Are you smelling it? No, not the Hippo fart, It’s something even more intoxicating! The playoffs are so close. I’m genuinely hyped for this. On top of the football action Jim Boeheim comes back from his 9 game suspension just in time to get absolutely frickin’ crushed by [spits on ground] U*NC. By the by, QB Dalton has been ruled out for tomorrow’s game against the Steelers. Pittsburgh in a blowout? Pittsburgh in a blowout.
D-Jax said recently that Chip’s firing was “karma”. I say that dropping the ball before you cross the goal line is “unfathomable idiocy”. OLD MAN ALERT: QB Newton blarfed his son as “Chosen”. This was in lieu of naming him Cam junior. Let this honorific be etched across the backs of stolen PC’s the world over!
Kevin Greene, he of 160 career sacks (3rd all time) is listed as a finalist for the NFL Hall of Fame. I say, LET THE MAN IN! The dude is third behind Bruce Smith and Reggie White and was an entertaining MF to boot. Nugget-wise, I must mention that DE Watt is at 74.5 sacks at the age of 26. Barring a serious injury you have to think he’ll end up very close to the top. Colin Cowherd or some other contrarian dumbass would point out that “he doesn’t have even one intercept yet!”. This was a criticism of the original LT back in the day. The response being, “you want the best pass-rusher of his generation to drop back into coverage?”. SMGDH. Credit where it is due-the guy imposes his will on the opposition.
On the court there be not a single compelling game that I can see although Tor, Cle, SA, Mia, G.S., and OKC are playing. The NHL has Bos, Chi and StL skating about the place. Grown Boy’s College Basketball has the likes of Valpo, Yale, Kent State and Utah stinking up the court. Oh well, I’m sure we’ll get through it somehow. TO THE COMMENTS!
http://57.media.tumblr.com/d6c68ea01b8dfca29b5bc28f4e7e485e/tumblr_nudlgdReCU1thej0ko2_500.gif
http://57.media.tumblr.com/f82473872f342eb911663a8e7593d3b0/tumblr_nudlgdReCU1thej0ko3_400.gif
Never forgeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.
http://36.media.tumblr.com/33c30891102086fad73ef35a7a1da059/tumblr_nw0tjzRs5c1qlsd9ho1_1280.jpg
So the Basketball Giants aren’t getting blown out by the Basketball, um… possibly Raiders? Basketball Talons? I don’t know.
So…..since I’m only watching this now….Always Sunny totally stole the Thin Mint thing, right?
So, since I’ve stopped TVing, I’m a season behind on everything, and am now binge watching season 10 of Always Sunny. This shit is awesome.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/a43a337aaa2a360e3300aace0c64ac63/tumblr_miawkmvufT1qfr6udo1_500.gif
http://56.media.tumblr.com/e0aabd9c0f7efdaa5f2988516b9188ba/tumblr_nw7zxoiQif1qj0c2fo2_1280.jpg
Oh, Alice……
http://41.media.tumblr.com/8e1acb129dbb2f27c533dc4254018848/tumblr_nwjc3ylhvJ1rcrc2qo1_500.jpg
http://40.media.tumblr.com/40ae668dbb91d77e9fa578070c4bb541/tumblr_nwj5ia6qVl1s3g6mzo1_1280.jpg
http://49.media.tumblr.com/45b17c9896dc70b73a2b740a709dc81d/tumblr_nw5649SGt71qfr6udo7_500.gif
I just smile.
http://stuffpoint.com/alice-in-wonderland/image/381503-alice-in-wonderland-the-cheshire-cat.png
I am still not convince that Fred Phelps was not a brilliant comedian, on par with Andy Kaufman, intentionally improving the social acceptance of gays in American society.
You get a couple of Klans members to drive past a Marine’s funeral with a couple of young kids standing outside with “GOD HATES FAGS” signs…and it forces them to examine their fucking views.
