Your “This Game’s Gonna Be Great!…Hopefully” Wild Card Tilt Open Thread

GB @ Was: The weather in Washington, UK is 41 degrees but it feels like 34. However I don’t think that it’s going to be an issue for this game. It’s been quite some time since the Slurs hosted a playoff game. This’ll give you an idea:

-Bread was only .25 but you had to slice it yourself.

-Women holding mics on the sidelines were called ‘assistants to someone that matters’ or ‘wanton hussies’.

-The NFL called concussions ‘a figment of everyone’s fevered imaginations’.

-Dan Snyder was in grade school, mixing Lysol and tap water together, labeling it as ‘lemonade’ and selling it for a buck a glass to his classmates.

-speaking of school, Tom Coughlin was walking uphill thru 4 feet of snow to a one-room schoolhouse.

-bananas hadn’t been invented in a Monsanto hothouse yet.

Those were the days, huh? Contrary to what every Packers backer thinks/the expectation of the casual NFL fan/common sense/all that is good and right in the world, Wash has an enormous advantage at the QB spot. Over the last 10 games Rodgers has a 57% completion rate and a 16TD/6INT ratio. Over that same span Cousins’ passes have found their mark 72 percent of the time and his TD/INT ratio is a “am I reading this right?” 23-3! But wait! The Slurs didn’t win a single game against a team that was over .500. Also, of Cousins 11 picks, 7 came against the blitz. There is a team playing today that blitzed the 5th-most this year. I’ll give you a second or two to figure out which one it is. Hint-for this game only the Pack D has named themselves “The Cousins Fuckers”. Now that you’ve got every single relevant bit of data related to this game, well, start with the typing!

 

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fleshwound_NPG

5 min left and 1/3 the stadium is gone

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And another 1/3 are Packers fans.

Bortleback

That or the Skins fans are really on board with shouting “KUUUUUUUHN” when he gets the ball

Old School Zero

I stepped away from this game when GB was up by just one score. What in tarnation happened?

ThePirateSloth

I TOLD YOU PEOPLE HE WAS ALIVE

Bortleback

The [*Redacted] s are who we thought they were.

makeitsnowondem

We were all very surprised to discover that the [*Redacted] s never played anyone.

Doktor Zymm

I’m gonna go cry pantsless in a corner. I really hope that isn’t anyone’s fetish cause that’s just fucked up.

litre_cola

Better than being a furry IMO

LeggoMyRiggo

make sure you’re wearing your good bra.

ThePirateSloth

Forget that corner, remember the comfy bed.

evilbeaver8

It wasn’t a fetish of mine…but picturing it now….hmmm….

Horatio Cornblower

It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets….are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING!? There’s no crying in hostage situations! Aw man, now you made this weird. Just…just get out. Go home.

And take your goddamn team jersey with you. I may be a homicidal maniac but I respect Native Americans too much to have this stuff laying around my house.

AND PUT SOME PANTS ON YOUNG LADY!

Doktor Zymm

yeah, it was a shitty loss, but that just made me smile.

Wakezilla

I’m sure a meninist has a fetish like that

litre_cola

How did that Packers game work out in the desert?

laserguru

I’m going to get a full back tattoo of the Blair Walsh missed field goal,

Now you know what it’s like to be a Vikings fan.

Shots?

LeggoMyRiggo

waaay ahead of you.

ballsofsteelandfury

Wouldn’t it be more appropriate on your ass?

laserguru

yep

Horatio Cornblower

“You must be this high to go on this ride”

ThePirateSloth

I really should not laugh at this…. but I’m absolutely laughing at this.

ballsofsteelandfury

I like how she powers through.

Bortleback

Brute force and ignorance is the only way, obviously

makeitsnowondem

I wonder if Kirk Cousins likes this. I wonder if he thinks anyone else likes this.

...

NOBODY LIKES THIS

fleshwound_NPG

The home teams were Houston, Cincinnati, Minnesota and Washington.

