[BOOK FLIES OPEN]: Andrew Luck Knows How to Read

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It’s been a busy past few days in NFL News: Josh Norman signed with the [REDACTED]s and shortly thereafter admitted that he tried and failed to go crawling back to the Panthers; Sam Bradford demanded a trade and said he wouldn’t show up to OTAs in protest of the Eagles’ front office making clear that they think the lesser of Carson Wentz and Jared Goff will still be an upgrade; Johnny Manziel got indicted; makeitsnow and Blaxabbath BOTH got engaged; Eric Berry appeared on Ellen DeGeneres’s show; and hmmm, was there anything else, OH YEAH, TOM BRADY’S SUSPENSION WAS REINSTATED BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I’ll contain myself from carrying forth on that since so many HAWT TAEKS on Patriots Schadenfreuderections already abound. To me, the biggest NFL story this week was that Andrew Luck started a book club. I know what you’re thinking: HODOR? HODOR HODOR HODOR.  But this is a real story, which even came with a picture of Luck reading. AN ACTUAL BOOK!

Source: Colts.com

Ape tweeted out a different NOT AT ALL PHOTOSHOPPED version that will shock you and make you click on all the clicks that ever clicked until you have a buzzgasm: https://twitter.com/xmasape/status/724645407888805888

Far be it for me to insinuate that HODOR is actually hiding something else inside that dustjacket, but I don’t buy that his Clots teammates have been pestering the hirsute huddler for things to read beyond the Song of Hiawatha or the Deerslayer. But still, it’s great that he recognized that not everyone went to Stanford, and maybe it’s time to share your love of books with those that can read above a UNC level–I’m talking, of course, about children. Andrew Luck’s book club picks a book for kids and a book for adults, and I’m all for it, even though his first book for adults is about finding the clitoris.

So while the Fat Humps wipe the gravy off their library cards and go check out the bearded equivalent of Oprah’s book picks, why don’t we chat a little about what we’re reading? One of the DFOers [I can’t remember which, and I blame whisky] recommended Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies by Jared Diamond, so I’ve been reading that on flights recently. If you’re not much of a reader, there’s a National Geographic documentary you can check out instead. Basically, Diamond sets out to explain why some societies developed the tools to conquer others and not the other way around. I haven’t finished it yet (no spoilers on who wins between European explorers and the indigenous peoples of North America please) so I won’t try and review/dissect it yet. In the spirit of HODOR, though, I’d like to recommend one book for the wee children and another for the adults. No review on the former, since I haven’t read it in a few decades, but if you have a little one, pick up In the Year of the Board and Jackie Robinson for them.  It’s a book about a little girl who leaves China for the U.S. and ends up idolizing #42. It is so similar to BeerGuyRob’s life story that he should sue for likeness rights.

Seriously, though, it’s an awesome book that I re-read a bunch as a kid, and if it doesn’t hold up now that’s totally not my fault. Buy it for a niece and nephew and have them report back via diorama or whatever.

As for older audiences, I’ve been reading Karl Ove Knausgaard’s memoirs, and I can’t recommend him enough. I recognize how douchey it sounds to say “no, you just HAVE to read this six-part autobiography of a Norwegian guy, even though the whole thing hasn’t even been translated into English yet and each of the six books is 400 or so pages, and did I mentioned that he had the balls to name it ‘My Struggle’ JUST LIKE SOMEONE ELSE?” But seriously, I’ve read the first three books and am moved by his writing. It’s pretty straightforward. He’s a writer, his childhood sucked, Norway is cold, and he hates himself. But he makes ALL of it so damn compelling. When I finished the first book, I said to a friend, “I can’t remember the last time I read a book where I didn’t personally like the narrator and still couldn’t wait to read more about him.” If you want to up the douche quotient a little further, here’s a New York Times piece on the books, and the New Yorker is similarly captivated by Knausgaard’s work.  It’s a serious time commitment to read them all, but I found the first one beautiful enough to stand on its own while impelling me to crack open the second. I waited a while between two and three and haven’t even started four yet. If you want to read them and discuss them, drop me a note. If you want to stay away from Norsemen, there are plenty of literary DFOers who will no doubt have excellent recommendations in the comments. In the meantime, don’t feel bad for Tom Brady, as he and the Patriots clearly thought the reinstatement of his suspension was a possibility.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
BFC is a Chicago native transplanted to our nation's capital and transplanted again to the mountain West, then to SoCal, then back to the mountain West, and then again back to our nation's capital. He enjoys football, whisky, and the oxford comma.
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JerBear50