“Billy Ray…I don’t think I wanna be part of this”
The last time the fucking Simpsons were interesting…
https://youtu.be/m78gYyTrG7Y
http://i.imgur.com/vf8h2ct.gifv
Oh yeah…sobriety update for those keeping check…so I’ve been smoking…so that is broken…and I am drinking…so yeah…but still no opiates. So 1 out of 3 can’t be THAT bad. I mean its been…oh dear god…only 8 FUCKING DAYS?!?!?
http://i.imgur.com/61Jb3b4.gifv
Moderation is the key. It’s the thing that’s left out of the “addiction is a disease” conversation. It is possible to learn moderation, but it’s harder than abstaining, hence why abstention is the model. Anyway, the idea is, find some combination of things that doesn’t make you feel totally fucked. Smoking, sure it’s bad for you, but not as bad as going all out with all sorts of opiates and shit. Find a happy balance, or, more likely, find a temporary balance and try to find healthier stuff you like better. Best of luck in all.
A probably obscure alison brie role from the pictures below. Watch with the sound off maybe?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m09g29Lb1uk
Can the non-Alison Brie bits get cut out?
Being honest, I really dislike Kiss and many of their fans.
That said, the VW ad centering on “Beth” gives me a chuckle. Too bad the joke seemingly goes over a lot of people’s heads.
http://i.imgur.com/9HCpxF8.gif
Apparently a Cincy radio station has issued a “Severe Big Ben Warning”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHEKsj8tmR4
Some sports talk radio outfits mix in the humor and sundry dick-jokery, others are just bitchy homer bitchiness turned up too eleven.
Careful driving; the roads may be rapey.
So I was going to do a I Did It So That You Don’t Have To for Joe Dirt 2. See, I just recently audio-booked David Spade’s bio, Almost Interesting. To sum up…his comedy isn’t pretty. He really doesn’t have a clue as to why he was funny at one time. His Hollywood Minute shit was him channelling his inner-most cynical self with Lorne Michael’s full approval. I think he’s one of the most fully-evolved self-haters that the Hollywood life-style has ever produced. His bio is 40% “chasing pussy”. A situation is a ‘sitch’. When he tries to bed a 20-something he has to remind himself to always text her because he heard two girls agree that leaving a voice message was ‘lame’.
I’m thinking that none of you ever thought he was funny but I felt the need to flesh it out for myself.
He was OK in certain situations, but to me got a LOT more air time than he deserved. Also he gets laid by hot women way more than he should…. so we think anyway.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/17fab9effb8592130961f1e1682ab223/tumblr_nw57wdeNTJ1qfr6udo1_r1_500.gif
Even I should have sex more often than that hack, fuckface piece of shit.
*That* is the *anger* we wanted to *see.*
He *was* funny but I never really *liked* him, if that makes sense.
Looking back, he was funny in a way ‘then’ that makes me feel bad about my old self ‘now’.
Oh, Kelly……
http://57.media.tumblr.com/c57f5d4055ec03c0d5dfa6df6e56c995/tumblr_nx1uvgNMVu1thej0ko1_500.gif
http://49.media.tumblr.com/76873585e28b50630c48ddad0ff2b12b/tumblr_miaw2lJOJ21qfr6udo1_500.gif
http://41.media.tumblr.com/b2a231713099c7592619835ef21607e5/tumblr_nyym10Kekn1v0yjxgo1_1280.jpg
So gorgeous
soooooo jelly, shoulder bag strap
http://57.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbicwjLp5n1qfr6udo10_400.gif
http://57.media.tumblr.com/a50488567c091555f211c679cf4fb2de/tumblr_nwn8gpAIkM1qfr6udo1_500.gif
Rebuttal.
http://57.media.tumblr.com/388dd2ab83ec53d78d265dabcec16e6f/tumblr_no777delDL1rrkahjo2_540.gif
Greetings gentlemen! For anyone unaware or just lazy, I’m running a playoff fantasy pool on nfl.com. It’s super easy, no draft or anything, just pick your players and go. Here’s the link: http://playoffchallenge.fantasy.nfl.com/group/253083
Group is called Playoff Beards and password is eagleslose. We only have five people in now, but the more the merrier. $10 winner take all, and you can PayPal to me at [email protected]
Now we return you to your regularly scheduled program already in progress.
Will you accept expired Hardee’s coupons instead of paypal?
I’m in, blaming the oxy. Can take more than one player per team, eh? Interesting twist…
Rex doesn’t want to brag, but he’s not all that impressed that Khalil Mack was named All-Pro for only two positions.
