[edited to add banner pic and CFL game info]
NFL News:
- Myles Jack has been moved up to first team reps at Jags camp.
- Leon Hall is getting interest from the Bengals and Giants, both of whom need additional help on the corner.
- Donovan McNabb would like you to know he has views on the current state of Eagles quarterbacking. VIEWS!
- Joey Bosa & the Chargers – still not talking.
- The Bennett brothers? Talking lots. Good stuff too.
- My favourite?
- Brock Osweiler
- Michael: “I’ve got more sacks than he’s got touchdowns.”
- Martellus: “I’ve caught more balls than he’s completed.”
- Brock Osweiler
- My favourite?
- Jordy Nelson says Jordy Nelson is doing fine. Why would you question Jordy Nelson about Jordy Nelson’s knee, asks Jordy Nelson.
- The Dog Show
- Good PUP: Darrelle Revis returned to limited practice
- Bad PUP: Alshon Jeffrey & Danny Trevathan – day-to-day
- Stolen from the next Crimebeat!
- Brandon Browner – no charges for assaulting his girlfriend’s father
- Demaryius Thomas – President Obama commuted the rest of his grandmother’s sentence for drug trafficking.
- Barry O has now freed two generations of Thomas women in consecutive years. WILL THAT HELP HILLARY IN COLORADO?!
Special Cowboys Schadenfreude Update:
- Ezekiel Elliot has a tender hammy, and will “miss some time”.
- Kellen Moore has a broken ankle, and could miss a lot of time because they had to cut him open to fix it.
- Here’s the money quote:
- “It’s a devastating blow for Moore, who has overcome a lack of physical gifts to survive five seasons in the NFL.”
- That’s just mean; he’s not Tebow, for fuck’s sake.
- Here’s the money quote:
- Thus, the Cowboys have decided – 24 hours after saying they had no interest – to kick the tires on Nick Foles. Wither Kyle Orton?!
Want to feel ill?
Patriots fans serenade Tom Brady with "Happy Birthday" pic.twitter.com/dHbu49MOLM
— Will Brinson (@WillBrinson) August 3, 2016
Even the Hall of Fame thinks little of the Jets.
The Brett Favre locker on display at the Hall prior to enshrinement weekend contains a Packers & Vikings jersey, but no sign of the one year he spent in the Meadowlands. I’d like to think Jenn Sterger took it as compensation.
Tonight’s sports:
- Olympics 2016:
- Women’s soccer (U.S. vs. New Zealand) – 6:00 (NBCSN)
- Women’s soccer (France vs. Colombia) – 9:00 (NBCSN)
- MLB: Mets @ Yankees – 7:00 (ESPN)
- International Champions Cup Soccer:
- Bayern Munich vs. Real Madrid – 7:30 (ESPN2)
- AC Milan vs. Chelsea – 9:30 (ESPN2)
- CFL: Hamilton @ Winnipeg – 8:30 (TSN)
Soccer seems to be the only event Rio 2016 is actually ready for. Make sure to read Balls’ fantastic travelogue about visiting Rio. Then, LET’S BET ON DEATHS!
Do any of you follow any fan message boards for your NFL team? If so are they anything like Bears fans message boards that have had 5 shut down in the last few years because like 10-15 people ruin the board by just being giant assholes until the owner just quits and shuts it down, then the same few people move on to the next board until they annoy the person(s) running it until they shut down. I have 2 left, 1 that the assholes migrated to after the last shutdown and then one good one with minimal traffic but really fast at getting team news up and actual discussions about things. I am worried the former is just gonna shut its doors soon and somehow the trash people will come ruin the last one.
I read the Raiders reddit and Silver and Black Pride, they are both fine. Every once in a while GipsySafety produces something like this, which makes it all worth it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/oaklandraiders/comments/4vzi8j/amari_cooper_and_the_drops/
I dont know why I’m still subscribed to r/patriots. I never go there and I assume its 99% the same morons who were singing happy birthday to Brady in the video above.
I did Bleeding Green Nation, but it was cutting into my dick joke time. I also do Broadstreet Hockey during the NHL season. SBNation sites tend to be much more reasonable than other fan sites, I find.