I’m just finishing up Hemingway’s “Across the River and Into the Trees.”
Hemingway is one of my two or three favorites but there’s a reason this is one of his lesser known works. It’s not bad, but it’s certainly not him at the top of his game. For a guy who reportedly fucked his way across the planet, he seems awfully hung up on war-induced impotence.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’d also recommend the official Washington [*Redacted] s book:

http://www.amazon.com/Bury-My-Heart-Wounded-Knee/dp/0805086846

WCS

“Dancing in the Glory of Monsters” by Jason Stearns

A harrowing and personal look at the Congo Wars, beginning in 1996, and while officially ended in 2003, are still ongoing in parts of the Democratic Republic of the Congo. It’s told from a series of different viewpoints, from individuals directly or indirectly involved, not just from the DRC, but neighboring Rwanda, Burundi, Uganda, and others. Here’s a succinct interview with the author:

American Pie Story

Read this in college. Great book.

blaxabbath

Big fan of the DRC

http://i.imgur.com/UVPDncg.png

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JerBear50

I was surprised to see a jazz film that didn’t have Eastwood attached to it. He’s usually the only one who seems to give a shit about it.

nomonkeyfun

I’m currently reading this to my nephew. He seems to prefer to drink the whiskey out of sippy cup after a few pages. Sure makes him easier to put to bed.

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Don T

“War Against All Puerto Ricans” by Nelson A. Denis. A page turner, mostly well documented, but places narrative over fact checking. A must for fans of colonialism, righteous indignation, and authors with a messianic bent. Fun Fact! A respected academic who was my eight-grade history teacher lambasted the book, and the controversy got all grandiose and snide–in print!

“Crossing the Line” (Luis Suárez autobiography). A lively as-told-to, more portrait than whitewash, that has several warts and dishes plenty on football players and managers. The biting stuff is at the very beginning, so I’m guessing he’s not above pandering to hate-readers. Yeah I love the guy fuck you DONNNNTTT CAAAAARE. (Review excerpted from vice.com)

King Hippo

I am just sooooooooooo happy Slippy G fell down and he NEVAR won a Premier League title. Unlike, say, $2m pound signing Robert Huth, who will likely clinch his with a 6-0 throttling of Everton (assuming they don’t win at Old Trafford this Sunday).

Don T

Doesn’t Huth remind you of Gronk? Except Robert earns more than Rob, I think.

jjfozz

Just finished “Winter Men”, written by a German about a family in WW2. Not bad, translated from German so there are a few weird sentences that trip you up as you read.

“The Battle of Hurtgen Forest”, about an unnecessary battle that was ignored by historians because the US high command didn’t want to be shown as a bunch of clueless, fuckheaded, upper class dickwads who wasted the lives of thousands of men in a battle that didn’t need to be fought.

And also rereading the LA Trilogy by James Ellroy because that is some fucking beautiful, mangled literature.

blaxabbath

“a battle that didn’t need to be fought.”

Also known as Super Bowl 48

JerBear50

What’s this about unnecessary, wasteful battles?
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Duchess

See I am watching a collection of stories that mainly focuses on how to expand ones empire and the pitfalls ones hubris can bring with it. I think Game of Thrones owes a lot to it. It is well written which you should expect since it had a doctorate at the helm… It’s called Yertle the Turtle.

King Hippo

“The Whisperers: Private Life in Stalin’s Russia” by Orlando Figes. Highly recommended.

scotchnaut

The best nonfiction I’ve come across recently was The Brothers, a bio of John Foster and Allen Dulles. I have a fascination with unelected officials that have out-sized influence on national policy and woo boy, do these guys ever fit that bill. Also 1491 argues that native North/South American societies were far more complex than historians would lead you to believe.

