NFL Natterings:
- The Ravens have released Eugene Monroe. The Ravens say it’s for football reasons; Monroe says it’s due to his advocacy for medical cannabis. He’ll probably be a Seahawk by Monday, where he can enjoy all the Mary Jane he wants.
- CJ Anderson wants to remind people Mark Sanchez has been to two AFC Championship games. And, he’s right.
- Counterpoint:
- Muhammad Wilkerson won’t sign with the Jets until they offer him what he feels he’s worth. He wants two years; rumour is the Jets only want one. Ryan Fitzpatrick sits at home staring at his Harvard degree.
- Von Miller says there’s “no chance” he plays under the franchise tag. John Elway, meanwhile, chokes on his oats.
- ESPN reports the coroner’s report on Lawrence Phillips’ death has been published. He hanged himself with a bedsheet, but taped a “Do Not Resuscitate” note to his chest prior to going for a swing. Florio reports that his attorney and other journalists had a competing theory about Phillips’ death possibly being a murder, but the coroner doesn’t mention that.
To ice up? - Steve Smith’s major reason for coming back is his quest to get to 1000 receptions. Here’s the sole reason I want to see it happen:
-
“I may catch that [1,000th pass] in my uniform, get in my car and go home,” Smith said with a smile.
-
- Darren Sharper’s sentencing has been pushed back until August. Hopefully, the proximity to the Hall of Fame induction ceremony won’t prevent Peter King from providing supporting testimony on Sharper’s behalf. Hall of Fame votes count there too, right?
Finally, in what seems like rookie hazing but is an actual thing that happened, Carson Wentz got trapped in a bathroom in New Jersey.
Your Euro 2016 arrest report:
- As of this morning, 323 people had been arrested for Euro-related violence in France
- Russia: 43 fans arrested in Marseille; 20 fans deported
- The French ambassador was officially queried in Moscow; relations were threatened.
- England & Wales: 36 arrested; 16 hospitalized.
Ahem…
Today is the last day of work in my alternative program. Out of 50 kids, I got 13 to graduate, and another 20 will return next year. Still, that’s pretty good numbers based on kids who’ve been kicked down two levels just to arrive at my door. So, I’m going to celebrate with a small SFW gif party:
But…
Summer school starts in two weeks.
DAMMIT!
Tonight’s sports:
- NBA: Game 6 – Warriors @ Cavs – 9:00
- Copa: USA vs Ecuador – 9:30 – Century Link Field, Seattle
Alternative programming:
- ABC: Battlebots: The Gears Awaken – 8:00
- Season 2 preview; 12 bots battle for the last 4 spots
- FXX: Simpsons – A four-hour block, but here’s my highlights:
- “Bart the General” – 8:00
- “Homer’s Enemy” – 9:00
It was announced today that Ashton Kutcher & Mila Kunis are expecting their second baby. Rather than be angry,
I CHOOSE TO REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES!
“Oh good, Beckerman and Cameron are our defensive pairing in a knockout game” said no one ever.
http://1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/48/56/2dabb643b7ab300e741b4df8541be9c5.gif
“OK back there?”
“OK! Let ‘er rip!”
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view/132501/shopping-cart-fail-o.gif
I’m crashing, but I don’t want to miss Cleveland blowing the lead in front of their fans.
Cmon, only one more quarter!
Shopping cart .gifs are always fun and guilt-free.
How else was that going to end?
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view5/2382372/shopping-cart-fail-o.gif
Ouch.
We had a laundry cart we used to do similar things with in college.
In a related note college kids are idiots.
“This shooting reminds me of Oklahoma City”
And everyone watching instantly thinks of Timothy McViegh
So was that five consecutive trips down the floor that ended by jacking a three with a few seconds left on the shot clock? Lookin’ good, Cleveland.
Klay is heating up!!!
Zardoz
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/20140327/5007717/sean-connery-o.gif
2 — 0
http://s3-media2.fl.yelpcdn.com/bphoto/OYP92-w2hJj5qr6Hh8-snQ/o.jpg
KILL IT!!!! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!!
Save the hot dog, though.
Stress eating when I can’t afford to. Good times.
Pretty sure if I ever ordered a frozen watermelon margarita that is how that would look on me
“Good hustle by Dempsey” as Dempsey drills the defender with both arms to the chest, only not getting a yellow because the game is in the US.
Well and b/c it’s “Clint Fuckin Dempsey”.