No.
Throwback Wednesday-Denis Potvin
https://youtu.be/MOKd-xyTkIs
POTVIN SUCKS!
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/47/4761c072068913f64e4f5e45f2e469f287a9dd9da19a91306615dcc5f1509027.jpg
http://comicalconcept.com/illustration/make-it-tso/web.jpg
Re: Porky’s Tara Reid burn. I think it’s pretty self-evident that a reply that addresses Moose directly implies an image Man Was Not Meant To See.
I just fell down laughing at entropy below saying that as a Jets fan he gets to make fun of the Eagles.
/the Jets have never beaten the Eagles in franchise history – they are 0-9 against them.
//happy to have you back entropy!
My oral surgeon is an Eagles and U*NC fan.
For the life of me, I can’t figure out why I’ve ever allowed any part of her body into my mouth.
*hands!!!!!! I’m only talking about hands. You sick fucks.
Hey, it’s Asian Transsexual Day here at DFO so you can’t blame us for getting a little confused.
Throwback Wednesday-Nate “Tiny” Archibald
https://youtu.be/MOKd-xyTkIs
I understand why Stranger Things is so popular, but the same reasons — that it references or is filmed like a multitude of films from that era, i.e., our childhoods — is what made me so indifferent to it. I just don’t care for nostalgia.
Throwback Wednesday-Harold Carmichael
https://youtu.be/NIRTLswqcfw
http://media.giphy.com/media/b8EqUlAFhdy1O/giphy.gif
His reaction upon being questioned about Roman Polanski’s little hot tub party at Jack’s house.
Throwback Wednesday-Sidney Moncrief
https://youtu.be/SyLOh7IkepM
The national basedball game is fucking Mets–Yankees.
I get 324 Mets and Yankees games every year on networks that are dedicated to the teams.
I guess it’s too much to ask that the game be blacked out locally.
Texas at Baltimore
Catch the narcolepsy.
Throwback Wednesday-Secretariat
https://youtu.be/SyLOh7IkepM
http://images.performgroup.com/di/library/sporting_news/e9/a4/bojack-horseman-secretariat-081315-ftr-netflixjpg_crej50bs851m1a4tms1c3xhxv.jpg
Throwback Wednesday-Julius Erving
https://youtu.be/SyLOh7IkepM
Am I a bad person for bringing multiple crepes onto a packed Southwest flight? Or am I a bad person for not giving a fuck?
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view/439914/crazy-lady-airplane-o.gif
Pictured…Why tWBS hates the middle seat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFx1Cpxpx1E
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1VCHE7U6Wws/T0oDa21PlII/AAAAAAAAAMU/rNnF10k-50w/s1600/Jiggly+Twist.gif
http://daylol.com/nw/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/11-RLLQZSI.gif
I brought back tacos from a backyard party on a flight from LAX. I approve of the crepe smuggling.
I wouldn’t judge if you made a breather opening in one, put it on your face and went to sleep.
Yes.
Someone called for a creep.
Fine, I’m here…wtf do you want?
http://www.dpccars.com/gallery/var/albums/Crazy-Car-and-Motorcycle-GIFs-Animations/Crazy%20Car%20and%20Motorcycle%20GIFs%20Animations%20-%2014.gif
/would totally be a creep to them…I mean her.
If you missed it; check out Porky’s sick Tara Reid BURN below.
http://memearchive.net/animooted.com/original/315.gif
Sadly, I’m much prouder of the “Modern Pantathlon” pun that no one liked.
http://img.pandawhale.com/101758-crazy-babe-hand-job-dance-gif-qkcS.gif
I liked it!
Well, most of my jokes are enjoyed mostly by me.
But that was one hell of a reference; I didn’t see it the first time.
Since the response of my first pic with Kelley O’Hara was that Alex Morgan is better. Then love for them both. I feel obligated to let you know pics of them bathing together exist
Last one is the best and much bigger but is imgur. You probably know how to fix it by now
http://i.imgur.com/hmrFsDT.png
http://www.stripers247.com/images/scarjo_popcorn.gif
Throwback Wednesday-Bernard King
https://youtu.be/poHEMLd9Z4g
http://cdn0.wideopenspaces.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/download-6.gif
Is that the Modern Pantathlon?
