Your “Merciful Heaven, It’s A Game 7!” Wednesday Night Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Norv news! Norv Turner resigned from the Vikings this morning. No reason has officially been given, so speculate away!
  • Wade Phillips is back at work.
  • The PA may be pushing the NFL to tolerate Mary Jane as an alternative to chemical painkillers, especially if/once Proposition 64 passes in California,
    • There are marijuana ballot initiatives in other NFL-friendly states like Arizona, Florida, Massachusetts & Nevada.
      •  Adding in Colorado & Washington, that’s 6 states with (currently) 10 franchises.
    • If they look to licence official suppliers, they don’t need to go further than Ricky Williams, blunt brother #1.
  • It’ll be the Nick Foles show for the Chiefs versus the Jaguras this week, as Alex Smith’s 13 concussions last Sunday will have him on the sidelines.
  • Seriously, Tom Brady – shut the fuck up!
  • Should have shut up sooner? Brian Baldinger, who has been suspended by NFL Network for 6 months for advocating the Eagles put a bounty on Ezekiel Elliott

    He swears he won't do it again.
    He swears he won’t do it again. Scout’s honor.

There’s nothing more fun, or nerve-wracking, than a Game 7 for the championship. (Or, y’know, the Super Bowl.) Add in whatever historical factoids that give extra weight/incentive to a team and a fanbase, and you’ve got instant ratings.

I’ve been fortunate enough to have been to  three NFC Championship games and one NHL Stanley Cup Game 7 in my lifetime. The NFC championships were:

  • 2007 – Giants at Green Bay
  • 2013 – Niners at Seahawks
  • 2014 – Packers at Seahawks

Each one was fantastic in their own way. Giants-Packers was going to be on “the frozen tundra”. I spent the night before trying to drink Titletown Brewing dry. The game ended the way most Favre seasons did – with an interception leading to the other team’s winning field goal, followed by 6 months of retirement rumours.

Plus, I got to see a guy wearing a deer.

Having grown up a Packers fan – yes, I have one of those shares; the Seahawks didn’t exist until 1976 – it was bittersweet, because I thrilled at the fact of going to my first Lambeau game but cheated that I wasn’t rewarded for having spent all that money to get there. I’d like to think it would’ve felt the same had I lived there.

The Niners-Seahawks was great from both a season ticket-holder perspective and a fan’s perspective. Having gotten my season’s tickets in 2010, I hadn’t been there for long, but had been there for the whole Pete Carroll era, and it seemed like the culmination of an actual plan, something fans rarely see work through to fruition. My wife didn’t cotton to all the “FUCK THE NINERS!” yells and chants, but the celebration at the end was a sports feeling I’d never had.

She's got a valid opinion on this as well.
She’s got a valid opinion on this as well.

The 2014 game, therefore, was full of mixed emotions: Packers fan but Seahawks season ticket-holder. It was one of those situations where I had two dogs in the fight, so I couldn’t lose. But a significant part of my sports fandom wanted a different outcome, even though Mike McCarthy’s goal-line decision-making in that game eerily foreshadowed the circumstances of Super Bowl 49.

The 2011 Stanley Cup Game 7 had the same circumstance. Growing up as a kid, and Atom-level hockey player, I wanted to be a Bruin, either Bobby Orr or Gerry Cheevers. I had their cards, posters and knock-off jerseys. I suffered them losing to the Habs and the Oilers, and then losing Ray Bourque to the Avs, so he could finally win one. I know the Red Sox had a longer drought, but as I’ve often said – I don’t give a crap about the Red Sox.

I grew up in Vancouver. The Canucks have been a consistently bad franchise for most of their 46 years, so the few triumphs really stick out in people’s minds. (And, unfortunately, turn casual fans into complete assholes – Patriots fans, but without any trophies.) I became a Bruins fan partly because my younger hockey-playing self needed a hero, and there wasn’t one locally. Both the 1982 and 1994 Cup Finals teams were unexpected surprises, which made cheering for them fun. The 2011 team was expected to make the Finals, so that was different.

Once again, the 2011 Game 7 was a case of having two dogs in the fight.

I got what I wanted, and took its picture too.

Given that the youngest curse ending tonight is 78 years, expect lots of interviews with old people just before the meteor hits.

“CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN!…Ahh, shit…”

Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB: Game 7 – Chicago at Cleveland – 8:00 | FOX/Sportsnet
  • College Football: Toledo at Akron – 7:30 PM | ESPN2
  • NBA Basketball:
    • Raptors at Wizards – 7:00 | TSN
    • Bulls at Celtics – 8:00 PM | ESPN
    • Thunder at Clippers – 10:30 PM | ESPN/TSN
  • NHL Hockey:
    • Canucks at Canadiens – 7:30 | Sportsnet1/360
    • Red Wings at Flyers – 8:00 PM | NBCSN
    • Penguins at Ducks – 10:30 | Sportsnet1/360

I have friends who support both teams, so I want a good game. DON’T BE A BLOWOUT!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Old School Zero

Anthony Rizzo kind of looks like Bruno Kirby.

Old School Zero

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Horatio Cornblower

Holy shit I had no idea that was Bruno Kirby.

I’m talking about the top picture.

Senor Weaselo

Horatio, you said Miller’s going to pitch from here on out?

Horatio Cornblower

I was kidding but in hindsight it might have been a good idea.

