A pretty full (Darnell) docket of NFL minutiae today:
- nfl.com:
- NFL investigators are looking into whether Aqib Talib shot himself. I expect the crack team that investigated Brady’s deflated balls to eventually conclude “Touchdown Seahawks”. If they would just read Crimebeat!, their problems would be solved.
- More musings that the starter’s job in San Francisco is Blaine Gabbert’s to lose. I’m highly anticipating a “Chip Kelly to Go With ‘The Flow'” headline close to the regular season.
- ESPN:
- In what seems like more of a typical Browns story, or possibly Bucs/MRSA circumstance, Jags WR Allen Hurns is allergic to grass. Martavis Bryant is desperately trying to find an out for himself in all of this.
- Ravens DL Timmy Jernigan wanted to change his number to 99 to honour his idol Warren Sapp, and Sapp responded by demanding the kid not do that. Rumour is it’s because Jernigan stopped returning Sapp’s calls & texts, but I figure it’s because Sapp thought he was going to get paid for the honour, and has a hotel room and ‘entertainment’ he really needs covered this weekend.
- In an actual “Thanks, Obama” moment, Broncos WR (& fantasy team poison) Demaryius Thomas personally thanked the President during the Broncos visit for pardoning his mother back in July. The pardon, as part of a blanket series granted to non-violent drug offenders, eliminated the remaining five years on her 20-year sentence for participating in his grandmother’s cocaine distribution ring. (BTW, Grandma is serving two life sentences for being the ringleader.)
- SBNation:
- A pretty chilling account from eyewitnesses about the moments leading to former Saint Will Smith’s murder. TL;DR – it pretty much invalidates self-defence.
- The Dolphins might be interested in trading for Darren McFadden? What broken-down piece of junk would the Cowboys want in return? Would JERRAH accept payment in hookers?
- Profootballtalk:
- JPP is going to be doing a fireworks PSA in time for July 4th.
- Not in time for his right hand, but just in time for his left.
- Following up on the rumour of the Dolphins looking at possibly acquiring Run-DMC, PFT says the Fins are losing interest in signing Arian Foster.
- If true, Andrew Luck’s contract extension will be worth about $25 million a year, $3 million more than elite QB Joe Flacco and a $9 million raise on his fifth-year option for 2016.
- Finally, on a humourous note, Trent Richardson says the 2016 season begins his first steps towards the Hall of Fame.
- JPP is going to be doing a fireworks PSA in time for July 4th.
In lesser sports news, Maria Sharapova was suspended two years for using banned substances, specifically the drug meldonium. According to the BBC, Meldonium – also known as mildronate – is a drug designed to treat ischemia, a condition where there is a reduction in blood supply to body tissue. It is also said to have benefits for diabetes sufferers. For athletes, it helps with oxygen delivery to the muscles, so it would help with endurance.
So far, no sign of it has turned up in any old Lance Armstrong samples, but I’m sure it’s just a matter of time.
In lesser sports reporting, someone at The Hollywood Reporter thought it would be a good idea to ask Bill Simmons some questions. Idiot. Among the factoids I cherry-picked:
- ESPN = bad. Bad, bad men.
- Roger Goodell + ESPN = Bill Simmons alone must pay.
- Deadspin totally fucked him over. He’s an angel & team player.
- Everybody wanted him, but HBO wants to love him.
- He’s going to totally be the Bill Maher of sports, bros!
- People who don’t like Bill say Bill is galvanizing, and that galvanizes Bill.
- “30 for 30” totally sucks now. WHY MESS WITH A WINNING FORMULA?!
- Did you know he’s from Boston? SHOCKER!
Read it if you dare, but be warned: It makes Peter King look self-aware.
So…Game 3 is tonight. Does it begin the comeback, or validate the LeBron-as-poison / Cleveland-is-cursed theories? I saw the 4th quarter of Game 2, and I have to tell you, Golden State looked pretty unbeatable. Seeing GSW roll Cleveland in the first two games must make OKC fans cry, and Sonics fans delighted. It seemed to me like Kerr’s defensive strategy was to triple LeBron and let the others shoot from outside, figuring that the stress of trying to compensate would crack their aim. Luckily, it turns out that’s one of the main theories so-called “experts” are going with.
