Your “WOOO – LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!!11!1!” Thursday Open Thread

NFL Natterings:

  • The Ravens have released Eugene Monroe. The Ravens say it’s for football reasons; Monroe says it’s due to his advocacy for medical cannabis. He’ll probably be a Seahawk by Monday, where he can enjoy all the Mary Jane he wants.
  • CJ Anderson wants to remind people Mark Sanchez has been to two AFC Championship games. And, he’s right.
    • Counterpoint:
  • Muhammad Wilkerson won’t sign with the Jets until they offer him what he feels he’s worth. He wants two years; rumour is the Jets only want one. Ryan Fitzpatrick sits at home staring at his Harvard degree.
  • Von Miller says there’s “no chance” he plays under the franchise tag. John Elway, meanwhile, chokes on his oats.
  • ESPN reports the coroner’s report on Lawrence Phillips’ death has been published. He hanged himself with a bedsheet, but taped a “Do Not Resuscitate” note to his chest prior to going for a swing. Florio reports that his attorney and other journalists had a competing theory about Phillips’ death possibly being a murder, but the coroner doesn’t mention that.

    To ice up?
  • Steve Smith’s major reason for coming back is his quest to get to 1000 receptions. Here’s the sole reason I want to see it happen:
    • “I may catch that [1,000th pass] in my uniform, get in my car and go home,” Smith said with a smile.

  • Darren Sharper’s sentencing has been pushed back until August. Hopefully, the proximity to the Hall of Fame induction ceremony won’t prevent Peter King from providing supporting testimony on Sharper’s behalf. Hall of Fame votes count there too, right?

Finally, in what seems like rookie hazing but is an actual thing that happened, Carson Wentz got trapped in a bathroom in New Jersey.


Your Euro 2016 arrest report:

  • As of this morning, 323 people had been arrested for Euro-related violence in France
  • Russia: 43 fans arrested in Marseille; 20 fans deported
  • England & Wales: 36 arrested; 16 hospitalized.

Ahem…

Today is the last day of work in my alternative program. Out of 50 kids, I got 13 to graduate, and another 20 will return next year. Still, that’s pretty good numbers based on kids who’ve been kicked down two levels just to arrive at my door. So, I’m going to celebrate with a small SFW gif party:

But…

Summer school starts in two weeks.

Mr Shoop

DAMMIT!


Tonight’s sports:

  • NBA: Game 6 – Warriors @ Cavs – 9:00
  • Copa: USA vs Ecuador – 9:30 – Century Link Field, Seattle

Alternative programming:

  • ABC: Battlebots: The Gears Awaken – 8:00
    • Season 2 preview; 12 bots battle for the last 4 spots
  • FXX: Simpsons – A four-hour block, but here’s my highlights:
    • “Bart the General” – 8:00
    • “Homer’s Enemy” – 9:00

It was announced today that Ashton Kutcher & Mila Kunis are expecting their second baby. Rather than be angry,

I CHOOSE TO REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES!

 

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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JustStopDude

Speed freak header goal! USA USA USA!!!!

Redshirt

Are the Cavs this good or are the Warriors this bad?

Covalent Blonde

Yes.

Covalent Blonde

I am not sure I would have described that as “Curry is still holding his right hand.” I am pretty sure that is recovery from a sack tap.

Zardoz?

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Spur

Varejao is Joakim Noah with a traumatic brain injury

Duchess

Minnie Driver looks 10X’s better at 46 than she did in Good Will Hunting

Sill Bimmons
Covalent Blonde

I can’t tell you why, but her face just makes me angry. Driver and Renee Zellweger, too. Even after freaky surgery.

King Hippo

AGREED. Just blech.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Renee Zellwegger is an American treasure, and I will not sit idly by while you besmirch her good name and scrunchy face.
Good day to you!!!!

Duchess

So think Sprint was just waiting for Verizon’s “not Jared” guy’s Non-Compete clause to run out?

Covalent Blonde

All I think of is Jared when I see him. Exclusively. Jared.

JustStopDude

And there goes the power….

The Maestro

WELP. Stay safe!

JustStopDude

And it’s back! That’s pretty lucky. Usually it’s down for a while in the mountains….

Redshirt

Happy looting!

JustStopDude

What…cause I am black…that means I gotta loot as soon as the power goes out?

That’s RACIST!

Covalent Blonde

/awkwardly looks at the ground digging her toes in the sand
//fuuuuuck

Redshirt

Uh oh. I may have stepped on a landmine.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nah…JSD stole ’em all.

King Hippo

Don’t HAVE to…we just…assumed you might wanna??

Redshirt

#18 with the Horsecollar Tackle

Covalent Blonde

I want a personal back scratcher.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Try a mop.
It exfoliates too!!!!

The Maestro

I don’t think Anderson Varejao will be very pleased with you trying to steal his hair, though.

Duchess

would one have to grow their nails out or would you be providing the fake nails to do the said scratching?

Sill Bimmons

An OXO nylon pasta scoop is the next best thing:

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JustStopDude

Also, I propose Landon Donovan’s new nickname is “The Human Ambien”

Redshirt

That wasn’t a bad call. That was reality trying to set back in.

