Aren’t breasts of all kinds completely amazing in every way? Let me tell you about my latest experience that occurred just hours ago. I was at the grocery store and I was completely blown away by a perfect set. They were sticking out like a sore thumb at the deli counter. Needless to say, I bought that wondrous pair as soon as I got to the front of the line. They’re cooling in the fridge right now and I can’t wait to smother them in mayo, pepper and top them with lettuce and cheese. Uh, where was I? Oh yeah.
Jets/Redacteds-Nate Sudfeld, all 6’6″, 235 lbs. of him, was a scintillating 10/15 for 89 yds. last week. Scouts just lurv the hell out of these big body types. “He’s got the height to see over the line, the frame to withstand punishment, half-decent mobility and a cannon for an arm!” [Coaching staff gives him a script of plays that don’t involve any throws over 5 yards] “But, uh, but…the defence has to THINK that he might go long AT ANY TIME!” This is your NFL at the moment, folks.
Jets 2nd round qb pick Christian Hackenburg didn’t see any action at all last week. I guess when you’ve got a logjam of mediocrity at the position you don’t want to…expose the heir apparent to playing time? I’m just riffing here. There’s a position battle going on at the te spot. Jace Amaro and Kellen Davis won’t be deciding it on ability, that’s for sure. Maybe a chicken wing-eating contest? “Hey Jace, there’s too much meat left on that drumstick, that one doesn’t count!”
Fins/’Boys-DAK! Prescott’s light might shine a wee bit less due to a certain starting qb’s first appearance in the preseason. Chants of “Romo, Romo-how fat art thou?” will not be ringing through the upper levels of AT&T Stadium, not because it’s a home game but because Cowboys fans aren’t literate. First round rb Elliot is a no-show tonight because his slight hamstringy thingy is being baby-ed by training staff. [makes note to read Ezekiel chapter of bible in order to make more salient references]
Arian Foster will make a small debut for Miami tonight. Ill-informed dudebros everywhere will make references to his veganism but partially-informed open thread-makers like myself will make light of the fact that he is a yoga practitioner. Here goes…”All the women in Arian’s hot yoga class think that he’s a poser”.
Ari/S.D.-In non-sequitur news, David Johnson won me my auction league last year. In further non-sequitur news, I like Bruce Arians’ head gear. That’s about all I have for the Cards this week.
If Melvin and Gordon put it together this year, being offensive won’t be a problem for the Chargers this year. In a perfect, injury-free scenario, I can picture Marmalard tearing through defences the same way that Sarah, Gunner, Halle, Grace, Rebecca, Caroline and Peter have torn through Tiffany’s vagina.*
*Alanis Morissette thinks that comment is ironic
Jessica Simpson in the stands, still pining away…
http://i.cdn.turner.com/asfix/repository//8a25c3920ef15683010ef214f9770177/thumbnail_62438.jpg
Looks like she’s lost weight….
Pictured: Ryan Tannehill once he makes his first read
Crosby, A Kenny Stills and some Sour Mash
Dak is playing well with the 1st Unit. I fear if Romo goes down during the season he may not get his job back.
I started using my TV as my monitor again the other day. I am loving it for pics
ALL TEH PERSONAL FOULS
Evening Folks
Colt McCoy is the Renée Zelweger of quarterbacks. Looks like he has chronic resting explosive diarrhea bitchy face
Romo, ready for a night on the town
http://america.pink/images/3/9/5/8/0/0/8/en/3-sealab-2021.jpg
OHMIGAWD YOU GUYS HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THIS NEW SHOW MACGYVER I HEAR HE MAKES THINGS OUT OF OTHER THINGS
Is he dreamy with a sweet flow?
His mind is the ultimate weapon.
For him, saving the day is all in a day’s work.
The right man when things go wrong.
He acts fast and thinks faster.
Braver than most. Smarter than the rest.
Part boy-scout. Part genius. All hero.
Always prepared for adventure.
/all seven original series season taglines
I will never stop loving Richard Dean Anderson
He’s gone, get over him and move on.
You’ll find someone.
http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/sealab/images/1/1d/AML129GPlg.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20120406200556
Debbie is 1b on my cartoon hottie list.
Carol/Cheryl/Cherlene being 1a of course.
Chad Johnson “A Football Life??” I WANT!!!! Carboat!!!!!!
I see Alfred Morris has gotten the “Just Glad To Be The Fuck Out Of DC” bump.
He finally reached Dan Snyder’s Page 15.
Dak Prescott with a SICK play fake there.
Christ on a cracker, how I pined for the Donks to draft him.
Still think he’s the steal of the draft, even though Moose might yell at me again for saying it. 😉
Geno intentional grounding? Never change.
I’ve got a 12 pound prime rib roast, a missing son, a dog that needs to go for a walk, a wife that’s on an emotional ‘high’, a half-full glass of scotch, a bag of salt and vinegar peanuts, a re-run of The Big Bang Theory, a “Fire Twister” movie option and a…*
*I’m just whoring for responses-just ignore me*
*Please, don’t ignore me!