One of the few benefits of having separate Canadian coverage (US-game broadcast, but pre-pregame and post-postgame Canadian commentary) due to how far the Raptors got is that I’m learning what snipers the Cavs were during their series against TO. Rod Black – who is as white as you’d expect from a Canadian basketball commentator – keeps going on about how the Warriors have rattled the Cavs into taking poor 3s rather than setting up a good shot. I don’t think that’s just the difference, but – okay.
If the Cavs win tonight, then we’ve got an actual series (maybe – see SJ-Pitt). But if they lose, and lose hard, then this is most likely over by Friday, and the team gets blown up on July 1, when free agency starts.
Tonight’s engaging sports contests:
NBA: Game 3 – Warriors @ Cavs – 9:00
Copa: streak broken – no wrecked anthems last night.
- Brazil vs Haiti – 7:30 – Camping World Stadium, Orlando (future site of the Pro Bowl)
- Ecuador vs Peru – 10:00 – University of Phoenix Stadium, Glendale
Alternative Programming:
- NBC – American Ninja Warrior – 8:00
- Why does everyone have to have a story? Why can’t one of them just say, “It looks like fun, so I figured ‘why not’?”
- This show mostly reminds me how much I miss MXC.
- ESPN Classic – Connors vs McEnroe; Evert vs Navratalova – 1982 Wimbledon Final – 8:00; 10:00
- this one’s for Dok, as she is contemplating blowing a ton of money on strawberries & cream.
- If you do go, please accept this London play recommendation – Sunny Afternoon
- this one’s for Dok, as she is contemplating blowing a ton of money on strawberries & cream.
- FX – The Americans – 10:00
- Season 4 finale! Hopefully, it includes some gratuitous Keri Russell alongside good actor Keri Russell.
Myself, if I had the choice, I prefer London over New York as a tourist destination. It’s probably the history major in me. Also, MY EXTRA “U”‘s ARE NOT OUT OF PLACE!
Hmmm….
http://65.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltrrgwHvQ21qc0g46o1_1280.jpg
Well, rumors were that LeBron James was going to do Space Jam 2. Apparently the Cavaliers are playing the part of the Monstars after stealing the talents of various NBA All Stars.
That is a huge cock.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltuhzfc2lr1qarn5to1_1280.jpg
Amber Waves agrees:
http://25.media.tumblr.com/09ea0286e3fac6727cdb2dc369b3f6df/tumblr_mhpqykzkQV1r8bxs1o1_500.gif
We’ve secretly replaced the Cleveland Cavaliers with the Golden State Warriors. Let’s see if anyone notices…
Did everyone in Cleveland sell their souls to the Devil?
The Devil wouldn’t make such a foolish purchase.
Satan couldn’t accept that deal; no collateral, since they already live in Cleveland, it can’t get any worse.
Now that is one scrunchy face…don’t you think?
http://45.media.tumblr.com/a513ff1e9b1aae9826b9ee475e2b67b1/tumblr_no92jkVote1r1fcy4o3_250.gif
Where was THIS Irving 3 days ago?!?
Man, the graphics to the new NBA 217 looks great. This game almost looks real!
I smell points shaving.
No, wait. That’s my asparagus.
CUTCH INTO HOME WITH THE LEAD FOLLOWING ANOTHER NEIL WALKER ERROR WOO
Tee hee?
I can’t believe I’m the first pervert amongst the crowd to post a Maria.
I think she’s getting a raw deal. I mean what’s a little doping between friends?
“Right?!”
— Marion Berry
Ha!!! Nice.
Hey!
Bitch set ‘im up.
Since she can’t play tennis, maybe she will have more time for modeling?
Perhaps a flip?
http://33.media.tumblr.com/1c9d3b34125776aa0f81fc23eb6c5c8b/tumblr_nxcnr02MEn1sqkjcto1_400.gif
“After savoring the flavor for a bit, it occurred to me that they had served me a cup of French dip juice.” — Len Saunders
1) Shocking this isn’t Indy
2) I’d much rather have this than coffee
https://www.thrillist.com/eat/nation/off-the-menu-restaurant-customers-who-ate-the-wrong-things
The Subway monstrosity story, though. That is classic Indy.
