Your “Finally!” And “It’s All Over After This?!” Super Bowl Open Thread

Well, somehow we made it. I’m so glad that we didn’t have to turn the car around due to bad behavior. Does everyone know which teams are playing? That’s what I thought. Between that and Hippo’s excellent breakdown of the game I’ve nothing to say about that end of things but I would like to share with you some “behind the scenes” tidbits about this very site that I think you might be interested in. I’m not going to name names…just yet.

Way back in 2007 the founder of this site, a grizzled, PTSD-wracked veteran of 3 tours of the second invasion of Iraq (anyone that has a beef with this version of events can take it up with me in the boardroom tomorrow morning) decided that there should be a new-ish football site. With a ton of moxy and just one good arm he created “Abandon Hope All Ye Football Fans That Enter”. That site was a disaster. I mean, it was right there in the title. Who the hell would want to join? Years later, after his extended recuperation at the St. Tunison Sanitarium For The Hopeless he decided to give it one more go.

It was a super-tough haul, putting this site together with nothing more than used scotch tape and pigeon feathers but he got the damn thing to work. But would Door Flies Open fly? A number of lawyers flocked to the site but it was immediately apparent that as a result, the site lacked “any sense of a moral compass”, according to internet pundits. At that point the site was opened up to almost everyone. Normal people came to the site in the dozens-including yours truly.

What followed was a ton of hard work. Night after night, huddled together in a dumpster underneath a single street lamp, we batted around the questions. “How can we take this site to the next level?” and “Is no one going to throw some pizza crusts in here?-I’m hungry!” and “Could you please not urinate on my pizza crust?”. We learned a lot about each other. Who knew that someone could be triggered by two exclamation marks but not one or three? And the hygiene, OH, THE PERSONAL HYGIENE!

So here we are now. We’ve morphed into a mid-major behemoth of a football-specific website that is bound to knock off a #2 or #3 ranked site as soon as we’re allowed back into the tourney. “Ongoing Pattern of Irregular Prescriptions”, my ass. The Internet is clearly out to get “The Little Site That Could”. We’ll survive and thrive…and maybe, just maybe, I can finally get that $12 Toys R Us coupon I was promised at the outset…

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The Maestro

theeWeeBabySeamus

Who is who?

Sill Bimmons

dammit cotch

Romonobyl

Are we sure this isn’t a Thursday night?

ballsofsteelandfury

Ginn doing good things is…weird.

Romonobyl

Give him time…

King Hippo

halftime adjustment is going after Talib

Spur

CBS is incompetent.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Panther halftime report: we sucked.

Horatio Cornblower

So I just got back and I’m refereeing a territorial dispute between our two rescue cats and what appears to be our prospective third rescue cat.

Are we doing a second half live-blog or what?

Also this game is not going at all how I saw it and I can’t wait for Manning to somehow be named the MVP.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

If Carolina wins, Talib is the MVP

Horatio Cornblower

Agreed. Holy shit is he an idiot.

JerBear50

Is that you Maron?

Sill Bimmons

BLEERGH CRETIN WITH THE CALL

King Hippo

blasphemer

Doktor Zymm

When I was younger and learning about the Roman empire, I posed a question to myself. Would it be better to be part of the rise of a civilization, when things are kinda shitty but getting better quickly, or part of the decadent decline of a civilization, when it’s all conspicuous consumption and poor prospects?

The hoopla/commercials/half time of this game is providing a convincing argument against the second option.

Doktor Zymm

The small bits of actual football are good though.

Sill Bimmons

You are aware that this is the Stoned Poindexter Paradox from Revenge Of The Nerds…

ThePirateSloth

What if C A T actually spelled DOG?

ballsofsteelandfury

Considering we’re living in the decline of the American Empire, there’s your answer.

King Hippo

sad Hippo

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ginn, you pussy…cut that shit back in and get the extra 3 yards.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Right?

Horatio Cornblower

Even Ginn knew he never would have held on to the ball if he did that.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Valid point.

ballsofsteelandfury

Ginn almost dropped that. Which would have been HILARIOUS

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Ted Ginn did a good.

The Maestro

Didn’t see the Jeep ad but I know well enough already that they’re pieces of shit. My aunt bought one brand-new in 2007 and it was completely rusted out and shot in five years, still within the warranty period. Biggest shitbox I’ve ever seen, and there’s a guy a couple blocks over from me driving a Lada.

Mother Puncher

Every Jeep owner I know brags about the fact that when they need a replacement part, they can use a part from any other model like a Lego kit. Jeep’s biggest selling part is that they never change anything, so at least you can find a replacement when shit eventually breaks.

makeitsnowondem

Both offenses are facing the question, “What do you do when their guys are better than your guys?”