What a day. I have a flight in about 8 hours, when is a good time to start packing?
In 7 hours
Trick question. Buy new clothes at the first Walmart after your leave your Destination Airport.
1 hour before you leave for the airport.
“Packing”?
Fek joke?
Is that a catch?
Not under the Megatron Rule
I hope that dog is named “Von Miller”
15 yds for Unsportsmanlike/Taunting.
That dog is a thug.
Impossible! He’s white!
Why for fuck’s sake is GSW passing so awful?
I just made my first attempt at starting a Twitter war.
I tweeted at the American Outlaws.
We’ll see what happens.
I’d be surprised if you got any kind of response before the game ended.
I’d be surprised if I got any response at all.
But they just look so ridiculous I felt like they had to know.
http://i.makeagif.com/media/9-07-2015/hQZ4aN.gif
http://global3.memecdn.com/Boobs-Fail-Great-GIF_o_112924.gif
That’s gonna leave a mark.
http://s1.developerslife.ru/public/images/gifs/0af11a97-2977-4e52-94b4-48c4a26b93cb.gif
You know, my first reaction was to ask where her eye and ears were, but it appears a protective turtleneck might be warranted, too.
My 1st reaction was what was she shooting at to ricochet that badly; it took me a few dozen viewings to realize what happened.
You didn’t notice….
[sunglasses]
…her hot brass?
I see FIFA has decreed that the US-Ecuador game shall be a clusterfuck of poor refereeing.
We won’t and Ecuador can’t afford to bribe them to get good refs.
USA down to 10 as Jones is sent off.
Ecuador down to 10 as well.
I see.
I’m watching in Spanish so I’m missing about 90% of what’s going on.
In my next life I want to come back as the guy in that State Farm commercial who harasses the yuppie with, “Oh, it’s happening, sweetheart!”
Why is Barnes still in and why are they passing to him?
I am trying to concoct some sort of Adam Silver conspiracy but it falls short. I think Barnes might just be a dumpster fire.
*sees trailer for “designated survivor” starring kiefer sutherland*
Me: “so, is that show a spinoff of 24?”
Dad: “what?”
Me: “you know, 24? He dealt with the president on that show, naturally the conclusion of that is he became president”
*beat*
Dad: “do I fucking look like someone who watched 24?”
I am so fucking pround of that guy sometimes
You mean you didn’t appreciate Jack Bauer’s 117% shooting percentage? (That’s right, some bullets hit two people.) Or never needing to reload or sleep or use the restroom? Or getting anywhere in any city in 15 minutes, 20 tops?
Look, if I could be that guy as a player, I might play first-person shooter video games
Your dad is awesome. And Kiefer’s character in this seems to be someone Bauer would electrocute the balls off of just because he was a pussy bitch.
My alternate ending to Power Rangers in Space
Zordon: Andros, evil is about to take over the universe. There’s only one thing we can do.
Andros: What’s that? Anything!
Zordon: You must break my energy tube. Only the good energy can destroy all evil.
Andros: Really? You could’ve ended all evil just by breaking your tube?
Zordon: I’ll die, but evil will be defeated.
Andros: Then why didn’t you do that already?
Zordon: What?
Andros: If you were swimming in a tactical good nuke bomb, why didn’t you set it off and destroy all evil.
Zordon: It goes against the code. We can only use our powers for defense, never offense.
Astronema: Ah, there you are Red Ranger! Now I’ll destroy…
Andros: One second, Sis. I’m dealing with this floating dumbass here.
Zordon: You don’t have to be rude.
Andros (grabs Astronema): My sister was kidnapped and raised evil. You could’ve prevented that and she wouldn’t have had her childhood stolen from you.
Astronema: Please don’t drag me into this.
Andros: She turn good and then got borg’d back into evil.
Astronema: Can we starting fighting now?
Andros: Do you know how it was growing up with parents who lost their daughter? My mom started drinking again. My dad refusing to let me out of the house for fear of some random witch, machine or pirate kidnapping me.
Zordon: It was for the greater good.
Andros: Greater good?! How many lives were almost lost in the weekly throwdowns between evil monsters and us? You had at least two rangers almost died. Not to mention all the property damage to Angel Grove in our Zord fights.
Zordon: (chuckles)
Andros: What?
Zordon: Nothing.
Andros: What nothing? Why’d you laugh?
Zordon: Who do you think owns the companies to rebuild the city after every fight.