Did these teams switch uniforms or something?
Such a beautiful little city:
http://floridaphotomatt.com/wp-content/photos/2012/05/Pittsburgh-Point-at-night.jpg
Damn you and your truthful statement!
I’m still confused as to why this isn’t in every GSW-CLE open thread body text.
http://116.imagebam.com/download/wzb0T3ZOiM5sPSDm20flmA/47840/478399186/curry.gif
9-0?! Are the Warriors toying with the Cavs or something?
Am I too late to use this clip?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwwY9y6O3hw
DAMN IT GRONK!
http://www.csmonitor.com/Science/2016/0607/Florida-reels-in-annual-infestation-of-sea-lice-video
http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/another-florida-alligator-discovered-gnawing-dead-body/ar-BBtZinl?ocid=ansmsnnews11
AKA: The Aaron Hernandez Method
http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/woman-accused-in-kayak-death-admitted-to-sabotage-investigator/ar-BBtYioz?ocid=ansmsnnews11
In preparation of the Clevelanding.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcc2ltIjNU0
It.
Will.
Never.
Get.
Old.
This really is one of the greatest sports photographs ever taken.
It’s times like this I wish I hooked up my TV to the antenna, and that the antenna actually got a signal (I think it gets ABC, though)/
(2 days….*woo*)
Garbage – When I Grow Up
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Je-CPZRwbh8
Evening gents…
Haldo.
It’s mesmerizing. Like a lava lamp.
http://rs86.pbsrc.com/albums/k107/redrice009/tumblr%20gifs/hhiiiiiitumblr_m044dgwzu21qgh4q8o2_500.gif~c200
S’OK
DAMMIT!
Fuck Photobucket.
http://ci.memecdn.com/433/1884433.gif
I should put those on my business card once I get licensed.
Remaking “Ghostbusters” with the current crop of male comic actors would be even worse than the all-woman cast.
At least with women you can claim that you’re taking a different angle to the franchise.
What man would you cast as any of those roles and expect success?
You can’t recatch lightning in a bottle, you stupid Hollywood fucks.
Right… I don’t know who has the comedic chops to pull it off. The “Frat Pack” are pushing 50 and do you think it would have been Seth Rogen and crew? Great it would be a 2 hour long joke about the ghost blow job scene twist it was James Franco getting a blow job from the ghost of Paul Lynde
OOH OOH JUDD APATOW COULD DIRECT
http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Thats-Gold-Jerry-Gold-Kenny-Bania-Seinfeld-Quote.gif
My problem’s not the all-female cast. They will do great, but it would be better if it was a distant sequel. Say all the ghosts go away after Ghostbuster II due to the pink slime making everyone in New York City happy, but they come back 25 years later and now new people got to restart it.
Plus, it will have a climax where the original Ghostbusters (one in ghost form) show up and help the new ones save the day and pass the torch.
I disagree.
They will do terribly because the original film leaned so heavily on Bill Murray’s inimitable improvisational skills.
Tonight, Part 3 in ABC’s hit new mini-series “Dear God, Its Happening Again: The Cleveland Story”.
Starring: Curry, Thompson, and Green and a cameo appearance from Livingstone’s knee
/punches ticket to hell
I agree Trent Richardson will make the Hall of Fame. He will be talked about as the guy who single handedly made Curtis Enis look like a wise draft choice.
Hey, now.
Enis went to Penn State.
At least Alabama has produced a competent RB or two since the early 70s.
The words “Curtis Enis” make me sad which is hard to do considering his name is practically a dick joke.
What the… the original cast of Ghostbusters? Someone turn time backwards, I want to watch that!
Ramis went above and beyond.
Oh yeah I loved Ghostbusters, featuring all my favorite comedians of the time: Harold Ramis, Bill Murray, Dan Akroyd, and the black one.
So I’m watching Jimmy Kimmel right now, and I gotta ask:
Is Leslie Jones the granddaughter of Mammy Two Shoes?
Leslie Jones is female Tracy Morgan. She might actually be Tracy Morgan in drag in some sort of Andy Kaufman-Tony Clifton-like thing.
