Your “OY! WHO’S UP FOR A HATE-WATCH, THEN?” AFC Championship Open Thread

Why must I be a football fan? It’s not a particularly pleasant hobby to have during this run of Pats dominance. I think this is their fifth straight appearance in this game. OOF! That’s tough to swallow. It’s not hard to envision myself in a simpler time. I can see it now. [screen goes all wavy wavy] Me and my buddies are just back from the hunt, having brought down a noble stag. There’s plenty of mead to be quaffed as we warm our balls by the large fire. It’s damn cold but there are smiles all round.

Soon talk centers on the threat from the East. The land- and power-hungry Quinnzealots have won a number of skirmishes with our neighbouring tribes and will be soon threatening our (The Allthatisgoodnauts) borders. Word has reached us that they are led by a charismatic warrior, Large Teeth. Some say that his successes are due to a shadowy black-robed druid that possesses uncanny powers that cloud the minds of those who oppose him. During battle one does not know where the Quinnzealots will attack from-when they come for you it could be from the left, perhaps the right, sometimes from the trees above, all without warning. Their small yet rabid foot soldiers buzz around one’s ankles so quickly that it is difficult to hit them with your sword. T’will be a difficult task to defeat them-that much is certain.

Well that’s just great. THE PATS DOMINATE MY ALTERNATE HISTORIES AS WELL. On to the game, I guess. The venerable Hippo could break this game down much better than I could so I’ll just toss some nougats (not nuggets!) out there. The Gronk has 6 TD’s in as many games against Denver but it’s something of a boom/bust thing. Three TD’s came in one tilt and he’s been held to as little as 35 yards in another. Brady is 2-6 in Denver over his career which bodes well for the Orange Horsies. Denver led the league with 52 sacks but in order to be successful they must get pressure from the middle of the line and not the edge because Brady lets go of the ball in just over two seconds on those quick hitters to the Amendolas and Edelmans of the receiving corps. Hochuli is the ref and we are blessed with Jim “Prominent Masters apologist and serial philanderer” Nance and Phil “safe to say Morehouse State didn’t have an Elocution elective” Seems. THERE IS GLORY IN TYPING…SO TYPE!!!

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King Hippo

Now we can’t properly bring pressure because we don;t trust the safety help.

makeitsnowondem

Is Josh Bush honestly so bad that the Broncos have to put Keo in there instead?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Who’s Josh bush?

King Hippo

I’d rather put goddamned Latimer out there. He plays special teams, close the fuck enough.

Old School Zero

If only he’d spell his name Josh! Bush he might have a chance.

Romonobyl

I’d have a hard time cheering for the P*ts even if they went up against Isis.

Old School Zero
Senor Weaselo

Afternoon everyone. Everything is sore from shoveling. Dug out everyone’s cars except my own, probably including yours. My boots suck at being waterproof and I’m pretty sure I flirted with frostbite in my toes as a result. (Like everything else I was unsuccessful in my flirtations.)

How the fuck are you doing, boys? And possibly ladies?

Doktor Zymm

They got some pretty good waterproofing sprays now.

Romonobyl

Got a little warm here so I opened up some windows…sorry about that.

Thundergun

Central pa, so shoveled about 3 ft. My elbow is killing me, not sure how I”all jerk off later after the wife falls asleep

Sill Bimmons

hmmmm

King Hippo

Keo will now proceed to lose this game like the worthless piece of shit he is

jjfozz

oh that is complete fucking horseshit

The Maestro

wooooooooo

Redshirt

Burfict is on the field?

ballsofsteelandfury

Nice

Smithchez

That’s right kids, it’s Patriot flag time!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

BLEERGH DEMANDS SACRIFICES

Senor Weaselo

Unfortunately…

http://i.imgur.com/vwMin.gif

litre_cola

Mrs. Cola just came in to the living room, I feel like making chocolate chip cookies, you want some?

/immediately rolls joint

Sill Bimmons

You should really smoke through water.

It’s way, WAY less crap in your lungs.

litre_cola

I used to but i broke the stem on the bong. Summertime is better as I leave it on my balcony and it freezes in the winter.

ThePirateSloth

Or snow! Ice works in a pinch

makeitsnowondem

This is an incredible flag. Keo can’t chest the guy in the head?

makeitsnowondem

Okay, retracted.

King Hippo

Me: gettheball gettheball gettheball gettheball SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sill Bimmons

hmmm

Doktor Zymm

Amendola? Hurt?! Surprising!

Beastmode Ate My Baby

My lovely wife: “Gronk’s kind of like a big kid.”
Me: “Yup. A big VD-infested, brain-damaged kid.”

