I read something on ESPN today that really pissed me off. I’m not the sort to call out pro athletes but this really got to me. Apparently Keenan Allen has some sort of unspecified kidney injury that is going to keep him out indefinitely. Really? “A” kidney injury? Do you see where I’m going with this? Christ, he’s got more than one. Was this not explained to him by the team doctors? It’s not like he’s got some problem with his heart. Wait. Actually, metaphorically he does have an issue with that organ as well. As an every-day nobody that punishes my liver day-in and day-out without regard to the long-term consequences I think Allen is taking the easy way out. You can rest assured that he’ll never play on one of my fantasy teams ever again!
Ind @ Car: The rumour going round is that Luck has cracked ribs but it went unreported because he had a shoulder ouchie at the same time. Why Pats fans aren’t piling onto this news befuddles me. Maybe someone jangled a set of keys nearby? I’ve seen it happen before. With a loss, which would give them a 4-4 record, the Colts would maintain their stranglehold on the first place position in the AFC South. Someone’s getting a season-ending injury tonight. My money is on TE Olsen. Why? Why not? You’re asking for a rationale? These things happen for a not-reason. Guh! The Panthers are off to their best start in franchise history at 6-0. Asked to comment, owner Richardson maintained that his favourite start was 3 and 5. He’s such a silly goose!
Has anyone else ever seen Pork w/Pepper And Tomato on a Chinese menu?
My Cantonese place has it and I’ve never seen it anywhere else.
RUN FATBOY RUN
Run, big man, run!
Rocky: “Bring back everything that’s ever hurt you!”
Creed: “like you letting that russian kill my dad”?
Rocky: “Yeah, that works too”
Apollo Creed’s son should be a grandfather by now.
I-right wiggle, 34 switchblade
But enough about Ray Lewis…
Just got an email from my boss’s assistant asking me to write a mass email. The information she included was slightly less cryptic than the letters sent by the Zodiac Killer.
I love emails that go, “Hippofant, can you meet with X?”
“Hi X, boss told me to meet with you. Do you know what we’re meeting about?”
“No idea hippofant.”
“Okay. Well. Good meet.”
“I haven’t seen a Stewart pound a Colt this hard since Jimmy got drunk one night on the set of The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.”
-John Ford
There’s no way he should be able to avoid a sack there. If they were still making Carmageddon games, he would get to be a special pedestrian with crazy evasive powers and you would get loads of bonus points for running him over.
http://media.giphy.com/media/eRJ0IFhLJJxWE/giphy.gif
“Video game?”
– Donte Stallworth
“Jesus christ that Colts d sucks ass.”
-Ravens fan
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This is the Cam truck…on that 3rd down play.
Now imagine that you have a Spanish announcer having a fucking seizure describing the awesomeness.
That is just impressive driving.
So the third quarter will feature a plague of toads at least, right?
Eli is secretly making plans to go out after dark and wash away the lamb’s blood from above the Manning family’s front door.
Alright seriously ESPN…what is the point in showing us that the Spanish feed guys are 1000 times better than the clowns we have calling the game?!?
If I could figure out where the SAP button was on my remote, I would have fucking muted Gruden a long ass time ago…
It almost makes me want to learn Spanish (aside from the fact that it would be very useful)
Wow! The Spanish feed makes the game sound awesome!
The Spanish broadcaster sounds like Berman, except I don’t want to kill him.
My god the Spanish broadcast makes this game seem like the most exciting thing to happen since Hiroshima.
Sure is wet in Carolina
http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljuxtq2STV1qzrbljo1_500.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v74/Nickasinsaltlick/idhititugly.jpg
“Sure is wet in Carolina”……and in my shorts too
Jesus christ my kids were so bad tonight i had to use the big tube on the bourbon funnel
When they’re grown you’ll finally be able to switch back to beer like I did. Ice Up Son !
“I don’t mean to tell you how to raise your kids, but it doesn’t seem like you’d be able to swing a funnel very hard.”
– Adrian Peterson
I’m laughing all the way to hell. Thank you.
what
we knock espn like they deserve, but they did that saints giants recap right
Well, hey guys! Sorry I was out of the loop all weekend – apparently I have an allergy to something that I need to track down, and I was just not having it.
ANYHOO…
What’s this Nobyl prize thing I keep hearing about?
Saints/Giants was officially a barnburner. Was it Luck’s barn they burned?
NCSI:Lancaster The team investigates why brother Eli would torch Brother Andrew’s barn
Is that the episode where they show us the latest advances in forensic witch burning?
Chris Berman forgot to wipe off the Oompa Loompa makeup off after his Halloween party.
“You’re with me, Boehner.”
Ok halftime means bedtime. Goodnight brethren!
Here comes Berman, here goes the mute button
“… they play in a lot of rain games in the NFC South”
NFC South: 2 dome teams.
It’s kind of weird how the NFL hired back the replacement refs from a few years ago.
“They did it very casually, but I knew our fragile enjoyment of this game was about to be shattered.”
–paraphrased from Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas.
Well, that call made Beergh happy, but not the rest of us.
That was always gonna be a flag. NO WAY Ginn makes two goods in one quarter.
This game….
http://i.imgur.com/dywO3nR.gif
THIS GAME HAS BALLOONS?!?
Hodor carves his balloons out of cedar.
THE FUCK?!
Another Riverboat Ron. /drink
Gruden must be on the rag, he’s super bitchy tonight
Tirico declined to reach around.
Time to fire Pagano. His defense has actually gotten WORSE!
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Are you talking about his football team or his resistance to infections?
Grigson first.
I hope the rain slacks off soon or Andrew Luck might start building an ark in the locker room at halftime.
Ted Ginn waving his arm around like that reminded me of Eli Manning when you give him a sparkler.
HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’ BOYS AND GIRLS
I love when a band asks a crowd how everyone is doing and they all just yell “YEAH!!!”
THIS GUY FUCKS!
What is Ginn writing for us?
Probably gang signs. You know those types.
Has he stopped yet?
Holy shit Ted Ginn caught a pass! What’s the temperature in Hell right now?
That one was much harder than the one he flubbed.
And still Gruden won’t give Cam credit!
“Wow these receivers have really stepped up!”
Hey, a long pass that was caught by the person it was thrown to!
Does a tamale count as a turnover?
In other news, Bob Dylan is still alive
I wouldn’t call that living.
I can confirm, still rainy as fuck in North Cakalaky. It’s driving my cats fucking nuts, having to stay inside so long.
If you need tips on how to not stay inside for very long just talk to Horatio.
http://fullnomore.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Stop-farting-fast-2.jpg
Hey let’s use the guys we signed in the offseason they’re pretty good
Woot Woot Spurs bring in Boban!
http://www.ooyuz.com/images/2015/6/13/1436821634244.jpg
Blame it on the rain…. this is what happens when you throw a bunch of cats into a bathtub.
“Baby, don’t forget my number…”
“Seriously, I’m counting on you.”
– Trent Green
Here’s a question… why didn’t the people who actually recorded Milli Vanilli’s album ever release a second one? They were good enough to win a Grammy, they should have done more work.
Nice float, Newton
I can’t wait for Luck to throw the same exact interception and for Gruden to blame it on the rain.
Milli Vanilli nods, well the alive one does.
Not to mention he had a 90-yard perfect TD that went right the fuck through Ginn’s hands.