So after my ex-wife separated from me during her mid-life crisis she suffered at the reasonable age of 26, she decided to go shooting with her friends. She hadn’t shot a gun in 15 years, as it was something she did once or twice with her dad when she went hunting with him as a kid. The very first thing she tried to do was shoot a scoped hunting rifle, which she actually succeeded at doing. She also split her forehead open when she ate the scope during the kickback. Not only did she get me and her mother mocking her openly in public for not knowing what she was doing, but her gun-loving friends gave her the exact same treatment while she was still bleeding. Warms my heart to this day.
Still unwise to mock an already scorned woman who is practicing on the range with a scope.
Oh, she had no intention of giving me the sweet release of death at that point.
Not Demaryius Thomas’s grandmother…
http://cdn.gifbay.com/2012/10/crazy_dog-4720.gif
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/1476883/skateboard-fail-o.gif
I’m going to the bar. Best part of saying that? The gif search basically resulted in GIFs from either Happy Endings, Parks & Rec, or Don’t Trust the Bitch In Apt 23.
Here’s Chloe:
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/1226881/crazy-guy-o.gif
I was wondering what happened to Tara Reid, thanks Moose.
OK; if we could banner a gif that response would be banner material.
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN!
http://cdn.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/2104182/84577632.gif
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view5/20160110/5284304/shotgun-fail-o.gif
Throwback Wednesday!
https://youtu.be/qXbc7SsOkdA
It is more than 15 years old…….
Exact wording of the pardon:
“In honor of your playoff performance, Demaryius, the charges against your grandmother have been dropped.”
A skateboard AND a trampoline.
PEAK FAIL GIF
http://cdn1.smosh.com/sites/default/files/legacy.images/smosh-pit/092010/jackass-trampoline.gif
Sill,
Soon you’ll have OLYMPIC skateboarding crash gifs to post!
http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/olympics/rio-2016/2016/08/03/ioc-approves-five-sports-baseball-softball-surfing-karate-sportsclimbing/88034494/
I’m guessing this guy flames out at the Regional level:
What is “sport climbing?”
No idea. but fucking speedwalking is a sport.
Is Greco-Roman wrestling still out? They should have Lucha Libre as an event.
We’re what, 8 years out from Zumba as an Olympic event?
The fuck, dude?
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2016/08/03/pinky-busch-gardens-dancing-flamingo-euthanized-after-florida-mans-attack/?utm_term=.03f31db78035
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mccpltWm211qz8vumo1_500.gif
Hooch IS crazy…
http://www.gifbin.com/bin/082012/reverse-1346345872_saved_skat_jump_fail.gif
…Are they chanting Zika at Hope Solo?
http://www.gifbin.com/bin/112013/1384107943_skater_group_wipeout.gif
Prayer of the Rollerboys 2 is coming along nicely.
My god nice reference.
Every time people ask me why I no longer skate, I show them things like this. I then suck in my gut and say, “this has nothing to do with a loss in balance.”
Wooooooooooo footbaw
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Wp1SklDLa9c/ThTuEKaOBWI/AAAAAAAABLo/UkLiB4SWuQc/s1600/rsx2zl.gif
http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Skateboard-Ramp-Fail.gif
This guy is actually a friend of mine, and he keeps fucking his head up as evidenced in the video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMTeY9aFoeY
http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr03/2013/3/1/9/anigif_enhanced-buzz-14102-1362147091-4.gif
Matz fucking up what should have been an easy night against the Yankees. Christ I had high hopes for that kid.
Ezekiel has a nice tender hammy? And it’s not even thanksgiving!
Did you want jelly on your toast?
Myles is Jacked up?
I thought ESPN did away with that segment?
Del Taco has the Jacked Up burrito.
Jacked Up [anus] Burrito.
Martellus is gay?
