Your “OY! WHO’S UP FOR A HATE-WATCH, THEN?” AFC Championship Open Thread

Why must I be a football fan? It’s not a particularly pleasant hobby to have during this run of Pats dominance. I think this is their fifth straight appearance in this game. OOF! That’s tough to swallow. It’s not hard to envision myself in a simpler time. I can see it now. [screen goes all wavy wavy] Me and my buddies are just back from the hunt, having brought down a noble stag. There’s plenty of mead to be quaffed as we warm our balls by the large fire. It’s damn cold but there are smiles all round.

Soon talk centers on the threat from the East. The land- and power-hungry Quinnzealots have won a number of skirmishes with our neighbouring tribes and will be soon threatening our (The Allthatisgoodnauts) borders. Word has reached us that they are led by a charismatic warrior, Large Teeth. Some say that his successes are due to a shadowy black-robed druid that possesses uncanny powers that cloud the minds of those who oppose him. During battle one does not know where the Quinnzealots will attack from-when they come for you it could be from the left, perhaps the right, sometimes from the trees above, all without warning. Their small yet rabid foot soldiers buzz around one’s ankles so quickly that it is difficult to hit them with your sword. T’will be a difficult task to defeat them-that much is certain.

Well that’s just great. THE PATS DOMINATE MY ALTERNATE HISTORIES AS WELL. On to the game, I guess. The venerable Hippo could break this game down much better than I could so I’ll just toss some nougats (not nuggets!) out there. The Gronk has 6 TD’s in as many games against Denver but it’s something of a boom/bust thing. Three TD’s came in one tilt and he’s been held to as little as 35 yards in another. Brady is 2-6 in Denver over his career which bodes well for the Orange Horsies. Denver led the league with 52 sacks but in order to be successful they must get pressure from the middle of the line and not the edge because Brady lets go of the ball in just over two seconds on those quick hitters to the Amendolas and Edelmans of the receiving corps. Hochuli is the ref and we are blessed with Jim “Prominent Masters apologist and serial philanderer” Nance and Phil “safe to say Morehouse State didn’t have an Elocution elective” Seems. THERE IS GLORY IN TYPING…SO TYPE!!!

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
1.3K Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Smithchez

THIS DENVER BRONCOS DEFENSE I CALL THEM BATMAN BECAUSE CROSS-PROMOTION IS HARD

Doktor Zymm

Hydration? Is Gronk hungover?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This Nissan Rogue commercial with the snowmen gives Eli nightmares.

Spanky Datass

Flying plastic shrapnel is scary!

WCS

comment image

WCS

That Pepsi commercial just made be go buy a case of Coke.

King Hippo

24-12, make it so. Quickly, before I die

litre_cola

Hippo it will end up 20-18 with a missed 2 pt conversion

jjfozz

I always thought that Superman was a goody-goody, sanctimonious prick

Sill Bimmons

Not in the hands of Hack Snyder, he isn’t!

Sill Bimmons

This is the stupidest thing anyone ever thought of.

jjfozz

Looting pharmacies in a blizzard? Yup. Baltimore makes me so proud.

Sill Bimmons

The Brady Beatings will continue until morale no longer improves.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– James Brady’s nurse, trying to cheer him up after the Hinkley shooting.

Doktor Zymm

That would have been a glorious interception. I’m okay with just notatouchdown though.

King Hippo

how did he not pick that off??

WCS

Amendola just got blowed up. Blowed up real good.

Fronkenshteen

The knee!

makeitsnowondem

Elsewhere, Trump just retweeted another white supremacist.

American Pie Story

He should be more concerned about his “friend” Brady amirite

King Hippo

birds of a feather

Redshirt

What did Cruz say now?

litre_cola

Oh my I just checked.

I am baffled by his growing numbers.

jjfozz

Here’s what you don’t want – let the shitriots score on this drive

American Pie Story

Ok but Edelman didn’t even try to get up for that one

Doktor Zymm

“Taking a pounding”

hehe

Col. Duke LaCross

Phrasing!

JustStopDude

I watched this show yesterday evening…so your early morning today….

https://vimeo.com/99727271

Its the weirdest, coolest thing ever. A comedy variety show featuring just disabled people. The episode I watched yesterday was pretty crazy, but I can’t find a link. It showed a dude on a table playing video games with his face. Then there was a comedy duo of a mentally disabled girl and a blind guy. No English so I have no idea what was being said, but they had the four or five people on the stage falling over with laughter. One of the people laughing was this insanely smoking hot chick with a prosthetic leg. Then there were a bunch of deaf people. They would take turns wearing oven mitts, trying to sign a topic or something to the others, like charades.