…an argument with an idiot that you’re going to forget about because you’re the better person.
I’m just trying to keep up.
“Missing son” as “he’s not here right now,” not as in “nobody’s seen him for three days,” right?
You had me at “whoring”
Fuck the peanuts
Marry the Scotch
Kill The Big Bang Theory
I think I just missed the Jets getting a safety against the Redacteds.
People were actually complaining at the stadium today that it was too hot to drink.
http://www.vancouversun.com/life/cms/binary/9464627.jpg?size=640×420
Crazy talk.
I KNOW!
The last time I can remember it being too hot to drink…… yea, I don’t remember that either.
I mean – it was 34 Celsius in the direct sun, but c’mon…
As someone who has drank in August in Phoenix..
Fucking Canadia, man.
smgdh
Ah, still the cowboys, then.
This could be the new Cadillac V8 flagship model:
http://pictures.topspeed.com/IMG/crop/201409/cadillac-names-its-u_600x0w.jpg
I’ll never buy an American car because of all the horrible and dangerous deathtraps I somehow survived as a child, but that just might make some millenial hedge fund managers think twice about a 7-Series.
Sill I included an absolutely ridiculous car just for you and to emphasize a point in the EPL preview part 1 that Hippo may be tacking on to his EPL review.
http://truegif.com/pictures/gif/6223.gif
FUN FACT! I am now learning how to save Word pics as .jpg files, and insert them into post text!
/yes, Litre_Cola’s shit IS that good, despite being three pills and one beer into the Fridaying
Artist’s conception of Tannehill sans helmet…
Alfred Morris is scaring me . He’s not looking like an arthritic George Rogers right now.
It was a giant pain the ass to get this gif postable. I mean it was definitely worth it but fuck all the hindrances in getting it here
“Giant pain in the ass”
/starts to say something
//reconsiders
http://65.media.tumblr.com/e576b86778de0ccd5fb93d30ba8acffa/tumblr_inline_mj4ao7kW001qz4rgp.gif
Fuck Jason Witten. Let’s talk Metal Gear Solid Survive. It’s gonna be SO BAD, YOU GUYS.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8CaXtq2WVk
ROMODERP v TANNEDERP
WHO WILL DERP HARDEST LONGEST
I like to imagine what Scott Muthafickin Hansen does on pre-season nights when there’s no RedZone. Other than inhuman amounts of blow, that’s a given.
Sean Lee’s profile pic on NFL network looks like he’s trying to get a Roxy Music cover band up and running.
How do you know he’s not?
http://static.nfl.com/static/content/public/static/img/fantasy/transparent/200×200/LEE650245.png
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/63/20/59/632059921539583dbbddb70946910b01.jpg
I went Latina women. I reserve the right to go back and do what I threatened before and just spam Kelly O’Hara pics
http://67.media.tumblr.com/0013829a0ab85c9cb90aa953763f22e1/tumblr_o98304wX7s1rwrv4ro1_500.jpg
South America is where it’s at.
This game is only a single broken clavicle away from high comedy
Is there a betting line on it? There should be.
Dallas’ offensive. That’s how you know it’s going to happen.
BLEERGH foar MVP!!!!!!
Holy fuck, the bleergh is out for blood.
It’s like with 8 officials, they can actually SEE all teh holding by the “best OL in the league.” WEIRD!!
Shall I continue to spar with a Fox News-informed childhood friend on The Facebook? Only time and scotch will tell…
AKA: The Jacksonville Jaguras
Yeah, I get all that but…HE NEEDS HIS COMEUPPANCE AND I’M WAY SMARTER THAN HIM AND I NEED THIS!
I’m gonna take this to both the next school board AND union meeting.
I don’t know if I’m just lucky or if I’ve consciously done it, but my Facebook is basically free of super-right wing shitheads. I’ve actually sparred with more people on the left (the Bern I felt was wanting to ignite everyone who adored Bernie).
Or maybe attaching my given name and face to an argument just makes me a yellow bellied coward.
Mine is the opposite. I troll my real life friends with my facebook posts. It might not be the safest way to do it.
Well, at least you’ll know the faces of the people who kill you.
Keep in mind….. like Bill O’Reilly, he’s just lookin’ out for you.
*slips on sunglasses*
YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
A baskletballer from Baylor?
Did you guys know that Tony Gonzalez used to play?
Antonio Gates was also a “baller”
Jimmy Graham used to “break ankles”
Aaron Hernandez used to kill people.
Jerome Bettis is a native of Detroit.
Craig James killed five hookers.
Come on, it’s 2016. They prefer “courtesans.”
“Vaginal assistants”
First pay BLEERGH!!!! It’s a sign!!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DErurte4CE
As a fan of the whole Bad Lip Reading series, I’m afraid to watch this.
I think they forgot to change Hillary’s dialogue.
Toelingus…that’s sound dirty.
