Your “Anyone but France” Championship Sunday Morning Open Thread

Happy Sabbath!

There are a lot of important sporting events happening this morning. Before we begin, did you see this weird Madden glitch  catch on Friday? Maple NFL is so crazy.

 

Here’s what’s on the menu:

1) Wimbledon Final: 5 AM PST. TSN, ESPN

Canada’s Milos Raonic vs Scotland’s Andy Murray: The UK has had a pretty bad four weeks. Brexit turned into a dumpster fire and England lost to Iceland in the Round of 16 at the Euros. The UK are looking for something, anything, to celebrate. Enter Andy Murray. The UK is putting an awful lot of pressure on him to win.

Milos Raonic, on the other hand, became the first Canadian male in history to make it to a Wimbledon final. It would be absolutely hilarious if a guy from the Commonwealth were to crush the hopes and dreams of an already disillusioned UK.  As I said last time, every time Milos wins a game, Seinfeld fans get to rejoice and say:

It’s your geographical duty to cheer for Milos! Plus, I think the UK will be on severe suicide watch if Murray loses.

Maybe we should tell them the last time Canada played Iceland, they tied 1-1.

2) FIBA Regional Finals, 5:55am PST, on TSN 2: Canada vs France

When I last did an open thread, Canada had won and was on their way to the semi-final regionals against New Zealand. They survived and now get to play a pretty stacked French team. The winner of this game qualifies for the Nationals in Rio.

France are the overwhelming favorites as a lot of Canada’s best players aren’t playing right now. Thanks a lot, Steve Nash.

3) Euro 2016 Championship Finals, 12:00PM PST, TSN, ESPN: Portugal vs France

1FRA

Thoughts:

France are the overwhelming favorites to win this game. They need to capitalize on the home field advantage and take it to Portugal early.

With that said, I actually like Portugal’s chances to win. France has home field advantage, which might make them a little more nervous as the fear of losing infront of your home crowd is real. Championship matches are usually pretty tight, which also plays into Portugal’s hand, as all their matches are close since their coach, Santos, took over 2-3 years ago.

Portugal is actually comfortable playing defense and playing without the ball. If it’s a tight 0-0 game and it’s in the second half, France–a team known for being dysfunctional– might panic, which could lead to a mistake for Portugal to capitalize on.

Just like the UK will be devastated if Murray loses today, France would be crushed if their basketball and soccer team were to lose. Which is why it needs to happen, damnit!

Ideally, Portugal will beat France and Ronaldo will score a goal, which will make him pass Frenchman Michel Platini as the all-time goal scorer at the Euros. That would be an excellent kick to the balls.

Enjoy the games!

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scotchnaut

Prediction-

Nobody is going to score a goal at any time ever again in the history of the Euros.

/you can take that to any one of the many failed euro banks!

King Hippo

I am certain the Scotchnaut empire is Too Big to Fail. Non?

scotchnaut

The Scotchnaut empire is Too Willing to BBQ. Oui!

King Hippo

I mean, if this goes to pens, you’d have to favour the side with Hugo Lloris. But still…you can hear Los Frogs’ assholes puckering all the way on this side of the pond…

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

I haven’t seen a Frenchman miss that badly since Maginot!

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Portugal is both the originator and the Grand High Poobah of the Transatlantic Slave Trade with a simply mind-boggling 38.5% of the entire “market.”

Only 6.45% of the entire trade came to British North America.

The toll of human misery can never be calculated.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atlantic_slave_trade

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The toll of human misery cannot be calculated…

I dunno, maybe you could distribute the misery equivalent of fitness trackers at a Browns game and extrapolate from that?

Senor Weaselo

Afternoon folks. I am on my fourth Mimosa. Girl brunch is weird, but I’m with why-is-she-with-that-guy-from-the-party-and-not-Senorita-Weaselo and a friend of hers before we see a show tonight. The things I do for this girl, although the show was something we decided to do when we almost got together back in April/May.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Good luck, man. I’m rooting for you.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

I’m always rooting for Senor.

He’s like the son I never wanted.

Senor Weaselo

Update: FIFTH Mimosa. I GON DRANK.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

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scotchnaut

I HAVEN’T SEEN PORTUGAL SO ADAMANT TO NOT RELINQUISH A GOAL SINCE 1961 WHEN THEY REFUSED TO RELINQUISH GOA!

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I just realized that now I can enthusiastically root for Portugal, cause if they win it will be without Ronaldo being able to take any credit for it (aside from getting them to the final and all those goals and assists and stuff)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

He’s just not the player you want in a taxing situation

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Being exclusively involved for 20+ years denied me some of the carnal experiences you all so cherish.

I plan on fully exploiting my second life in this regard once I’m not working 3AM–3PM.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Andy Reid would like to know more about these “caramel experiences” you mentioned.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
scotchnaut

“Listen-not hearing a single negative thing said to your face since the age of 10 is much more difficult to deal with than ‘you people’ think.”

-Ronaldo

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

What do you think he means by “you people?”

scotchnaut

People not as good as he is at the soccer/football.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Site be dodgy.

makeitsnowondem

Thanks to everyone for the well wishes earlier. lady snow has managed a shower and some food and is feeling much better.

scotchnaut

“Great news! Hopefully you’ve taste-tested some of her pain-killers.”

