So we’ve made it to the first major event of the 2016 NFL season, the first round of the draft is tonight! As we are reminded that coaches, general managers, and meddling owners are the real stars of this league, we will also use this event to be introduced to the latest class of well-dressed athletes who, in as soon as four years even, may be budding stars preparing to be training camp hold outs insisting on new contracts, early retirees, or simply journeymen professionals chasing their athletic dreams.
Remember about a month ago when the draft universe was upside-down? The top two picks, Tennessee and Cleveland, presumably pleased with their quarterback situations (because nothing says “nah, we’re good at QB” like having a top draft pick), were expected to kick off the draft with unsexy upgrades to their non-existent lines. Boltman and Ol’ Double-J would then get some screen time before perpetual top-five picker Jacksonville would bring aboard someone with high upside who won’t make it to the preseason without getting an injury that will land him on the season-ending IR. Also, the P*triot’s didn’t have a first round pick because they had tampered with game balls and got caught. But that didn’t matter because, with Tom Brady for 16 weeks, this team didn’t need a first round pick to get off to a hot start.
Well, now our draft universe is upside-down for other reasons. The Los Angeles Rams of Raider Nation announced that their “philosophy has always been to build through the draft” before sending six of their first seven picks over the next two years to Tennessee in exchange for the right to pick first tonight. Who will they take? Well, RAMIT insiders haven’t decided yet. Not to be outdone — by LA or their previous regime — the Philadelphia Eagles gave up eight picks to earn the right to draft whoever gets rejected by the guys who assembled a 2015 QB depth chart of Nick Foles, Case Keenum, and Sean Mannion. Laremy Tunsil, the projected top pick before Tennessee traded down, is set to lose at least $1.5 million on his rookie contract as a result of these trades. Also, the P*triot’s still don’t have a first round pick because they had tampered with game balls and got caught. Also, they lost Tom Brady for the first four weeks of the season, including their Sunday Night Football home opener where Chris and Al will have to talk about Brady being out because he’s a cheater even though they don’t want to talk about Brady’s history of cheating.
Now, for everyone who submitted on Pick Is In, tonight is also judgement day for you. That’s right, click below to open the official [DFO] Draft Challenge Prediction Board, turn on the television, and get ready to weep.
CARSON WENTZ WAS ROBBED!
/seriously, is there no security in the waiting room?
“I know these Eagles pretty well and let me tell you they are LOATHSOME people, just the absolute worst.”
suzy done her hair purty
Seattle D-line, meet your new tackle dummy!
Joke all you want, Goff has the poise to handle getting destroyed by week 4…and out of the league by week 7.
Daughter: “Why are they all booing him? That’s not nice.”
Me: “Eh, they always do that.”
Daughter: “Well…why?”
Me: “He’s a sanctimonious ginger asshole.”
Daughter: “Oh, ok then.”
Parenting: You’re doing it right.
Ginger asshole is a result of figging
Someone….please….shoot….Deion Sanders.
Well he just sounds like the most boring person on the planet. Watch yourself, Flacco.
Alright, now everyone laugh at the Eagles!
But is it…exciting?
“Hail hydra” -Goodell
They picked him because people in California know who he is.
He can find his way around the highways.
Don’t have to worry him missing a start cause he was stuck in traffic.
Good luck with HIM.
-Steve McNair
PleaseletPhillytradetheirpicktoSanFranPleaseletPhillytradetheirpicktoSanFranPleaseletPhillytradetheirpicktoSanFranPleaseletPhillytradetheirpicktoSanFranPleaseletPhillytradetheirpicktoSanFran
Pick is in….sorry.
Mooch: “He fits what they do”
Lose?
You needed 9 minutes for that?
You sound like my girlfriend
BOO THIS MAN
I am one for one in Blax’s draft pool!! I AM ON FIRE!!!
Still better than Mel Kiper Jr.
We finally have something in common!
TO: Rich Eisen
RE: “The Goff”
Alright, the Commentists who updated our picks and paid attention all has 20 now.
Jared Seems incredibly neutral about this news.