Brilliant television that would have people in the states protesting. Oh and I am fairly certain the host was Martin Short on that episode.

King Hippo

ALWAYS!!

WCS

I’ll take ten.

King Hippo

good job, Latimer. saved 15+ yards

Fronkenshteen

Sunglasses Bill. C’mon.

Smithchez

Really making use of getting the ball first, Denver.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Why does this site hate imgur all of a sudden?

WCS

DTZM needs to fix it, or I’m asking for a refund.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Wait, what? I use imgur for my HRTN graphics…this is unacceptable!

American Pie Story

That was stupid PeyPey

King Hippo

yes it was

Brocky
Doktor Zymm

This has been a surprisingly fun game thus far. I hope it keeps up the good work.

litre_cola

Are these guys running for office with the flag pins?

JustStopDude

You know…I am surprised that sumo is not hugely popular in the US, just based on the incredible similarities between sumo and the NFL.

The athletes spend their entire lives dedicated to a sport. Their live spans are significantly less than the average Japanese person (I want to say 20 years shorter). Their lives are incredibly regimented, from what they wear, to how they cut their hair. Any deviation leads to media ripping on the athlete. The system for training the Sumo is ripe with hazing, which has resulted in deaths in the last few years. There is massive corruption. A relatively recent match fixing scandal resulted in many losing their jobs and being blacklisted in Japanese society. And at the end of their career, those that cannot get citizenship are left penniless and ostracized because they cannot form their own stables.

Its the fucking college and pro system all tied into one. Add in the 30 minutes of buildup for 10 seconds of action, its a fucking NFL game!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

30 minutes of build up for ten seconds of action also sounds like my sex life.

litre_cola

I worked at a hotel in the rockies when the sumo wrestlers were on tour in Western Canada. The subservience of the young wrestlers to the older established onew was wild. That and female Japanese tourists in the lobby fainting when they saw them there.

Moonbatting Average

Only another half of buzzing, grating anxiety left to go!

makeitsnowondem

we can do it

/pours another Bigfoot

King Hippo

Lil’ Sumpin’ Sumpin’ opened, in Broncos bottle sleeve

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Hey! James Corden,

Nobody asked for a poor man’s Fallon.

-Everyone

WCS

He is embarrassingly unfunny. Like, not even MST3K could salvage his show bad.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Stephen Colbert is the only guy on Cbs that isn’t punchable. That’s damn near genius.

fleshwound_NPG

comment image

Duchess

I don’t know which half-time story I want to prevail.

Brady being victorious, or Brady doing his best, but the Patriots failing him.

ssi_bulldawg

Happy halftime. Going to see these gents tomorrow. Not everybody’s thing, but I’m pretty freaking pumped:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Noz6-KaT4fA

Brocky

Fuck em up fuck em go broncos d!

Fronkenshteen

Sooo…what’s wrong with Demaryius Thomas?

WCS

One team clearly outplaying the other, but with only slim lead to show for it. How does that usually end?
comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

makeitsnowondem

The Broncos will be fine once the Pats’ defense wears down and the running game gets going. The Broncos will be fine once the Pats’ defense wears down and the running game gets going. The Broncos will be fine once the Pats’ defense wears down and the running game gets going.

oh god

King Hippo

you are seeing two really bad OLs, but Denver’s D is much better and that should remain constant

ssi_bulldawg

Sitting here thinking the same thing.

The Maestro

I may be angry, but I’m not stupid. I want New England to win, but realistically, both of these teams will likely get blown the fuck out in two weeks. It’s a sad reality.

fleshwound_NPG

hypehypehypehypehype

…neither QB above 50.0%

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jim Nantz really likes that the Patriots just took a knee, and would happily reciprocate. In fact, he’s willing to go down on BOTH knees.

litre_cola

Here we are taking about and idiot kicker.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

I see what you did there.

Dick E. Phuck

http://cs403316.vk.me/v403316515/a77/sHXyJ7q3034.jpg
CBS broadcast booth after the game.

fleshwound_NPG

Score should be no lower than 20-9 right now. Again I say, neither team gon do jack shit in two weeks.

King Hippo

I am content if Denver gets through this week. Beating Brady and a conference championship is a good career send-off.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I am wearing my Ravens’ SB XLVII Champs T-shirt today.
Suck it.
/but go donks, lol

Smithchez

Feels like it should be 28-9, but a lead is a lead I guess.

makeitsnowondem

Yep I’ll take it

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Insumontable lead!

1 8 9 10 11 12 18