NFL News:
- If you took the Saints in the draw, well – you’re a winner. Which is strange, because they weren’t part of the roster that opened veteran minicamps on Tuesday. Regardless, Defensive End Hau’oli Kikaha tore his ACL and is done for the year. Somewhere in western New York, a Wolfman lets loose a lonely howl in sympathy.
- New NFL rules in place today tweak existing guidelines based upon incidents from last year:
- The “James Jones rule” now prohibits wearing hoodies under a jersey. The reason is that they block view of the player’s name plate.
- The “Joey Porter rule” now prohibits an assistant coach from entering the playing field except to specifically treat an injured player. The reason is because Steelers-Bengals 2016 playoffs.
- Hue Jackson has publicly stated that he has not decided on a starting QB yet, and will need more time to decide on a #1. “About Week 12” was the best anyone could get.
- In an interview on the Steelers website, Boss Todd echoed earlier Big Ben statements, saying “thirty points a game is still a goal.”
- Via the AJC, profootballtalk has Roddy White stating he will only sign with a club that wants to win now, because he’s only got 1-2 more years left. “I don’t have the energy to be on teams that can’t win now.” So…hello Lions?
- Numerous sites are reporting Cam has “retired” the Dab, and will have something new for the 2016 season. It’s not the “stutter step; don’t recover the fumble”, because we saw that in the Super Bowl.
- Finally, 2016 Tebow (ie – QB with a bad arm that people keep linking to teams) Johnny Manziel got served with a lawsuit as he exited a club in LA. It could be because of his trashed rental, his car accident, or a civil claim related to his criminal charges.
Finally, in this-will-end-well news, Ohio State announced all home games will now have stadium-wide beer sales. Hilariously, it’s rationalization is to allow OSU to create two new positions in the OSU police department, with any surplus revenue going towards studying alcohol & drug misuse…oh, and to athletics.
Politics:
- Shockingly, Obama endorses Clinton.
End of special report.
Well, I guess it’s a series.
I watched the first quarter, and the NBA at least accomplished this: the Warriors starting that game THAT BADLY ensured more people would either tune in or keep watching until well into the 4th quarter, because precedent promised Golden State would mount some sort of comeback. The closest I saw was 9 points; feel free to correct me. Finishing down 30 brought back memories of scores from each side of the Conference Finals.
Speaking of series, tonight you might get to drink one down for WCS if his beloved Penguins pull off their first home Cup win. (All three previous Cups were clinched on the road – Minnesota; Chicago; Detroit) If that happens, we probably won’t hear from him for a week, and his little girl’s birth certificate might have her birth name whited-out and replaced with “Sidney Murray”. (BTW: “Rust LeTang”, which first popped into my head, would make a great punk band name.) If that does happen, make sure to also pour one out for Covalent Blonde, as this sultry siren of the sidelines will have to wait once again for next year for her beloved Sharks. At least she still has the Warriors…
Tonight’s possibly championship hoisting events:
NHL: Sharks @ Penguins – 8:00 (Game 5; Pens up 3-1)
Copa:
- Uruguay vs Venezuela – 7:30 – Lincoln Financial Field, Philadelphia
- Mexico vs Jamica – 10:00 – the Rose Bowl, Pasedena
Finally, look at this bird
That’s a seagull, and what happens when you dumpster dive behind an Indian food preparation plant, Tikka Masala specifically. Or, does it explain Trump’s magnetic glow & magnificent plumage…
HE LOVES INDIAN FOOD!
Duh, duh…DUH!!!!
http://i1086.photobucket.com/albums/j446/64_bit/tumblr_lidcvyn0SK1qd9yqc.gif
SOON
Has anyone seen the new Andy Samberg movie yet? Trying to decide if we want to make that a weekend agenda item.
Why am I reading about politics? I would’ve been better off watching baseball.
You want to be angry? I’m a professional scoffer and this election is even pissing me off.
http://static.fjcdn.com/gifs/Funny+cat+dance_83498a_4871214.gif
I gave one of my cats the middle name Adams after our 2nd President, and have indeed written him in for elective office on several occasions.