Kungjitsu

VD’s not going to slow your wife down.

King Hippo

time to bail us out AGAIN, Von.

jjfozz

Everytime I see that Gronk family commercial, I expect to see a broken bong, a hooker with a dislocated arm, a few thousand empty Smirnoff Ice bottles, and a child with a tattoo

ballsofsteelandfury

We were just discussing that Gronk would have to sneak girls into his room so that his dad doesn’t try to pick up on them.

jjfozz

If by “pick up” you mean forcefully sodomized, I agree.

Romonobyl

And not a single section of fully intact drywall.

WCS

And about 50 empty stamp bags.

Sill Bimmons

NICE GRAB K MAN

Old School Zero

GET THAT GUY ON THE HANDS TEAM

Brocky

Gronk sleeps with a shirt on?

Yeah right

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Only if there’s a hooker named “Shirt.”

Moonbatting Average

Y’all excuse me while I have a heart attack

blaxabbath

In other news, Friday Night Tykes is on Netflix now. I watched the first couple episodes this morning and couldn’t stop thinking of Duchess talking about how easy it was to be Heads Up certified.

ballsofsteelandfury

Future Gronks!

Doktor Zymm

I noticed that….is it as messed up as I assume?

blaxabbath

It wasn’t as bad as I expected. A couple of these coaches take it a bit seriously for my tastes but they’re not too bad. It’s been an entertaining watch for sure.

makeitsnowondem

man

King Hippo

YOU HANDLE ADVERSITY MUCH BETTER THAN ME

King Hippo

HOLY SHIT how I scared the cats. I COULD HAVE MADE THAT PASS

WCS

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Gratliff

Peyton, you dumb overthrowing cunt.

Sill Bimmons

MOAR FLOATS THAN A MARMALARD NATIVITY PARADE

King Hippo

No, a float = 6 there!!!!!

Sill Bimmons

ALL OVERTHROWS ARE FLOATS

Fronkenshteen

Well shit. Daniels didn’t work. Now what?

Smithchez

FOR FUCKS SAKE

blaxabbath

Broncos have a creepy looking mascot. I assume it has an equally creepy name?

Cuntler

Miles.

Kungjitsu

I’m pretty sure it’s name is Kids Have Soft Skin

ThePirateSloth

John Elway IS a creepy name. So is Sarah Jessica Parker.

King Hippo

Come on PeyPey. Need magic here, one time…

WCS

This is going to end with a Manningbot ver. 5.4 pick in the end zone, isn’t it?

Kungjitsu

Can someone go back in time and get 1997-98 Terrell Davis real quick for the Broncos?

Cuntler

Temp has dropped 30 degrees since kick off. Spitting snow (like Maestro’s Mom) at my house. Manning is fucked.

Old School Zero

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The Maestro

JUST PUNCH SANDERS IN THE DICK

DO FUCKING SOMETHING

ANYTHING

DON’T LET HIM CATCH THE FUCKING BALL

Cuntler

EVEyRONE HATES YOU.

The Maestro

No, everyone hates my team. Different concepts.

ThePirateSloth

Roommate upon seeing Gronk on the ground with the oxygen mask: “You know it’s some god damned good D when you need oxygen to get thru that shit.”

blaxabbath

What’s with Peyton’s QB jacket? It just seems so….big.

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s the HGH

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He spilled HGH on it, obviously.

tundrajim

Gronkowski is getting ready to be baked.

King Hippo

turns out clap doesn’t like teh altitude

King Hippo

That was a good playaction down wasted

makeitsnowondem

Hillman’s bad.

King Hippo

my ONE Kubes criticism…

JustStopDude

When the sumo first enters the ring, this pageantry stuff happens. They strut and toss around clumps of salt. I think its a religious thing. Each seem to have their own routine. Ozeki Kotoshogiku, the dude that won, seems to have a routine that is very similar to the wrestler HHH.

The crowd would go apeshit every time he did his stretch…

Kungjitsu

OMAHA SET, BITCHES!!!!

King Hippo

Muthafuckin’ CJ!!!! Behind our only non-garbage lineman!!!!!

Smithchez

A run longer than 3 yards? WITCHCRAFT!

The Maestro

CATCH HIM YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKERS

Doktor Zymm

WOOO! A RUN TYPE THING! GO PONIES!

Also, wtf is up with Gronk? Denver really isn’t high enough for altitude sickness.

WCS

Ryan Clark’s spleen and gall bladder disagree.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Yes. You do talk about the altitude. Constantly.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

YUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE gain!

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