Andros: You refused to sacrifice your life only to make a buck?!?!
Astronema: Okay, I’m the Princess of Evil, but that’s just wrong.
Andros: That’s it! You ass is dead!
(Andros smashes energy tube)
And you just triggered a memory of 20 year old plot holes. Holy shit well done.
What the fuck did I just read?
What you just read is what happens when a nerd has enough time on their hands to analyze the loose continuity of a children’s show produced 20 years ago, and feels the best course of action is to offer their opinion of best way to resolve it’s various plot holes.
Now do you understand?
1. I just got off an binge of the series and it just popped in.
2. I’m a geek, not a nerd.
Hey I aint judging. I’ve binged that show many a time.
Just trine to bring our less cultured brethren up to speed.
I was kidding. I’m a giant nerd myself, just not about MMPR
Never seen it.
I’m craving a Dilly bar for Dairy Queen.
Could go for an ice cream sangwich myself, on that note.
http://launchingcreative.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/launching-creative-kramer-seinfeld.gif
Did you see the “American Outlaws” banner behind the Ecuador net?
http://worldsoccertalk.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/american-outlaws.jpg
Oh my god, that’s the most precious thing I’ve ever seen.
I wouldn’t even put those guys up against Bournemouth supporters.
They didn’t go with this?
http://www.laughspark.info/uploadfiles/funny-shooting-fail-girl-shoot-4392.gif
If someone knew better and let her stand like that, especially just to get the video, I hope she later shot their balls off.
For a proper footy sign there has to be at least one swear word, right?
I saw an “American Outlaws” scarf, it motivated me to go find a green shirt FOAR Ecuador/
Why are the American Outlaws trying to make fun of Soccer Canada? That’s the equivalent of kicking a three-legged puppy. Seriously, we’re absolutely useless.
Because they’re horrible, horrible people.
Now that OJ is all in the media again, am I like the only person in the world who maintains that – based on the evidence presented and the technology at the time of the trial – that the jury verdict was the correct one? And that the civil verdict of responsibility was also correct?
Because I think, in mid-90s technology legalese, they proved he “probably” did it, but the shenanigans in the LAPD gave me reasonable doubt because Scheck obliterated the DNA evidence (in a way that wouldn’t hold up today).
No one is a fan of reasonable doubt until they need it.
You’re not alone.
The LAPD was, and still is, such an utter airshow.
He pretty clearly did it but any time you have to take the LAPD’s word for anything there’s going to be reasonable doubts.
That’s why you pay the big bucks for big time attorneys.
Not just for what they can do in the courtroom, but for the 20 person research staff they can afford that ensures that they never miss anything.
The defense was far better informed and prepared and they made a better case than the prosecution.
I’m watching Parts Unknown instead and I think Bourdain is wearing a fucking DC Comics t-shirt.
Clint may be soccer’s “Faces of Meth”…but Donovan is it’s “nodding off on opiates”
Donovan’s more like “balloon full of halothane.”
I really hate humanity so, so fucking much. Teevee box off!
Just tuning in….. finals are on abc right?
Okay, so I’m all caught up on Veep. I need a new horrible people comedy to enjoy. I almost want to start watching the Thick of It again. Anyone know of any other shows starring Malcolm Tucker-like monsters?
You’re the Worst?
Great show.
This season was fantastic. I thought they were going too dark for a while but man, the last 2-3 episodes.
A MILLION TIMES THIS!
Always Sunny is a prominent “these people are irredeemably terrible” comedy series.
Except Sweet Dee. She is an angel straight from heaven and ah will hear no different!!
Shut up Street Rat.
Hippo you goddamn bitch.
Well, I mean I’ve obviously seen every episode of Always Sunny 3 times. I was thinking more politics-specific. Veep and The Thick of It were both made by the same guy. Also, if you liked Veep, absolutely search out The Thick of It. Unfortunately, Hulu appears to be the only legit method, but that should stop no one. In the movie for it, In the Loop (Netflix!), you’ll see a few members of Veep.
Sadly, most political shows are terrible. I watched The West Wing, and even as a liberal, I will admit that it was sappy and unrealistic. I gave up on House of Cards after they made the Secret Service guy the First Family’s “Lucky Pierre.”
And those are supposed to be the GOOD ones…
That’s Aaron Sorkin for you. It’s the same thing watching The Newsroom. Even if you agree with it all, you have to be in a particular mood to be preached at.
