Co-workers. Ya gotta love ’em/knock ’em out with a shovel and bury them alive, amirite? Sure I’ve had several awesome ones. As a matter of fact I visit with a good half dozen of them each year under the guise of conducting a fantasy draft. This has been going on for 17 years now and the following morning I can count on one thing-my jaw will be sore from laughing. That is not hyperbole. When we start into the old stories it becomes hard to catch one’s breath. Lousy co-workers? I’ve had a few. The one that stands out right now is a certain waitress that had over-all and me-specific issues. I bar-tended in a place that had an enormous lunch and dinner rush. On certain days it was complete chaos. The servers would race to take drink orders so that they could “churn” their table that must faster. My sweetheart would, every once in a while, order three margaritas (a time-consuming task) on top of her regular drink order and upon completion say, “Oops, my mistake! I didn’t need them.”, completely screwing me and all of her fellow servers royally. One day she called in sick for her shift because she had a bad dream. Let me know about your most reviled work enemy below.
Zee Games! The NBA comes up short (IRONY!) once again with only Clips/Celts and Hawks/Bulls. The NHL has only three games going tonight yet all of them feature winning teams. Sens/Wings, Rangers/Penguinos and Canucks/Coyotes are bringing it NHL-wise. College ball gives us #15 TAMU/ALA, #20 PROV/MARQ, #21 BAY/KSU, #14 ISU/TTU, Tulsa/#16 SMOO and 15-8 LSU versus 20-3 (yet somehow not ranked despite a certain 6-loss team still being in the Top 25) SCAR. GET AT IT, BUMPKINS!
Oregon Militia Standoff LIVE FIESTA
Nobody wants to read the fucking psalms, dude.
Oregon Militia Standoff LIVE FIESTA
God i hope this assembly women faces some sort of charges.
Oregon Militia Standoff LIVE FIESTA
Oh man, he compared himself to braveheart.
This is too much.
Let me get my drawing (castration) tools.
#YallQueda just invoked Braveheart.
FFFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMBBBBBBBBBBBBBB
Oregon Militia Standoff LIVE FIESTA
“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Attack helicopter.”
“Attack helicopter who?”
“Brrrrrrrrrt”
Oregon Militia Standoff LIVE FIESTA
Jesus, it’s like listening to small children negotiate a bedtime extension.
http://mamalaz.tumblr.com/post/138615538927/the-modern-adventures-of-han-and-ben-kylo-au
These are the stupidest people alive.
Oregon Militia Standoff LIVE FIESTA – No, David. We’re listening because this is a train wreck, not because we’re supporting you.
Oregon Militia Standoff –yeah they aren’t getting thousands of people to drive there..
WEE GOT 59 THOSAND PEOLLE COMIN TOMORROW REEL PATROITS
It’s cold out there man. Maybe they should have pulled this shit in July.
Oregon Militia Standoff – Now it’s pray time.
Seriously this live feed is morbid as fuck, and I can’t fucking turn it off.
GOD’S WILL OVERPOWERS THE FEDERAL GUBMINT
Anyone else listening to the Oregon Militia Standoff? These boys and girls have acted tough for so long, and now he is screaming and crying like a hysterical little girl that the moment of truth is approaching.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOlrSain0lk
I wish Obama just killed them all with a Hellfire.
#DaddySworeAnOath to act hard and badass, then cry over mailed dildos and sex toys.
That was great. Frank is frighteningly enjoyable.
Time for The Americans now.
L8rz.
“Darkness falls …”
http://media.fyre.co/MVsJlzBIRzqHFv8xGseO_Hank.jpg
Piss.
Empty-netter makes it 3-0 Ice Giants.
This is already top 5 best eps ever.
They’re killing it this season.
We’ve seen Ponderosa and Artemis already. McPoyles next?
Oh please let it be so.
Somebody’s dying today
You got too much to live for Pondy.
Nice nips, cupcake.
Something tough to say…
Don’t get kilt, don’t get kilt…get outta here ya mutt.
Mac…you had ONE JOB!!!!!
Goddamnit, Mac.
