Aren’t breasts of all kinds completely amazing in every way? Let me tell you about my latest experience that occurred just hours ago. I was at the grocery store and I was completely blown away by a perfect set. They were sticking out like a sore thumb at the deli counter. Needless to say, I bought that wondrous pair as soon as I got to the front of the line. They’re cooling in the fridge right now and I can’t wait to smother them in mayo, pepper and top them with lettuce and cheese. Uh, where was I? Oh yeah.
Jets/Redacteds-Nate Sudfeld, all 6’6″, 235 lbs. of him, was a scintillating 10/15 for 89 yds. last week. Scouts just lurv the hell out of these big body types. “He’s got the height to see over the line, the frame to withstand punishment, half-decent mobility and a cannon for an arm!” [Coaching staff gives him a script of plays that don’t involve any throws over 5 yards] “But, uh, but…the defence has to THINK that he might go long AT ANY TIME!” This is your NFL at the moment, folks.
Jets 2nd round qb pick Christian Hackenburg didn’t see any action at all last week. I guess when you’ve got a logjam of mediocrity at the position you don’t want to…expose the heir apparent to playing time? I’m just riffing here. There’s a position battle going on at the te spot. Jace Amaro and Kellen Davis won’t be deciding it on ability, that’s for sure. Maybe a chicken wing-eating contest? “Hey Jace, there’s too much meat left on that drumstick, that one doesn’t count!”
Fins/’Boys-DAK! Prescott’s light might shine a wee bit less due to a certain starting qb’s first appearance in the preseason. Chants of “Romo, Romo-how fat art thou?” will not be ringing through the upper levels of AT&T Stadium, not because it’s a home game but because Cowboys fans aren’t literate. First round rb Elliot is a no-show tonight because his slight hamstringy thingy is being baby-ed by training staff. [makes note to read Ezekiel chapter of bible in order to make more salient references]
Arian Foster will make a small debut for Miami tonight. Ill-informed dudebros everywhere will make references to his veganism but partially-informed open thread-makers like myself will make light of the fact that he is a yoga practitioner. Here goes…”All the women in Arian’s hot yoga class think that he’s a poser”.
Ari/S.D.-In non-sequitur news, David Johnson won me my auction league last year. In further non-sequitur news, I like Bruce Arians’ head gear. That’s about all I have for the Cards this week.
If Melvin and Gordon put it together this year, being offensive won’t be a problem for the Chargers this year. In a perfect, injury-free scenario, I can picture Marmalard tearing through defences the same way that Sarah, Gunner, Halle, Grace, Rebecca, Caroline and Peter have torn through Tiffany’s vagina.*
*Alanis Morissette thinks that comment is ironic
I was originally gonna try to make this fit some theme, but I really just wanted to listen to this song
Rage Against the Machine – No Shelter
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NEoesmnYU4
Anybody else watching Olympic coverage? English Gardner is classic crazy eyes.
I’m disappointed when I even mistakenly see highlights on SportsCenter.
Commie.
That movie sucked. What a waste of Ralph Fiennes and Rachel Weisz.
Holy fuck, this isn’t the last minute of the game
Deftones made a sadder song. Sorry WBS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVMfISO9T1Q
IT’S NOT A CONTEST!!!!!!
WHY AM I YELLING????
Ol’ JJ still makes Moose Johnston call him Mr. Jones.
Again…the best thing EVAR recorded…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zw5VrD_d3fE
Hippo erection achieved
/educated guess
Well hell, if we’re going full depressing, let’s not fuck around now that I’m in a place I won’t suck on a tail pipe with the slightest provocation…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEq8DBxm0J4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-0TD8V4Doc
Jonny MArr + Morrissey + gold
Morrissey solo = someone is going to get knifed man
Evening boys. Just got off the road. Drove the whole 9 hours home from Michigan. Unpacked, already got the laundry started, and took 2 bong hits, 4 eye droppers of the tincture I made, and a Clonazepam to stop my head from feeling like this:
http://adamgoldstein.com/birdup.gif
Now I’m nursing my last beer, nodding off, and am getting excited about lesser footy tomorrow morning, as its one of the only sports my deadbeat, cable-less ass can actually get pretty goddamn good coverage of with the old borrowed password.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UonBS_mvW-E
A divers group of people.
http://www.candidupskirts.org/sports/female_divers_11.jpg
And have the el beisbol Cardinals taken the lead?
