Your “In An Age of Millionaires, It’s Still a Petty League” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Non-trade deadline things:
    • Percy Harvin has come out of retirement & signed with the Bills. They play the Seahawks on Monday night.
    • Terrell Owens is willing to come out of retirement / quit Cinnabon to play for the Eagles.
    • Andre Johnson retired from the Titans. T.O. was unavailable for comment.
      • He will go into the Hall of Fame as something called a “Texan”.
    • Jamaal Charles has gone on IR. He’ll be eligible to return in 8 weeks.
    • Eagles WR Josh Huff was arrested with weed & a gun in his car Tuesday morning. Oh – and speeding, because the police don’t have X-ray vision. Goodbye game checks; hello Crimebeat!
    • Trent Williams has been suspended 4 games for violating the “substances of abuse” policy
      • Armonty Bryant of the Lions has been given three games for something he did when on the Browns in 2015. From The Factory of Sadness to the Assembly Line of Miserableness, the fates will find you.
  • A self-congratulatory self-blowjob was given by Mike Florio to Mike Florio today, as PFT celebrates 15 years of active ‘reporting’.
  • The trade deadline was 4:00 PM Eastern, so let’s see who moved today:
    • Detroit traded for Buccaneers CB Johnthan Banks, in exchange for a conditional 7th-round pick
    • seriously, that’s all I could find before closing up shop at 5:00 DFO time.
  • Yesterday’s big deal was Jamie Collins from the Pats to the Browns.
    • helping circle the wagons on this move is Mike Lombardi, who said this morning:
      • “Watch the tape. Jamie has not played particularly well,” Lombardi said on WEEI. “Sometimes freelancing is a problem, and I think sometimes effort is a problem.”
    • most speculation has this being a message to a bunch of people:
      • from Belichick to other players in their final year of a contract
        • rumors are that Collins was going to demand “Von Miller money”
          • message being: no one gets paid more than Brady
      • from Belichick to all players not named Brady – you aren’t untouchable
        • he’ll trade a potential headache
        • he’ll trade a better talent, so lesser-calibre players shouldn’t demand as much
      • from Belichick to players who don’t want to “buy in”
        • CBS published rumours that one reason for the trade was because Collins doesn’t like to watch tape.
          • “I didn’t grow up watching football, and I still don’t […] I never thought I’d be here, and I’d rather play video games. I don’t really want to watch it.”
    • Apparently, “The Patriot Way” involves spend free time on a Surface watching plays & taking a salary discount in order to play on a contender.


To most Canadians, this type of move by the Patriots reads right out of “Net Worth“, the fantastic book about the struggles of NHL players to start their Players Association and the forces that held them back. If you want to know why the name “Alan Eagleson” is a curse word, read this. Also, if you ever hated on Eric Lindros – it’ll either reinforce your opinion or let you understand where he was coming from.

The part that sticks out here to me is Belichick using Brady’s salary & status as a hammer to keep others down. For years, the Red Wings used to say to players asking for more money, “Well, do you think you deserve more than Gordie?” Howe himself would only sign deals that gave him a $1000 raise on the previous year, because he wanted to be a “good company man”. Only when Bobby Baun told Howe to his face in 1968 how he was holding back other players did Gordie ask for a substantial raise. Here’s the money quote:

Howe would later confront Norris and then sign a $100,000 contract. Reportedly Howe said to Norris “Here I’ve been playing all these years for you and you just give me that now?” Norris replied, “Gordie, you never asked for anything more. I’m a businessman.”

Belichick & Kraft do it because it works. Tom Brady is just more conniving, because he should know better, and he’s hurting other players’ earning potential under the guise of being “cap-friendly”. Remember: all of them colluded to rework his 2016 contract so he’d get a two-year extension through 2019, $1.0 million in salary and $28 million in a signing bonus, so he could avoid losing 1/4 of it to his suspension. Here’s what it looks like: (chart from Sportrac)

tom-brady-contract-details-salary-cap-breakdowns-salaries-bonuses-spotrac

No wonder Goodell gave him 4 games; he’ll never get the salary clauses out of the Collective Agreement. Never mind Trump’s shenanigans, this is right out in public.


