Your Group C and Group D Matchday 3 Preview– Tuesday Morning Open Thread

Good morning everyone.

Before I get started, I just found out that I have been invited to speak at a Refugee conference in Poland. That’s pretty super! I can’t wait to go over there and stuff myself with all those beefy Polish sausages. They look so delicious, I won’t be able to contain myself and will likely deep throat three or four of them (depending on girth) at a time. I’m going to have one hell of a sausage party while I’m in Poland. OK, that’s enough sausage in your endo.

On a related note, my wife gave me her blessing, which is amazing because when I head to Poland, she’s going to have a one month old to look after. Alas, she knows I need to speak at this conference so I can add it to my CV. Instead of buying her a nice gift, I think I might pay for my MIL and/or one of my BILs to come visit while I’m away. If that doesn’t work out, I’m guessing I’ll have to pony up for an expensive gift, eh?

Here are today’s fixtures.

Early Morning games: Group C at 9AM PST

Group C

Team Rank MP W D L GF GA +/- Pts
Germany Germany 1 2 1 1 0 2 0 2 4
Poland Poland 2 2 1 1 0 1 0 1 4
Northern Ireland Northern Ireland 3 2 1 0 1 2 1 1 3
Ukraine Ukraine 4 2 0 0 2 0 4 -4 0

Match 1: The Pounding in Paris

Germany

v

Northern Ireland

Thoughts:

Northern Ireland is playing with house money. Not only did they qualify for a major soccer tournament  for the first time in 30 years, but they also got an unexpected win against Ukraine last week. They are still in the hunt for one of the third place spots available to qualify for the round of 16, meaning they will give maximum effort against the Krauts. Unfortunately for them, they are over-matched by the Germans in every way. They will need to have the game of their lives just to keep this game close.

Germany is still pissed off about tying Poland last week. Their head coach, Joachim Löw, stated his disappointment about tying Poland numerous times at various press conferences. Yesterday, he openly said the Germans were going to beat Northern Ireland. While the Germans have looked unimpressive so far, the fact they are coming into this game pissed off and with something to prove makes me think the Germans have the Reich mentality and are going to win this one in a route. Don’t be surprised if it’s 2-0 by halftime.

Keep an eye out for Germany’s Thomas Muller. While he has done nothing this tournament, this seems like the kind of game that could result in him scoring a goal or two. Northern Ireland’s Jonny Evans is going to have his hands full against Muller.

Match 2: Eastern Galicia on a Pole match

Ukraine

v

Poland

Thoughts:

Ukraine have had a miserable tournament and are eliminated from advancing to the round of 16. However, Ukraine and Poland are YUGE rivals, so don’t expect Ukraine to lay an egg against Poland.  With Poland’s first string goalie not likely to play because of a thigh injury, expect Ukraine’s very skilled–and under performing– players to try and take as many shots on net as possible. They should be able to do such a thing as Poland’s defense is suspect.

Poland’s Robert Lewandowski was a goal scoring machine for Bayern Munich this year (30 in the domestic league) and for Poland during the Euro qualifiers (13). Unfortunately for him and Poland, he has been shooting blanks so far in the Euros. Poland is likely going to advance into the round of 16, but I’m sure they and Lewandowski would feel good about their odds if Lewandowski can score one against the Ukrainians.

Either way, Poland is a fun team to watch, so, if you want to watch a fun, presumably competitive match, watch Poland/Ukraine.

Group D: Noon, PST

Group D

Team Rank MP W D L GF GA +/- Pts
Spain Spain 1 2 2 0 0 4 0 4 6
Croatia Croatia 2 2 1 1 0 3 2 1 4
Czech Republic Czech Republic 3 2 0 1 1 2 3 -1 1
Turkey Turkey 4 2 0 0 2 0 4 -4 0

Match 1: The Battle for first Place or Watching Paint Dry?

Spain

V

Croatia

Thoughts:

If you have a friend who is about to watch a soccer match for the first time, do not show them this game. Both teams will advance with a tie. Croatia’s star player, Luka Modric, will not be playing. Mario Mandzukic and Ivan Perisic will play, but are pretty banged up.

Meanwhile, Spain is debating on sitting Iniestia and a few other older players so they’re fresh for the round of 16. Essentially, this game will be “halfback passes to the center. Back to the wing. Back to the center. Holds it. Holds it. . ” for 90 minutes.