Goodell getting the reception he deserves.
Just saying.
BOO! BOO! BOO THIS MAN!!!
But keep watching the NFL.
yes and YES! And do I ever mean yes.
The Rams are taking this wrong just to fuck with everyone, right, because they get to leave after they finish.
http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/boo_this_man_half_baked.gif
Tunsil gonna have to piss in a cup as soon as his pick is announced.
Fun fact: Mike Martz was the last coach of the rams to have a winning season
So ESPN or NFLN?
I’ll take Eisen and Mayock over the Berman Circus.
Agreed.
I like it when the draft rooms clap like they just landed a rocket on the moon.
Small minds have small dreams.
“Houston, we have a football team.”
“A what?”
Jeff Fisher’s speaking to Peter King on the phone to ensure King keeps fellating him in his column, this ensuring Fisher mysteriously stays employed.
King Hippo: “Again, as much as I despise his politics, I admire how Kurt Warner is seemingly a good person in how he lives his life, and how he puts his cray-cray aside in a box and does a really solid job as an analyst.”
The most evil people in the world seem to have wonderful personal and family lives. It’s proof that God is real and He’s a fucking asshole.
The Rams have selected Ryan Gosling number 1
They were looking at the wrong Notebook.
But he’s canadian hes not eligible to be number 1 its in the constitution.
YA BETTER DRAFT SOMEBODDDDDDYYYYY!
Evening folks!
Holy shit I had forgotten how bad the Rams really have been.
Didn’t they have a stretch where they won like five games in three years?
Gruden is comparing Goff to Aaron Rodgers. HAHAHAHAHA
Then make him wait
Again, as much as I despise his politics, I admire how Kurt Warner is seemingly a good person in how he lives his life, and how he puts his cray-cray aside in a box and does a really solid job as an analyst.
Plus he married a goblin and they seem happy.
I went to Northern Iowa, you get treated like the idiot you are there. He probably learned to contain that shit early on.
I did so little study on the draft this year. I don’t even have a preferred player for Denver. Connor Cook maybe? I don’t know.
No, didn’t you hear the rumors about his Semester at Sea?
NO!!! Dak Prescott in the 2nd or no QB until next season (other than late round flyer).
/I didn’t study much either but why should that keep me from having strongly help opinions.
//am sure that almost all of the QB prospects are shit, though.
///will kill self if they take Hackenberg or Cardale Jones, though
WE ALREADY SAW THE LIVE SHOT OF ONLY ONE PERSON IN THE RAMS WAR ROOM. GET THE FUCKING PICK IN.
Why is Jeff Fisher still employed?
Because you touch yourself.
http://i.imgur.com/RlaVtvP.jpg
that moustache KNOWS SOME SHIT
Did Kurt Warner just praise Allah?
Ha! I knew it! He is ILLUMINUGHTY
The Rams fax machine is broken. Watch them miss the window and slide the first pick to Philly.
We don’t have to wait 2 or 3 years john.
If a player dies two days after being drafted we can safely say it was a bad pick
If Mel Kiper showed up at my front door, I expected a justified homicide ruling just need on his personality
Seriously why is this pick taking so long. Bunch of glory boy front office prima donnas.
It’s been less than ten minutes and I’m already tired of the “Hey, this is the thing that happened when the Rams were last in Los Angeles” bullshit.
Rye Barrel Abyss is on point.
I’ve already plowed through a Southern Tier 2X IPA, a Sixpoint Bengali Tiger, and an Avery Joes’s Pilsner. May cap off with an Epic sour IPA next.
I love all the beers you’ve had already. Which sour is the Epic?
Tart n Juicy Sour IPA
Do they really need 10 minutes on the clock for the first pick? Really?
“You’ve had your whole fucking life to think things over…what good is few minutes more gonna do you now?”
They’re waiting for Jerry Jones to offer them his entire draft, three comely lasses and the right to use JerrahWorld three times a year for events so he can move up and draft Johnny Manziel.
woooooooo rams on the clock
“It’s cool. We have an hour.” – A. Reid
Ezekiel Elliott’s hair line is on point.