Your “One Of These Teams Has To Not-Win? NUTCAKES!” NFC Championship Open Thread

I like both these teams. Both will perform very well in the last game of the year against either AFC champion. (What? Did you think that as of [checks pocket watch] 3:32 EST I know who won the AFC thingy?) Rivera and Arians both deserve all the kudos for taking formerly moribund programs to the top. And it just seems like it’s the NFC’s year this year, doesn’t it?

Stats Time: Them Panthers led the league in scoring and the Cards were second. If the Cards depend on the blitz to bring pressure they are fooked. QB Newton completes 59% of his passes, has an 80.4 QBR and has a ridiculous 80.4 QBR when the other team brings the house. As far as rushing is concerned, the Panthers attack as a team averages 4.1 yards per carry. GOSTKOWSKI SUCKS! (just saw the missed extra point)

Okay down to brass tacks (whatever that means) I sorta lucked out last week by identifying DT Short as a difference-maker. This reminds me-GM of the Panthers Gettleman drafted two DT’s back to back in the ’13 draft. Lotulelei went in the first and Short went in the second. BAM! INTERIOR D IS TAKEN CARE OF FOR A HALF-DOZEN YEARS. As far as feel-good stories are concerned the weakest narrative going is QB Palmer’s quest for a Super Bowl ring. He wasn’t that  great a story in Cincy so why all the lovin’ now? Now, WR Fitz is legitimate. THIS GUY-copyright Jon Gruden-is a tried and true big game performer with stats up the whatzizz. On t’udder side of the ball I would love to see a nation of older, pale sports writers back pedal en masse  from their “here comes Vince Young 2.0” interior monologues if QB Cam wins. It’s okay fellas, you’ll always have JaMarcus Russell. What say you persons? Let me know who you like below. TYPE LIKE YOU’VE NEVER TYPED BEFORE, WASTRELS!

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Sharkbait

Dear Gary Bettman,

NFL Honors: Conan O’Brien

NHL Awards Ron Maclean. Do you see the problem here?

Sincerely,
Sharkbait.

Senor Weaselo

The problem is you’re writing this letter to Gary Bettman.

JustStopDude

I know I bitch about work a lot here. I mentioned how some customer emailed a bunch of people at the office about me screaming about drawings that were due 12 weeks ago or some shit. So I emailed my boss, apologizing for not noticing the drawing submission date as this ties directly into billing.

I like my boss a lot, he helped me during my mental breakdown and I never want to disappoint him. As pissed as I was at the sales guy, I SHOULD have notice this.

Boss gets back to me as just now…

“JSD…I reviewed the contract documents. Drawings a due in June with general delivery. They made no requirement. They signed a contract without submission dates so the best he can do is wait till June”

I email the boss back “I will have the drawings by the 3rd of Feb”

“He is going to get them in fucking June because THAT is what he paid for. Also, I want you to call him up during lunch over in Nagasaki to tell him this as it will be around 10pm right? Wake his ass up. If he gives you ANY lip, I want you to call me immediately so we can establish with him his position in the world”

I really like my boss.

ballsofsteelandfury

I really like your boss too.

Horatio Cornblower

Maybe Dan Gronkowski can use that app to order his brother some hydrating fluids, perhaps nano-bubbles.

Senor Weaselo

Big dumb sex idiotS!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
King Hippo

JEEBUS, that’s just unfair

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Getting away from my USWNT theme since people are posting just athletic women now

comment image

indieguy

I would let her wreck me

ballsofsteelandfury

In less than 10 seconds

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t think you’d have much choice in the matter Indie.

Redshirt

We are one cheapshot away from Derek Anderson starting a Super Bowl. What are you doing Panthers?

makeitsnowondem

Did Buzzfeed seriously call Fallout 4 the best game ever? Because I love Fallout 4 and that’s dumb as shit.

Disengenuous Fake Smile

Buzzfeed has no thoughts or feelings. It is programmed only to harvest clicks and nothing more.

