/opens browser

I didn’t know Holocaust equivalencies were such an integral part of the Massachusetts curriculum.

Really, I could go on. Such unbridled, unrepentant, undiluted yet deluded hate; it really could only come from the world’s most “oppressed” “nation” of sports “fans”. It was what I needed on a Monday morning. I may never have children, so I will take this moment of pure emotion for what it is – proof I can go on, and that there really are worse people than me.

As far as actual effects, Gisele’s disappointment will miss the first four games, forfeit the requisite pay, and the Pats lose their first round pick (plus a 2017 4th rounder). HOW WILL THEY SURVIVE?! It doesn’t seem like much, considering Brady’s reworked contract seems to take the suspension into account, and the Pats have a documented history of trading away their top pick and turning garbage into gold later in the weekend. Still, update your predictions accordingly.

That really livened up Monday’s NFL News Roundup. Until then, the most interesting things were the announcement that JFFs indictment will be filed on Tuesday, and news that Sam Bradford is refusing to attend any more off-season Eagles workouts and demanding a trade. We are all grateful for Manziel’s contributions to this week’s Crimebeat! and look forward to his eventual tearful admission, trivial sentencing, and journey north to play for the Hamilton Tiger Cats. As to Bradford, I guess someone got tired of all the rumours and decided to put on his big boy pants.

https://youtu.be/MD-LMS0CyAY

Deadspin has a story that Mike Tirico is leaving tWWL this summer for NBC, to start with Olympics coverage and as their Thursday Night Football play-by-play man. Since Al Michaels’ contract expires in 2017, NBC seems smart to lock down a possible replacement now.

Finally, I tried to read Peter King’s “Acela Excreta“^™ this morning, but somewhere about his third “I’m a genius who’s an idiot genius, you idiots” allusion, I had to close my laptop before it flew across the room. You’ll have to look elsewhere for his take; I regret nothing.

Just three days to the draft!

Tonight’s sports action!

NHL: both are elimination games

• Anaheim @ Nashville – 8:00 (Ducks up 3-2)
• Chicago @ St. Louis – 8:30 – Game 7! Go Blues!!

NBA:

• Heat @ Hornets – 7:00 – Game 4
• Mavs @ Thunder – 8:00 – Game 5
• Clippers @ Portland – 10:30 – Game 4

WWE RAW: there’s a PPV this Sunday, so tonight’s episode will set the table for that. Expect lots of talking.

Really, I’ve never had such fun doing a SFW Google image search.

SO MUCH JOY!