Instant Hippo Thoughts – NFC Wild Card Edition

The games were better, the results were not.

In Ice Bowl 2: Electric (Bench) Boogaloo, the SeaTruthers did absolutely fuckall for 50+ minutes of game action. Minnesota built a 9-0 lead on three very strong kicks in ridiculous conditions, and the “insurmountable lead” jokes were plenty and deserved. But lo, our own LitreCola noted that it would be just like the NFL for the game to end 10-9, and indeed, Charmslinger immediately led his charges down the field for 7, aided by a ridiculous play where he turned a snap over his head into a 40-yard gain. Twas that kind of weekend. Then another DFO prophecy – that Purple Jesus would save his fumble for the most backbreaking of circumstances – also as fulfilled, setting up NC State alumnus Steven Hauschka from long range, who like his placekick-y counterpart, conquered the elements and gave his team the lead.

Purple Jesus benched, punts traded, then FINALLY Teddy Ballgame made a few plays through the air when he had to. As a result, Facts of Life alum Blair Walsh had by far his easiest attempt of the day, a mere 27-yarder, for the win. And the hold sucked (laces out), he hooked it wide by a mile, and the SeaTruthers got a win and a trip to CLT they in no way, shape, or form deserve.

So…for home teams, and (relatively speaking) good guys, it was up to the Redacteds. And they started out like a house of fire, with Most Glorious Safety, followed by what should have been (and was originally ruled) a touchdown. BUT NOOOOO, DeSean Jackson, in what is becoming a personal trend, neglected to carry the ball across the plane (when he easily could have), leaving it first and goal from the 0.5. This ultimately DID cost the team 4 points, sadly enough. But the Redacteds kept piling on, adding another 6 (but not 7, as they fucked up the extra point). 11-0 is pretty damned good, but 16-0 would have been better.

But it probably still wouldn’t have been enough. Rodgers woke up, and the Redacteds defense fell apart, aided by the officiating crew’s decision to suspend the rules against offensive holding (NOTE to the league office – this would be nice to do for the similarly shitty Donks’ OL, too!), running off 17 straight to end the half. Cousins struck back to re-take a brief 18-17 lead, but that was indeed Custer’s last stand ,, no ofence. By the time the last flies hovered over the last pile of shit on the “turf” it was 35-18. Back to the PHX slaughterhouse for the Packers it is. I’m sure that will make for great teevee.

SIGH. And we waited so anxiously for that all week, huh?