FUCK and YES!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U43Ate3Itjs
http://67.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0dydo72Yx1rougtqo1_400.gif
Holy shit, the Bucs have bases loaded, 1 out in the bottom of the 9th down 6 — 5!
Cutch GIDP
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U43Ate3Itjs
Eagles of Death Metal – Speaking in Tongues
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnrS4lFnGQk
A whole nother entire quarter still to go in this highly palindromic 41 –14 DAL/MIA nailbiter!
http://67.media.tumblr.com/5ab173ed66728681404a36de1251b4eb/tumblr_njmog2Y0yl1qzk2apo1_1280.jpg
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_2XHxqgMF4mw/Rkg0d5Cj8rI/AAAAAAAAABQ/xhbcAnmubvQ/s400/dannys.jpg
TV on teh Radio’s wolven song!!
Ha!!!
Again a song I should be high listening to.
Tom Petty – Don’t Fade on Me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKUBlwVgVYc
MOAR TV on teh Radio!
See, now that better describes me now. lol
Why is NBC showing Superstore and not swimnastics or something?
http://67.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3shvzU9dv1qaqmkyo1_500.gif
Someone give me a bowl to smoke. This music is for listening to when you are stoned out of your mind
Tom Petty – Only a Broken Heart
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhhahTmbClg
Sparkly:
http://www.thcfinder.com/uploads/files/purple-zombie-packed-bowl-purple-zombie-weed.jpg
http://65.media.tumblr.com/f96112fb498456612f3b05e06f4679b3/tumblr_n1bopaEFYR1rab8xmo1_1280.jpg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nTo8rjo-lM
Saw this live at Xfest and let me tell you it was fucking amazing. I am a yuuuggee Radiohead fan and they did it justice and more.
Maybe I should try a different tack.
http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/tsminteractive.com/files/2011/09/troy-dumais-1.jpg
or some mix…
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/08/15/article-0-143A02B6000005DC-17_634x587.jpg
http://24.media.tumblr.com/c69dc5d13216b068246352d6b819e161/tumblr_mqts75Uues1s03r1wo1_500.gif
true, we ain’t seen hide nor hair of our womenfolk since Q1
Here’s a good regretful, drunk, “think about yer ex” song:
Thanks, that’s helpful…thanks, no really.
(relax, I’m joking)
http://67.media.tumblr.com/f326fe31f5651f2419c620038b3fc07d/tumblr_nctqg30lqZ1sp11gbo1_500.jpg
fuck and yes
Could not agree more. Where is this place?
SCAITLIN
loved when we would serve it for Burns dinner at Turnberry, so many leftovers, it was heaven.
Hey, Sill. I followed your advice and kept NO ONE. Almost had to chew my arm off at 10:30 to stop myself from keeping Rawls. Ended up with the #1,3,5, &11 picks. Thanks, man!
Also: Haggis. Minced meat in boiled sheep stomach?
MAH FAHNTSY IS STRAWNG WOO
Haggis sounds disgusting, but it’s delicious.
It tastes a lot like scrapple.
Don’t know if I’d trust it outside SCAITLIN tho…
http://66.media.tumblr.com/181a0aa1f5109f7f6cb1fc3a18c603da/tumblr_nnqbfiRnDp1tb64cto2_250.gif
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erG5rgNYSdk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okthJIVbi6g
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoMCQmUzVXc
http://67.media.tumblr.com/1646e6003243668c4f3696248634643d/tumblr_o3g1pgtdh91tpdjt7o1_1280.jpg
http://66.media.tumblr.com/1f0eb006b674ad8880905ebd199afedf/tumblr_o2bqw7HL5L1u19ezpo1_400.jpg
Honey, are you cooking fish?