AMAZING
Got shipped more equipment. I still cannot recreate the problem I had in Detroit. Still have zero idea how I fucking fixed it.
Other insanity, the ex and her girlfriend want to visit me next weekend. Dear god this is a bad idea…
http://i.imgur.com/pWA7wED.gifv
How does one say “dangerous threesome” in Japanese?
Hmm, let’s see what happens if I try to embed an mp3…
http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season9/lost16.mp3
How about…THIS
[audio src="http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season9/lost16.mp3"]
Since they’s no teevee, what’s everyone reading tonight?
Just starting Jussi Adler-Olsen’s “The Alphabet House” and excited because I can tell it will be good. But also sad because this will tap me out on Adler-Olsen and back to the author finding I go.
/shut-ins WOO
I got “The Keeper of Lost Causes” for Christmas and I can’t wait to start.
Very good! The Department Q series is quite excellent. Just finished The Hanging Girl mid-week.
Though right now I’m still moving slowly through The Book Of The New Sun by Gene Wolfe.
This might be worth a read, if you want to delve into the Bengals and their fans psyche.
http://www.cincinnati.com/story/sports/columnists/paul-daugherty/2016/01/03/paul-daugherty-bengals-ravens/78228508/
A bunch of medical records. I’m still working.
“Your honor, in the case of My Billing Hours vs. The Defendant, I submit Exhibit A into evidence–medical records showing that The Defendant does not–I repeat DOES NOT–have a penis.”
“Objection! The Defendant is a woman!”
“I rest my case!” /puts feet up on the courtroom table, unzips pants, takes long pull from a flask
You forgot
/pumps fist, whispers “nailed it!” under breath
I’m about 3/9 through the Nine Princes in Amber series by Zelazny.
I’s onna reading binge. Listening to Russell Shorto’s Amsterdam, just finished Moore’s Second Hand Souls, finishing off Pratchett’s Mort and a short story compilation of his. In the Q? The Decagon House Murders, 1491, Death And The Penguin and Police by Jo Nesbo.
/reading whore
How is Second Hand Souls? Moore might be my favorite and I just got that for Xmas. Just finished rereading ‘Sacre Bleu’.
It’s a sequel to A Dirty Job, which I didn’t know about. He fills in the blanks as you go along but if you like his work I’d advise you to read Dirty Job first.
Starting Chapter 3 of “Becoming Richard Pryor”.
So far, his cocaine use makes sense.
I’d just like to say that it’s indicative of all youse people’s generosity/easygoing-ness that I was not called out for using impelled (wrong) instead of compelled (perhaps right) in the post above.
You have reinforced to me (yet again) that you’re just good folks.
On the other hand, we could be bad people with bad grammar.
About once a week I quietly edit someone else’s post to correct a minor grammatical mistake. It’s the kind of quiet heroism I was born to do.
Drunk and fight, not Strunk and White ,, ppl forget that
I, uh, I didn’t actually read the post.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
(my nightmare tonight after binge watching Star Trek: TNG)
Steelers Nation: “Tell me, how many consecutive playoff losses do you see?”
Me: “There are four losses.”
Steelers Nation: “I don’t understand how you can be so mistaken.”
http://www.saramayhew.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/vlcsnap-00330-300×225.jpg
(my nightmare tonight after binding on Star Trek: TNG)
Steelers Nation: “Tell me, how many consecutive playoff losses do you see?”
Me: “There are four losses.”
Steelers Nation: “I don’t understand how you can be so mistaken.”
http://www.saramayhew.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/vlcsnap-00330-300×225.jpg
Alright I guess I didn’t hit “cancel” in time.
So…eight losses?
I don’t think the fans could survive that.
I had, shall we say, an active drinking week, so I need to take it easy tonight. Good thing I’m meeting a buddy at a bar shortly. And flying to Boulder on Sunday. Come on, willpower, try showing up in 2016
have you considered balancing your alcoholism with a nice pill habit? It can be slimming too!
/your friendly neighbourhood quack
If, in some Bizarro world version of Darkest Timeline Sports Year, the HoF class is SOLELY Steve Atwater and Terrell Davis, methinks I will walk to Canton this summer.