-Hippo

King Hippo

we enjoy her beer commentary, so her Lesser Footy whilst on painkillers ruminations should be superb!

/also what scotchy said

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

I still have the humerus if she wants it.

Otherwise I’m going to sell it on eBay.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s a hot day, so I just hung some laundry outside. Now I’m debating whether to keep watching this or to go back outside and watch it dry.

makeitsnowondem

Okay, I made it. How’s the match look?

Fronkenshteen

LOOKIT WILLIS FUCKING REED OVER HERE

The Maestro

That moth was disrespectful as fuck when they were carting him off.

King Hippo

I guess we will see what quality horse tranquilizers Portugal has access to…

scotchnaut

“It’s just a sprain.”

-Ronaldo channels Monty Python’s Black Knight

The Maestro

ronaldo ded

Fronkenshteen

“I thought Ronaldo’s performance lacked conviction.”

– Lionel Messi

King Hippo

boys don’t cry ronaldo ,, ppl forget that

scotchnaut

That French DJ is definitely diddling that LP.

scotchnaut

[just finishes crushing previous high score in Star Defender 3]

Okay. Who’s next?

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

I have been mulling over a serious problem.

Does it make any sense that an all-MURKAN patriot like Frank Drebin didn’t know the words to the Star-Spangled Banner?

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scotchnaut

Name me an All-Murikan patriot that can quote the Constitution beyond “SECOND AMENDMENT!”

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

They don’t sing the Constitution before every sporting event.

laserguru

Right in mid stretch the right knee told me to go fuck myself.
Guess I’m staying home.
It’s alright, I’ve got cooking to do anyway.

scotchnaut

Had to move two sets of leather couches among many other things yesterday. I had one slice of pizza, half a beer and was done.

/having a desk job and a long commute for the last 12 years did not prepare me in any way for yesterday

Fronkenshteen

I’m listening to Eddie Izzard’s “Dressed To Kill” show. I don’t know how many nights he edited together to make this recording, but it’s easily in my top 5 comedy “albums” (for lack of a better vocabulary) of all time.

laserguru

I’m up and moving.
Time to stretch and get walking.
I’ll do about 5 miles today.
It’s only 72 but humidity is about 80% and there’s this hill that has the same type of incline those bicycles were climbing but not as sustained.

Fronkenshteen

I made that pork loin recipe last night with the mustard/garlic/rosemary marinade. God damn delicious! I took some pics with my iPhone 6, but am too stupid to figure out how to format them in whichever way would be necessary for me to post them here. Thanks!

laserguru

That’s fucking great! It really is simple and tasty. It goes really well with garlic rosemary potatoes or some home made mac and cheese.
I’m so glad you made it.

Pork loin rules!

Doktor Zymm

Hooray for dresses. One article of clothing and I’m decent and ready to go out. It is great lazy clothing. I don’t know how you guys do it, having to put on multiple articles of clothing all the damn time. We should adopt the formal robe and pretend we’re all shieks.

Fronkenshteen

What were these called in Defending Your Life? Toupas or something?

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Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Counterpoint:

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Settlement agreement: back to sleep for 60-90 minutes then walk then gym tonight after dinner.

makeitsnowondem

So, lady snow’s broken her arm pretty badly, enough that it’s going to need surgery. She tripped over something, maybe a cat, and fell on it. The situation’s not going to get any worse, and it’ll probably get better now that I’ve picked up her meds, but she’s in a lot of pain right now.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

That sucks. I hope the painkillers help. I will also volunteer to take in the cat that I’m sure is totally sorry for trying to kill lady snow.

makeitsnowondem

If it is a cat-related injury, it wouldn’t be our first. Battlecat tripped me in the kitchen this past screen and my hand landed on a live burner. Avoided an emergency room trip there, but it hurt like hell.

Fronkenshteen

My most dangerous kitchen pet was a basset hound. Ninja quiet, always hungry, and so low to the ground he wouldn’t appear in your peripheral vision as you turned from the stove. Big old meat-speed bump.
Hope your wife is ok & feels better soon.

Doktor Zymm

Tripping on cats is really hazardous. They’re cuddly, but they’re also treacherous bastards. Hope she heals quick.

laserguru

Oh shit.
Sorry to here that man.
Give her our best and here’s hoping for a quick and compete recovery.

She’s also got time to help with beer barrel research.

Heal quickly lady Snow.

Horatio Cornblower

Get well soon Lady Snow.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

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lady snow can have it if she wants.

Hope she’s on the mend soon!

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m glad it’s not worse. I hope Lady Snow feels better very soon!

laserguru

I’m going to give some clues about the topic of next week’s Sunday Gravy.
Things involved include:

A food processor.
A floured surface
A potato ricer
Some boiling water
A skillet
A cheese grater

Time starts now!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Gnocchi and cheese curds?

laserguru

YOU!
You’re good you!

No cheese curds.
Think herbal.

Don T

Manatee tartare

laserguru

They’re easy as hell to catch.

