YEEEAAAHHHHH BOOOYYYEEEEE! I AM SO FREAKIN’ PUMPED FOR THIS GAME! (it’s midnight somewhere, right?) And I don’t even have a dog in this fight. I imagine Bronc/Panthers fans have spent the day peeling themselves from various ceilings much to the consternation of their co-workers/loved ones/friends. I liken this feeling to when I was younger and anticipated playing in a championship baseball or basketball game-giddy and excited and revelling in the anticipation itself.
Sure there’s a shit-ton of detritus that surrounds the sport and there’s no need for me to go on about it here. We tackle that shit on an on-going basis the same way that a certain coach from Kansas City tackles the “All You Can Eat And Rub On Your Face Innards Special” at The Offal House. There’s…Just…Something…About…This…Game. Whatever it may be, it is my master tonight. TO THE GAME!
Panthers/Broncos: There’s tons of hand-wringing out there in Denver fandom about this Siemian fella. The qb’s CV is thinner than the audience at an “Anne Coulter Appreciation Night”. He’s got all of three quarters of exhibition play under his not-onion belt. No one seems to know anything solid about his arm strength but he is said to be a fan of the slant route but crap, what qb in the league isn’t? Kubiak, a big fan of the Northwestern grad, and the coaching staff will do their best to keep Trevor (Trevor? Who names their kid Trevor?) out of 3rd and long spots because that talented Panther lb crew will be jumping those slant routes looking for an easy pick-six. In useless stat news, Denver has won 15 of their last 16 home openers.
Possessor of 16 career sacks, dt Kawaan Short is only 121.5 short of the record at his position. My money says he doesn’t get it tonight. Cam has a paltry 11.1 QBR vs. Denver in two meetings and Von Miller aims to drive that rating down even lower. In related news, Michael Oher’s ears are burning. Wr’s Funchess and Benjamin have to be the biggest pair in the league, right? No, I don’t acknowledge the existence of one year wonder Ted Ginn Jr., thanks for not asking. Both teams are relatively injury-free right now although I just learned that wr Bennie Fowler is out. Thing is, I don’t know which team he plays for.
And there you have it-one of the most comprehensive, salient, insightful game intros that you’ve ever just read. Of course you’re welcome! NOW LET’S TEAR THIS PLACE UP!*
*in an orderly, respectful manner
I think god hates me. I bet when I start CJ next week, he’s gonna have 10 yards and two fumbles lost.
Neodown!
Yeah, Siemian hasn’t been great, but this was their other option at QB
I submit that wouldn’t have been as bad.
I never noticed, not only does he run into Brandon Moore but a Moore/Wilfork block.
I swear Brandon Moore took a post game shit and three of Sanchez’s molars came out.
http://thumbnails116.imagebam.com/50249/54ba39502487914.jpg
NOAP Blair Witch.
NOAPE NEVAH
What about the new Ouija movie?
Looks surprisingly scary.
I HATE scary movies. DTKellyKapowski loves them though.
Enough with the goddamn remakes.
‘Nah man, dis da sequel’
Really. It is? I did not know that.
Yeah, still a shitty concept though
Actually, it’s a modern spin on the origins of the entire conflict, so it’s more of a prequel.
word
Cam Newton is questionable with “Getting his dick too wet syndrome”
He fucks this up he’s Jay Cutler Red Zone Shithead 2.0
Clusterfucks everywhere are like “Dudes. Get your shit together.”
Play action.
Still won’t work.
I could go for a Kuechly INT right about now.
Collinsworth says that at every tupperware party he attends, which is a great deal I know this lady…
Trevor Siemian could now have SIX interceptions. Jesus, he’s fucking horrid.
“NO HE ISN’T!”
– Cris Collinsworth, reading from his script
FIFTEEN GAMES TO GO
They really over corrected on that final spot of the ball after the review, he was short but not 3/4 of a yard short
“Did it already blow?”
Yeah, Collinsworth about 2 hrs ago
Starting next week for the Broncos: Scott Airbud
Shut up Chris.
You shut up too Al. He did not have the first down when your facial anus started spewing. yes, he got it, but you jumped the gun you fucktard.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/93c485ef2bf43ef979e15ead91840739/tumblr_mlcvc7NKNR1qafimoo1_500.gif
I hope the football Cardinals score 60 points on them.
I think it would be better if they lost each game 3-0. That keeps Patriot fans from making the “IT DID NAWT MATTAH IF TAWM WAS THERAH, BETTAH HE BE HEALTHY FOAH THA PLAYAWFS” argument
your wife that hot at 40 you don’t need no damn pill
Why didn’t they just challenge it anyway. If your wrong, you lose a timeout.
Now if their wrong, they lose two timeouts.
had to stop the next play from starting. call the time out then let your replay dudes review it to see if you should challenge.
If I were the commissioner, I’d make it so that it’s not a valid challenge unless you hit one of the refs with the flag on the fly. I’d also suspend Tom Brady, but that seems to be a tradition of the job.
Does Goodell have fucking CTE? Pey pey retired, no need to rig the game for denver
I got my drink ready for the “The yellow line is unofficial” statement.
The NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE wants Denver to win so much tonight.
Should’ve kept Norman, but paid the Jowl Price instead
That’s a rather generous spot.
Carolina defense going to shit? Better blame Cam
Fuckin one yard gift on that spot.
hahahahaha that spot
Ref looked at the defender and basically dared him to say something
this asshole could have 5 picks tonight
Then wipe it already, geez!
Horrible spot.
#SimianLivesMatter
http://cdn.phys.org/newman/gfx/news/hires/2011/somemonkeysb.jpg
#DicksoutforHarambe
Well that was an insanely generous spot
Is it just me? Or does Greg Olsen look like Jim Gaffigan on steroids?
I get a neanderthal Seann William Scott vibe from him personally.
Tackling, Panthers. You need some.
Monkeyboy gritrun.
http://img.memecdn.com/well-shit_o_1153714.jpg
Whoop there it is?
NO DENVER, NO
WOOOOOOOOOOO
This game is getting good
Catch
Can we not have the National Anthem at every game? For example, I go see a lot of minor league baseball, and as a result, have seen a bunch of shit-tastic renditions.
An all-male American flag Speedo revue of “I’m Too Sexy?”
By Right Wing Fred
If they didnt do it no one would even notice.
I have noticed at Mets games they have moved it further and further away from the start of the game. The foul lines aren’t even painted on yet when they do it.
Woody Campbell watch out!
Paxton Lynch must be Tebow-level bad to have that little trust from management and that much lust from the fan base.
“And the starting left fielder for your San Diego Padres…”
My name. Is Neo.
@rikki as someone who has seen qbs get turf stuck in their teeth, it’s not uncommon for someone to be carrying floss on the sideline. Think sean paytons juicy fruit gum
Interesting, but that isn’t consistent with the narrative of Cam Newton being a GLORY BOY who only cares about looking good for the cameras.
Of course I didn’t start CJ this week.
God damned Anderson, vulturing that TD away from generic white FB. It should have been him.
This waitress just brought me three samples to try and one was cuvée des jacobins. I’m in love. Except without the physical attraction.
That’s an incredible beer. Gotdamn.
Can you fuck a beer? Cuz you should fuck that beer.
Can’t rely on two 25+ yard TD runs every week.