Cannot really say we were not warned…

ballsofsteelandfury

Vegas just may know something about this football thing.

Gratliff

What a beautiful way to end that hope.

blaxabbath

Are the 2015 [*Redacted] s the worst playoff team in history?

Glorious Chairman Dan

2015 Texans.

Gratliff

Does history include yesterday?

Doktor Zymm

Nah, but still really dissapoint.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Um…there’s a team from Houston that thanks you not to forget about their efforts this weekend.

Why yes, I AM talking about the Rockets

blackroseMD1

Well fuck.

...

The worst part of this is that there will be happy Packer fans.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I actually don’t hate the Packers but am up in Appleton, and now the fucking morons that know nothing about the sport are gonna come out again.

Shogun Marcus

I’m more like Randy quaid in major league.

Doktor Zymm

It’s a good thing I didn’t go out to watch this game. I’ve had way less shots, and I don’t have to get a cab home, and I haven’t hugged anyone I don’t know, and FUCK THIS SHIT Y’ALL SHOULDN’T SUCK SO HARD I WONDER WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE A FAN OF A GOOD TEAM SHIT SHIT SHIT. AND ALSO FUCK.

King Hippo

that is a good despair/anger combo sentence

ThePirateSloth
rockingdog

this is over. take care all!

litre_cola

Question, what is Pacman Jones up to today?

Horatio Cornblower

Oh he gun drink, bulee dat!! Chuh chuh.

Gratliff

Slow and steady, boys. Lots of time. No rush.

King Hippo

Anyone who wants to point and laugh at me when this is over, NC State will get its ass handed to it by goddamned Wake Forest on ESPNU at 8pm.

/depressing weekend is depressing

Romonobyl

I’d bring crack to a Chardonnay party.

Horatio Cornblower

I wouldn’t go to a Chardonnay party.

Romonobyl

You would if I brought crack.

Horatio Cornblower

touche’

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Penelope Tinsley Darlington regrets that you won’t be able to attend her garden party.

Kungjitsu

I’d bring condoms to a Chardonnay party. Drunk chicks.

King Hippo

nobody says no to crack. Well, at least not the SECOND time

Doktor Zymm

I would say no to crack. Regular coke? Awesome. Crack? “I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die, shit shit shit, I’m gonna die. Oh, I’m cool now, is there more crack?”

...

Fun, indeed.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I’m sure he’s enjoyed it.

Sharkbait

Eh, he’s not too shaken up by it.

ballsofsteelandfury

Nice.

King Hippo

Got him that sweet gig at the paint store ,, ppl forget that

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Greatest handjob EVER.

Romonobyl

The league needs to formulate a 15 point play. Something extra-derpy yet entertaining, much like the XFL experiment.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fair catch? YOU COWARD!

LeggoMyRiggo

at least he fair caught it on the 5 yard line…

Doktor Zymm

C’mon delusion. Hooray, delusion!
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The Maestro

I’m watching the Caps game at the same time as this, and they’re killing my Sens. At least you have this, Skins fans.

LeggoMyRiggo

Caps scored a safety also?

Doktor Zymm

I repeat. The Caps can’t win shit in the post season. They are the NHL Bengals. I’ll be happy when they make a goddamn Cup.

blackroseMD1

Odds the Packers fake punt here?

entropy

So the only way to hate the Packers more would be if they pulled a dick move and put Clay Matthews in on offense, righ?

Bortleback

If they put in Clay Matthews at QB and BJ Raji as fullback, Texans style – but this time they actually gain some yardage instead of looking incompetent.

Kungjitsu

That would be great. Matthews catches a 1yd TD pass, takes off his helmet and does like 12 dances, no flag.

synapticmisfires

Mike Perreira says it was catchable because he almost touched it…Yeah maybe, but he would have been way the fuck out of bounds.

Bortleback

Is it me or is absolutely everything said by Mike Pereira clearly and demonstrably incorrect, and the refs never rule the way he says they should?

ballsofsteelandfury

You’re thinking Mike Carey.

