Third Place Everton and Lamar! (Plus Other Minor Things Previewed)

Pictured is Ronald Koeman, in a rare smiling pose. Despite being unbeaten on the young season (with three wins on the bounce, after humiliating David Moyes on Monday Night Footy with some help from Big Rom), Big Ron is something of a perfectionist, always urging his players to strive for the very best they are capable of delivering. It’s been a refreshing change from the delusional optimistic bullshit of Roberto Martinez, and if the early returns are any indication, exactly what the Blues needed.

Everton get Middlesborough at home this week, spotlight dance on big NBC (12:30 EST), though my local affiliate is showing Georgia Tech/Vanderbilt because North Cakalaky is still a cultural wasteland in many ways. Anyway, I will fire up the laptop in hopes for points 11-13 out of 15. Come on, you Blues.

There are no early games this week, in honor of my daughter’s 8:30 cross country meet. How fucking nice (and what foresight that she would qualify!!) of the FA to think of me like that ,, smgdh. Arsenal and Hull make NBCSN out of the 10:00 window pack, with the battle of the Wests (Brom and Ham) meriting some attention on Extra Time. Seems like Spurs should somehow be involved, no?

Speaking of Spurs, they get Sunday Funday feature treatment as the only NBCSN fixture (11:30), in what should be a home throttling of Sunderland. CNBC “boasts” the doubleheader of Watford hosting Manure (7:00) and Palace hosting Stoke (9:15). Extra Time offers Swans at Saints as alternate viewing at 9:15, but…meh.

That seems like some teams got left out, because the Redshite won 2-1 at Stamford Bridge Friday night. Christ, the knob slobbering won’t end, even if Everton keep winning to stay above them in the table. Which they must and will.

Hey want to talk about some jayvee stuff? Thought you’d NEVAR ask!!

Florida State at Louisville (Noon, ABC)

Talent vs. coaching, watch the argument play out before your eyes. Except that the “coaching” side of the argument also has a legitimate Heisman candidate in Lamar! Now away from the bright lights of Washington, DC that once hounded the young, flannel-clad GOP Presidential hopeful (and also now black), Lamar! is putting up video game numbers with his arm and legs for the Fightin’ Petrinos. Jimbo Fisher couldn’t coach his way out of a wet paper bag, but some years they so good it no matter. Is this one such year? Today will be quite telling in that regard.

Oregon at Nebraska (3:30, ABC)

This is an interesting inter-sectional matchup between two teams we really know nothing about. They could be sleeper-ish good, they could be shit, they could be 6-7 win pudding again. It’s September, the fuck do you want from me??

Alabama at Ole Miss (3:30, CBS)

Ah yes, the Katy Perry boob sweater memorial classic! The juju is strong with this one, and Nick Saban will want revenge for the last two defeats more than he thirsts for the blood of a newborn puppy. Johnny Reb done got him a loss on his’n resume, so he can’t afford no more if’n he fixin’ to contend all national-like.

Mississippi State at LSU (7:00, ESPN2)

The Cowbells got their shit back together last week, and now take said shit on the road. To face the Bayou Bengals, who look to be, well, shit. But that’s why they play the games, yeah? This fixture has made for entertaining 4th quarters in recent vintage, FWIW.

Texas A&M at Auburn (7:00, ESPN)

Another SEC West tilt, with the better team being the road side. That can make for an even contest and multiple overtimes. Not predicting, but if it happens…betcha it happens here! Both of these defensive units are solid.

Michigan State at Notre Dame (7:30, NBC)

Thankfully, nobody will need to watch this shitburger tonight. Huzzah, schedulemakers!

Ohio State at Oklahoma (7:30, Fox)

They don’t see any horns on your head, so you wouldn’t mind if…

This game has the advantage of Gus Johnson, so I will watch quite a bit so long as Boomer Sooner maintains a working margin throughout.

UCLA at BYU (10:15, ESPN2)

Late night DVR/tweaker/insomniac pick is IN! The Bruins impressed me on their trip to College Station (well, apart from their butterfingered WR/TE corps), and they will get the chance for a solid road win in Provo against a Mad as Heck!! Team Big Love. I hear Brice’s mom let him have TWO Sprites the day after the loss to “the U” last Saturday night, the family was so shaken up about it.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Unsurprised

I hate you all

Unsurprised

I have smaller hands than Trump and am 6’2″. Yes, I also suffer from the Irish Curse. It explains a lot, I bet. Anyway,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zvl8pzXoXww

Unsurprised

Just opened my third Lil Sumpin Sumpin

Unsurprised

FUCKERS

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh sure, start an open thread and then leave me there by meself.
Not funny, jerks.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The lady and I had dinner out in Chinatown with a few friends tonight. None of us thought to check if there was a show at the Verizon center. Holy fuckballs, AC/DC fans come out in force and are drunk chainsmoking fucktards wearing illuminating devil horns.