Tonight’s TV sports:

  • MLB: Cubs at Indians – 8:00 | FOX/Sportsnet
  • NHL:
    • Lightning at Islanders – 7:30 PM | NBCSN
    • Sharks at Coyotes – 10:00 PM | NBCSN
  • College Football:
    • Bowling Green at Northern Illinois – 8:00 PM | ESPNU
    • Western Michigan at Ball State – 8:00 PM | ESPN2
  • NBA:
    • Houston at Cleveland – 6:00 – NBATV/Sportsnet1
    • Golden State at Portland – 10:00 – NBATV/TSN
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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Senor Weaselo

So I guess the planet had a good run.

Senor Weaselo

I’m expecting 20 innings, Four Horsemen, Carmina Burana, Verdi Requiem, triceps, biceps, arseceps, Greek underground gay porn hard.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJOL4xoamoQ
/Somewhere I went on a tangent…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Gay porn might not sell very well soft.

Croooow

I think this Game 7 will break TV records for a baseball game.

LemonJello

Welp, I guess I’ll be seeing ya’ll here tomorrow for game 7?

http://replygif.net/i/870.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

In the minors Tim Tebow was injured trying for second; thus the adage; Thou shalt not steal.

/sorry
//stolen

litre_cola

Moose, your new avatar is huge and scary

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sorry, I can’t fix it.

blackroseMD1

Every time that I hear that Carlos Santana is up to bat, I’m always mildly disappointed that it’s not the guitarist.

Senor Weaselo

But is his swing Smooth?

Spanky Datass
Senor Weaselo

That was a good throw, but down 6 in the 9th in a WS game, don’t you need to be able to moonwalk there to take the extra base?

nomonkeyfun

Does this mean game 7 is the never ending game?

Or does a tsunami destroy the entire city of Cleveland?

Senor Weaselo

Considering they will play as long as necessary, complete with suspensions… yes.

blackroseMD1

I’m betting on a tie through 25 innings, then a meteor strike in the top of the 26th.

Senor Weaselo

If the meteor is above the field of play in fair territory and a ball hits it… what’s the ground rules on that?

blackroseMD1

If the death toll is less than 200, then it’s a ground rule double. Over 200 is a home run.

LemonJello
BrettFavresColonoscopy

My response to Perez trying to take second:

comment image_srz_498_706_75_22_0.5_1.2_75_png_srz

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Thank the Lord, since that was a shit 0-2 pitch

Sharkbait

Working until midnight sucks. Just throwing this out there.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Especially when crossing the international date line.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Giving some time to see if the avatars got resized; I ruin threads with it that big.

Senor Weaselo

Dusty Baker approves of this Chapman usage.

LemonJello

Don’t use up all those runs, Immature Bears, you can’t win the series tonight.

Old School Zero

Long Hair Paul Dano Pitcher has the sads.

Senor Weaselo

Okay, does 9-2 mean Chapman still comes in for the 9th?

Mr. Ayo

WTF. He is.
Maddon is a mad genius or something.

litre_cola

Rex Chapman is hurt?

/read 5 posts

Croooow

Wow, what a DP.

Old School Zero

something something also your mom

Old School Zero

Damn Javi

Don T

On the other hand, I bet agents have to conform to the Patriots’ bean coonting ways and client brainwash.

So many conflicting emotions…

Old School Zero

No, YOU’RE a coont.

Old School Zero

Just kidding. You’re the best we have.

Brocky

Doing what exactly?

-person with a fundamentally bad understanding of baseball

Brocky

This was in response to criticism of madden. What did I miss?

Senor Weaselo

Regarding Chapman coming in in the 7th up 5 and then nearly getting hurt.

nomonkeyfun

Don’t worry that makes you more qualified than Dusty Baker.

Brocky

That’s a low fucking bar if I’ve ever heard one

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This seems like an oddly specific fetish….. but we are not here to judge.

Senor Weaselo

Did Joe Maddon just Cubs it?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I know Maddon has earne the benefit of the doubt, but what the fuck, right?

Croooow

That puzzled me too. And he nearly got hurt on top of that.

Senor Weaselo

I meant ESPECIALLY if Chapman got hurt.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I hate my bladder

Brick Meathook

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I think this lady bartender thoroughly enjoyed me audibly belching a la Booger in Revenge of the Nerds

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I am drunk.