Fiction-wise I very much enjoyed The Power of the Dog by Don Winslow a couple of years ago so I recently picked up The Cartel. It’s still interesting but I’ve noticed that every female character is “IMPOSSIBLY BEAUTIFUL!”, “STUNNINGLY GORGEOUS!”, “SIMPLY STUNNING!” or “STRIKINGLY ANGELIC!”. It gets to be a bit much…

Horatio Cornblower

i’m currently reading David Halberstam’s ‘The Powers That Be’ a 1979 book about the rise of media in the 20th century that I found in the swap shop of the town dump. Also rereading T.C. Boyle’s ‘The Road To Wellness’ because I had it around and had just finished his new book ‘The Harder They Come’ (seriously, is Boyle not doing ‘phrasing’ anymore?), which I highly recommend.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I really like most of Boyle’s stuff. The short story collections and World’s End are…. shit…. must reads. Although I’d caution that by a ‘not for everyone’ cya.

blaxabbath

Luck is wisely picking a book most Indianapolis residents already own for the first assignment.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Based on a very old OSZ suggestion, I’ve been reading the Southern Reach (Area X) trilogy: http://www.amazon.com/Area-Southern-Annihilation-Authority-Acceptance/dp/0374261172

I finished the first book, Annihilation, last month. I really enjoyed the first person, journal-like narrative, but ultimately had more questions than answers at the end of it. I haven’t had time to start the next one lately, but it’s on the horizon.

Horatio Cornblower

I read ‘Guns, Germs & Steel’ a while ago. I’m no Jared Diamond and while I thought he made some good points I think he was reluctant to concede the main point, which is that white northern Europeans were just vastly superior to the other cultures they came into contact with, and by “vastly superior” I mean vastly superior at killing other people and having absolutely no compunction about doing so at the drop of a hat.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Wait…Jared Diamond…like the jewelry store? So this is what it sounds like…when doves cry.”

http://s3.vidimg.popscreen.com/original/10/WjFxSU5hWVo3YW8x_o_michael-bolton-the-bobs-office-space.jpg

jjfozz

“PC Load Letter? What the fuck does that mean?”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Just watched that again and still laughed. Sadly laughed because my day job is still like that, but laughed nonetheless.

King Hippo

George Carlin’s summary: “When those blue eyes sail out of the North, you better watch out cause we’re gonna take it, and if we can’t take it we’ll burn it, and if we can’t burn it we’ll FUCK IT!”

laserguru

Another good summation was when Cortes told his men to “Burn the boats” when they got to Mexico.
Crazy motherfuckers.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve been finishing off the Orson Scott Card books. I enjoyed them for a while but now it’s basically like going through the motions of a marriage until the kids are all off to college.

MikeWallaceAndGromit
blaxabbath

Like most people, I just use the public library as an internet/nap/urination cafe.

laserguru

I’m pretty sure the Guns, Germs and Steel was my recommendation and I’m glad you are enjoying it.
I’m finishing up my last 3 unread Cormac McCarthy books. I just finished Outer Dark (shit howdy that’s a real happy, happy fun time read – think Child of God but even darker) I’m currently half way through The Orchard Keeper and I only have Suttree remaining.

If you haven’t read any McCarthy yet maybe start with The Road or The Border Trilogy because starting with Blood Meridian may actually send you straight to Hell after finishing your life in an insane asylum. There’s a reason that book hasn’t been made into a movie yet.

Happy reading!

nomonkeyfun

The followup to G,G,&S, “Collapse”, is also fascinating. Especially the sections about the Vikings in Greenland, and comparing the fate of Haiti to the Dominican Republic.

Need to look at McCarthy, serious hole for me.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Just got an email from none other than Trent Richardson! He’s complaining that he is unable to view the last line of your comment.

nomonkeyfun

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blaxabbath

Could Richardson HAAAAAAVE any less vision?

jjfozz

Good Christ was Blood Meridian a flat out roller coaster through each level of hell. I don’t know what happened to Cormac McCarthy growing up. Did he share a room with Cthulhu?

JerBear50

Don’t worry, I’m sure James Franco will be up to the task eventually. I mean, after all he managed to make The Sound and The Fury with himself, Seth Rogen, and Danny fucking McBride, so why not Blood Meridian next? How the fuck did that really happen?