Shogun Marcus

Mike Carey is even worse.

Bloody Lethal

Ok so now when this is over I get to watch the Knicks vs. Bucks?

makeitsnowondem

dammit washington football team will you at least cover

Gratliff

Well, I’m happy with the progression of this game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“What’s ‘progression’ mean?”

– Brian Hoyer

Doktor Zymm

Not even Bullshit. ELEPHANT FUCKING SHIT.

ballsofsteelandfury

Was it Moose that posted that pic of an elephant with its trunk up another elephant’s ass?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No, it was somebody ruining the cute elephant pic I posted, but I’m not bitter.

litre_cola

Uncatcheable

litre_cola

In the CFL you could challenge that.

LeggoMyRiggo

in all fairness, even if that WAS catchable, there was no PI.

Horatio Cornblower

In all fairness that call isn’t why the Slurs are going to lose this game.

Sharkbait

Come on Safety 2: Electric Boogaloo

Doktor Zymm

Remember when I said I missed the first ten minutes of this game. THAT IS TILL FUCKING TRUE. THERE SHOULD BE A RULE WHERE YOU CAN’T WIN IF YOU GIVE UP A GODDAMN SAFETY.

synapticmisfires

Two points really isn’t much of a penalty for how big of a fuck up a safety is.

I guess it’s two points plus the ball, but meh…

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
ballsofsteelandfury

There is always a reason for her.

Bloody Lethal

What a dumb fucking lizard.

Kungjitsu

Show me a beautiful woman, and I’ll show you a lizard who’s tired of fucking her.

ballsofsteelandfury

Perfect.

rockingdog

I got plans to get some brain damage. I got plans…

...

Dolphins will definitely eat your baby.

Dunstan

The secret to Miami’s draft “strategy” revealed

Kungjitsu

Well, D.C. fans, the Capitals are in 1st place so you’ve got that going for you, and you’re not Bawlmer.

Doktor Zymm

The Caps are great, but they always choke in the off season. They are the Bengals of hockey.

Sharkbait

Holtby needs to stop being good.

litre_cola

Except during the World cup when he is tandemed with Price

Sharkbait

That’s just not even right. I maintain the tournament is a fix by Hockey Canada since a ton of USA’s talent is wasted on the stupid youth teams.

Glorious Chairman Dan

Games over. So is our mojo. Next year we’re going to overpay,Kirk and go 3-13.

...

That poor fucker ended up going to a game with a P*ts fan.

I hope she gives great head.

Horatio Cornblower

If she’s a typical Pats fan she’ll give him herpes.

Dunstan

If she’s a typical Pats fan she won’t shut up long enough for fellatio.

Badger

beta af

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Do you think any of the people in the McDonald’s commercial insisted on stipulations in their contracts that they don’t have to put any of the food in their mouths?

Sharkbait

They probably charge them for any bite they take.

Bortleback

Years ago there was an ad for Milkybars where the kid they had playing the Milkybar Kid didn’t like white chocolate. Naturally, the ad ended with him taking a big bite and chewing it while smiling. Apparently they had to bring a bucket and mouthwash to him immediately after the director shouted “cut”.

Bloody Lethal

I don’t know why I feel so bad for the [*Redacted] s.

synapticmisfires

Packers would have had a pick if not for some three stooges syndrome.

http://globalnerdy.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/3_stooges_syndrome.jpg

LeggoMyRiggo

Rodgers Safety Dane Tyme?

...

Fat Gruden’s fucking pouty face pisses me off.

...

Was I hallucinating or did Fox momentarily give the Slurs a free point?

fleshwound_NPG

No, saw that too.

fleshwound_NPG

That was…not a good throw.

Romonobyl

I’ve thrown better fits.

Shogun Marcus

THAT SACK I CALL IT A REDNECK REUNION CUZ COUSINS GOT FUCKED.