JustStopDude

Holy shit…it is crazy pouring in the Noke…Like tornado skies.

Five minutes ago, I was looking for my car keys to fetch my camera and notes from the car trunk…well that shit ain’t happening until the morning.

Methinks its time to just crash out on the couch and watch soccer until the power goes out.

Duchess

So Gladiator came on the other day and I forgot how cheesy yet car wreck good it actually is. No one can play a non-threatening black kid from the street like Cuba Gooding Jr…not even his brother Omar could pull that off in Wild and Crazy Kids.

Duchess

How can you not like a movie with Brian Dennehy and Robbert Loggia?

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

“Be a doctor,” they said.

“Be a lawyer,” they said.

“Be an engineer,” they said.

NO ONE EVER SAID “BE A BODY PAINTER”

Horatio Cornblower

If only that Austrian body painting school had let Hitler in…

Sill Bimmons

…we’d have super-hawt watercolor renditions of Geli Raubal in painted-on lederhosen.

Horatio Cornblower

There were air horns, drunk parents, at least one drunk grandmother and at least one fight at my son’s graduation tonight.

Stay classy folks.

Duchess

parents or kids in the fight?

Horatio Cornblower

Parents. Apparently there was a disagreement over the air horns.

Sill Bimmons

Was it over who was going to cram the airhorns into which orifices of the parents that brought the airhorns?

That’s really the only argument I could see here.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun political fact: I went to high school with Chris Murphy. Richard Blumenthal spoke at my high school graduation.

Horatio Cornblower

While I agree with Blumenthal politically he is one seriously creepy dude.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He was a fucking terrible graduation speaker.

Covalent Blonde

That just sounds like preparation for watching the Ecuador game.

King Hippo

to think, I got pissed off just due to rednecks shouting “WOO!!!!” at my kid’s

WCS

Blowing a 20-point lead at home to force a Game 7 would be very Clevelandish.

Redshirt

They’re down 3-2. Blowing a 20-point lead would lose the series. That would be Peak Cleveland.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I haven’t seen Cleveland get this hot since our 22nd and 24th president tried to go jogging.

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WCS

Banner worthy.

Horatio Cornblower

We’re gonna need a bigger banner if we’re gonna put Grover on it.

Redshirt

William Howard Taft laughs at that lightweight!

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzp6knbRVO1qzy8r9.jpg

Duchess

Taft is so fat they turned his mausoleum into a university

Sill Bimmons

Isn’t everything in Ohio a mausoleum?

Shogun Marcus

On non-consecutive days?

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus, there are literally dozens of fans at the US-Ecuador game.

King Hippo

hey, it’s a long-assed bus ride from Ecuador…

Covalent Blonde

Who knew Bogut was the lynch pin for GSW performance?

Redshirt

Anyone else getting flashbacks to the 1919 World Series?

theeWeeBabySeamus

How fucking old ARE you???

herodotus450

Hmm it wasn’t that small when I looked at it earlier….

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah….ummmm….too easy.

Duchess

Found Tim Donaghy

Duchess

Say it aint so Joe, Say it aint so

Horatio Cornblower

“And now the Ecuadorean national anthem…”

/Incoherent horns blare

Seems about right

Duchess

It’s not Soccer if it doesn’t have Vuvuzelas

King Hippo

The US national team fans and FS1 announcers are annoying fuckwits. GO ECUADOR!!!!!

Redshirt

In the middle of a “Power Rangers in Space” binge on Netflix. Its amazing how the actress whose playing the main villain can go from Shatner-esque levels of ham to subtle, moving acting.

Also, HOLY CRAP! WHAT’S HAPPENING IN CLEVELAND?!

Covalent Blonde

Worker’s Comp seems to be a much bigger issue with KFC than I would have expected.

Spur

I feel like the Cavs should be winning by more.

Duchess

So are we “End the Sadness / anti-NBA Patriots” tonight or Pro Steve Kerr being the most accomplished player/coach/announcer in history

Covalent Blonde

At this point I am waiting to see Kerr swooped off the court by an ambulance due to the aneurysm.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d like to see Cleveland win. But then again, I was also rooting for the Light Brigade.

scotchnaut

/was watching Pee-wee’s Big Adventure

I had to turn it off when Pee-wee said “I meant to do that.” when he clearly did not mean to do that.

Once a movie destroys your trust, the very least you can do is turn it off-so that in the future you can try to learn to trust again.

Covalent Blonde

Wow, this game is even more painful to watch than expected.

Spur

NBA Fouls: Game 6

theeWeeBabySeamus

Did someone forget to tell GS that it’s not only OK to score, but that that is kinda the object of the game?

Spur
Unsurprised

I prefer this version of Mrs. Doubtfire

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Being that it’s Cleveland, I’m happy that they didn’t manage to somehow blow the national anthem on a last second turnover or something.

Senor Weaselo

So they cut in the middle of the standby line around 7:10 because the thing had to be finished by 8. I was the first person on the wrong side of the line, no Aggro Crag for me. The fact I got a conciliatory selfie stick makes it worse. Fuck selfie sticks.

