Your “Finally!” And “It’s All Over After This?!” Super Bowl Open Thread

Well, somehow we made it. I’m so glad that we didn’t have to turn the car around due to bad behavior. Does everyone know which teams are playing? That’s what I thought. Between that and Hippo’s excellent breakdown of the game I’ve nothing to say about that end of things but I would like to share with you some “behind the scenes” tidbits about this very site that I think you might be interested in. I’m not going to name names…just yet.

Way back in 2007 the founder of this site, a grizzled, PTSD-wracked veteran of 3 tours of the second invasion of Iraq (anyone that has a beef with this version of events can take it up with me in the boardroom tomorrow morning) decided that there should be a new-ish football site. With a ton of moxy and just one good arm he created “Abandon Hope All Ye Football Fans That Enter”. That site was a disaster. I mean, it was right there in the title. Who the hell would want to join? Years later, after his extended recuperation at the St. Tunison Sanitarium For The Hopeless he decided to give it one more go.

It was a super-tough haul, putting this site together with nothing more than used scotch tape and pigeon feathers but he got the damn thing to work. But would Door Flies Open fly? A number of lawyers flocked to the site but it was immediately apparent that as a result, the site lacked “any sense of a moral compass”, according to internet pundits. At that point the site was opened up to almost everyone. Normal people came to the site in the dozens-including yours truly.

What followed was a ton of hard work. Night after night, huddled together in a dumpster underneath a single street lamp, we batted around the questions. “How can we take this site to the next level?” and “Is no one going to throw some pizza crusts in here?-I’m hungry!” and “Could you please not urinate on my pizza crust?”. We learned a lot about each other. Who knew that someone could be triggered by two exclamation marks but not one or three? And the hygiene, OH, THE PERSONAL HYGIENE!

So here we are now. We’ve morphed into a mid-major behemoth of a football-specific website that is bound to knock off a #2 or #3 ranked site as soon as we’re allowed back into the tourney. “Ongoing Pattern of Irregular Prescriptions”, my ass. The Internet is clearly out to get “The Little Site That Could”. We’ll survive and thrive…and maybe, just maybe, I can finally get that $12 Toys R Us coupon I was promised at the outset…

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Jesus, we’re already down to Obscure Kubiak Facts? It’s only the first half and it’s close…

ballsofsteelandfury

Yes

Sill Bimmons

That came up in a GIS for this+has+been+awful.

???

King Hippo

STOP running on 2nd and short!!! Hasn;t worked fucking once.

Wakezilla

Slowly closing in on 2 hours since the kickoff

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Okay guys, we need the most irritating, ear crushing sound effect for our graphic. What you got?

WhyEaglesWhy

The old dialup modem sound! Or these announcers.

King Hippo

I’m with Suburban Housewife Mac. The smoke detector low battery chirp.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I got news for you, asshole!!!! I heard it the whole fucking time!!!!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Sarah Palin endorsing Trump?

Moonbatting Average

This game. Goddamn.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

STOP SAYING NORWOOD YOU INSENSITIVE FUCKTARDS!

WhyEaglesWhy

I haven’t seen this many dropped balls since Katy Perry’s halftime show last year.

ballsofsteelandfury

Awesome

King Hippo

ROBY WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

PUT IN BROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

/pours more scotch, takes another benadryl

Wakezilla

This playcalling by Carolina has been terrible

Sill Bimmons

comment image?w=540&h=419

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Not grounding?

King Hippo

SERIOUS

makeitsnowondem

No way in hell was it past the LOS.

Shogun Marcus

NAWTACEPTION. I mean seriously, what IS A CATCH?

Redshirt

? Fat guy and INTs ?

hippofant

That was Brian Hoyer like.

King Hippo

Terrible decision.

ballsofsteelandfury

Nice throw you robotic moron!

Old School Zero

Me, just now, out loud:

“YES! GET DOWN! NO! NEVER MIND! KEEP GOING!”

Recovery Whiskey

Peypey pick

The Maestro

HERE WE GO

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Shocker.

WCS

FATMANCEPTION

MikeWallaceAndGromit

FATMANCEPTION!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

PEYPEYCEPTION!!!!!!!!

WCS

MOAR KICKS FOR THE FIELD GOAL GODS

WhyEaglesWhy

Errrr

makeitsnowondem

no moar Hillman

Redshirt

I haven’t seen a halftime show since Michael Jackson CBS, and I’m not breaking the streak.

Bortleback

CJ Anderson going full Terrell Davis

Recovery Whiskey

Mr Anderson

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

The Maestro

CJ Anderson is ruthless.

King Hippo

You know what makes me happy? CJ GETTING ALL TEH CARRIES

Doktor Zymm

Did someone tell the Panthers that tackling is no longer allowed?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I’m just whiffin’ so I don’t get fined.

Sill Bimmons

Are.
You.
Fucking.
Joking.

WCS

Apparently.
They.
Are.
Not.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Panthers fail at tackling.

Brocky

All those children were fathered by Eli Manning

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

What, by artificial insemination?

Old School Zero

Now is the time for a Keuchly pick six

Sill Bimmons

Agreed.

Old School Zero

NO SERIOUSLY COME ON

Sill Bimmons

SERIOUSLY AGREED

Sill Bimmons

CLOSE ENOUGH

King Hippo

Another opioid? Yes, voice in Hippo’s head, that is a swell idea!!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Depends- are you constipated yet? Apparently that’s a thing.

King Hippo

I had a nice big glass of my kale/cucumber/squash/apple/lime juice this afternoon. I should shit just fine!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Bad Santa on call?

Sill Bimmons

GET BANGIN’ FOLKS!!!

— The NFL

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

WeatherTech: Cuz Your Family Is Disgusting

Redshirt

We’ve replaced the football with a greased pig. Let’s see if the Carolina Panthers notice.

Sill Bimmons

fuck fuckety fuck fuck fuck

hippofant

I did not see the late hit at all. :-/

MikeWallaceAndGromit

These balls must be greasier than….something greasy and funny.

Beer.

Wakezilla

Roman Reins’ hair

King Hippo

WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love ya, Darian Stewart

Wakezilla

Fat man fumble

makeitsnowondem

wooooooooooooooooooooo

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am not seriously trying to watch this game. Have a Mila Kunis/Natalie Portman gif which deviates from my earlier theme but who cares

http://img.pandawhale.com/47303-mila-Kunis-Natalie-Portman-hot-lzYs.gif

Wakezilla

Needs more Lucy Lawless lezzing out with that blonde in Spartacus

The Maestro

NEVER MIND NO NEED

Doktor Zymm

Aw, I was all excited to see a fat guy run, but then he fumbles.

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