ALXMAC

CHEERS, BRO!!

Brocky

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Brocky

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LemonJello
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I want to yell at LeBron to “play A Message to You, Rudy!”

LemonJello
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You should write a book, Unsurprised. People need to know about the DOOR CAN FLY OPEN.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ask not for whom the door flies open, it flies open for thee

Old School Zero

Oddly, watching the world series makes me want to play baseball video games.

Old School Zero

I have the Neo Geo version of Baseball Stars 2 on my Vita. Always a pleasing arcade-y game. TOKYO NINJAS FOR LIFE!

Sharkbait

comment image

Old School Zero

I played hours of that as a kid.

Sharkbait

I’ve tried finding a reliable rom for a game boy emulator, but no such luck.

Brocky

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blackroseMD1

It’s softball, but this was one of my favorites growing up. It had witches and monsters in it, and pitchers that turned into tornadoes on the mound.

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Old School Zero

Damn, sounds good. Kind of sounds akin to the insane Japanese movie Battlefield Baseball.

herodotus450
The Maestro

Folks.

LemonJello
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[holds envelope to forehead]

Whose tenacity is going to save this Chiefs team now that they have lost their two best players?

LemonJello

“Tenacity? Is that a new BBQ place?”

-Andy Reid

...

“Gee I wonder how the Cubs fans are doing.”

asdlhfauilsdgf9qre8ofwehsFPIESHKLFJQWSDBduivgqweotyuogo89YEWHOJGD89VUGO4HWU9

We’re great.

...

That’s tomorrow.

Old School Zero

I tend to be premature.

Let me get some icy hot…

Old School Zero

THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR FLIP FLOPPING AROUND IN THE POLLS, OHIO!

LemonJello

Oh, snap.
http://replygif.net/i/1268.gif

Grande salami for the Immature Bears.

Brocky

So how long before tomlin’s parents get banned from all future indians games?

Kungjitsu

I want to see Mike Florio and PFTCommenter together on a sports taek panel. Hosted by Jim Rome

LemonJello

If you said Florio, Bayless and Rome, then I’d know where I’d want the meteor to strike.

Shogun Marcus

Screaming A, Willybuns, and Cowherd are outraged they weren’t invited.

LemonJello

I’m not trying to create a singularity of douchebaggery.

Kungjitsu

I just want to see how long Florio could pretend to be cool with the Taek Cannon’s schtick

Sharkbait

5-0 Ice Giants over the…Former Ice Rams? Is that what we’re calling the Blues now?

LemonJello

Ice Best Fans In Baseball?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“We’ve secretly replaced the Cleveland Indians with the Cleveland Browns. Let’s see if anyone notices!”

...

I NOTICE AND I LOVE IT

blaxabbath

Hey all. Just saw the feature image and wanted to click on in to say, you know, fuck Tom Brady and the entire Patriots organization.

Catch you dudes later.

LemonJello
Croooow

Nice start for the Cubs.

LemonJello
Gratliff

Now James Ellsworth is opening Smackdown. The looking glass is getting well-traversed.

http://www.wwe.com/f/styles/og_image/public/all/2016/07/202_RAW_07252016cm_2764–6564307aed7fff1dded59f4f8d8bb3dc.jpg

blackroseMD1

I haven’t actively watched wrestling since the Attitude Era ended. James Ellsworth might change that.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

I want Maction tonight, satisfaction all night!

herodotus450

I can’t get no
Mactisfaction

Sharkbait

HOW THE FUCK YA DOING?

I survived my nuptials, and subsequent trip to St. Martin, where many French chefs attempted to kill me via rich foods.

I see this place got a bit of a face lift…

Shogun Marcus

Mazel mazel my good man! Felicitations to you and your bride.

LemonJello

Evening, dick joke warriors!

Guess we’ll check on the based ball and see if the Immature Bears shit in the woods* tonight.

*Cleveland

Shogun Marcus

How would you be able to tell?

LemonJello

Smell? Nah, that won’t work.

ALXMAC

1st Tuesday in November? Time for some College Football BOYEEE!

scotchnaut

This post is thorough, well-written, insightful and cromulent. All it’s missing is mention of Syracuse basketball’s exhibition game against some team that they will steamroll.