I feel a bit…underwhelmed. All the big news came out yesterday and today we only got Tom Coughlin deciding his face
couldn’t take another New York winter and decided to GTFO of town. A coach deciding to leave on his own does not a Black Monday make. Let’s take a look at the current vacancies:
Who in their right mind would want to go work for Jed York, the exemplification of what happens when incompetent children take over their parents’ business?
Oh right. SMGDH.
That article also says
this handsome fella is also interested in the 49er job. This is strange as other outlets have Shanny going to
to work on his skin cancer. That is a match made in hell. It will most likely happen.
Elsewhere, the
Browns are without a coach, without a QB, and will wait to hire a coach before hiring a GM. That job must be the equivalent of a heterosexual dude in the Valley being offered the lead role in a porn movie and finding out it’s
At least you’re in the movie business, right?
The Tennessee Titans are considering keeping interim coach Mike Mularkey to see how quickly he can destroy
‘s legs.
Finally, the two most desirable jobs
are completely up for grabs as everyone jockeys for the opportunity to face this idiot
twice during the year.
In other news, no news out of Indianapolis where Chuck Pagano may have beat leukemia, but not his pill-popping boss and Detroit where Jim Caldwell is using his ninja skills to make Martha Ford forget he still works there.
Any other possible openings I’ve missed?
http://41.media.tumblr.com/195a6a5311e26f8532008976db5ab383/tumblr_nhbf1bygwh1s93us5o1_500.jpg
ESPN sucks. The whole “WHO’S LOSING THEIR JERB NEXT??? WHO DESERVES TO BE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRED???” bullshit fucking sucks.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/d37a689b7719b8a907826c7dca4d9b49/tumblr_ny62o7Rg5R1r8scyto2_1280.png
Shanny only wanted the Dolphins job because he got a bunch of teal polos for Christmas.
Baseless theory: Chip Kelly asked to be fired before black Monday to encourage other teams to create more head coaching vacancies for the aforementioned Chip Kelly. Best evil genius move he’s made since he left Eugene.
That would be giving Chip a lot of credit, which I am NOT ready to do.
Chip already has a lot of credit. He’s white.
+ 750 credit score
Chip has some game film he’d like to show you:
http://cdn.gifbay.com/2013/03/slap_happy_dancing-38062.gif
Any other possible openings I’ve missed?
Andy Reid, upon having been informed of the two hour time limit for (and subsequent ejection from) Kansas City’s newest eating establishment, the Rib, Rump & Shake.
Any other possible openings I’ve missed?
Trent Richardson’s internal monologue, before being tackled for a two yard loss.
The man has the instincts of an albino gazelle afflicted with Down’s syndrome.
Any other possible openings I’ve missed?
Unusually polite language from Sexy Rexy here.
Any other possible openings I’ve missed?
The aforementioned Jason Garrett would like to suggest the King’s Gambit.
THIS YEAR’S ROUND OF COACHING EXECUTIONS, I CALL IT SHOWTIME AT THE APOLLO, CUZ IT WAS BLACK SUNDAY NIGHT
This is awesome and I might not stop laughing at Jim Caldwell’s lampshade all day.
On a hilarious note, I read in two places today that the Giants are interested in Chip Kelly. If this happens, I guarantee that he will win a Super Bowl there, thus ensuring the destruction of Philadelphia.
You are from the future, so I will take that as gospel truth.
There are not enough batteries on the Eastern Seaboard if the Chip Kelly-led Giants won a Super Bowl.
Wow….this might actually be more destructive and way more possible than an Andy Reid Chifs SB. Although, realistically, he would probably just trade Odell Beckham to the Skins for some white guy on the practice squad.
Is being incredibly un-photogenic a head coaching job requirement?
Apparently, yes.
http://www.sportstalkflorida.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/49ers_Jim_Tomsula_2015.jpg
How much for the little girl? How much for the women? Your women. I want to buy your women. The little girl, your daughters… sell them to me. Sell me your children!
If you say no, Andy Reid and I will come here for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day of the week.
WE WANTS DE SEXAY COACHEZ!
I’d ask “Wait, who would hire a coach before hiring the GM?” but it’s the Browns so that’s par for the course.
It would be great if they let the coach pick the GM.
“Meeeeeee!” – Chip Kelly
Haslem will just ask another homeless man who he should get.
“Me.”
And thus, Tomsula will once again be off the street.
That’s ridiculous. It’d be like buying a football team before all your federal indictments have cleared.
The Chargers are retaining Mike McCoy for at least another year. as it was decided that it was “best for the team.” Alternatively, they will not be re-signing Frank Reich as Offensive Coordinator, after deciding that it was “best for the team.”
Surprisingly, they decided not to hang Dean Spanos with his own entrails, despite universally being voted that it would be “best for the team.”
We should start John Spanos at left tackle next year. That seems “best for the team”.
You’d gain more fans by starting John Stamos
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/07/27/22/2AD14A0300000578-0-image-a-81_1438032947216.jpg
Best for the team.
http://i.imgur.com/aFhWSah.gif
Chargers need a new OC, so likely we’ll find a new experienced failure pile to call all of our runs from the shotgun.
Norv Turner is available again?
If we was, I’m sure they’d make a play for him. But, no, those Minnesota bastards get to suffer him for longer.
I read that as “Nat Turner.”
Could they be, ONE AND THE SAME?! It would explain… not much, actually, but something?
Norv Turner was a hell of a coordinator. Yes sir, you give him Emmitt Smith, Troy Aikman, Michael Irvin and a road-grading O-Line led by Nate Newton and there’s nothing he can’t accomplish.
He had several good years with Rivers.
http://www.pro-football-reference.com/coaches/TurnNo0.htm
http://mrwgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Jean-Claude-Van-Dammes-Classic-Dance-Gif-Of-Celebrations.gif
Is there a Schottenheimer in the house?
Not since I got a cat.
Other possible openings you might have missed? Are we really not doing phrasing anymore?
Seriously.
The number of Mom jokes that immediately sprang to mind was almost frightening.
I think “Black Cock Down” covered all the other openings. smdh
I’m still chuckling at “Leave No Man’s Behind”