Sill Bimmons

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sup?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If only

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

To add to the previous Trump rant with his new endorsement:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-bloom/why-the-new-child-rape-ca_b_10619944.html

Sorry; I’ll lighten up next.

herodotus450
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Did you go to Penn State?

Sill Bimmons

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His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Why are college broadcasters amazed that a narrow class of coaches can recruit the best talent. Also fuck Ohio State and Bama, the ultimate cunts of this sport.

entropy

Local sports news just reports that Carson Wentz will be using a silent count for the first time tomorrow… I’m taking over/under on false start penalties on the Eagles at 9.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, gimme the over.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I bet he just whispers it.

Senor Weaselo

Another rumor on West 27th, and there was apparently a string along a 5K for military members.

Horatio Cornblower

I think the 5K was in NJ. Also something went off in a mall in Charlottesville, VA. I call for total panic until we have more information, then I call for denying the facts and deciding what really happened based on who we each, as individuals, want to win the Presidential election, facts be damned.

entropy

I’m just go outside and blow shit up in my neighborhood until I’m on the news.

Senor Weaselo

The 5K was indeed in Jersey.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

I’ve still never seen a minute of the Harry Potter franchise.

Senor Weaselo

So something blew up in Chelsea (Lower West Side). They’re not sure what yet.
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/18/nyregion/chelsea-explosion-new-york-city.html

entropy

PIpebomb on a timer, my local news said… bunches of assholes out there.

Horatio Cornblower

Latest rumors, and I stress the rumors part of this, is that it was improperly discarded chemicals in a dumpster.

https://twitter.com/toddschnitt/status/777336173052043264

An NYC area reporter, fwiw.

Horatio Cornblower

“He’s Irish AND Scottish!!!!”

Sill Bimmons

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Unsurprised
entropy

Modern music, creepy yet attractive chick, not sure if it’s good or if I just kinda like the singer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Twix375Me4Q

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

Yep.

entropy

The man is basically a walking advertisement for police brutality on minorities, hippies, the poor, immigrants, deviants, the socially inept, people without proper “respect” for the uniform, anyone who thinks that their right trump a policeman’s orders, children in ill-fitting clothes, those slow to follow orders, citizens above-average IQ, anyone with a firm grasp on where the law’s reach ends, those with poor eyesight and/or hearing, and anyone else they just plain don’t like…..

Bigger question is, why did it take so damn long for them to endorse him?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s anecdotal but the three cops (well one is a sheriffs deputy, one is federal) I know fucking hate him and think he is a danger, that even if not elected he creates and encourages what you said. They are all what I’d call mildly conservative.

Unsurprised

I love this comment so much my dick is hard.

Horatio Cornblower

Our own Makeitsnow tweeted yesterday that this endorsement is because police departments are basically jobs programs for unskilled white people.

I really wish he wasn’t right about that.

Sill Bimmons

So do I.

Also teh military but it tends to be ever so slightly more egalitarian than TEH police.

Unsurprised

Fuck them both. The people who become cops and soldiers are the people we as Americans should least entrust with power and responsibility

LemonJello

Coming from the military side of that equation, I’d agree, but also add that most Americans shouldn’t be trusted with the remote control, much less deciding who will lead this country.

In summation, fuck errybody with a chainsaw.

Unsurprised

This just in: Cops are stupid fucking cretins who should be denied EVERY fucking Constitutional freedom in existence while they have the power to summarily execute people without cause.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Horatio Cornblower

This goddamn Charles Scwab ad where the kid finds out his Dad is a moron who has likely lost everything in a series of Ponzi schemes.

Unsurprised

Joke’s on dad when the son puts him in one of those crooked homes where the nurses Snapchat them doing nasty shit to the clients,

entropy

One of my favorite paintings (the original was in the Van Gogh Museum for a while, may be back at the Hague, but it is amazing in person. So, y’know, Amsterdam: go for the weed, stay for the art)

A Dragoon On Watch, Rene Princeteau, c 1879-1881:

http://www.dbnl.org/tekst/_van012199601_01/_van012199601ill0101.gif

Horatio Cornblower

Saw this at the Wadsworth Atheneum in Hartford and just talked to a tattoo artist about putting it on my arm.

http://www.oilpaintingsgallery.com/ProdImages/The-Lady-of-Shalott-23.jpg

The consensus is that it’s going to hurt and take a long time but he’s so psyched to do it that he’ll cut the price.

