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Your Slimmed Down Easter Monday Open Thread

Beerguyrob

/

,

Did anyone else have a paid stat today? WHOO HOO! Gub’mint jorbs are the bestest!

With that tack comes a slow news & sports day.

With Easter (or, for that matter, any kid-centred holiday) comes your usual reminder that parents are the worst.

Thirty-one days until the draft! Which means, a month of anticipating who the Browns will elect to ruin! The only interesting free agency news today is that the Dolphins are going to kick the tires on Arian Foster.

Viewing-wise, there’s less than 10 games to go in the NBA & NHL seasons. Only one Canadian team is going to be in the playoffs, and – funny enough – it’ll be basketball. The only thing on the horizon is baseball, the Masters and the Derby.

Games that matter: (all times eastern)

NHL: 8 games total

  • Jets @ Flyers – 7:00
  • Sabres @ Red Wings – 7:30
  • Kings @ Sharks – 10:00

NBA: 10 games total

  • Thunder @ Raptors – 7:30
  • Spurs @ Grizzlies – 8:00
  • Celtics @ Clippers – 10:30

NCAA Women’s Flacco Eight:

  • #2 Texas vs #1 UConn – 7:00
  • #2 Oregon State vs #1 Baylor – 9:00

Enjoy your week waiting for the Final Four. NOTRE DAME – YOU HAD ONE JOB!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh damn….this is funny as shit. But I KNOW that had to hurt like a bitch.
http://imgfave-herokuapp-com.global.ssl.fastly.net/image_cache/1439019421396635_animate.gif

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Covalent Blonde

And yet… even though I am watching this complete disaster, there is a very visceral part of me that totally wants to try that.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

ME TOO!!!!!!

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Covalent Blonde

We can get matching helmets and safety goggles!!!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

At the very least. Yikes.
Melons are dicks.
(I keep hearing Kevin Costner saying “Back and to the left” repeatedly)

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Unsurprised

I like the one that added the FATALITY graphic at the end.

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WCS

OH MY GOD! I SHOT MY EYE OUT!

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Wakezilla

I would like to know if she spent 10 minutes in a dark room after that clear blow to the head.

Someone needs to investigate Amazing Race over this incident. I smell a CTE lawsuit on the horizon.

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Wakezilla

Got any more of these? These gifs crack me up

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Wakezilla

A shitty reviewer for a shitty site that does not need to be named shocked me last week when he gave a decent review over Batman v Superman. I was baffled and thought maybe someone hacked his account because it sounded like he had rational reasons to dislike the film.

Then the next day happened. . .

The truth came out and he stated he didn’t like the film because the characters weren’t familiar to him. And especially because there was a terrorist attack the day he watched the film (because that’s totally Snyder’s fault), he wanted characters to do what he thinks they’re supposed to do.

There it is.

And just like that, he returned to mediocrity.

We need Vince Mancini to do way more reviews.

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Beerguyrob

We also need him to do those reviews on a site that doesn’t autoload numerous #UpForWhatever ads when I go searching for his work.

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Wakezilla

Absolutely. Lately, it seems he gets pre-empted by others who aren’t fit to lick his left nut.

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Unsurprised

Vince’s review was good. His defense of criticism today was unnecessary, though. The comments are as retarded (seriously, intellectually retarded) as you can expect. Even the good commenters like Verbal are just pushing rope as a measure of their comment quality anymore.

In other words,
http://114.imagebam.com/download/aZCChiXaqpI9agljgwaCVA/47428/474277763/w704-2.gif

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Wakezilla

Vince’s review, as expect, was good. His defense of criticism today was out there. Like he’s right, it’s just such an unnecessary argument to make. It was out of character for Vince, I thought.

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Unsurprised

It would’ve satisfied his post quota for the day, since he seems to have no interest in posting anymore.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

What’s the most often spoken phrase in White Trash, USA?
“Hold my beer and watch this”
http://i45.tinypic.com/rius60.jpg

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WCS

Bullshit. White trash don’t know that water can be solid.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I live in WI. That is just a lie. They power through the elements.

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Beerguyrob

They do. The problem is that they call ice “slurpees”, and meth “ice”.