Hey all from the Depths of Eagles Country, where the local radio switches between “the Eagles are 5 years away from competing” to random sounds of various forms of suicide. Perhaps the most entertaining thing I’ve heard came up two days ago when I heard someone compare Doug Pederson to “that daytime stripper with the c-section scar… you wanna ask the owner what the fuck he’s doing putting her out there.”
I am, of course, loving every minute of it.
That’s somebody’s fetish
Just like being an Eagles fan, I suppose.
Masochism in a nutshell right there.
Keep in mind, I am a Jets fan, and I get to make fun of the Eagles. I liken it to there being some sort of Short Bus Heirarchy.
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs/783811_o.gif
Doug Pederson is currently rated the most ruggedly handsome NFL by Us Weekly.
I was expecting to have missed a bunch of comments on the USWNT because I watched the first half laying in bed instead of near the computer. I am dissapointed. You get a Kelley O’Hara gif anyways
http://66.media.tumblr.com/3a65bb96a9cd95775c6668dc3a3cb811/tumblr_n9o0qh2eGz1r426i4o2_250.gif
Ok, 2. Back to the game
http://67.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m17g0lyS5m1r18hl7o1_500.gif
I’m kinda partial to Alex Morgan, my own self:
http://cdn-s3.si.com/s3fs-public/2015/01/19/op44-232096-raw1200.jpg
Too close; I’d have to completely disgust both of them to make any data based judgement.
I would immediately sign up for any opportunity to thoroughly disappoint both or either of them, at any time.
After all this time I have been conditioned to think it is sexy when a woman throws up a little.
*not related to length.
Evening Gents: I have an update, because I know you’re all so invested in my dental health
I’ll give you the blow by blow in that annoying format that’s popping up on the internet.
*Be Brocky
*Have two baby molars that never grew in, one on each side of lower jaw
*Teeth get infected, molars need to be pulled
*Allow yourself to freak out at the prospect of looking like an Alabama fan
*Dread the cost of titanium reinforced implants
*Starve yourself the night before and morning before appoint, assuming you’re going to be put under
*Arrive at dentist
*Notice that Dentist has LSU certificate on wall
*Dental assistant gives you the same about of local anesthesia for a filling
*Dentist takes those vice grips, right tooth comes out with no resistance
*Dentists says, “huh, that was easy, want me to do the other so you don’t need to make another appointment”
*give a thumbs up because my i’m at the fucking dentist
*Dentist reaches over with pliers, other baby molar pops out with no resistance, imagine it was with a sound effect.
*Feel ripped off, I could have done that at home
*Go home, look in mirror
*Run around house looking for a hanging pail can so you can hang it in your mouth
*Post to SnapChat
A pic of a bloody mouth with a couple of holes might actually make awesome that SC’s silly little ghost avatar frame.
That is also someone’s fetish.
Getting the front ones pulled will make you a lot more popular on the cellblock.
It doesn’t take physical gifts to be a mediocre at best backup quarterback in the NFL?! FUCK! Why in the hell did I spend my college years focusing on academics?! My advisor lied to me!
/Tries to kick textbook
//Falls on ass
///Is winded trying to get up
Put… [cough] Put me in [wheeze] Coach!
“I’m ready to go in Coach!”
— Trent Green, to a phone pole
I’m going to put the over/under on athletes that die during the Olympics or directly from Olympics-related causes (illness, eventually succumbing to gunshot wounds, poisoned with polonium-210 because they got a little too “talky” regarding the Russian “nutrition” program) at 1.5.
“Back in our day, we’d have taken those odds in a heartbeat!”
-surviving members of Black September
Every time I picture the pools at the Rio Olympics, I see the water from The Naked Gun with the “For God’s Sake Don’t Swim Here” sign in front of it.
http://thumbnails115.imagebam.com/49512/5bdba8495119245.jpg
“Huh. As a concept, ‘fucking prison’ has brought in a lot of dough over the years.”
-several soft-porn directors
[insert below Unsurprised comment]
Demaryius’s grandmother was sentenced to life in fucking prison!? Jesus Christ. This country.
That’s what masterminds get.