With the conclusion of the NFL regular season I thought it might be interesting to see how well we performed with our preseason predictions.

Some observations from my research: goddamn we had a lot of posts since the end of July. We also had an amazing amount of sexy girl “cheesecake” images from many of these posts, and finally quite a few of the preseason predictions were surprisingly accurate.

This was a lot more research than I anticipated and I’m trying to figure out where to send my billable hours for this research.

I compiled a lot of data for this post and I plan on breaking down the predictions by each division. I will include the regular season results, the preseason prediction as well as the author of said prediction and maybe an anecdote or maybe not on the predictions. If there is no DFO preseason prediction for a specific team, it may not have ever made it to the light of day. It’s slightly possible that I overlooked the prediction from the archives but I really did do a fucking shit ton of archival digging to bring this post to fruition. Any missed items are welcome in the comments and if you can provide a link for them that would be great.

I have no intention of providing a link to each of the predictions because I value my remaining time on this Earth and that may bring about suicidal thoughts.

I am going to present this in straight text format because embedding an Excel file could possibly explode the post and I ain’t gonna do that on my watch.

Here we go.

AFC EAST:

P*ts actual result 12-4 and a 2 seed. Prediction by the Right Reverend Electric Mayhem:

I think this means they will do well.

NY Jets: Finished 10-6 missed the playoffs. Prediction His Right Honorable Lord Revis Isle “Respectable” (correct) or “Miserable” (correct).

Buffalo: Finished 8-8. Prediction by our own DTZM 6-10.

Miami: Finished 6-10. Prediction by Warthog 9-7

Not too shabby.

AFC NORTH:

Cincy: Finished 12-4 division winner. Prediction: Originally scheduled for 8-20-15 at noon but never made the light of day. Bummer.

Pittsburgh: Finished 10-6 as a wild card. Predictions: Balls of Steel (13-3), WCS (11-5), Sill Bimmons (14-2). That’s some mighty tasty Kool Aid them Yinzers brew.

Baltimore: Finished 5-11. Prediction: JJFozz. No actual prediction but some very astute football analysis and a very accurate summary of the typical Baltimore fan. Plus lots of bourbon mentions.

Cleveland: Finished 3-13. Prediction by Covalent Blonde 12-4. Now Covalent is one of my favorite people ever and easily one of our most insanely intelligent writers and a truly fun person to have some brewskies with but holy hell, sister! I will give her the benefit of the doubt and suggest the two numbers were transposed. 4-12 it is!

AFC SOUTH:

Houston(???): Finished 9-7 and a division winner. Prediction by Duchess 9-7! But with the caveat that they would miss the post season. That’s some fine predictin’!

Indy: Finished 8-8. Prediction by Sep 12-4. Granted this was pre-Hodor injury.

J-Ville: Finished 5-11. Prediction by Balls of Steel “Bad.” Nailed it.

Tenn: Finished 3-13 and first overall draft pick. Prediction by Don T. 6-10 with tons of optimism!

AFC WEST:

Denver: Finished 12-4 and a 1 seed. Prediction by King Hippo “Make it to the Big L”. We shall see!

K.C: 11-5 and a wild card. Prediction by Monty This Seems Strange 10-6 with a possible wild card berth. Hell yes!

Oakland: Finished 7-9. Prediction by Blaxabbath 5-11 and “9+ wins for the next six seasons.” OK then.

San Diego: Finished 4-12. Prediction by Old School Zero, with a healthy smattering of Bolt Man “Championship and a new stadium. Stomp stomp clap!”

NFC EAST: 

Washington Redacteds: Finished 9-7 and division winner. Prediction by Doktor Zymm 5-11 (later revised to 6-10 at the bye week). That’s some serious optimism Frau Doktor!

Eagles: Finished 7-9. Prediction by fmwarner (AKA Why Eagles Why) 10-6 and lose the wild card game. Gotta give us an update as a fan WEW.

Giants: Finished 6-10 and suffered the loss of a red faced old man. Prediction by scotchnaut (check out the big brain on Scotchy!) “[sighs] I’m thinking another 6-10 season for Coughlin’s sayonara.” That’s the shit I’m talking about. Get down with your bad prognosticating self, Scotchy!

Dallas: Finished 4-12. Prediction by Horatio Cornblower “Realistically 12-4 or 13-3.  They should win the NFC East handily and waltz into the play-offs with a bye.  Tony Romo will then take his wife on a Mexican vacation during the bye week, contract diarrhea and throw 2 backbreaking interceptions in the Cowboys second-round play-off loss.” Giving credit where it’s due he did change his prediction after the fall of the Romo Empire to “Fucked.” Will accept.

NFC NORTH:

Vikings: 11-5 and division champs. Aww yeah muthafuckas! Predictions by Pickettscharge (9-7) and by yours truly (10-6 just miss playoffs). I like reality better!

Green Bay: Finished 10-6 as a wild card. Prediction by Packman John

Jury still out on that one.

Detroit: Finished 7-9. Prediction by Troll so hard University 8-8. Acceptable!

Chicago: Finished 6-10. Predictions by Brett Favre’s Colonoscopy (8-8) and Cuntler (8-8). Whoa! Let’s not all get mediocre at once there folks!

NFC SOUTH:

Carolina: Finished 15-1 and home field throughout. Prediction by King Hippo 9-7 or 10-6 and division champ. Not splitting too many hairs here as most of us didn’t see their season coming.

THE ATL: Finished 8-8. Prediction by Rikki Tikki Deadly “Coming up short.” Indeed!

Saints: Finished 7-9. Prediction by The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem “Not much chance.” Direct and to the point.

Tampa Bay: Finished 4-12. Prediction by Sep while channeling his best Warren Sapp 4-12 “YAARRR Mateys!”

NFC WEST:

AZ Cards: Finished 13-3 and a 2 seed. Prediction by Blaxabbath, simply “Super Bowl.” Well then. We shall see, we shall see.

Seattle: Finished 10-6 as a wild card. Prediction by Beast Mode Ate My Baby “13-3 or 10-6 or Super Bowl.” That’s tossing a lot of darts there Beast Mode.

St. Louis (?) Rams: Finished 7-9. Prediction originally scheduled by our own DTZM but not posted. We’ll give you a break, Boss. We know you’re a busy guy.

49’ers: Finished 5-11 but it felt much worse. Prediction by Covalent Blonde 4-10 or 5-11. That’s some mighty fine redemption Covalent! We knew you could do it.

All in all you folks did a pretty spectacular job on the predictions. It was also entertaining to see how everyone kept their expectations in line. It’s like we pay attention to this sport or something.

If your team made the playoffs then enjoy the games and if your team was left out? Get to work on those prediction drafts for next year! And next time show your work!