Do you have to tell your cat to sit down?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqAdlkJDt7k
Fuck it. I’m just going to dance. That’s all I can and want to do.
Sometimes you just gotta, right?
And we have five more months of it! Plenty of time to properly fit that pistol barrel to your lips!
http://somefeelings.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/irritated.png
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Zymm’s Guide to Watching Commercials on Univision : For some reason, travel guides always assume you need to know the word for hairdresser when you are in foreign countries. In Spanish it is “Peluqueria” which you should take care not to confuse with “Pelota”
All you really need to know is mezcalería
I do need to find a good Peluqueria for by Pelota
Sadly, I don’t know the Spanish for “pubercuts”
?w=650&h=345
http://heavyeditorial.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/tumblr_m2ltwqa3zv1qcra2go1_500.gif
Fuck yes!
http://treasure.diylol.com/uploads/post/image/462996/resized_lizard-meme-generator-aww-yiss-fc8115.jpg
Zymm’s Guide to Watching Sports on Univision : America can refer to more than just the US! There are TWO WHOLE continents which are named after the Italian map maker who never saw these lands!
Jonesy with a mighty powerful headbutt!
It’s so cute that we get a PP to fuck off for the next 2 minutes.
That’ll pretty much do it.
http://geardiary.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/not-feeling-it.jpg
You guys.
I finally got away from the job that was slowly bleeding the life out of me.
I got a better job that pays me more and doesn’t require a horrible commute.
I get a week off to go to Sweden.
You guys, I’m excited.
http://gfx.aftonbladet-cdn.se/image/11322444/800/normal/08c21bd754abb/07s26-BLONDES-885.jpg
WHOOHOO! You need to come back with a full report.
Congrats on both counts!
I’m dying of jealousy.
Played softball for the first time in over a year. At my advanced age, I don’t run like Hayes and I hit like shit.
time is a mean motherfucker
DON’T FORGET TO PUT THE TIP IN! First game starts tomorrow morning!
Isn’t it in yet?
Zymm’s Guide to Watching Sports on Univision : “Pelota” means ball. If you hear this word next to the word “Azul” you probably aren’t watching sports anymore.
Pelotas. Don’t forget lefty!
Criadillas de Futbol!
Jamaica is hangin’ in this mofo better than I imagined.
Zymm’s Guide To Watching Sports on Univision : The names they say are the same as the names on the jerseys, because their names are already in Spanish on the shirts!
Even if you hate the Sharks, you can’t tell me Pavelski doesn’t have moves.
Reason #417 I like my coworkers : today we had a conversation about Tristan Da Cunha and I wasn’t even the one who brought it up!
What kind of porn does she do?
Well, seeing as everyone on the island is descended from 8 men and 7 women, 2 of whom were sisters….
Tristan’s a boy’s name, but the porn question seems valid.
LIVE LOOK IN. JONATHAN TOEWS BRING THE CUP TO THE IGLOO (is that what they call the Penguins stadium??)
http://www.trbimg.com/img-502678bc/turbine/chi-toewsbus20100711162536/600/600×338
The old one.
http://cdn.nhl.com/images/upload/2008/05/mellon_arena_general_view_305x235.jpg
Gigantic silver boob. Nice.
It was originally designed as an opera house with a retractable roof, hence the boobosity.
The fuck would Yinzburgh do with an opera house??
There used to be a shit-ton of money in PIttsburgh.
Even a crusty old Scot like Carnegie wants his opera once he gets the cheddar,
We in New York thank him for that.
Glow in the dark pussy.
(just think how many awkward moments could have been avoided if they all glowed in the dark)
http://25.media.tumblr.com/080c2951cbf93cc982d619e2faaa2c24/tumblr_mispvf6vxD1r3k73wo1_500.gif
http://31.media.tumblr.com/6f20031b2175824bd3746684d86c0953/tumblr_o0nbldifEs1tq9q5vo1_500.gif
POUNCE ALREADY, YOU CUTE FURRY LITTLE BASTARD!!!!! STOP MOCKING ME!!!!!!
http://giant.gfycat.com/ShinyDangerousAmericankestrel.gif
You don’t get to the top of teh predator food chain by skimping on the prep time. FUCKING HUMANS ,, amirite??