WCS

CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT

Sharkbait

Yup. Its fun but best game ever? Eh…

Bortleback

Buzzfeed aren’t exactly known for their objective, level headed reporting.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Seriously. But it’s Buzzfeed, so I’m not surprised

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It must be, because Buzzfeed is not known to hyperbolize.

Wakezilla

“The internet loses its mind over our claims about Fallout 4!”

Buzzfeed tomorrow. Probably. I dunno, I don’t actually go on Buzzfeed

hippofant

That was a stone-faced call for a jet sweep on a 2-point conversion.

King Hippo

everyone ready for the futile onside kick attempt??

Disengenuous Fake Smile

Soccer players of both genders tend to be very attractive. Why is this? Discuss

King Hippo

ENDURANCE

ballsofsteelandfury

A shitload of running and core work.

Senor Weaselo

PLEASE KEEP WATCHING THIS GAME-DOWN!

WCS

IT BEGINS

…no it doesn’t

Kungjitsu

The Broncos are fucked. There are zero mobile QB’s in the AFC. They had zero for Russell Wilson two years ago. What the hell are they going to do with Cam?

WCS

I demand a safety on the first play from scrimmage.

JustStopDude

So work got canceled for me. Its snowing hard again here in Nagasaki. Asking the hotel staff, apparently this is the most snow they have had in years.

Its like fucking three inches.

Its hilly as fuck here. And I would rather them shutdown then try and get around. But my god a single snowplow would fix almost everything.

Then again, the roads here are tiny. And its pretty funny to see Japanese bankers in suits and ties trying to shovel the snow in front of their banks with clipboards.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

I’d totally trade your three inches of snow for the 23 I got outside my door.

Kungjitsu

What you need is a monster truck!

fleshwound_NPG

If we still doin these fit, athletic babe posts, lemme post my all time fav

comment image

fleshwound_NPG

if yall need a name:

https://twitter.com/simdesilvestro

The Maestro

who dis

Doktor Zymm

THIS SUPER BOWL I CALL IT THE BUREAU OF LAND MANAGEMENT BECAUSE IT’S GONNA CREATE A LOT OF DEAD HORSES

The Maestro

Good god there is a lot of food and drink sloshing around inside me right now.

King Hippo

ain’t nothin’ wrong with a little intentional vomitus ,, just sayin…

Wakezilla

So, I’m thinking Peyton HGH and Deer Antler Spray’s himself the week before the Superbowl, giving the Horsies a fighting shot. He’ll even get caught and nobody will give zero fucks because it’s going to be his last game.

makeitsnowondem

Imagine not trying to squeeze in an extra play before the quarter when you’re down 34-7.

Okay, fine.

Imagine you’re not Mike McCarthy and not trying to squeeze in an extra play before the quarter when you’re down 34-7.

Redshirt

Are the fans chanting for Derek Anderson yet so Cam Newton won’t get hurt in a meaningless 4th quarter?

Brocky

I’m going to say…. yes

Wakezilla

PFTC has been for awhile

fleshwound_NPG

The Carolina DJ has an interesting playlist

Bloody Lethal

Ugh come on Cards get within 10.

King Hippo

hahahahhahahahahahhahhahahahhahahaha no

Col. Duke LaCross

I read something earlier, abou Fitty only having something like 25 drops his entire career. Bad night for him.

Bortleback

Hey guys, I think that Cam might just want people to know that he has fun playing the game. Not sure where I heard it from though.

Wakezilla

Anyone else a fan of physically fit girls not afraid to lift weights? I’m a fan. I’d say 20+times a year, an attractive and physically fit woman will be working out near by and getting me through that extra rep/set/few minutes of running.

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Kungjitsu

Fit chicks are the best. In order: tennis players, sprinters, cheerleaders, mma bantamweights

Col. Duke LaCross

Yeah, I can usually feel them laughing at me as I wheeze through that extra ten minutes on the elliptical.

Wakezilla

You know what I love? When some steroid monkey looks at me to size me up and tries to keep up with me on the treadmill or elliptical. . . .Only for them to gas out after about 90 seconds to 2 minutes. So hot.

ballsofsteelandfury

I am. BIG TIME.