Match 2: Crusade of Varna II: Payback

Czech Republic

v

Turkey

Thoughts:

These two teams are evenly matched. Both teams have a shot at making the round of 16, meaning, this should be a good game.  Watch this one over the Spain/Croatia match.

Czech Republic’s coach, Pavel Vrba, stated in an interview that the Czechs will play a more offensive style against Turkey because they need the three points. Czech captain Tomas Rosicky will be out for this game–and the tournament– with a thigh injury. The name of Czech Republic’s starting goalie is Petr Cech. I’ve known this for many years and I still find that to be funny. He’s also really good.

Turkey has played some horrendous soccer the first two matches. They could still advance to the round of 16, so I expect them to finally have a good game. If the Turks actually show up and play well, I think they’re slightly a better side than the Czechs and they’ll win. I’ll say Yilmaz and Erkin will score and the Turks will beat the Czechs 2-1.

 

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Sill Bimmons

Božja ruka!!!!

Sharkbait

SAVE CROATIA!

scotchnaut

HE WAS OFF HIS LINE!

/this is fun

Sharkbait

Penalty to Spain

Sill Bimmons

Switching back to CRO — ESP.

scotchnaut

SPLITTER!

Sharkbait

I’ve still got Croatia-Spain on at work. Surprisingly competitive, as Spain hits the post.

Sill Bimmons
scotchnaut

Turkey is playing with such enthusiasm-it’s as though they were pardoned by President Obama.

/Whoop! Goal!

Sill Bimmons

OUR BASTARD

Sill Bimmons

Sticking with CZE — TUR.

scotchnaut

The hot pink kit really brings out that keeper’s eyes.

scotchnaut

So which game is more edutaining?

scotchnaut

I was surprised to see the Croats tied up with Spain but I can’t take my eyes off Bautista.

Sill Bimmons

I’M SORRY I EVER PAID A DIME AT YOUR STUPID CHARITY SOUL FOOD PLACE JON BON JOVI GAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

https://www.jbjsoulkitchen.org/

/seriously everything about it is awesome

Sill Bimmons

Exactly what you think.

Malkin’s elbow was still injured and might need surgery. This is still the same player that scored 36 points in the 2009 Cup run. He’s only 29, he’s signed through 2022, and he has a full no-trade clause. He’s not going anywhere.

Fleury might need to go. If it weren’t for the upcoming expansion draft it would be a no-brainer to keep him another year, but you can’t afford to risk losing him for nothing. He’s a tremendously valuable trade asset right now after the regular season he had and they need to get a top-six winger or top-four d-man now if he’s going to be gone after next year anyway.

Sharkbait

I have a slightly used Rick Nash and/or Dan Girardi if you’re interested in skaters…

Sill Bimmons

I’m on board for a Kessel-esque Rick Nash Renaissance.

Think you guys are still OK with the King compared to your other needs tho.

Sharkbait

Need to improve on D. Skjei is a young Yandle and McIlrath should hopefully get more games.

scotchnaut

Did you hear the rumour about Calgary wanting him?

Sill Bimmons

I have the weirdest boner right now…

Unsurprised

Ah, yes. Professor Franzese with the anecdotal reminder than Barbra Streisand sucks.

Unsurprised

OITNB season finale is a reminder than banal evil is still evil.

rockingdog

Croatia out of no where! it 1-1

Sharkbait

Croatia 1-1 Spain

Unsurprised

I’m on a diet and you bastards are killing me with the food pics. It doesn’t help that I can also smell some restaurant (I can’t place the cuisine but it’s familiar) out my window while I’m working.

Maybe I shouldn’t be here and working.

Nah.

Sill Bimmons
rockingdog

one of the players on Croatia is wearing a hat. what is up with that?

Sill Bimmons

Never seen that.

Sill Bimmons

0 — 1

comment image

This pic is from my local kebab shop in Southampton, Uni Kebab.

rockingdog

cool!

Sharkbait

All of the food pics for goals are amazing.

Sill Bimmons

I do love food.

Fronkenshteen

THIS SLOVAK DEFENSE I CALL A BAD CREDIT RATING BECAUSE TOO MANY BAD CZECHS WILL ALWAYS HURT YOU IN THE END

rockingdog

question: what kind of snacks are we all eating while watching the matches today?
ill start: i’m munching on some store-brand chex mix. and drinking some heinekens…

Fronkenshteen

Is that tapas?

/ I’m a dumb

Sill Bimmons

An assortment of tapas.

Each individual plate is a “tapa” which means “cover.”