Sill Bimmons

THROW IT TO LUCAS

MikeWallaceAndGromit

My sister on Phill Simms: “His hair is the same color as his skin…”

Brocky

Serious question, when was there a jeep in the terminator movies

Sill Bimmons

The H-K pursuit flashback from the first one?

Brick Meathook

End of T2 when she’s driving in the Mexican desert

Doktor Zymm

The list of shit I hate and will never buy is getting longer and longer…

Sill Bimmons

Oh dear god I’m drinking that Bai shit.

It was on special and I’d never seen that ad I SWEAR

Doktor Zymm

I’m sorry. It’s probably not to late to stop being a horrible douche.

Brocky

Someone brought some to our party cause it was on sale. They had never heard of it either

Kungjitsu

Beyonce’s gotta squat like 675 minimum.

Sill Bimmons

No coconut is safe.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Kungjitsu

I want to love her so much, but I know her three favorite sexy words are stop, no, and don’t.

JerBear50

That new show she’s in is pretty crappy.

entropy

Did anyone else think the Jeep commercial was gonna be for Colonial Williamsburg again?

The Maestro

Best athlete tweet of all time.

ballsofsteelandfury

Old Man Boner, brought to him by Cialis, proud sponsor of the NFL!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Rashida Jones to enjoy as you waste time for the last 20 minutes of the Super Bowl halftime

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Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised

Yes, please.

Brocky

I actually really enjoyed that show.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Stockholm Syndrome is an ugly thing.

Brocky

Bullshit. There have been far worse ones

JerBear50

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Meh…while we’re waiting…a proven crowd favorite.
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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Wait, so I have to make Jeeps now? So what would I be paying them for?

Unsurprised

Oh, damn it. Du’s is closed today.

@ OSZ: Any other recs?

Old School Zero

Shit. What part of town are you in?

Old School Zero

Maybe a Lardo is open nearby. Lardo is good good shit.

Unsurprised

That’s what I’m thinking. I’m in Goose Hollow. I’ll just go to the one downtown.

Old School Zero

Fingers crossed.

Unsurprised

Google says it’s open. If not, I’ll just pick up something down the street at a food cart.

ThePirateSloth

Ohhhhhh Tilt or Bunk Bar… not sure if Bunk is open though

Unsurprised

The bar in NE is.

Unsurprised

The one on Water is, too.

ballsofsteelandfury

Pirate Sloth mentioned the Acrop?

Unsurprised

Yeah. My bad. I didn’t see it before.

ThePirateSloth

That’s a strip club with great steaks

ballsofsteelandfury

So I guess I know where we’re going when I visit you guys in Portland?

ThePirateSloth

Yup yup yup

Unsurprised

No time for love, Dr. Jones.

makeitsnowondem

Yeah that shit sucked

King Hippo

I knew that would be shit, and it managed to be even shittier than I could imagine.

Kungjitsu

That Marino/Baldwin/Elliot commercial was the best so far.

Wakezilla

Those fans were faking their excitement when Coldplay performed. Trust me, I know faking when I hear it

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m going to go to Vivid Video headquarters next week and pitch my halftime show idea to them. Even a halftime lemon party would be better than this.

The Maestro
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Amazon just made me hate them.

WhyEaglesWhy

Bruno Mars > Whatever the fuck that was

Unsurprised

I feel sick even saying this because it shows how much of a nerd I am, but my first thought on seeing that Hulk Coke commercial was that Oreo should turn this into a commercial with DC.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh thank Christ.
Never been so happy for commercials in my life.

JustStopDude

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view6/4659839/mass-games-o.gif

Really…we are taking our cues from fucking North Korea now?!?

Mother Puncher

You can’t thank the audience. They didn’t come here for you.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Well that was certainly a thing that happened.

Gratliff

Cannibal corpse for Super Bowl LI

The Maestro
Spur

THIS IS GOODEL’S FAULT!

Old School Zero

BRING BACK FOOTBALL

I’LL ACCEPT CLEVELAND VS TENNESSEE

I DON’T CARE

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

They’ve succeeded in making Beyonce unappealing. Bra..fucking..vo.

Doktor Zymm

I wasn’t alive during any of them, but I miss random marching band halftime shows.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

NEEDZ MORE STANFORD MARCHING BAND

Brick Meathook

UP WITH PEOPLE

Spanky Datass

PUFF THE MAGIC DRAGON!!!

Wait, that was an Orange Bowl …

JustStopDude

This is like a perfect storm of crap…

ballsofsteelandfury

No Janet Jackson on that montage?

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