I thought I’d never say this in my life but,… that’s an insult to Tracy Morgan.
Bah! I misread and thought the article about Arian Foster was from PFTC, not just PFT. What a waste of precious bandwidth.
I’m not sure why Rusev is at the CMT Music Awards, but GOT-DAMN, Lana.
I don’t know while Lana is in mid-march while Rusev is posing, but who case, its Lana.
Pitch Perfect is winning more awards?
jesus… Fox gave Tebow a dumb home show. Let me guess after the camera stops rolling most of the people will try to sell the house and be left off worse than they were before?
“Why is our chimney a foot shorter?”
I’m watching a 1986 episode of Night Court where a young Fran Drescher switched from her usual shrill voice to a dark, seductive voice.
Its amazing how a voice can make an ugly woman to impressively hot. Its also amazing that Fran Drescher’s voice turned me on.
She was absolutely smoking in The Hollywood Knights. Her voice makes me want to bleed out.
So, an argument between myself and a colleague needs to be adjudicated here.
Which weapon do you think has killed more people:
1. Type 98 Mauser rifle and its derivatives
No} AK-47 and its derivatives
The Type 98 was the standard service rifle for the Wehrmacht from 1889–1945 during two World Wars that killed an estimated 60 million enemies of the German states.
The AK-47 wasn’t.
If you vote in my favor not only will you be correct, but I will send you the 12 internet dollars you initially invested in the site.
http://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/don-t-vote-for-stupid.png
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–55bKEHy2–/ybvgladnyxe7ipmio2fv.jpg
“In fact, when I know what is meant by mamelon and ravelin,
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,”
Then I’ll answer you question.
Probably the Type 98, my performance in Call of Duty: World at War not withstanding. But with all the crazy people, criminals and loose gun laws, the AK-47 is catching up.
AK-47
Most of those war casualties weren’t from small arms fire.
They were still, you know, WARS.
The AK-47 hasn’t been the standard service rifle of a single nation engaged in declared warfare.
I don’t know. Declared wars or not, everyone and their brother with a leftist bent has used an AK-47 since, well, 1947. I think Kim Jong-Un killed 3 million people with an AK this morning.
Yeah…no.
Doesn’t matter. You asked which of the two guns killed more people. It’s easily the Kalashnikov.
Doubtlessly correct.
I’d vote Type 98… AK 47 didnt see the battle field in WWII
Exactly.
AK-47 means Automat Kalashnikov-1947.
Even if the Type 98 only accounted for 10% of Wehrmacht enemy deaths in the World Wars that’s still SIX MILLION PEOPLE.
Those Karlie Kloss vids I made last night from that music video:
https://gfycat.com/PastUnsightlyHarvestmouse
https://gfycat.com/LastingVapidIntermediateegret
I jut haven’t gotten around to splitting the rest of the clips up into 15 second chunks, but I will eventually. That will make at least ten total.
She likes her music, I’m fine with that.
Regarding the Trent Richardson link:
http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Dwight-Schrute-Laughing.gif
http://static.gamespot.com/uploads/original/1535/15354834/2438326-laughing-hysterically.gif
http://gifsec.com/wp-content/uploads/GIF/2014/04/Laughing-gif_1.gif
Oh thank you. I needed that.
http://cdn1.sbnation.com/assets/3452693/trich1.gif
To be fair, that was against the Seahawks.
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
KILL IT! KILL IT!
He never recovered from Beecher shitting on his face in that weight room. Let it go man.
So, Whiplash was just JK Simmons in roid rage for 100 minutes?
JK looks strong enough to choke the life out of PK quickly; the future does have some bright spots.
He needs big guns to collect his Social Security check. No problem wit dat.
Contrary to popular belief, when his aorta finally dissects from his heart he won’t spray blood out of his mouth all over the place.
It’ll just turn his neck and chest this remarkable crimson color you only see in catastrophic internal bleeding.
It always put me in mind of the color of early Corvette seats:
http://www.oldcarsguide.com/chevrolet/corvette/images/1959-corvette-seats.jpg
“CFL PRESEASON FOOTBALL!”