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Unsurprised

No way do they hand off their beers.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I can’t get myself to this state tonight, but it would be nice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3nMvNe3z3Q

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Covalent Blonde

So, in case this hasn’t been mentioned yet… GO FUCKING SHARKS! We finally clinched the fucking berth! Woo!

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WCS

Getting yourself pumped for the Sharks to squander another 3-1 series lead, I see.

/Covalent kicks a hole through my sternum

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theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s really too bad that Winnipeg sucks all teh ass.
I’d love to see a Jets/Sharks series.
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WCS

Personally, my money’s on the Aryan Brotherhood in that “series.”

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Covalent Blonde

I have been nursing a sucking chest wound myself ever since we went out in Game 7 after a killer three game winning streak against the wildcard Kings, who later, though trickery and magic, went on to win the Cup.

Look, I have accepted I will never see a Cup, but don’t hand it over to the Kings or the goddamned Ducks.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My dog does this to get attention. He assumes it is like hitting a button for petting, but he goes with his left paw (the previously injured but good now one)

http://45.media.tumblr.com/6389021f9b3aa0cac6d6f9141b93f7f1/tumblr_nc41uluMnB1rjhxazo1_400.gif

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WCS

The older cat does that to me, expect, substitute a playful swipe with a claws-exposed drag down my exposed calf.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Veruca Salt – Seether
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jC9AUR-iTo0

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Puppy pic!

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I may have mentioned this before, because it has scarred me for life. When a TV show has inept cops getting a case wrong over multiple episodes I go back to when I was 15-16 and was accused of physically stealing credit cards, then online fraud, identity theft and 15 other things where I was told I was going to go to jail for 20 years unless I confessed with them never telling me what they were talking about for 3-4 hours, until I finally figured out what they were talking about and I was a victim in the case and the asshole cops missed my name and blamed me because… I don’t fucking know, they are terrible at their jobs and internet crime was new. Lots of qualifiers there, but I am angry and fucking hate cops again

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I break out in a flop sweat if I see a cop to this day

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I don’t break out in a sweat, mostly because….fuck the police.
But when my ex, who had a seizure disorder and basically died for multiple minutes after one early in the morning (she came back to life after mucho CPR by yours truly, but with permanent brain damage)….
Well, after spending two days in the ICU waiting to see if she was gonna live or die, then waiting to see how long the coma would last (just over a month, btw)…I came home to the Mesa AZ PoPo tossing my place.
Then they thought they were gonna sweat me for attempted murder. I shit you not.
What’d you find, I asked calmly.
What do you think we found?, they asked accusingly.
Not a goddamned thing, and now you can get the fuck out, I replied.
(Granted, I was on no sleep and was more direct than I might normally have been, but that shit really pissed me off.)
Well, you’re being investigated….
Then investigate, I said. Arrest me if you found anything, get the fuck out if you got nothing, because I now gotta clean up the goddamned mess you made while I was out and you entered my residence illegally. My lawyer will be in touch, btw.

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Unsurprised

I’m starting to appreciate living in a city where the police are being encouraged not to work.

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WCS

Shit, man. That’s the problem with being a kid: you don’t know what your rights are. Even if you’re innocent, demand yourself a law-talkin’ guy; hell, ESPECIALLY if you’re innocent. That’s a tough situation, bud. Sorry to see it.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Agreed.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My parents trusted the cop and let it happen because I have no rights at that point. It hurts they thought I would do that to this day

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yikes. I can understand how that would hurt like hell.

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Unsurprised

Yeah, fuck the police.

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WCS

Quiet night in the DFO Clubhouse… Time to change that.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hell yes.
(damn…don’t read too much into that period at the end)

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WCS

No prob.

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Beerguyrob

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theeWeeBabySeamus

^ Damn…forgot the NSFW label for that one.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening, all. Defrosted some mandel bread I made a while back, sitting down to unwind a bit. What’s on tv?

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SonOfSpam

Mandel bread does not like to be touched.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Manziel bread has no such compunctions.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey what’s this? Ooooohh…this fun…WHAT THE BUNNYFUCKING SHIT WAS THAT!!!!!!
http://www.bunnyslippers.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/balloon_popping_scares_rabbit.gif

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Duchess

So what are the odds that the Supergirl and Flash team up episode was actually better than Superman vs Batman?

