So we’ve made it to the first major event of the 2016 NFL season, the first round of the draft is tonight! As we are reminded that coaches, general managers, and meddling owners are the real stars of this league, we will also use this event to be introduced to the latest class of well-dressed athletes who, in as soon as four years even, may be budding stars preparing to be training camp hold outs insisting on new contracts, early retirees, or simply journeymen professionals chasing their athletic dreams.
Remember about a month ago when the draft universe was upside-down? The top two picks, Tennessee and Cleveland, presumably pleased with their quarterback situations (because nothing says “nah, we’re good at QB” like having a top draft pick), were expected to kick off the draft with unsexy upgrades to their non-existent lines. Boltman and Ol’ Double-J would then get some screen time before perpetual top-five picker Jacksonville would bring aboard someone with high upside who won’t make it to the preseason without getting an injury that will land him on the season-ending IR. Also, the P*triot’s didn’t have a first round pick because they had tampered with game balls and got caught. But that didn’t matter because, with Tom Brady for 16 weeks, this team didn’t need a first round pick to get off to a hot start.
Well, now our draft universe is upside-down for other reasons. The Los Angeles Rams of Raider Nation announced that their “philosophy has always been to build through the draft” before sending six of their first seven picks over the next two years to Tennessee in exchange for the right to pick first tonight. Who will they take? Well, RAMIT insiders haven’t decided yet. Not to be outdone — by LA or their previous regime — the Philadelphia Eagles gave up eight picks to earn the right to draft whoever gets rejected by the guys who assembled a 2015 QB depth chart of Nick Foles, Case Keenum, and Sean Mannion. Laremy Tunsil, the projected top pick before Tennessee traded down, is set to lose at least $1.5 million on his rookie contract as a result of these trades. Also, the P*triot’s still don’t have a first round pick because they had tampered with game balls and got caught. Also, they lost Tom Brady for the first four weeks of the season, including their Sunday Night Football home opener where Chris and Al will have to talk about Brady being out because he’s a cheater even though they don’t want to talk about Brady’s history of cheating.
Now, for everyone who submitted on Pick Is In, tonight is also judgement day for you. That’s right, click below to open the official [DFO] Draft Challenge Prediction Board, turn on the television, and get ready to weep.
Not logging out of your twitter account is not being hacked.
Listening to the announcers backtracking on Tunsil makes me think I’m watching “Slapshot.”
Good for him. He made mistakes, he admitted to them. He deserves a chance to prove himself.
This goodwill is not at all motivated by my relief that he didn’t go to a team I don’t like.
God please tell me Sabin posted the video.
Weed something something Dolphins something Ricky Williams something something.
Good for him, and I hope he kicks the Pats’ fucking asses.
From your lips to God’s ears.
Good for a guy who may do drugs to go to place where you’ll never find anything illegal like Miami.
A guy with a drug problem gets drafted by Miami.
What could go wrong?
Maybe he can use his stash to take the edge of Suh.
Miami. Makes sense.
Tunsil can step up to cocaine in Miami
This is called the Sam Hurd action plan.
Ha. Good for Miami.
Dad just borrowed against his 401k to pay for your wedding and you thank him for the fucking quarter pounder?
These McDonald’s ads are making me (more) homicidal (than usual).
Why do the cams have two blue jerseys above their couch?
I like when ACC defenders get drafted because it’s the only time you can see UCONN players in the highlights. They’re the ones getting fucking blown up by the defender.
News story: notoriously risk adverse organizations dislike the slighest whiff of risk.
THIS IS HOW THE CYBERBULLIES WIN.
Packers fans: David, Raise her right…. ignore the fact your entire family lIves in illinois, and be sure to to bandwagon the blackhawks and all the other chicago teams, like a true packers fan
so tunsil to browns? because browns?
That would mean the Browns made a smart decision.
God knows they have experience with helping players deal with off the field issues!
Ian Rapoport needs to battle Adam Schefter to the death… In which I hope both of them die.
Wow…they said video could be at least 5 years old. That fucking blows.
R Kelly kind of knows what he is going through…
The Ravens took Tunsil off the board because he smoked pot, but they built a fucking statue to a guy who hindered a murder prosecution.
Go fuck yourself Baltimore.
Superbowl winner who took a plea bargain.
Let’s not pretend any other franchise would act different.
Just stop, Dude.
The city of Cleveland would sacrifice a bus load of children to Josh Gordon’s weed dealer to get a Superbowl victory.
Be fucking real. There are no good guys in the NFL. Santa Claus does not exist.
As a Baltimore native and Ravens fan, I don’t disagree re: Ray Lewis (and others).
Having said that, would you rather they ignore red flags regarding future players and continue down the same path?