Fucking beautiful goal there, Mexican Ochicinco.
http://i.imgur.com/mwwWH3k.gif
http://oyster.ignimgs.com/wordpress/stg.ign.com/2014/10/hank-shocked.gif
http://reactiongif.org/wp-content/uploads/GIF/2014/11/ZOMG-Zoome-in-Shocked-Shocking-Shocker-GIF.gif
Never forget.
Hey, my new shirt doesn’t have any spare buttons; no wonder it was 8 bucks.
http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Kaley-Cuoco-Dancing-Making-French-Toast.gif
C’mon, Sharks. Break their hearts.
http://www.gifbin.com/bin/102009/1255605321_shocked.gif
Sliders: Have three tiny burgers that don’t even equal one real burger and pay more for the privilege!
Also, no side dish!
http://31.media.tumblr.com/079b8f71be7c374e94661acc2a5ca74d/tumblr_mkese01WyP1qfr6roo1_500.gif
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uTQjEPSnc64/UdCcYgbx0PI/AAAAAAAAQEs/Meh4Pw0MbO0/s384/dealwithitreverse.gif
http://www.digital-polyphony.com/tumblr_me7viwfB601rhk593o1_500.gif
That Bon Jovi ad was kind of clever the first 85,093,934,286,094,235,209 times I saw it.
Can we go back in time to when we hadn’t seen it yet?
LOL
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tWmj8JQ4MFc/U30ZFPQ0lfI/AAAAAAAAEts/NiUEz2Axf54/s1600/shock+3.gif
Oh god I’ve bitten off more than I can drink
http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Chris-Farley-Smile-to-Shock-Reaction.gif
In bourble with the cat, fiancee, or Goodell help you…BOTH??
The cat would’ve killed him
You have to ease back into it!
Just fuck the middle vagina.
Mexico is like the Dallas Cowboys and the Americas…
Like the fans expect them to win everything every single year…the team has talent…but a lot of the talent are insane shitheads, the fan base consists of just awful people.
Edit…meant to say “Mexico is like the Dallas Cowboys of the Americas”
It’s funny because 90% of the Mexicans I know are Cowboys fans.
Its fucking perfect proof how idiotic the NFL is…that they are trying to shove an NFL team in England…and ignores Mexico City.
I don’t want to say it’s racism, but it’s racism.
The entirety of this comment thread is 100% correct.
so, is Chicorito like teh Mexican version of Ochocinco? How do say “carboat” en espanol?
Woo, Dirt Giants sweep 4 games from the Dirt… Department of Redundancy Department?
Whenever I watch Spanish television, I occasionally can pick out a word I know and then I feel proud and multilingual. My Spanish is good enough that I got along pretty well in Peru, where people talk slow but use non-standard Spanish (lots of Quecha slang), okay in Chile, where people talk faster, but standard, and kinda crappy in Panama, mostly because I started out in Boquete, which is full of ex-pats, so I didn’t adjust properly. Basically, my level of Spanish is such that talking slowly and loudly at me would actually help a lot.
I liked watching Sabado Gigante when I was 4-5. Not sure why.
http://media.giphy.com/media/vSSdLSLbGIXio/giphy.gif
I think I know why…
Six years in the navy, at any given point, the majority of my division were native Spanish speakers. I’ve done assignments in Mexico as a civilian and a got a number of coworkers that are Spanish speakers.
I can’t speak Spanish for shit…mainly because I can barely speak English clearly…
For the life of me, I cannot follow the Spanish soap operas. Even the dudes on my boat, born and raised in Mexico, admitted the people on those shows speak insanely fast.
Fabulous facial expressions though. One of my best friends in college, we would watch those soap operas while drinking and do our own voice overs based on absurd plots we made up. Though I expect we made as much sense as the actual plots.
two years of high school espanol, taken because I suck at languages and it was the easiest one (I got to be in class with the football team!!) – it’s enough to pick up approximately 2 words an hour spoken, and to make out signs and menus in, say, Costa Rica and Puerto Rico…but I was hopeless speaking or making out speech in both places. The locals tolerated me as if I were mildly “mentally challenged” which probably ain’t far from he truth.