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Wakezilla

Flash is awesome and Supergirl is a pretty decent show, so, pretty high.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I knew that shit really was contagious…
http://cdn1.theodysseyonline.com/files/2015/09/13/635777634178301102953900799_aww.gif

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theeWeeBabySeamus

When the bar opens….
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JerBear50

Don’t forget the part where they log onto a DFO open thread after they get home.

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Doktor Zymm

YAY PUPPIES!

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American Pie Story

/slowly loads puppies into backseat of car
//puppiesssss

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theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s like a furry Star of David in the middle.
“Jew-wish to pet Ze puppies?”

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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SonOfSpam

Sup bitches?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

DILF’s

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Sill Bimmons

Binge watch or weekly reveal?

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Beerguyrob

Weekly reveal. You’ll keep more for referencing during the next viewing.

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herodotus450

Can’t tell if this is some gruesome and slightly hilarious Roman History or Harry Potter fanfic
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Year_of_the_Five_Emperors

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WCS

Some from column A, and some from column B.

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herodotus450

Aha! A listener! Mostly I just wanted to segue into the oddities (weirnesses even) of Classical Latin, the language. There was no ‘k’, and every ‘c’ was a hard one; therefore, the word Caesar would have been pronounced like Kaisar (hmmmm). Also, there was no ‘j’, only an ‘i’. So Julius would’ve been spelled Iulius and pronounced like Yulius. The most famous Roman and no one has said his name right for thousands of years.

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SonOfSpam

I got up to Latin 3 in high school, so it’s nice to see a fellow virgin-for-a-long-time. My kid’s school district doesn’t offer Latin (assuming that’s a common thing now), but they do offer Japanese. I told her to take French, so she could sound like an asshole.

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WCS

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herodotus450

k

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WCS

Okay.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

You heartless bastard

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theeWeeBabySeamus

SCIENCE (sort of) BITCHES!!!!!

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Wakezilla

People that put periods at the end of sentences in texts are heartless? That explains so much about why I do that.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO at Pimpin’ Jimmy.
Cliff and Erin no lookie so happy.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Classy, Rams. So fucking classy.

http://sports.cbsimg.net/images/blogs/la-billboard.jpg

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WCS

Bloody diarrhea > Goodell

Welcome to LA, guys.

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SonOfSpam

Yeah, but objectively it’s accurate.

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Gratliff

HOLY SHIT THE FLYERA

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Buenas Noches…how all you lazy fucks doing tonight?
http://images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/15300000/Lazy-cats-random-15393780-550-400.jpg

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JerBear50

What’s that, now?
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Unsurprised

147 FBI agents investigating Hillary’s email server is almost as stupid as 200 FBI agents investigating a blowjob, which was more than all the agents assigned to CT.

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SonOfSpam

Bitch
Engaged in
Nefarious
G-mail
Hacking
Aligned with
Zealous
Infidels

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Gratliff

Way to be terrible, Buffalo.
https://vine.co/v/iDHMIheP0gE

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Unsurprised

That’s bad?

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Gratliff

Usually, giving up a goal on a 1-on-5 is frowned upon.

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Unsurprised

Oh, I see it now. i’m bad at sports.

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Sill Bimmons

So Chris Pratt is an idolator and and idiot at the same time.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/chris-pratt-giant-cross-easter_us_56f92f29e4b014d3fe2377c1

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King Hippo

And to think he got to have pretend sex with Aubrey Plaza. smh. smh indeed.

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Gratliff

Huh. Wilmington DE in 1984. Wonder if I ever went to school with her.

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Unsurprised

More importantly, real sex with Anna Faris.

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Unsurprised

Says the man who linked to HuffPo.

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Sill Bimmons

Does it really matter when referencing a story about a fucking Hollywood actor?

http://vomzi.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/12-chris-pratt-gif-121.gif

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So regarding the Easter Egg hunt, is there any connection between that event and the several corpses that washed up this week in the Connecticut River with bars of soap jammed into slits cut in their throats?