HoC is so terrible it’s hilarious to watch. It’s the only thing I hate watch and I think hate-watching is stupid.
Shit.
I liked West Wing at the time. At the time was also when I was an undergrad in D.C. and they would actually host watching parties with cast members at my school. But there’s no way I’d watch it now.
The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret is worth watching.
It is!
http://images.amcnetworks.com/ifc.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/gif3.gif
Have they released season 3 yet?
Yeah IFC dumped Season 3 (6 episodes) over 2 weeks in early January. If you liked the 1st two seasons there are Arrested Development level call-backs that make season 3 even better.
Ric Flair needs to be a motivaional speaker because just listenign to his old interviews gets me ready to work out.
Everything about this track is just fucking classic. So so good.
listening to his old interviews makes me want to grow out my hair and feather it.
http://i.makeagif.com/media/8-23-2013/Bcsd7q.gif
Man, Dahntay Jones just hit an and-1. Looks like it’s curtains on this series.
Is anyone close enough to the stadium to go there, find the guy dressed like Teddy Roosevelt, and piss all over him? I will cover your beer tab plus $100!
I think I know someone at the game, but I already know he wouldn’t do it. Shame, because he’s also tall enough to piss down on TR.
Hey, it’s the thought that counts.
Also, if’n I had hundreds of millions of dollars, this is totally how I would spend my time and money. Paying people to act out my crazy, whimsical impulses. The world would be more interesting/Carlinish for it.
Prank Monkey
The fact that there is a USMNT fan that is such an ignorant twatwaffle that they would wear a Teddy Roosevelt costume to a Copa America match comes as little surprise to this observer.
Apparently the costume store was out of William Walker outfits.
Damn, Brooks
If only Nicole had set those traps up outside of her house…
What…you can’t round house kick sacks now? #pussyshit
Oh yeah; walk off your elbow injury that you got pushing someone in the back. Soccer players are the worst.
My brother is going ballistic about that right now.
¡Traigan una partera para ese hijueputa!
Uh, si?
http://www.lawpracticetoday.org/article/teaching-lawyers-happiness/
Oh, this is sure to be amusing.
I called conservatives slaves on FB (because they are). I’m biding my time before I login and see the response.
Barnes laying an egg. This game would be close if he made some easy shots.
Ain’t like going to class, is it Harrison.
Oh right, sorry….you have no frame of reference.
Right? And he is calling for big money with pending free agency, too!
I swear to god Clint stole the copper from my apartment building for Meth money a little while back.
goddamnit Ecuador, you had ONE JOB.
/also, them avocadoes ain’t gonna pick themselves if you know what I mean ,, smh
Stupid apartment antenna isn’t working for shit. Oh well. No NBA Finals for me.
USMNT fans are the fucking WORST.
Just saw an asshole in the stands wearing a USA sombrero.
He undoubtedly thinks Drumpf would be a terrific Emperor.
The Russian fans would like a word with you…
They don’t speak before bashing your fucking skull in.
Unlike the Turks, who stab you to death.
When Galatasary was playing Real Madrid for the UEFA I was ordered by multiple people not to even think about going to Bernabeau. I remember the news video of the English chap who got decapitated in Istanbul after a game when he decided to talk shit as a good English hooligan is wont to do.
OK, most ANNOYING dipshitty fans, then
At least Russian fans aren’t so goddamn PRECIOUS
I spent a half sitting with Uncle Sam’s Army, or whatever the fuck they call themselves, during a friendly in Hartford a few years back. “precious” is a perfect description.
I wound up rooting for Latvia.
http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y462/staffpicks/Animated_GIFs/ric-flair-woo.gif
I cannot wait for his 30for30
Every chapter in Ric Flair’s biography will be Chapter 11
That Darryl and Dwight one looks good too.
The lack of explosives, flares, stabbings, and general rioting precluded US soccer fans from any discussion about being the worst ….
BUT THE PRECIOUSNESS THE UNRELENTING PRECIOUSNESS
And if we’re really going with the worst, it’s fucking Pompey.
Wish they called them the Cleveland Crabs
Wish they called them the Cleveland Steamers
1 — 0
That picture gave me second hand heart attack.
Clint Fucking Dempsey.
For my facebook status, I just post excerpts from trashy romance novels.
Damn it….comment fail on phone. I r stupido…
I have no websites to visit except here when I goof off. Unless I want to go on Facebook and call everyone I know idiots, but I’m bored of doing that.