Old School Zero

DTZM’s DFOMC patch?

Sharkbait
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

What wait what did I do

King Hippo

Let’s state the obvious…the Panthers are a metric fuckton better than Denver. It’s gonna take a minor miracle for SBL to even be competitive.

Old School Zero

Listen, just be prepared. Lube up, relax, breathe, and when that first snap goes over Peyton’s head, just think of better times…

King Hippo

It helps that the consolation is being really happy for my hometown.

Old School Zero

“London Falling… featuring the unforgettable theme song performed by a Clash cover band!”

Dick E. Phuck

Welp, This game is over. Is anyone gonna post some dead cardinals pics?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Look up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Superdown!!!
http://cdn.makeagif.com/media/5-10-2015/Fezgbg.gif

Wakezilla

Why on earth did they ever cancel that series. It was so good

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Wakezilla

Oh god, Kevin Owens took a bump. A mighty big bump.

Col. Duke LaCross

Brutal match.

King Hippo

who’s holding? I could go for a bump!

Senor Weaselo

RFDapprovedCamdown!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

CAMDOWN II!!!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Disengenuous Fake Smile

hu dis

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Kelley O’Hara (USWNT) again

Disengenuous Fake Smile

Why are soccer players so attractive; men and women?

Duchess

“Lettign these guys play” is code for “not throwing bullshit flags”

makeitsnowondem

Capsule Beer Review

903 Brewing’s The Chosen One is shit. It wasn’t always shit. I had it at a beer festival three years ago and it was good. It’s a coconut cream ale, and I love beers with coconut in them, and when I had it three years ago it was on draught and clean and sweet and really, really good. I was a huge fan.

There’s this chemical that can occur in beer that’s improperly brewed or improperly fermented, called diacetyl. It tastes more or less like buttered popcorn, and if you ever drink a beer that tastes like buttered popcorn, I want you to know that it’s not just you: The beer is bad. The Chosen One tastes like some coconut and a whole lot of buttered popcorn, and 903 should feel terrible about ever releasing it in this condition. It would have been much better, both for the brand and for the consumers, to dump the entire batch and try all over again.

Col. Duke LaCross

I’m just going to be happy to see Tillman and Olsen get rings.

fleshwound_NPG

same

King Hippo

yup. Carson’s a beaten Daywalker

The Maestro

Yeah, probably.

Brocky

The cardinals are the maid, carolina the reptile:comment image

Dick E. Phuck

I have this terrible feeling that the Deadpool movie might suck. I hope i’m wrong.

Senor Weaselo

If it does I think we’re both obligated and legally allowed to riot.

Wakezilla

It won’t be as good as you hope, but it won’t be as bad as people will claim.
/strong 50/50 taek

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Name drop: I’ve hung out a couple of times with one of the writers (Rhett Reese) – nice guy. For his sake I hope it’s good. But nothing I’ve seen in the previews helps me understand why the fans are so excited about it.

JustStopDude

I have little hope because writing a Deadpool movie, filling up two hours of his characters dialogue and it NOT being irritating is a difficult thing to do.

Brocky

I have a horrible feeling the premier of zoolander 2 is going to outearn it, and people will wrongly blame the film

Col. Duke LaCross

I’m just happy to have a superhero flick with a hard R rating.

Wakezilla

Cardinals D has turned to ass

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Wakezilla

At least us Mother Canuckers have the NHL playoffs and Canadian Foutball, eh.

Sharkbait

A few of us south of the border will join you in watching the NHL playoffs

Col. Duke LaCross

57 days until the Australian GP, and America’s return to F1!

King Hippo

A song for everyone who is happy drunk right now:

Senor Weaselo

Ted Ginn made the catch?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

“Gods of Egypt” is intentionally bad, right?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

The cast is mostly white, so yeah probably.

Wakezilla

Oh yeah. It’s rather fitting a mostly all-white cast playing people based in Africa is being released during the whole Oscar boycott thing.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

When did the 2015 Cardinals turn into the 90s Cardinals?

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