Also, she look high.
/not a complaint
I have been wearing pants all night. I think I should remedy that because that is possibly the worst thing I could admit
Spanish banks smgdh.
C. Montgomery Burns would never have stood for this.
Pirates bullpen:
http://giant.gfycat.com/HospitableConcreteAtlanticridleyturtle.gif
Take heart, that was Baltimore’s entire staff tonight.
I just poured a Hard Cherry Cola into a glass and I downed half the bottle in one gulp. I can feel the buzz forming.
Whoa. who makes it? I must have it.
http://www.bestdamn.com/home/_jcr_content/contentPar/section/normal-section-content/grid/g61/section/full-section-content/image.img.jpg/masthead_desktop_850x520.jpg
Not up here. Sadly.
They actually gave out free floats outside the Garden a while back. ‘Twas a good day.
There’s still 7 minutes left in the 3rd quarter of this Fins/Boys abomination.
A Reds Relief Pitcher just hit a three run home run. The baseball equivalent of the kicker scoring a TD on a fake FG.
Oh, this guy’s father just passed away and this is his first game back. That makes it more awesome.
I really am just obnoxiously drunk again. This is not making me any less likely to go over to my mom’s house and flirt with Carrie. She accepts my alcoholism without a second thought and we haven’t seen each other in months so I sort of would feel bad if I didn’t head there tonight
Walk in and give her one of these…it’s never failed for me.
/has never done this
//being an instigator
http://media3.giphy.com/media/PZQi1O9LlUrYs/giphy.gif
Still a couple places left in DFO Insanity League 2:
https://yho.com/nfl?l=619470&k=5954bdbd1c268776&soc_trk=lnk&ikey=25f223df0bbe78a1
Use your drunken loss of inhibitions for good!
Is “Sharpers Sleepers” taken?
All you.
I have never played the FF. I know, I know…But I don’t wanna be the jackass that sits down at the first seat at the blackjack table who doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing and screws everybody up
It’s a stupid league that’s just for fun.
20 teams, 12 positions, crazy scoring.
You can’t screw anyone up because no one else knows what they’re doing either.
I haven’t replied but assumed I was still in this year. Do I need to do something to make sure I am in?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Va_Rmpd3PZI
Yeah, it’s time for Dak to get into some off-field shennanigans
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGTWmrnPdgk
Tony wept
DAK DAK DAK DAK DAK DAK
http://www.mghelmets.com/super%20bowl/SB6.gif
TIE GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Goddamn it.
the collective hate was all that was needed!
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqna4iBl3X1qii6tmo1_500.gif
Aaaand the U.S. may be disqualified. (Damn imgur link)
http://i.imgur.com/VXSxAAE.gif
HOLY SHIT THE LINK WORKED WHAT IS THIS MAGIC
It didn’t work for me.
WHY ARE YOU DENYING THE MAGIC!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPC2Fp7IT7o
I got accused of being drunk by my dad earlier. He wasn’t wrong. I sort of want to fake sobriety so I can go over and hit on foreign exchange student when she gets back in town tonight
If my mom knew how much I drank (which isn’t even that much compared to other members of our extended family) she’d probably flip out and lecture me about the one relative who started drinking at 30 and died at 40 from it.
Good luck explaining me.
http://i.imgur.com/SqzIwtV.gif
so many critical Hippo mistakes…
dReds actually winning 6-1 over Dodgers, but bullpen appears to be correcting that irregularity in the universe.
KC Sausage Party
https://youtu.be/gKc6NAK3G0M?list=PL88148E26E4359566
Yadi leads off with a single…
HERE COME THE CARDINALS!
joke’s on YOU!!!!
/see above
//our cousinfucker done HOMERED!!!!