FINS/BOYS PRESEASON FITBAW CATCH THE EXCITEMENT
http://media1.giphy.com/media/LiTTNQx8gGlrO/giphy.gif
Eric Davis looks like a used Q-tip.
Just realized how racist that sounded.
NAWT racist enough, as I didn’t get it ,, smgdh
I was referring to the so-called hairstyle, not the color of his skin.
/didn’t make that clear
One more redhead. I will probably go some other theme after this one. I might just post 20 Kelley O’Hara gifs though
SFW-ish
http://67.media.tumblr.com/cd533cc58b3acf502a67e88537dd3b0f/tumblr_obr70mSzPI1qk16obo1_1280.jpg
Fitzpatrick is totally clean shaven. Must be Rumspringa.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7huObQg5SE
Jose Altuve, not so good at teh catching for a major leaguer.
Just totally missed the throw down to 2nd base (during pre inning warm up that is, not in game) and it hit him right in the shoulder and bounced into centerfield.
I’m still LMFAO’ing.
Says the guy who once had to get 10 stitches above his eye for something similar.
But at least I caught the ball. The stiff lacings on glove then kicked back and cut me. Weird.
None of my pics tonight are SFW. It wasn’t meant to be the theme but it is what it is
h
ttp://67.media.tumblr.com/7bbaeefc99be341c6d7a65ba57dba129/tumblr_obr4rtJQSj1qk16obo1_1280.jpg
I’ll say this much…when you go NSFW you don’t fuck around.
…and we thank you for that.
I hate these fucking memes. What is the link between veteran suicide and exercising? Do people feel like they need to 1-up internet slacktivism? If they don’t want to do anything about the problem, why don’t they just pray like normal useless people? Maybe I should have recorded myself on an elliptical earlier and said “This one’s for the syrian refugees.” That way I could have felt like I was a better human being when I immediately went back to watching TV.
In this day and age everyone is only one ice-bucket-challenge away from getting ordained a Saint by the Vatican.
Chris Pratt has obtained Sainthood. I refuse to believe otherwise
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_iCIg2oCCs
I traded for David Johnson AND had the LeVeon/DeAngelo combo…missed the playoffs in my DEEP auction league.
In short…I suck at fantasy football as much as I suck at life.
Also, I had to use Jace Amaro a few times last season as a bye/injury fill-in, and he can go and have sex with hisself, as far as I’s concerned.
Guess who had a kale and cucumber salad for dinner so he could justify beer for Friday night game watchin??
I suck at fantasy football as much as I suck at life.
That sir is negative self talk and I will not stand for it!!!
Plus you’re pretty good at both IMHO.
Anytime you have to have a salad to justify beer….. yea, I agree, you’ve failed at life.
You know it’s August? This is relevant news at best 9 months ago
I should add I actually do care 9 months later, and my bitchyness about it was half assed and not real.
Second NSFW redhead
h
ttp://66.media.tumblr.com/c71e579672a95d24b037dfaa0a31b16c/tumblr_obvtqi0Ahs1qk16obo1_540.jpg
Best open thread title ever? Maybe…maybe.
And at least I’ve got a hot bikini girl come at me (phrasing) tonight rather than a giant baby head or Eli.
I’ll certainly not feel the need to punch her
/wonders if spanking can break the monitor
How’s everybody doing?
I am doing my best to sprinkling in NSFW gifs to add to the experience. And I am doing well thank you for asking
LOVE YA BABY!
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5086/3757/1600/Telly-Savalas-Posters.jpg
So I wrote a EPL 2 part preview in the same genre of my Euro updates, and my contacts ave been erased for gmail. I no longer have Balls’ addy. A little help over here!
[email protected]
That website any good?
Meh.
Try Twitter out
http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02894/edballs_2894443b.jpg
check yo e-mail, muthaflippa
Top left, baby!
http://i.ebayimg.com/images/i/321200381597-0-1/s-l1000.jpg
For once I don’t have all the things today, nor am I with Running-Out-Of-Modifiers-For-Why-She-Isn’t-Senorita Weaselo. How the fuck is everyone?
The thread title made me go look for boobs. Not SFW one here but I really liked it anyways so it is getting posted
h
ttp://67.media.tumblr.com/777606caaac85d6050138d1e928e979d/tumblr_obwreg44hf1qk16obo1_400.gif
you’re doing the lords work
BREAKING NEWS: Cops did something good!
http://www.cnn.com/2016/08/19/health/beyond-the-call-yukon/index.html
(warning: Prepare your Feels)
I am still gonna continue hating all cops even though I am far too white to really have a problem with them (Sorry, I hope they all rot in hell for harassing me about going to jail for my entire life because they are too stupid to realize I was one of the victims) That was a lovely story though.
I remember that story. I’ve had my own run-ins as some folks around here know.
But I’ve also had good experiences with them to.
They’re human. Just like all other humans, some will suck, some will not.
Made it with 2 minutes to spare! [wipes sweat from brow]