As a fan, I’m pleased with them passing on Tunsil. And no, it’s not about the weed.
I just don’t like the hypocritical bullshit all these teams engage in. And JSD is right, any team would have built ol’ RayRay a statue after his career. But for fuck’s sake, don’t jerk me off that your team is some paragon of virtue because you won’t draft a guy who smokes pot when your happy to draft or sign a wife-beating, gun-toting sociopath so long as they’re productive.
Fuck the NFL. If it wasn’t for you assholes I’d probably be following World Cup luge during the winter. This is all your fault.
OK. FWIW, wasn’t trying to jerk you off (I have my hands full doing that to meself).
I didn’t mean you, or JSD, just the announcers and the NFL in general. And Mayock apparently was told the same thing off the air because holy shit did he backpedal.
uh-oh looks like Papa john’s moved on
I’m kind of hoping the Patriots trade into the first round and take Tunsil just so Roger Goodell has to announce both names at once.
This is the kind of delicious twisted logic that makes the Commentists so much fun to be around.
“The New England Patriots select Laremy Tunsil….who has been suspended 4 games for violating the league’s substance abuse policy. Don’t like it? (snickers) Sue me.”
NO with Lynch? If not I can see Jets trading up to Cleveland to get him.
MALKIN
2-1 ICE STILLERS
da Fuq just happened??????????????
So soon?
Penguins goal!
Shut up…Shut up…Shut up!!!!!!
These kids with their phones and selfies
Dude had his phone in front of his face, so I just saw his dad celebrating, and I was like, “Wow, that’s an old draft pick!”
Exactly what went through my head too.
Holee shit…..TB did a good.
I’m still adjusting to the idea that Lovie Smith coaches at Illinois of all places.
I’m half expecting him to offer a scholarship Chris Conte.
Sir you can’t challenge that.
Now that he’s not going to the bears, I hope tunsil’s as big a bust as possible
Berman’s getting some sweat on his upper lip
Fuck u nfl you’re not cool enough for “Off the Wall”!
Schefter’s right. This is just like when La’el Collins might have killed someone.
To be clear, did Gruden say, “Fractured Caligula”?
A lot of holding highlights…
The highlight they just showed had him holding the receiver the entire 9 seconds of a pass play
So…you’re saying the Seahawks should’ve traded up?
Giants needed more D-line help then Dallas….HAHA……stupid fucks.
Shaq Lawson was there for the taking but Jerry Reese is Jerry Reese.
Jack Daniels new motto should be ‘it gets the job done’
I put a “meeting” on my calendar and walked over to DRAFT TOWN SPONSORED BY OIKOS TRIPLE ZERO this afternoon. I’ll put together a post about it tomorrow. It’s a well set up space, but I really don’t understand why people feel the urge to stand outside in the cold, paying $8 for shit beer (or $9 for actually okay beer), just to watch the draft on a TV.
In high school I’d stand outside in the winter and pay winos $10 to get me a six-pack of shitty beer.
Peter King hasn’t tweeted since I Bosa’d him.
We should Tunsil his Twitter account next.
You’re doing the Lord’s work Sir.
Oh man, Eli Manning is going to be so confused to see two lunch boxes with the same name on them in the Giants team fridge.
His lithpiness doth not approve of the pick.
What’s with all the OSU hacks???
Maybe they hacked Tunsils twitter
I enjoy that Berman heard a rimshot in his own head over “The Big Apple”
I’ll defer to Scotchy on this but of all the things the Giants need isn’t a DB about the last of them?
I’m not the smartest Giant fan but I’m somewhat befuddled. Overall secondary help was needed but…
Eli likes apples slices.
More Eli’s!
oh fuck you Lispy McGee. He’s a fucking college kid with an asshole friend who fucked him.
He falls into the 20s, get Laremy into a Donks jersey, Mr. Elway.
You shut your whore mouth. I want him to fall all the way to the Cowboys’ second pick so he can keep Randy Gregory company and we can trade one of our older OLs for a shitload of picks next year.
oh FUCK YOU, you got Murder Guy for free last year, after I beat my head against the wall yelling for Denver to pick him round after round. NO MOAR this decade.
I’m JUST drunk enough to giggle at lispy Mcgee
He could be weed legally in Cooooloraaaddooooo.
Hanukah Homo Habilis has a good point there.
/Not sure if that joke’s been done before but I’ve been sitting on it all day.
Laremy Tunsil, with your gas mask and your stupid little bow tie.
-NFLN talking heads
Actually if someone came into the Green Room wearing a bow tie I’d take him right off my board. You just can’t trust anyone in a bow tie.
not true. The doctor taught me that bowties are cool