Bill Ponderosa!
Lame…more for me.
Bill Ponderosa: Forever Crunk
You say that like it’s a bad thing.
IT’S GONNA TAKE A LOT MORE THAN THAT TO KNOCK HORNY OUT
Shut up, bird.
Fuck you Dominic Moore.
I’m WCS, and I approve this message.
Sweet Jesus, is this episode going to be seen from Frank’s perspective?
Yup.
Already lmao’ing at the pissing in the paint can.
Cans, my friend, CANS.
http://i.imgur.com/GZEQYkG.gifv
From Reddit frontpage
http://i.imgur.com/GZEQYkG.gif
SGTRONG
STRAWNG
New Lily ad:
http://45.media.tumblr.com/9571d8ff4cb73b905633dbbceef39710/tumblr_nmt49bODJc1s3y9slo2_500.gif
Zero G Lily?
I am intrigued.
Apparently it’s a space comedy on something called Yahoo! Screen.
I’m willing to give it a go.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/59bfd172dd3f115d2b5e5cfa5df04a88/tumblr_nnkxox6RYE1ti26j4o1_250.gif
She could make a fortune in porn.
https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/43pv59/iama_an_actress_lily_from_the_att_spots_i_went_to/czk06o3
What new opportunities have opened up for you since becoming super famous?
[–]mlnt[S] 1208 points 9 days ago
(Don’t write pussy. Don’t write pussy. Don’t write pussy. Don’t write pussy. Don’t write pussy. Don’t write pussy. Don’t write pussy. Don’t write pussy. Don’t write pussy. Don’t write pussy. Don’t write pussy.)
Pussy.
She did an AMA a week ago, and it was funny as hell.
https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/43pv59/iama_an_actress_lily_from_the_att_spots_i_went_to/
Ice Liouns’ are currently on another road trip right now and had their mom’s join them in Colorado for last night’s game. Matt Barkowski’s mom got interviewed for like 30 seconds and had some good zingers. Anyway, she trended across Canada because of this interview she gave today. I think she drunk or got into someone’s cocaine. Sort of starts around the 45 second mark. You don’t need to hear Matt Sekeres talk for the first minute.
http://www.tsn.ca/radio/vancouver-1040-i-1410/beth-bartkowski-every-guy-on-canucks-is-the-nicest-guy-except-that-19-year-old-what-s-his-name-1.436134
http://www.okmoviequotes.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Super-Troopers-quotes-2.gif
It’s a miracle those guys don’t all have diabetes now.
One of those damned Lundqvist nights.
That jagoff got to bang an actual princess.
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–61V17Mai–/18j5bl6s3r1qijpg.jpg
We appreciate those nights and realize that the first period was absolute dogshit. The second period was a little better.
“How do you catch a cricket?”
“With a giant bird.”
http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f26/SweetHenrietta/Blogger/thDeeBird.gif
Oh damn….I just realized it’s Wednesday. Frank VR in t-minus 35 minutes.
I hope I’m an OK guy to work for.
Basically all I do is manage a small sales force that I see individually a few times a year and liaise with suppliers.
If you ever need it as a pointer, apparently showing them your tits is frowned upon.
Hell if I know why, but that seems to be the direction we’ve headed.
My own sense of aesthetic decency prevents it, but it’s good to know that it falls in line with best practices as well.
When I owned my own business, the guys loved it.
The times they are a changin’.
Worst work person; my current boss.
I have the early shift, 8AM, he’s scheduled for 10. I get in most days 15-20 mins early he is equally as late. There are three of us in my department, for my campus(Uni admin). He never lets me know when he gets in, so quite often when I’ve been working for 3 hours and need a ciggie, I will call over to the other building to say that I’m stepping out, assuming that he still hasn’t arrived. He’ll answer the phone and say, just go. This is during the busiest times of the year.
I generally handle 2/3 of the entire departments workload, including preparing and coordinating work for or larger office in the suburbs. On a good day he handles 10%, and arrogates almost all of the credit to himself whenever possible.
He is almost always late when he is to relieve me. Usually because he was chatting with somebody.