In times when Spain was more Catholic you weren’t allowed to order a drink unless you also ate something, so your drink came out with a snack on a plate covering the top. This became the common way to eat various bar foods while drinking that exists today.

Sharkbait

Spain on the board.

Sill Bimmons

hey guys

Sharkbait

SILL!

Sill Bimmons

SHARKBAIT!

Spanky Datass

sup
had a great sandwich for lunch

Sill Bimmons

yo

i might do that for dinner

rockingdog

hi Sill!

Sharkbait

Czech vs. Turkey. WHO YA GOT?

Sill Bimmons
rockingdog

comment image

Germany beats Northern Ireland 1-0

packman_jon

No idea what I like more: this GIF or the German food pic

Sharkbait

Krauts 1-Nil Northern Ireland FT

rockingdog

any online threads you can recommend I watch the games on?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Google reddit soccer streams.

rockingdog

Thanks guys!

Senor Weaselo

In “life of a musician” news, I woke up at 10:45 for a 9:00 orchestral service. I am very fortunately not fired from the rest of these two weeks, even though the workshop manager and the second in command conductor got a good laugh and a “Don’t do it again” at my expense.

Also, She’s the aforementioned workshop manager, just got back from a festival. The Senor Weaselo Redemption Tour Summer 2016 has begun!

Sharkbait

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Aw, I did that in college one time for our semester choir concert (which was the whole point of the class) because I was at the beach. Fortunately I was friends with the manager so it worked out okay.

Senor Weaselo

There’s tardiness and then there’s the concertmaster missing two hours of a three hour paid service without notice and without a sub.

Sill Bimmons

I was late once and the patient went blind from a central retinal artery occlusion on the table waiting for my input on how to best remove an arteriovenous malformation in the optic chiasm space.

Haha, just kidding.

I’m never late.

Sharkbait

Why is samsung using 30 Rock in ads when its been off the air for 3 years?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Cheap yet recognizable and out of work character actors?

The Maestro

Not gonna lie, octopi in any form, and any state of existence, give me the willies.

Why no, I’m not a Detroit Red Wings fan, how could you tell?

Fronkenshteen
laserguru

Ah, another day another MRI tube.

I’m rolling the dice that the new doc is going to finally get the right knee “right.”
Right?

And I get to drive to Anaheim to do it!

No, it’s not Disneyland.

Fronkenshteen
laserguru

Yep that was the left one. This is the same doctor and since the left knee is doing fantastic I, and he, figured why not take a look at the right one.

At least I’ll know why it’s still sore as fuck.

Fronkenshteen

Yay, fat Polish kid!

scotchnaut

Is his name Phil Kesselinski?

jjfozz

I have no water at my house.

Middle Fozz Spawn wakes up. Goes into bathroom. Takes a crap the size of a rye bread.

I may actually get drunk enough to watch soccer today.

Unsurprised
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“Alright, last week you got a little lazy, but now it’s back to smoothies for breakfast every weekday. It’ll be fine, lunch isn’t too far away and as long as you don’t see anything delicious…”

/Logs in to DFO

http://www.theloop.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/homer1.gif

“DAMN YOU SMOOTHIE AND YOUR DESIGNED MINOR SUSTENANCE!”

Doktor Zymm

Bring back a case of this stuff. The orange one is favorite.
http://www.tastingpoland.com/food/g/polish_vodka_zoladkowa.jpg

Doktor Zymm

http://www.tastingpoland.com/food/g/polish_vodka_zobrowka.jpg

Also this one, the stuff you get in the States isn’t legit.

Fronkenshteen

That turkey pic.

[mops up spat coffee]

Don T

Congratulations! I hope you have a dynamite time in Poland and Sergio Ramos gets hit by a flare.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“I can’t wait to go over there and stuff myself with all those beefy Polish sausages.”

comment image

litre_cola

I have made it to the coast here and will be getting drunk again.. on cheap wine and watching the games, waiting for the battle of the titans tomorrow Iceland v Austria! Report # 2 has been sent to Balls. It was done hastily as the internets on the west coast here is a touch spotty.

ballsofsteelandfury

It is scheduled to post at noon DTZM time, so you should be good and lit by the time the comments roll in.

I’ve read it, ovs, great job!

King Hippo

Cheer for whatever result gets Portugal 2nd in the group, so England go out.

scotchnaut

What the hell is this? Tuesday Gravy?

/don’t mind me-suddenly I have a yearning for an octopus omelette which I know I can’t have