Fun fact – speaking spanish is the ONLY time when I have an appreciable Southern accent. It’s mortifying.
I’m great at my numbers, which is really useful. I can also do basic questions, and lots of foods. Beyond that, it’s bus Spanish (toque aqui por abrir puertas) and stuff from songs (yo no tengo dinero). It adds up. I took Latin in high school, and oddly enough, Spanish is the romance language that is closest to Latin in written form (imo) so that helps with reading. I can read most languages better than writing, and my language acquisition is severely impaired in places with a non-Latin based alphabet.
I did one year of Latin in my Grade 10 (using Trailer Park Boys vernacular) per my Dad’s insistence, as he was still under the farcical illusion I could go to medical school. I learned to sleep with my eyes open in that class, teacher was a semi-functioning alcoholic.
But yeah, definitely foundational in terms of romance languages in just being able to logically work shit out, especially reading it.
Classics majors are an interesting and highly entertaining breed. There are bound to be some alcoholism casualties. Now you’re making me miss my heady college days of math, physics, classics, and loads of booze. It’s been YEARS since I told anyone what Nietzsche would have though about quantum computing.
Wait…were YOU the enigmatic Steelers Fan in Peru?
Hmm. No, that doesn’t make sense.
Nah, my attempts to watch American Football in other countries have mostly met with failure. And they have totally different offensive words for native people in S. America, so I could totally wear [*Redacted] s stuff without backlash.
Jesus Christ can we get some eye drops for the Jamaicans?!?!
tWBS made a solid point…EVERYBODY pull heads out of anuses and finish them Euros previews! We must be pretend semi-informed in our drunken mockery of Ukraine, etc.
Finish? Don’t you mean start?
I know that’s what I meant.
Shit, might as well get drunk I guess. I’m actually less reliable when sober.
Wow, that explains a lot.
http://www.gearfuse.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Shocked-Panda.gif
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_md7dowxqq51ri9yduo1_250.gif
Next goal wins.
Quick legal question: how valid is the argument, “I just need to get home so I can catch the end of the second period!” a defense for felony speeding?
http://static.stereogum.com/uploads/2012/02/shocked.gif
Rock solid.
Floor it.
I believe you should let the taser answer that question
If the game is on the radio that weakens your argument, otherwise, ask for a police escort.
Palm Springs isn’t famous for their love of hockey
I would go with “have to take a big shit due to my period” but that’s just me. Always go with what’s least likely to lead to follow-up queries.
Alternate answer, just say you’re drunk and promiscuous and you won’t get more than 3 months.
I swear to god I cannot stand FS1 coverage of anything. Alexi Lalas just makes me want to punch a child.
You can also watch on Univision. They focus a lot more on hot chicks in the crowd.
yeah I always watch Univision when it’s on FS2 (not in HD for me), and/or if I’m drunk.
Always Univision.
Fucking Cox updated my box (they expected me to actually pay for it…but surprise surprise, when I told them not to bother, they gave it to me for free).
I’m suppose to get more HD channels…which I do…the home shopping networks are all insanely crisp and clear…but they fucking took away all my Spanish channels.
Bastardos estúpidos!
Make sense since FS1 is trying to be louder, meatballier ESPN.
I assume the child looks like Alexi Lalas?
well, my Everton forum just did their draw for the European Euros pool and I got…Sweden. At least I will have fit birds in the stands cheering my hapless lads on, but that’s 20 pounds sterling I coulda just wiped my arse with.
It’s funny when you send money to a Brit via PayPal, the currency is listed as “GBP” and I feel like I’m buying an escort for Aaron Rodgers.
Zlatan mocks your lack of faith while banging a fit bird.
Well I’ll be rooting for Sweden since I’ll be in Sweden and I’ll be in the presence of said fit birds.
SO JELLY. Find out how low their standards are while you’re there, ok? Asking FOAR A FRIEND.
I’m actually taking a small notebook with me in which I will keep track of how often people assume I’m Swedish. I’m a quarter Swede ethnically and have the tallness to make me look like more than that.