To top it off, he is an Evangelical Christian, who styles himself as a minister. I have gotten into numerous theological discussions with him. All he can do is quote verse, not explain it, not understand the history behind it, and if you get into the OT, he knows about as much McNabb. But, I’ve seen him try to didactically explain it to observant Jews. He’s even worse at the comparative history of the Christian faith. I tried one time to discuss the various synods from Roman times, because they are interesting, I got a totally blank look. It’s like he thought the Bible was fully formed in the modern English NIV versions.
I heard from his lips one time the statement that a person wasn’t Christian, they were Catholic.
I’m an atheist, who grew up with many of the prejudices and views of the Anglican commuion, but seriously. I’ve got my issues with many of the Bishops of Rome, but Peter was a Christian.
On top of this, he is the advisor to the “Christian Fellowship” organization at the school. I’ve heard him brow beat more than one student member into going to Sunday worship. The two that come to mind were when a student’s Mother was coming from at least halfway across the country
to see her, the girl’s Mother wanted to have Sunday brunch with her before she left to go home. The other,and as a Uni employee I consider to be worse. A kid begged off their service the Sunday before finals, because she needed to study. He told her thatn “God would remeber that weekend.”
I don’t the views of these kids but these nice, decent, earnest, hard working kids that are trying to improve themselves.
BTW, he didn’t become overrtly religious until he was into his late 30’s, yet he acts like he was always this pious man with the students in his charge.
/ends rant
/needed to get that off my chest
/perhaps would have better as post emulating Sill’s directed hate
/Holy Shit was that long
Bring up evolution. Hopefully he’ll go to the fallback of “evolution is only a theory”.
At which point you yell….SO IS GRAVITY MUTHAFUCKA!!!!
And then push him to the ground and ask him how that theory is working for him?
My favorite part of the whole evolution denier thing is the idea that fossils were planted in the soil by God to trick people. Seriously? WTF?
6000 years and not a goddamned day longer you blasphemer!!!!!!
Believe it or not, there’s actually a date that was determined by Irish mathematician Philip Ussher:
October 23, 4004 BC.
So that’s where that stupid superstition comes from.
Hmmmmmm…..
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/andrew.lipson/escher/relativity.jpg
At least they had a week to get ready for the firstest Halloween Party. Amirite?
PARTY ON WINDMILL HILL BRING YOUR GOAT HEADS AND RED DEER ANTLERS
http://www.english-heritage.org.uk/remote/www.english-heritage.org.uk/content/properties/windmill-hill/2322844/windmill-hill-avebury-aerial.jpg?w=1440&h=612&mode=crop&scale=both&quality=60&anchor=middlecenter
I’ve read Inherit the Wind too.
I’ve never read Inherit The Wind.
It was a pretty good trick too, seeing how it fooled most of humanity for all but the last 150 years or so.
That God….such a prankster.
Fun fact: People who convert to a different religion later on in life are usually the most extreme and dumbest of the bunch and is usually more susceptible to terrorist groups.
“/Holy Shit that was long. ”
If I had a nickel….
Wait, you work for the Ted Cruz campaign?
Cruz was an insufferable “Christian” shit long before his 30s.
Why hasn’t HR crucified this dipshit?
My Annual Alzheimer’s Anniversary came right on cue upon seeing my first few dirty foreheads this morning.
NEW RESOLUTION: I will now have Yellow handkerchiefs. When confronted with sudden unexpected religion, I will say “THERE CAN BE ONLY BLEERGH THE CAPRICIOUS AND ARBITRARY!” Throw said hanky and leave.
Just as awkward.
Glad you remembered what the card was for.
/ seriously fuck Alzheimer’s and all forms of dementia
Last year before I realized it was Ash Wednesday I almost told someone who had 7pm ashes that they had some “schmut”z on their head at 8:30AM.
I always forget. Tuesday, eating far too many glorious paczki (8 yesterday), swearing I will remember. Next day, about to say something OH SHIT NO DON’T I DON’T WANT THAT DOOR OPENED. WHEW!