Doktor Zymm

It’s really fun to say the word spaetzle.

laserguru

Spaetzle goes really well with goulash.
Another fun word and something I’ve given a recipe for.

/changes dinner plans.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’m in the same boat as yeah right. Walk. Gym. Sleep.

If I want until noon I can go get a cheap taco on my walk. But waiting virtually ensures the coffee shop’s Times crossword will be gone. It may already be.

Doktor Zymm

Milos is young and pretty damn good. I’m hungover, just played 1.5 hours of tennis, probably got a sunburn, and now I have to be social and people and stuff. I should be fake sick on Monday and just sleep. I didn’t use any sick days last year and that shit don’t roll over.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

DO IT

laserguru

I’ve got about 12 days to use before the end of the year.
What I like to do is take every Monday off for the entire months of October through the end of the year.
It’s around prestige movie time so I just go to the movies, grab some lunch and enjoy 4 day work weeks for 3 months.

laserguru

Morning folks.

I’m debating walk vs gym vs sleeping in.

Think I’m leaning walk.
Just not quite yet.
I’ve got my work cut out for me in the kitchen today.

Horatio Cornblower

“Think I’m leaning walk.”

Well, don’t feel too bad; a lot of people limp after knee surgery.

laserguru

Think how it feels after 5 surgeries.
I’m still fighting through though.

Ice and anti inflammatories for lyfe!

Doktor Zymm

Sleep in so I can vicariously live your sleeping in experience.

Horatio Cornblower

This is the best bike race I’ve ever seen. Weather and the climb and the constant attacking.

ballsofsteelandfury

Nice bikini woman running alongside…

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
ballsofsteelandfury

I would HATE to be driving one of those support vehicles. You are going SO SLOW and you have to make sure not to hit anyone. Fuck that shit.

Horatio Cornblower

I’d drive right up the side of the road and take out all those idiots that run out at the riders.

I have no idea why that’s still allowed.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Horatio Cornblower

What the fuck?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

People are assholes.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s hailing at the finish line for this stage.

Hailing.

On a mountain top.

In a bicycle race.

ballsofsteelandfury

Now this is a race worth watching!

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

/never been happier to have given up childhood cycling ambition

Horatio Cornblower

Apparently they pick up 900′-1,000′ over the last 2.5 miles.

On bicycles.

Jesus.

Horatio Cornblower

“although he now lives here in the heart of Andorra”

I did not realize Andorra was big enough to need internal organs; I always thought of them as more of a single-cell organism nation-state.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

You really want this guy to win?

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Portugal sucks as a country. No one ever says, “I just got back from Lisbon AND IT CHANGED MY LIFE” The only thing of note that happened to me in three trips there was getting caught out in a flash downpour that filled up my shoes in like five seconds. The food there sucks too. PORK AND CLAMS AGAIN WOO

I used to hate France like a good MURKAN until I actually worked there and learned something about the nation and its people. I went to Paris AND IT CHANGED MY LIFE

And let’s not forget who footed the bill for the US in the first place.

Allez les Bleus!

Horatio Cornblower

Remember the Lisbon Earthquake of 15…uh, 15…

Shit.

Horatio Cornblower

*1755.

Way off.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
ballsofsteelandfury
Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Those are the primary sources of the hate for me.

King Hippo

Although I agree that Los Frogs have been the good guy in this tourney ever since Iceland went out, I have been told that the Portugese coast is one of those “hidden gem” vacation spots. Cheap, laid back as fuck, and beautiful. Non-touristy, too.

Of course, assuming you are an American commentist and enjoy NAWT being an English subject, you owe Los Frogs at least a fist bump and a nod. In fact, I would say that historically they have been as damned fine an ally as you would ever want to have. Even in the Vichy years, there was some fierce fucking resistance, and a lot of brave fucking Frogs gave their lives to resist the barbarians invading and amongst their own. And to save their Jewish neighbours.

And it’s one hell of an awesome country to visit. Even friends of a more conservative political persuasion have always come back giving it a big thumbs up. As opposed to, say, Italy. Especially if you are a woman.

But the stereotypes are still lots of fun. I will give you that!!

Horatio Cornblower

Ribbit.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

The parts of the coast I saw were neither cheap nor non-touristy.

Everything is better in Spain. Just go there instead.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m watching the last ten miles of the Tour de France (sponsored by EPO) race.

I don’t think I’d walk up some of the hills these guys climb on bikes.

ballsofsteelandfury

I wouldn’t DRIVE those hills.

Horatio Cornblower

Driving would be even worse; I’m pretty sure my car’s transmission would give up and walk back down.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Horatio Cornblower

I love the “tiny engine inside the bicycle” cheating thing. It just cracks me up.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

hey guys

Don T

RESPECT THE SUN MURRAY

bourb0nblues
bourb0nblues

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

FIRST!

Just kidding, I’m still awake from last night. I have no idea where this hooker came from. She’s not dead, but she sure is snoring up a storm. I hope I had a good time.

King Hippo

Hey, you made her snore, I say you are safe to assume yes. Is there any coke left?

/silly question, there is NEVAR any coke left

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons