Well, somehow we made it. I’m so glad that we didn’t have to turn the car around due to bad behavior. Does everyone know which teams are playing? That’s what I thought. Between that and Hippo’s excellent breakdown of the game I’ve nothing to say about that end of things but I would like to share with you some “behind the scenes” tidbits about this very site that I think you might be interested in. I’m not going to name names…just yet.
Way back in 2007 the founder of this site, a grizzled, PTSD-wracked veteran of 3 tours of the second invasion of Iraq (anyone that has a beef with this version of events can take it up with me in the boardroom tomorrow morning) decided that there should be a new-ish football site. With a ton of moxy and just one good arm he created “Abandon Hope All Ye Football Fans That Enter”. That site was a disaster. I mean, it was right there in the title. Who the hell would want to join? Years later, after his extended recuperation at the St. Tunison Sanitarium For The Hopeless he decided to give it one more go.
It was a super-tough haul, putting this site together with nothing more than used scotch tape and pigeon feathers but he got the damn thing to work. But would Door Flies Open fly? A number of lawyers flocked to the site but it was immediately apparent that as a result, the site lacked “any sense of a moral compass”, according to internet pundits. At that point the site was opened up to almost everyone. Normal people came to the site in the dozens-including yours truly.
What followed was a ton of hard work. Night after night, huddled together in a dumpster underneath a single street lamp, we batted around the questions. “How can we take this site to the next level?” and “Is no one going to throw some pizza crusts in here?-I’m hungry!” and “Could you please not urinate on my pizza crust?”. We learned a lot about each other. Who knew that someone could be triggered by two exclamation marks but not one or three? And the hygiene, OH, THE PERSONAL HYGIENE!
So here we are now. We’ve morphed into a mid-major behemoth of a football-specific website that is bound to knock off a #2 or #3 ranked site as soon as we’re allowed back into the tourney. “Ongoing Pattern of Irregular Prescriptions”, my ass. The Internet is clearly out to get “The Little Site That Could”. We’ll survive and thrive…and maybe, just maybe, I can finally get that $12 Toys R Us coupon I was promised at the outset…
Phil Simms is literally falling apart on the air. I actually feel bad for him every time he’s required to speak for any kind of extended time.
I feel much worse for us.
THIS GAME IS EXCITING
Yup. No team in the AFC ever spreads out thrir offense
This is what is known in some circles as “stubbornly sticking with the run.”
One MOAR fumbre would be awfully nice here.
Josh Norman and Von Miller for co-MVP
Dude, Kony Ealy.
Kony 2016
Demaryius is not very Maryius tonight.
Ever since Obama sprung his mom…
Glad I am not calling the plays. Fuck if I know what to do.
I guess offensive PI is not getting called either.
We already knew that.
Super Bowl 100???
You have way too much faith in humanity.
No one who watches CBS is gonna be watching TV on their computer, which is why they are only adding the ability to do so 14 years late
I have one of those, what do you call ’em, personal computers from uh… International Business Machines.
I know I get laid automatically anytime I walk into a bar and mention that I watch “NCIS”; you can actually hear the panties hit the floor!
Bazinga!
Considering the age of people who watch NCIS, that’s not surprising. Granny panties are heavy.
Whatever street cred Drake might have had is long gone now.
I dunno, the millenials absolutely love him for killing Meek. It’s really weird.
Yeah, like when he was born in Canada.
I guess Cam really is 3/5 a QB.
I don’t know, T-Mobile, it’s hard to ruin Drake more.
Is that 4 Queen songs tonight?
Considering this is the NFL, I have to assume these songs all just went public domain and they don’t have to pay any royalties and Bob Kraft will try to trademark ‘Under Pressure’.
Budweiser reminds you not to drive drunk; stay home and knock up your significant other and 50 years from now your bastard offspring can sing in a slightly creepy Super Bowl commercial.
Six guys with satchels just walked out.
Of course they did.
To get on their retro scooters
Chicks must have super low self esteem if these dudes are getting laid.
Don’t fuck anyone who depends on anything they do to be okay because it’s “ironic”, ladies.
Oh Chris. Why. Why Chris. Why
So I guess today’s average Super Bowl viewer herds sheep, can’t shit (or can’t stop shitting) and suffers from toenail fungus.
Well, I’m watching anyway.
And didn’t get that new car for Christmas
WHY DON’T THE PRE-SUPERB OWL CHAMPIONSHIPS COUNT
Eagles, Lions, and Browns
This commercial would be much better if it was for socks and not a Kia.
Yep
Piranhas eat her?
Dude the shore is RIGHT THERE.
YOU SEE CAROLINA!? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN GINN IS YOUR #1 RECIEVER!!!
THIS SUPER BOWL, I CALL IT MY RACIST UNCLE BECAUSE THERE’S NO OFFENSE.
STORNG
Outstanding.
Possible banner quote right there.
Motion duly seconded
Classic.
It’s a crucial FG, but is it yuuuuuuuge?
“A little contact…uh…a lot of contact really”
I may have overestimated myself getting the brisket dinner at Tilt.
Well chosen.
Roby having an excellent game
Yes, especially since they’re not flagging obvious pass interference tonight.
Hey, cop didn’t see it, I didn’t do it!!
Shocking how playing the NFC South for half their season did not provide the Panthers with adequate preparation for the Super Bowl.
This is the game that will not end,
It just goes on and on my friend.
Some dum-dums starting playing it not knowing what it was,
And they’ll just keep on playing it forever just because
This is the game that will not end…
If Peyton Manning had any sense of humor, he’d have a tramp stamp of a big red button with “REBOOT” written under it.
Somebody computerish please make this happen:
Not to take away from Ginn’s performance, but I’d like to nominate my domestic violence/SB Babies comment for the banner.
Remember when Transformers weren’t indistinguishable animated junkyards?
Good times.
http://images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Old-School-transformers-76180_1024_767.jpg
I brought it up earlier…but this is still my fave Supa-bowl spot:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pk7yqlTMvp8
Whichever team’s defense loses needs to stab everyone on its offense to death.
no jury would convict
Ahhhh, the Ray Lewis option. Gritty.
ok, that was a punch to the dick area
You have to take those HGH shots more than once, right?
YEs, according to Dr Guererro.
http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/simpsons/images/5/5e/Dr._Riviera.png
Parking in downtown is amazingly accessible. Even for this godless, football less city.
I hope Cam wins.
Come on Panthers.
oh yes
MANNINGBOT VER 5.4 CRITICAL SYSTEM ERROR
ABORT/RETRY/FAIL?
If you try and abort fetushead, all the GOP presidential candidates will come to your house.
TURNOVERS FOR THE TURNOVER GOD!
Nance growing a pair of balls? Mentioning the HGH thing…
oh please
3rd and long. Repeat until you die.
Best part of the second half? Not hearing a halftime show ad every two minutes with that synthesizer cut.
That was actually a guitar with all the humanity sucked out of it. Coldplay.
Wow. I did not know this.
Music is fucking ruined.
Jeeeem and Pheeel continue to make the case for not paying attention at a superb owl party.
Allegations are all good until they start to SWIRL!
How close are the isobars on that rumor?
The only thing worse is WINDSWEPT MOONSCAPE allegations!