HAIL BLEERGH!
The coworker I hate(d) the most is the office know-it-all Warren Buffett, the white/mansplainer. I run my own business now so, at worst, I’m that guy, so it doesn’t bother me anymore.
The worst ever was a dude who worked for me when I managed a Merrill Lynch call center. He was a shitty rep, and I hated his guts. This was in the early aughts, and dude was always bitching about Bill Clinton. The ONLY reason this guy had a job was because Slick Willy signed Gramm-Leach-Bliley, which repealed Glass-Steagal. That’s not abstract, what we did was literally illegal a year earlier (and helped crash the economy six years later, which is why it had been illegal for 70 years, but never mind that). Anywhoo, this guy was 52 at the time and wasn’t real happy working for a 30 year old dead sexy Negro. He would constantly make passive aggressive racist and sexist comments, which drove me crazy, because if I confronted him directly I would have wound up in HR. And he said “supposably” and mispronounced Keynesian.
I got him back though. He applied for a promotion when one of my assistant supervisors transferred out of the department, and he was the only one who had applied for like a week because it was a dead end job. And everyone on the floor was either looking for bigger and better things or was really happy being a phone rep. I was like NOAP. It took me two weeks but I convinced my best rep to apply (everything at Merrill moved like the sloths in Zootopia). She was right out of central casting. She was basically Denise Richards in that Bond movie except she was in finance instead of physics, and Latina, and had a tongue ring. She’s without doubt one of the three smartest people I’ve ever met.
What pissed me off, and started my Exodus from big corporate America, was that my bosses and HR weren’t really interested in her being bilingual and bi-literate, or having to take her Series 7 twice because she scored too high on it, and the NASD thought she cheated. No, they liked her because she was a woman and a Latina, so they could check some diversity boxes.
They liked her; dude wanted to throw up. He went from working for me to working for me and a 24 year old Puerto Rican chick. I left three months later. She’s a senior VP for Bank of America, and seems to get about 40 weeks vacation if I go by her Facebook updates. I have no idea what happened to dude. I hope he got tazed to death by a Black female cop.
The worst coworker I ever had was when I was a lifeguard in Northern Virginia during my college summers. Her name was Shannon and she was (according to her own sister) a pathological liar. She didn’t know how to operate any of the pool equipment (it’s a bunch of pumps, it’s not fucking rocket science) and one time the hotel where we worked had to write a check to some guests because she let the chlorine in the jacuzzi get out of control and it bleached out their suits. She used to show me her tits all the time and once during a thunderstorm we messed around in the hotel lobby. Eventually she got fired for putting bubble bath in the jacuzzi. Oh and another time she stole some money from a guest.
But hey, you got to see tits.
Winner.
You got to see her tits and you got to fool around with her? That’s not so bad.
Don’t get me wrong, they were great tits and all, but it wasn’t worth all the aggravation.
I’m not sure you are operating under the same concept of worst that the rest of us are ,, smgdh
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-NXbPzsZ1UDs/U4mK8LdpkeI/AAAAAAAASfg/1raFpyh0dXY/s1600/simpsons-my-face-is-on-fire.gif
http://45.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_loxlgpfr4P1qhieffo1_400.gif
1) Worst person I ever worked with was at a grocery store. He was the manager because he was the owner’s kid. He was actually illiterate and obsessed with World of Warcraft and wanted to talk about it non-stop. This is a game I never played and have no interest in playing. That’s whatever. What made him unbearable was that I ended up being the poor shmuck who had to do his orders and most of his work because he was lazy as fuck. Oh yeah, at the time he was in his early 30ss an sexually assaulted this 16 year old employee. He also sexually harassed/pinched the ass of this 17 year old cashier. His punishment once shit hit the fan, was he got suspended for 2 months and got transferred to another store.