I expect to crash and burn with the local ladies, but if I don’t, I’ll report back.
you’re Anders Holmvik??
That was fucking funny.
That’s right! I’m eagerly awaiting a post on that trip!
They’re called gigolos.
Is there no classy term for dudes, like “courtesan” FOAR teh ladies?
/courtesan may be my favourite word
When they’re dead, they’re still just hookers tho….right?
Finally, a possible way forward to a solution to the global climate crisis:
http://gizmodo.com/this-might-get-the-world-to-finally-pay-attention-to-cl-1781662009
Now that warships are breaking down due to high water temperatures we might finally see some action.
The Pentagon has been warning people for years, but the flag fuckers still don’t care.
Liked for the term “flag fuckers.”
And as it happens, there tends to be an almost perfect circle overlap with gun fuckers.
So… we need to nuke the polar ice caps so they melt into the ocean and cool it down, thereby saving our precious fleet?
FINALLY SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS
Nah, we should nuke the next comet that approaches Earth to redirect it’s course into an ocean impact. That’s WAY more ice.
That’s how the water got here in the first place according to creationists.
Nevermind the fact that the impact of their 1,000-mile wide comet would have had the explosive power of about a trillion hydrogen bombs and would turned the earth into a blazing fireball.
Really? I guess I kinda assumed the oceans were supposed to be God’s pee, which was translated as “tears” in later, more prudish versions of the bible.
It’s their godsplanation for how the water from the Great Flood got here.
Huh. It’s amazing that they felt the need to come up with an explanation for that and then came up with that as their explanation.
I always marvel at their persistence in trying to science the gob.
I would have just said “He made it happen [POOF]. End of story.”
But deep down they know that they have no case with that line of thinking anymore, so gob and science now have to at least get along, if not agree completely.
My solution is to not have kids, sit back, and watch the events leading to a mass extinction unfold. It looks like the octopus has a great shot at being the next dominant species, Go Team Octopoda!
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/1c/1cba02b056944308e72401de0acbf9dbb471aad66deea493613a633be13ab92d.jpg
“A recent study noted that the Persian Gulf region will not be fit for human habitation by the end of the century because of regular, relentless heatwaves.”
Peace in the Middle East, solved!
It’s barely fit for habitation now. Thank goodness for the Bin Laden Group air conditioning Saudi Arabia.
The only team now standing in the way of México winning this thing is Argentina.
Well, Covalent is alive. And she’s angry.
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/marveldatabase/images/e/ed/Sensational_She-Hulk_Vol_1_21.jpg
The weather is crap, so beach yoga will probably be cancelled tomorrow, so I should drink this bottle of Cava with my fresh strawberries and goat cheese. Life, solved.
LIFEHACK!!!!!
VIVA ESPAÑA
Chug!!!!!!!!
I think I want the sharks to win just because of Pavelski’s white stick. The geezer stick.
http://i.imgur.com/DziFAUd.gif
Fuck it…Go Jamaica…just destroy my betting line…
I had Uruguay in the office pool…
http://i.imgur.com/8uAjh.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/d778410bdf4fce4c2c98c39cd614a2ba/tumblr_mljqitnK3D1s6hi0oo1_500.gif
You know, there are gifs hosted in site other than imgur.
I swear to god, they are showing up on my computer.
I don’t get how you folks are screwing this up.
Do you even gif bro?
As long as Paraguay stays in I’m good.
http://www.rantsports.com/wp-content/slideshow/2013/02/hottest-celebrity-soccer-fans-in-the-world/LARISSA-RIQUELME-dailymail.jpg
Look out Sill, she’s a robot!
i guess that makes me a robosexual.
http://viralpirate.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/tumblr_m71arfk7ci1qjwcc4o1_500.gif
Dude, whatevs happened to your Paraguay preview? It could have been mostly pictures…
Shit. That reminds me. Ukraine kicks off in three days. I probably ought to write that soon, huh?
First myth busted. Not more organized when sober.
Woooo! Fleet Week! And they arrive during Thursday rush hour, fucking up crossing ALL THE BRIDGES.
HAHAHAHAHA