TO GET THE FUCK OUT THERE AND START FUCKING SHIT UP.

I FUCKED SHIT UP IN THE PORN BUSINESS BACK IN THE 70S – YOU THINK IT WAS FUN? I WAS MUNCHING ON HAIRPIE THAT LOOKED LIKE BUCKWHEATS AFRO ON A HUMID DAY IN ALABAMA.

I’VE WORKED IN A STEEL MILL, LUMBERJACK, REPO BUSINESS, PRIVATE EYE, AND DOGTRACK SECURITY.

THIS IS MY TIME YOU BUNCH OF CUNTPUNCHERS, NOW GET THE FUCK OUT THERE AND GET THE JOB DONE!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t know what he’ll say, but I know there will be an inspirational garbage can fire at some point.

JustStopDude

Guys please!…I can’t go back to the shelter. BAD THINGS happen there…

Mother Puncher

Just 20 minutes of him walking around the locker room yelling “have you seen my keys?” while looking under towels.

Lothar of the Hill People

GOD WANTED ME TO THROW THAT INTERCEPTION TO TEST MY FAITH!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I bet he would have caught it if that was a basketball

bourb0nblues

Jimmy getting clobbered in the paint after a no-look pass.

Moonbatting Average

Is there a dominant division in the NFL this year? It seems like everyone took a step back.

entropy

The Referees? They’re killing it in sheer yardage

BrettFavresColonoscopy

AFC East once Tyrod comes back!

entropy

Yes. Because clearly what the AFC East needs to become elite on multiple fronts is Tyrod.

(Can I get blind drunk by 1 PM Sunday? I’m afraid for the Jets. My money is on “yes.”)

Dick E. Phuck

“Of course the Black guy is gonna wear a purple cape!”
-Riley Cooper

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jesus wanted him to get sacked.

Lothar of the Hill People

DXL: we make fat guys feel good because other stores fat-shame.

Old School Zero

DXL: No Fat Chicks, though

jjfozz

How in the fucking hell did the Ravens lose to this piece of shit team?
Oh, wait, because we’re MORE of a piece of shit team.

JustStopDude

I need everyone’s thoughts for my Halloween costume. I’m going with an NFL theme…

http://www.allanstanglin.com/wp-content/uploads/donwhite.JPG

How does my Jim Tomsula costume look?

entropy

Needs more bindle.

Old School Zero

All that blackface makes me think it’s an Ed Reed costume.

WCS

Ed Reed thinks the beard should be bigger, but not bad otherwise.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Damn it…I’ve done been bested by the internets…

blordinaryfagicmox

JPG dont work son. Only jpg. Shit’s case sensitive.

jjfozz

Needs more stank, lice, dried boogers, and VD from giving blow jobs behind boxcars for half empty cans of peas

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fred Jackson was in a car accident and didn’t tear his groin?

entropy

OH FUCK EVERY ANNOUNCER AND THAT BULLSHIT “BEST PUNT OF THE NIGHT” COCKSWALLOWING!!!! EVERY punt should be good, these assholes are professionals. Here’s an idea: try not to NEED. Good punt, you incompetent fucks

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Pheeeeeel mention the Clausen!

evilbeaver8

Bush should have re-signed with USC instead of going to the 9ers.

Dick E. Phuck

3rd and 18, so….. a screen pass to Bush.

WCS

Lovie Smith stares blankly into space in approval.

Lothar of the Hill People

Jim Caldwell nods absently.

jjfozz

That guy is far too normal looking to be a texans fan

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I will personally send you $20 if you can provide photographic proof of a non-white person drinking Michelob Ultra.

entropy

I’ll send you $40 if you can send proof of someone actually enjoying it.