2) The person I probably hated the most on a regular basis was this one cow named Linda. She was this regional manager for this clothing store I worked at and she was always hanging around the store. By the way, the fact she was doing this meant she wasn’t doing any of her own work back at her office. She was one of those women in her early 40s that looked like she was in her 50s and had the voice of a 5 year old. She was fake as shit and was both patronizing and spoke in a whiny type voice. She was obsessed with people working and only working. Like, if she thought you weren’t working, she’d storm up to you and ask why you weren’t. A few times she did this to me when I was with a fucking customer. Oh yeah, she was blind as a bat, but was too vain to wear glasses, which cause some of these problems.
I ended up quitting that job on the spot during boxing week. Morale was really low, and in the back, they had some stupid Sales acronym that sounded really sleezy and almost predatory, if that makes sense. Anyway, to boost morale (and because I was a sarcastic dick who was 18 years old) I came up with my own acronymn and posted it over the original one. It was essentially talking about slapping customers for asking stupid questions and other things like that, which got everyone high five-ing me. . . except Linda. She started to yell at me, to which I actually calmly told her that she should be more worried about her job and to stop spending so much time at our store because nobody liked her. She lost it on me, infront of customers mind you, so I walked over to the section beside mine, where my manager was and said I’m quitting on the spot. I walked to the back and grabbed my stuff and left.
I need to get a cat. And I need to get mittons for it.
A lab experiment goes awry.
Dear attractive blonde who wears super skimpy black volleyball shorts and a small sports bra to show off her goddess like body and always takes the treadmill infront of me usually a few minutes into my run:
I am very disappointed that you didn’t show up today for my run. Especially since I’ve been battling a bad headache. However, considering two good looking women ran infront of me and did wonderful bend over stretches, I will take that as your gift to me for not showing up today. Please do not make this a habit.
Your pal,
The fat schlub with the great cardio
I’ve always taken great joy in working out in my garage where I can listen to/watch whatever the hell I want, don’t have to wait, etc. But I suppose it does have one downside.
Working out at home definitely has its benefits. I find that psychologically for me, I need to go away to work out, otherwise I’m always telling myself that I’ll work out later and never get around to it.
For like two years, I’ve been meaning to switch gyms. Especially to one that is 24/7. The thing is, my current gym has just enough attractive women at any given time working out to string me along to not quit. Not that I’d ever talk to them or anything, but, sometimes a man needs some extra motivation to do that extra rep or few extra minutes of running when he’s not feeling it.
God do I love cycling to work in the summer, especially in the Sugardaddy/young exec neighborhoods. So many ridiculously gorgeous women of all sorts of fit body types out for their morning run.
Better than having a probable sociopathic, possible mass-murderer/rapist, dim-witted and massively closeted gay, semi-functional illiterate, degenerate gambler and schemer, and a whore that looks like a giant bird for your coworkers.
http://i.imgur.com/ICgYb65.gif
Charlie would be by far the most bearable to have around.
http://cdn2.crushable.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/charliebuttdance.gif
WILD CARD!
You can make him do all the Charlie work.
In more Sports Land related news, I’ve purchased a ticket for my Warriors @ Blazers on the 19th this month. Perhaps I’ll be inspired to post a writey word thing on it afterwards.
I’ll go with celebrity hatred, instead.
Vince McMahon suspended Titus O’Neil for tugging at his arm during the Daniel Bryan celebration at the end of Monday.
http://www.pwmania.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/vince-titus.jpg
You’ll notice the big smile on Titus’ face. The next few frames were Vince getting in his face and shoving him backwards, the evidence of which has been scrubbed from all the official ‘E video. Titus O’Neil has been given a 90 day suspension. A wellness policy violation is 30 days. O’Neil is the poster boy of any WWE family initiatives, having won a celebrity Father of the Year award last year, and is comparable to Cena in charity work. He has a clean history and was obviously having fun with it.
One more reason to say “Fuck Vince McMahon.”
I don’t really hate any of my coworkers at my current office. Which can mean only one thing. I am that guy. It makes sense actually. I’m kind of in my own discipline that nobody knows much about (Corrosion, mysterious!), and I float from project to project as need sees fit. I’m lazy, frequently showing up late and leaving early, taking long lunches in between.
It’s actually a wonder I haven’t been fired.
I feel the same way. I never really disliked anyone and so I just assume I was the problem.