I’m stuck watching Hotel Transylvania 2 at kid volume.
KID VOLUME IS THE FUCKING WORST
Hang in brutha Sill, footbaw tomorrow WOO
WHAT
I asked for (and finally received) Bose noise cancelling headphones, just to kill enough of the sound to be able to fucking think. I was THIS CLOSE to murder.
http://i.imgur.com/itQeb6f.jpg
Good News… Bringbackmatt.wordpress.com is now Bringbackmatt.com
Bad News: New website and new user database. I am trying to find a way to share login databases with DFO
Woooo!
Any thoughts on the Chiefs-Texans game?
Chiefs-Who?
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/906/648/aa4.jpg
Wait I thought that team changed their name in 1960? They haven’t had a chance since Romo went down the first time. They did give me much laughter on Thanksgiving this year.
Chiefs in a walk? I think Houston is in way over its head. They’ve got many a good piece going forward but it’s KC’s day. I could be as wrong as Horatio saying the Cowboys were going to be 13-3 but no one is ever going to be that wrong again.
I don’t know, but I think the winner will be rooting for Cincy in the night game so they won’t have to go to New England to get sacrificed for the Glory of Brady.
I think it will be great with many googlies and mooglies.
I bet $33 imaginary on the imaginary team. Only seemed right, ya know?
It will end.
I will be rooting real hard for the team that is playing against the Chiefs. Whoever they are.
See, a Donks and a Raiders fan aren’t that different after all! Well, at least sometimes.
Woo. Playoffs.
http://www.gannett-cdn.com/-mm-/bc1d194e629a54ce3591a4231f008075b1039859/c=467-0-5053-3448&r=800&c=800×600/local/-/media/2014/12/29/Cincinnati/Cincinnati/635554551136527763-Job.jpg
The Book Of Job is one of the most horrible things ever written.
The god of Job is a monster.
God in the Old Testament was merciless. I think that’s why the New Testament was created. They focused with so much detail on how and why were damned to go to Hell; they didn’t think about how to make up for it without the use of an alter and a sacrifice.
Yeah, but it took the jeebus and the NT god to introduce the concept of hell.
No hell in the OT because life on earth was hell enough in Bronze Age Palestine.
Whenever I am stuck at a religious service I make sure to read one of the Fucked up OT sections. Last year at my cousins Bar Mitvah I read and described the rapey and incestuos and rapey parts of Lot to my sister and my cousin. That cousin, he also acts as the interpreter of Jewish services to my sister and I. We found out that the synagogue my youngest cousins belong to, hold essentially two services back to back.
Plus, the youth rabbi, who hosts the Friday night service for the soon to be mitzvahed kid always does an uncomfortably skewed version of whatever Israeli-Palestinian arguement is in the headlines.
Additionally, they do make a point of inviting the families up, but there no organization. At my cousins Bar Mitzvah, they invitied my side of his family up when they were going to bring out the Torah. They did not appparently talk about this with hispents. There was only one person in that part of the family who is Jewish.
It was hilarious watching the Rabbi and Cantor go from person to person trying to find someone to help open the ark and carry the Torah.
When my cousin who was being Bar Mitzvahed went through the final part of the service the Rabbi and Cantor invited his family up. I looked to my Jewish cousin. He didn’t want to have anything to do with this group, so I went to rep my side of his family. I had no fuckin clue what i was doing. I say this as someone who has guided numerous shicksas through Passover service.
I do the same for Catholic and Evangelical services. But, they aren’t nearly as familiar with the old test
ment as Jews.
/Sorry for the length of my rant.
My son has started watching IASIP from start to finish. Just started “Charlie Goes All America Over Everyone’s Ass”
ROCK, FLAG AND EAGLE!
I am giddy with excitement.
For love of all that is holy, I hope none of you actually bought my piece of shit “book.”
It’s like five years outdated now, anyway.
[receives royalty check]
Mmm… you know what? Why not buy two more copies? Give ’em to you friends and family! Late Christmas gift for your boss! Something for the dog to shred! SEND ME MORE MONEY.