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Why has no one rebooted Highlander yet?

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Sill Bimmons

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herodotus450

Do you even need to ask? Because there can only be one!

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

You’re right. That was a tremendously foolish question

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herodotus450

Though, it’s the perfect franchise to continue ad nauseum, like a James Bond thing, where a new actor comes in and kills the old one.

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Senor Weaselo

You mean like Highlander: The Source? Even I haven’t seen that one.

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Gratliff

God damn it, Detroit. Lay down and die.

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SonOfSpam

Well, the city did.

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Sill Bimmons

Gene Stallings, eh Mater?

Kevin. Stallings.

Of Vander. Bilt.

Oh, well.

Bye Bye Basketball Program.

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King Hippo

Jeebus, Sill. I sorry. Saw that yinz used State’s former moe-ron AD Todd Turner as a consultant in the search (he hired Stallings at Vandy before they ran him out of a job, and he was subsequently run out of town at Washington). Todd Turner is the fucking devil incarnate. The kind of guy who thinks it’s uncouth to place importance on winning games.

Aside from that…just an awful, terrible hire. Stallings had to be looking for a lifeline to reset his career, not a “step up” the food chain. Pitt deserves MUCH better than this shit.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

You said “Todd Turner”
Put a $20 in the jar.
Shit, now I have to also.

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WCS

I just realized Archer returns Thursday.

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ballsofsteelandfury

WOOOOO!!!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yep…I got 3 days to get thru the last 11 episodes in my full run re-watch.

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Gratliff

The race to break a hip.
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Doktor Zymm

I don’t know why I’m reading about politics tonight. I must me in a masochistic mood.
http://www.rawstory.com/2016/03/this-may-shock-you-hillary-clinton-is-fundamentally-honest/

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King Hippo

I like to think that on Tuesday night, 8 November (remember, 1st Tuesday AFTER the 1st Monday), HillyBob will go on teevee and be all like “Jesus Tapdancing Christ, America. You think you fucking made me work for this thankless job enough?

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Unsurprised

No

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Sill Bimmons

This night sucks until 10:15.

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Gratliff

Old-ass, investment-banker-ass Shane McMahon just did his old insane elbow drop spot because he apparently has no fear for his own safety.

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Gratliff

Oh man. Gordie Howe is old as fuck.

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JustStopDude

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Sill Bimmons

I just heard back from my agent about your photoessay.

They want it! They’re going to make it into a coffee table book!

So long field engineering, hello morning talk show circuit!!!

I’ll DM you the details.

Get ready for stardom, bro. You’ve earned it.

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JustStopDude

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Sill Bimmons

“What are the tactical applications? Well, sir, we think that by tactically deploying this particular formation we can determine that any particular practical and/or tactical applications as such when deployed practically and/or strategically this particular formation can also be thought of has having been deployed tactically and as such this can bring any number of general and/or specific advantages to any applicable practical or strategic deployment that can be thought of as tactical in nature. Sir.”

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WCS

/Pentagon approves $500 billion project

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Croooow

“Tempted to move to Iowa”. Never thought I’d read that.

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JustStopDude

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laserguru

Things to do when I get home:
Drink some French red
Watch Better Call Saul
Binge an episode or two of Mad Men. Almost done with season 5.

I can live with that.

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JustStopDude

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I have no real reason to dislike Carson Wentz. I know nothing about him that I didn’t read in some idiotic “draft expert” column.

But I really hope it’s him that Cleveland ruins.

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Sill Bimmons

His name is Carson.

He has idiot parents.

He is therefore an idiot himself.

He’s a lock for the Browns.

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scotchnaut

I woke up this morning, checked the college ball scores and discovered to my surprised delight that Syracuse actually made it to the Final Four and that the victory over UVA wasn’t taken away somehow and that it wasn’t all some damned fever dream brought about by a curse enacted by a spurned girlfriend from 18 years ago.*

*Looking at you Wanda, Succubus of The Early Afternoon, Preferably 2:15-ish Unless There’s a Really Awesome Shoe Sale at the Mall**

**may not be her real name

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

JUST LIKE THE GYPSY WOMAN SAID!

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