At least the problem is solved for now as I sit alone in my goose cave.
There’s this one micro-managey guy in my office who does shit like have you send e-mails to him before they go out, likes you to draft three versions of a summary memo (when just a comprehensive e-mail would suffice), etc. This is by and large to compensate for the fact that he has shit for brains.
He also is a WORLD CLASS brown noser, and speaks in “management school” nonsense, repeating the same phrases in almost every conversation I’ve heard him participate in.
Once, he sent – VIA INTEROFFICE MAIL – a handmarked draft of a document, which consisted of breaking something into two paragraphs and adding a comma somewhere. He has a computer (only like 7 years older than me). I was already a partner at the time. His secretary is RIGHT OUTSIDE HIS OFFICE.
What really sucks is that he’s overall a nice enough guy, so you feel bad for wanting to feed him face first into a woodchipper…but FUCK, everyone I know does.
For a bottle of oxy, I’ll stalk him and kill him for you.
Oh shit….I meant to send this in email.
So, I decided to take the offer I got. I’m already having second thoughts, that I’m being too conservative and taking the safe option, but I’ll be starting on Monday, and I won’t have to dip into my savings or tax refund which is nice. Also, I can relax this week instead of going to interviews and dealing with the stress of negotiating and engaging in self-promotion. My old boss told me she doesn’t think this job will be challenging enough for me, but she gets the financial incentive of getting back to work more quickly. My trip the first week of March is approved, but will be unpaid vacation, which I’m totally okay with. Anyway, the decision is made, no reason to keep thinking about it.
Good luck!
Enjoy the free time. It don’t come ’round too often.
Good luck on the new gig.
Try not to get yourself canned this time, eh? Show some cleavage or something….sheeesh. This shit’s not difficult.
I actually had to buy some camisoles to make more of my clothing work appropriate. During the many years I was working on my various degrees all the nice clothing I bought was for going out, so I only had a handful of nice clothing that was okay for the office.
I wore long pants today for the first time in like two weeks.
God I love not working and living in the south.
But fuck, it was cold out today.
/back in my lazy fuck shorts now tho…woooo!!!!!
Good luck, and we’re all counting on you to do fancy Math thingies.
http://s3.media.squarespace.com/production/920827/11462743/_wGr8njEWjtI/Si4DaeGkCwI/AAAAAAAADLI/AOGUMqBGf0A/s400/Kimmie%2BS%2B.%2Bow%2B.%2Bmisspell.jpg
Today is my birthday and I am celebrating with sushi and alcohol after work. I don’t see how anything could possibly go wrong with that combination,
Congrats on your latest lap around Sol.
Hoist a few and enjoy!
Happy Birthday! Enjoy looking at this cake!
http://geekadelphia.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/sushi_cake_whole.jpg
Thanks friends!
Coincidentally, the only guy I don’t particularly like that I work with just informed me that today is also Glen Beck’s birthday. Birthday, forever unclean.
Indeed. Just imagine he’s the recipient when you have your inevitable quality time with the toilet later tonight.
Which one? Both? I’m going with both.
http://cdn.niketalk.com/3/32/350x700px-LL-3267a14f_85e128cace09ae9106c350aeef888457.gif
It doesn’t matter who was born on the same day as you, what is important is who died on the day you were born. If you believe in reincarnation then those are the people you might have been in a past life!
Leonid Brezhnev? I WANT A REFUND
Good point. Now I have a project for later… I’ll report back with findings.
Nobody famous died the day I was born, according to the internets. But Brian Piccolo died two days before, and I was born at 1 in the morning, so…basically I’m saying I should have played football.
composer Fritz Mahler! That would be pretty cool. Seems pretty unlikely, given my complete lack of musical ability.
It seems nobody of note died on my birthday, which explain why I am boring….I have NO SOUL.
On the other hand, Fred Armisen was born on the same day as me, which I never knew before. And as we all already knew…he has NO SOUL.
Happy Birthday!
This calls for a Sexy Party!!!!
http://s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/tumblr_lubp9xYDzx1qes043.gif