Sill Bimmons

Don’t.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve already got three. In that respect my body is Carthage; destroyed, burned and salted.

Bloody Lethal
Horatio Cornblower

New ND opponent chant: “Hey, hey ol’ BK, how many kids did you kill today”

You’re welcome.

Unsurprised

That’s awesome

Horatio Cornblower

For Xenu’s sake, don’t encourage me.

entropy

LEVERAGE!!!

Sill Bimmons

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herodotus450

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Sill Bimmons

hey guys

Horatio Cornblower

Hey

Sill Bimmons

Sup

entropy

I’m so confused.

Sill Bimmons

it happens

Spanky Datass

sup

Sill Bimmons

yo

Sill Bimmons

THAT’S THE BEST FUCKING THING I’VE SEEN IN AGES

Bloody Lethal
Bloody Lethal
entropy

This was good enough to make me stop Lateralus just before the “Swing on the spiral” bit. Nicely done.

Bloody Lethal

Melty Comfortably Numb solo.

Sill Bimmons

YOU LIE CHEAT AND STEAL

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Bloody Lethal
Sill Bimmons

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entropy

WHERE’S THE NEW FUCKING ALBUM, MAYNARD?!

//sorry, any mention of TOOL and this is my almost immediate response.

Sill Bimmons

It happens.

entropy

Still: WHERE’S THE NEW FUCKING ALBUM?!

Sill Bimmons

I DONT FUCKING KNOW

entropy

I’m just hoping Maynard lurks here and understands how much he’s upsetting me.

Sill Bimmons

That doesn’t seem terribly likely.

My condolences.

Shogun Marcus

Oh…another 10,000 days maybe?

entropy

Don’t piss me off, Jerry.

Shogun Marcus

Hey I’d take that or A Perfect Circle. Enough Puscifer.

Sill Bimmons

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Horatio Cornblower

No matter what happens between now and my inevitable death from autoerotic asphyxiation my greatest investment will remain buying the 3 volume boxed set of every Calvin & Hobbes cartoon ever.

Bloody Lethal

Maybe they only thing I have saved from the deterioration of my life is the complete collection of Calvin and Hobbes books I collected as a kid. Man I love them so much.

blaxabbath

Oh. And good Parade Magazine quote.

DFO needs to bring in that lady with the high IQ to answer NFL coaches questions with logic and big brainpower.

Unsurprised

Fuck that fucking shill right in the fucking shill-fucking-hole

Horatio Cornblower

Guy just got choked out in 18 seconds flat. That’s gotta be discouraging after training 3 months for a fight.

“How did you do honey?”

“Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!!!!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

When did you switch from MMA to porn?

Horatio Cornblower

There’s a difference!?

blaxabbath

Wait – the solo guys are hefty too! Is that just a policy for men at this bar??? Am I, therefore, overweight??

No. No, it’s the children who are forty lbs overweight.

Horatio Cornblower

On the subject of weight I love trump’s claim that he weighs 236. I weigh 215-220 and am apparently 2″ shorter than him, (but with HUGE hands; I have the best hands), and I promise you if we stand next to each other there is going to be a lot more than 16-21 lbs. difference between us.

Also if I ever stand next to Trump I will be going to jail for a long, long time.

blaxabbath

Seriously. No way that dude weighs less than Hillary.

Horatio Cornblower

Suffice it to say that is America’s future relies on our President completing a half mile run I am going to take a much harder look at Jill Stein.

entropy

Isn’t she the moron who tweeted about nuke plants being weapons of mass destruction?

Horatio Cornblower

I have no idea. I have zero interest in the Green Party since they gave us 8 years of Shrub.

entropy

Mets shut down DeGrom, he’s most likely headed for surgery.

Hooray! Mets will squeak into the playoffs and lose in the first round. Nice showing after last season, you bastards.

Horatio Cornblower

As a Yankees fan we should be so lucky.

blaxabbath

I don’t know why I’m trying to lose weight. Based on this place, you gotta be at least a couple tubmans high to pull an 8+ these days.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Does Florida even have lifeguards? I thought I read somewhere they just let people drown or get alligatored.

http://media.giphy.com/media/GCMWP8PiTMCVG/giphy.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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