Commentist Beer Barrel: I’ve Had A Few Budweisers

That’s the season, then. Just about a week ago, with either relief or chagrin, we all watched one of the NFL’s most accomplished quarterbacks ride off into the sunset with a world championship and the short and sweet declaration, “I’m going to Disneyworld!”

Wait. Peyton. Wait. You pronounced “Disneyworld” wrong. Like, really, really wrong.

Peyton. You did it again. I could swear that instead of “Disneyworld” you were saying “drink a lot of beers, a lot of Budweisers.”

Oh. Oh. Oh shit. God dammit Peyton, you know you’re not allowed to endorse a beer, right? There are rules. Peyton? Fucking hell, man.

Whatever. Here we are. Peyton Manning, my favorite quarterback since John Elway and, in my estimation, the best quarterback ever to have played the game, took his curtain call somewhere in the midst of a flurry of guerilla advertisements for his Papa John’s franchises and Anheuser-Busch distributorship. Sorry, guys, it’s over. Darren Rovellbot and his minions have won. It’s the offseason now and everything is horrible forever amd I’m reviewing Budweiser.

Sort of, anyway. I’m drinking the other Budweiser.

You see, long before America’s Beer, the King of Beers, the Genuine Article, “Budweiser” was just the natural way to refer to a beer originating in the Czech city of České Budějovice (also known as Budweis). America’s first Budweiser wasn’t the one we all know today or the one I’m drinking right now, but a third beer produced by Budweiser Bier Bürgerbräu, first imported into the U.S. a year or so before Anheuser-Busch started selling its own flagship beer as Budweiser in 1876. The Budweiser that I’ve got, Budweiser Budvar, was first produced in 1895 by a state-owned brewery in Budweis. Ever since, the Budweiser name has been the subject of a string of trademark disputes, which have more or less resolved themselves into an arrangement where AB’s Budweiser goes by Bud in Europe, and Budweiser Budvar goes by Czechvar in North America. If I’ve successfully lost you by this point: This is a review of Budweiser Budvar, or Czechvar.

So, Budweiser Budvar is Czech. and it’s a pilsner, and boy is it ever a Czech pilsner, as distinguished from its German brethren by a balance that leans more to hops than malt. Now, I’d like to hope a lot of you read my uncharacteristically brief review of Real Ale Hans’ Pils. If you did, you may recall that hoppiness is not the same thing in a pilsner as it is in those IPAs you either love or hate. This is a more refined hop flavor, crisp rather than bitter, herbal rather than fruity. Budweiser nails that balance. The beer’s a bit bready on the nose, in the way a German pilsner would be, but that note’s utterly absent when it hits the tongue, leaving a dry, clean, clear taste that, like with most good pilsners, is in the end difficult to define beyond “tastes good and like beer.” Big Beer has almost entirely co-opted (or coöpted, if we’ve got any New Yorker readers here) the adjective “refreshing.” That’s an offense not merely against beer, but against language, in my book; nothing in Anheuser-Busch’s extensive lineup of corn-based beer-adjacent soda pops will quench your thirst like Budweiser Budvar. If you’ve the audacity to demand a real pilsner instead of a both figuratively and literally pale imitation, this Bud is actually for you.

lady snow: Well, that’s way better than American Budweiser. If American Budweiser tasted like this, I’d have been in trouble back in college.

make it snow: I’d have lost at beer pong on purpose.

lady snow: I’d have floated whole kegs by myself.

make it snow: I’d have… actually saved some money my senior year.

lady snow: Why did American breweries feel they needed to mess with this formula?

make it snow: Cost, right? They use corn for fermentable sugars because it’s cheaper than barley.

lady snow: Ugh. We have got to stop using corn for everything.

And that’s how lady snow lost the 2024 Iowa caucus.

tl;dr: I’ve had a few Budweisers.

Grade: It’s been a special night.

make it snow is an alot of beer who has never been paid by anyone to talk about beer. He had a few Budweisers while writing this review, it’s been a special day. He’s interested to know if there’s anything you guys would like to see reviewed this offseason. Let him know in the comments or on Twitter @makeitsnowondem.