I’ll take, “What Causes 75% of all early summer suicides in Canada” for $600, Alex.
Constructed with pride on the Isle Of Man.
Jameson Taillon making his major league pitching debut for the Dirt Stillers tonight.
We really need this kid to be good to have any hope of catching the Dirt Bears.
Early returns are less than encouraging.
A week into job hunting and I’m already ready to walk down the street and smash every windshield I see.
http://cdn3-www.craveonline.com/assets/uploads/2016/05/Overwatch-Problems-Reaper.gif
DIE! DIE! DIE!
Oh well, at least I have NXT The End tonight, which is actually using Baby Metal for its theme.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvD3CHA48pA
Cheap, relaxing, erotic.
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/t_original/1491530656801943620.gif
Do you have any sales experience and/or medical training?
If all goes according to plan I should be hiring in the Philly area by the end of the month.
Of course, the problem with that is that I’ve lived in Michigan for the last 10 years. 😛
I’m IT by trade. There’s jobs around here, and probably ones I’ll get an offer for, but when I’m not working, I get into the “Apply to jobs, email contacts, refresh email and look at phone constantly until you pass out” cycle. I don’t really even like long vacations, so this is boring the hell out of me.
Yeah, I’m no help to you at all.
Our IT consists entirely of making sure the website can take and fill orders.
This is my Hell.
Plus Barbri.
http://images.ftw.usatoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/pat10.gif
http://i.giftrunk.com/abk17d.gif
I read that cats do that “jumping in terror “thing because they identify the banana/cucumber/et&c as a snake.
That’s unconscious instantaneous adaptation right there.
COME AT ME CREATIONISTS
http://wp.production.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/files/2016/05/SunEarthHam.png
http://www.noahtherealstory.com/uploads/2/6/5/4/26542466/1942123_orig.jpg
Hey Ken!
How many cranes did Noah have?
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/81dyZNMPynL._SX522_.jpg
At least two.
http://image.desk7.net/Animal%20Wallpapers/257_1280x800.jpg
Damn it. I should have thought of that
“Evolutionary religion”……..
JESUS FUCKING HERBERT CHRIST!
i was thinking about FJMing the Simmons thing.
I got through about half of it and just gave up.
Pretty sure I’d have to start drinking again to be able to even finish reading it, let alone have anything left to comment.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Fs-WOIbL_H4/Vnt4JWBl6QI/AAAAAAAABls/qcGlkhmWYE4/s1600/Wise.gif
Maester Aemon?
YOU GUYS THE PERIODIC TABLE IS FINALLY FULL!
http://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/four-newest-elements-now-have-names-180959350
THEY’RE FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGING THE EXISTENCE OF UNOBTAINIUM WOO
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/jamescameronsavatar/images/7/7a/Unobtainium-490×245.jpg
“THE PERIODIC TABLE IS FINALLY FULL!”
[shakes fist]
“I’ll win the next eating contest, you insatiable bastard!”
-Andy Reid
http://img1.joyreactor.com/pics/post/gif-kermet-fap-610377.gif
Wifey wants pancakes for dinner.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/4520fd364542bf5ce70a53df93b26c91/tumblr_naxax1iFIX1tqaiblo1_250.gif
http://i.giftrunk.com/ba9cmh.gif
You need to wife that pancake-no questions asked!
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KNYW9Mflbko/U7_KvHjCUZI/AAAAAAAA2eY/4hNSEAuH-Vw/s1600/You+can't+pass+a+car+from+the+right.gif
I’m sure the people of Cleveland will manage their expectations of Lebron leading a comeback against GSW.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/bdceb403f4cc8a5a0a87f20cd18b425c/tumblr_inline_nzfelvGmkX1ql4omn_500.gif
“Blaine Gabbert” and “lose” in the same sentence? I was expecting something different.
I know, right?
http://i203.photobucket.com/albums/aa315/dirtsadistic/gifs/c0657d19.gif
Sexy
H0t 4uction Act1ion!
http://online.auctionnation.com/auction/1455/item/green-bay-packers-brett-favre-signed-834-x-1034-high-school-photo-framed-raffle-prize-won-from-wounded-warriors-vs-nfl-alumni-game-162111