Sill Bimmons

To save the rest of you the trouble of looking it up, this is the Aggro Crag:

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What you do with it I have no idea.

Spur

If tonight’s games aren’t your cup of tea, I suggest you watch the new OJ 30for30.

scotchnaut

Sir Craig of Sager?

I like that guy.

Sill Bimmons

As far as I can tell the Pirates have yet to come to bat in this game, yet somehow it’s in the 6th inning.

Spur

Evening.

Unsurprised

Interview went well.

Also, in Football: Seahawks’ Jon Ryan told a homophobic fan to stop rooting for the Seahawks and then deleted his own account. I guess that’s why he’s a backup.

Covalent Blonde

Yay! Hooray!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

GODDAMNIT STOP TIPPING PICKS!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

/not serious but you guys are getting too good at guessing Request Line topics in advance.

Sill Bimmons

Bartolo Colon: the only player in the majors you don’t want on third base.

Sill Bimmons
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Compared to Johnny Bench, the only player in the majors the ladies want to get to third base with.

SonOfSpam

Also, nice job teaching those miscreants about bootstraps and encouraging them to graduate and stop being takers and whatnot. Ayn Rand really is the best.

(Seriously, great job with difficult kids. My kid has nothing wrong with her and she and my crippling alcoholism are driving me to drink.)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s unconscionable! You should really let an Uber driver drive you to drink.

SonOfSpam

Is it weird that I’m more excited about USA-Ecuador than Warriors-Cavs?

JustStopDude

I’m in that boat…

SonOfSpam

But you pronounce it “boot”

ballsofsteelandfury

Welcome to the Dark Side! Punch and Pie on the left.

SonOfSpam

“Punch and Pie” perfectly encapsulates Johnny Manziel’s philosophy on dating.

Sill Bimmons

Hoping for extra innings in the Dirt Stillers–Dirt Jets baseball affair.

Sill Bimmons

And we’re off!

I’m afraid teh pitchingball isn’t going to cut it foar teh Dirt Stillers this season.

WCS

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Still have this, though.

SonOfSpam

Huh. Why didn’t you ever say you liked the Penguins?

Sill Bimmons
JustStopDude

Good on the hard work. I literally just walked in the door from North Carolina.

Oh thank Jeebus I convinced my supervisor to have me come down here to inspect their work prior to final fitting. The base plate is too long. The water connections to the drives are only about 350 mm wrong in one direction. In the height direction, only 120 mm. At one point, the fabricators asked me where I was getting the numbers from…I show them my drawing…

“Shit…well what drawing did we use?!?”

“I don’t know…I don’t care. You have 15 days to fix this skid and build the second skid correctly. We get two days of testing and then this shit ships to Canada as is. God help us if this does not happen”

The sad thing…their fabrication drawing agrees with me as its the one I approved. I get asked if I can just ask the customer if they will accept as is. I had to explain that its not up to the customer as the current lineup for hardware makes the system NOT FUCKING WORK. At lunch, the sales guy for their company asked when our next order is due.

“Um…Bill…can we PLEASE FOCUS on the current problems…”

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Unsurprised

God damn that Perfect Tender Rule

scotchnaut

From the outside looking in, the most American ad I’ve ever seen is Jeff Foxworthy pimping unlimited eating at Golden Corral.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Well it’s the most Deep South ad ever…

Sill Bimmons

It’s right up there.

This one was a while ago, but it somehow seems particularly relevant nowadays…

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SonOfSpam

“Now listen, you should really stop being purple and hyooge. Low energy. Sad.”

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

https://youtu.be/sCQfTNOC5aE?t=12s
(Berleezy voice): I know ya’ll see Garnet’s sexy, thick, ass…

/Fuck, how much longer till Preseason?

scotchnaut

Did You Know-

John Williams did the score for Jaws 2 but refuses to acknowledge this in public?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

I didn’t but I’d assume.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh God we’re only on the D’s.

Unsurprised

So’s your mom

Sill Bimmons

“Today is the last day of work in my alternative program. Out of 50 kids, I got 13 to graduate, and another 20 will return next year. Still, that’s pretty good numbers based on kids who’ve been kicked down two levels just to arrive at my door.”

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Kudos to you, Sir.

theeWeeBabySeamus

To Rob that is, in case that wasn’t clear.

Sill Bimmons

I’ve done my share of teaching and none of it was very hard. When everyone wants to be there and is paying for the privilege it makes the job somewhat easier.

You do what my sister does. I wouldn’t last a day.

http://rlv.zcache.com/keep_calm_and_teach_on_red_postcard-r6a14c0a5eaff4f03995caefaba1b42d7_vgbaq_8byvr_324.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

Who’dathunk that Kelso and Jackie would stay together so long and start popping out miniature idiots?
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D’awwwwwwwwwwwwww

Sill Bimmons

She didn’t have a chance.

She met him when she was 14 and he was 20.

Now think about all the hot seniors you lusted after when you were a freshman, and how you’d still very much like to explore their views on pressed vs. drip coffee.

Now imagine that your high school is Hollywood, one of those seniors is Kate Upton, it’s twenty years later, and she leaves Justin Verlander for you.

Same basic principle.

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