Like serious, how much is your share of the $66? More or less than, say, $0.75?
Like Canuck ESP or somethin’ as I most def DO have turrrible gas tonight. Sorry ’bout that. I only ate my mediterranean tuna steak with couscous, so no ‘splanation other than just being old and full of deadly methane at all times I guess.
Have you moved to Porter Ranch?
http://www.theonion.com/article/peyton-mannings-14-foot-tall-wife-crushes-skull-sp-52138
Hahahaha
“Sources confirmed that Peyton Manning was unavailable for questions after his wife tucked him under her arm and carried him away.”
Great stuff!
I’m not sure if WhyEaglesWhy is popping in to make an announcement, but he’s running an NFL.com playoffs fantasy contest. The group name is Playoff Beards and the password is eagleslose. It’s $10 via Paypal if anyone is interested. I’m already in, so you can have the pleasure of kicking my ass with your picks and taking my money. Winner take all.
Me, currently.
http://s14.postimg.org/gwbuikhfl/tumblr_lhw8tolm_VY1qhm9wpo1_500.jpg
Keep in mind that DeAngelo Williams is also OUT. Pittsburgh in a NOT blowout.
Apparently the Moose had a few gifs in the chamber. NTTAWWT
Don’t worry Moose is multiple gifgasmic. He was just on a hair trigger tonight. I’m sure we can drag a few more gifs out of him before the evening is over.
I doubt any of them will be better than the blonde on the slip-n-slide.
I don’t know, we should stop talking to Moose, for the evening, he’s seems to be throwing a you know what, if I can use the El Beisbol terminology. Started with the cheddar.(Think about it for a second)
Then went to the spitter for a couple of innings. I can’t wait to see what he pulls out next.
With the curve of the Golden to get our knees to buckle. I haven’t giffage work like this in years.
http://57.media.tumblr.com/542d387b72febea26fd759a79e8354bd/tumblr_nxbxcsTnMH1thej0ko1_500.gif
http://56.media.tumblr.com/fb1541b44af2394d540f12f7a022360b/tumblr_ndrca9UMPz1r0bckko1_1280.jpg
Greatest charity car wash ever?
Hell to the quadruple yeah.
Well at least after your 17 and it’s High School Cheerleaders you’ve known for at least three years.
I’m in love.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/37454fc7762ff41c1c59b31a560d9e0f/tumblr_nv9250XIYM1thej0ko2_500.gif
http://49.media.tumblr.com/b7ad1ab5b58d026cdcf45ee323da0c32/tumblr_nv9250XIYM1thej0ko5_500.gif
http://45.media.tumblr.com/af873e2e42ea4860c468290e76e4b5b9/tumblr_nv9250XIYM1thej0ko4_500.gif
I’m surprised the top stayed on. And the hair.
SPLOOSH!
http://57.media.tumblr.com/d1068fce9a869649027117c420566b69/tumblr_nvic6otzVz1thej0ko1_400.gif
http://57.media.tumblr.com/5b9058a34ed0efb0e00d1c216048c33c/tumblr_nvic6otzVz1thej0ko3_500.gif
http://57.media.tumblr.com/97baa0308568f2c9c7e6db7198a65df3/tumblr_nvic6otzVz1thej0ko5_500.gif
The boner killer.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/c9089a0758f02350a1c1ea8072a86d34/tumblr_nz1cutaegw1trz3y8o3_250.gif
http://45.media.tumblr.com/24ddd3a2a7d0d66652fc1c902eb5e48e/tumblr_mf76agzWjP1qfr6udo1_400.gif
http://45.media.tumblr.com/1e6fb9f2ca8f27b6ec48b179b48bce04/tumblr_nwgm35duC01qfr6udo1_400.gif
http://49.media.tumblr.com/9249980c2a8b3efb82653340b1b63778/tumblr_nwgm35duC01qfr6udo2_500.gif
I miss that movie. If only it had more nudity, it would have been perfect.
Hall of Fame eh? They still have that?
People will get in that are not fit to hold Terrell Davis’ jock YET AGAIN and I will get Ricky from Trailer Park Boys level pissed YET AGAIN.
I’d a thought that it woulda given you a blinding headache at the worst possible time.