In all honesty I thought Kluber on full rest was going to give the Cubs a lot more trouble than this.

Spur

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Spur

Wow. MLB has like 8 cameras pointed at each base. There is no way you can’t see what happened. That’s awesome.
The NFL doesn’t want to spend the money to put cameras on the goal lines.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s ridiculous. But then again MLB also immediately suspends people accused of domestic violence while the NFL seems to have a “the first punch is a freebie” policy, so why are we surprised?

Old School Zero

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Senor Weaselo

Ballsy tag. Lofty tag?

LemonJello

Maybe.

Horatio Cornblower

And now the most exciting play in baseball, the replay review of the play at the plate!

Sharkbait

That was a ballsy tagup.

Shogun Marcus

For during your commercial break
https://youtube.com/watch?v=YibDgSd02Xk

Senor Weaselo

Cleveland Orchestra’s one of the Big Five, but I’d take the Chicago Symphony Orchestra over them any day just on the strength of that brass section.

Sorry, I saw the Cleveland string section, had to go on that tangent. Continue!

Horatio Cornblower

Psst, who let the nerd in?

Spur

Check that 3rd baseman’s glove, check if there’s burn marks on it

Old School Zero

Dayumn. I haven’t seen an escape like that since Ryan Leaf learned about oxy.

Horatio Cornblower

I would say Hendricks is done. That was a screaming line drive of an out.

Old School Zero

Probably smart, anyway. Cubs have enough rested arms to probably get by.

scotchnaut

No matter the outcome, this game will be referenced in baseball lore forever!

[goes to bed]

Spur

That Baseball challenge/review was quick. The NFL and NBA need to be that quick.

Senor Weaselo

It was to determine “Is this a catch?” so it would take the NFL two weeks and paperwork in triplicate, if not quadruplicate.

Sharkbait

There’s no way the NFL shortens review. Why forfeit a chance to shoe horn in another dick pill commercial into the broadcast.

scotchnaut

Look at the “not out”!

Sharkbait

Oh Cubs

Senor Weaselo

That is not a transfer.

LemonJello

Trying to do too much. Ain’t gonna win this in the 3rd.

Sharkbait

1-1 now

Horatio Cornblower

Andrew Miller’s gonna pitch the rest of the way for Cleveland.

WCS

Anyone else remember when CoCo Crisp and Milton Bradley were teammates?

Horatio Cornblower

Yep.

Anyone know what insane asylum Milton Bradley is currently haunting?

Senor Weaselo

Remember than Milton Bradley had anger issues, to put it mildly?

Spur

That’s a persons real name or a changed name like World B. Free?

Horatio Cornblower

Real name. He was certifiably batshit insane.

LemonJello

I believe the medical term is “Bugfuck Nuts.”

Horatio Cornblower

And while I’m bitching about commercials, how about the mother in the Swiffer commercial?

“Now I feel like making a mess is part of childhood!”

Oh I can’t wait to see the nursing home your kids pick for you Mrs. Hitler.

LemonJello

Chubby guy with the bum knee probably shouldn’t be trying to stretch a hit into a double…

Horatio Cornblower

Did anyone else just get the “wounded veteran adopts an older rescue dog” ad?

Because I really don’t want to be the only one sobbing into my beer tonight.

it was bad enough on my wedding night.

Spur

So…did they starve a dog in prep for that commercial?

Horatio Cornblower

“I’ve been fortunate enough to have been to three NFC Championship games and one NHL Stanley Cup Game 7 in my lifetime.”

Get a load of Forrest Gump over here.

scotchnaut

I went to a Raptors exhibition game in Ottawa one time…

scotchnaut

Don’t know who that fat-thighed Cleveland batter is but he gives off a Kirby Puckett vibe.

Horatio Cornblower

That was Rajai Davis. He played Little League the next town over from ours, obviously some time ago.

I’m told he was very, very good.

Spur

Fuck off political ads, I already voted.

WCS

The PA Senate race is the most expensive Senate race in American history. Over $145 million spent as of last week. Only six more days…

LemonJello

You could have stopped at “Fuck off political ads.”

Sharkbait

I don’t miss living in New Hampshire for that reason.

Spur

Why don’t baseball teams have cheerleaders?

scotchnaut

/wife wants the kids to eat more lean protein

Me: [cooks a pork loin]

Wife: “I’m not a big fan of pork.”

Me: [cooks chicken breasts]

Wife: “I’m sooo tired of chicken.”

Me: [cooks salmon fillet]

Wife: “I really prefer haddock.”

Me: [cooks turkey breast]

Wife: “Not a big fan.”

Me: [gives up]

Wife: [a few weeks later] “I wish you’d help out with supper more often. The kids need to eat more lean protein.”

FIN

Sharkbait

Fuck it. Give them duck.

LemonJello

I’m the one always suggesting red meat:

Lady LemonJello: Let’s grill chicken breasts
Court Jester LemonJello: How about steak?
LL: How do grilled pork chops sound?
CJL: Terrible. Let’s have some burgers and brats.
LL: Are you trying to destroy your arteries?
CJL: *Shrugs*
And Scene.

scotchnaut

You and I need to be neighbours.

Spanky Datass

“I’m not a big fan of pork.”
That’s a paddlin’comment image

Sharkbait

My wife pretty much lets me have free reign in the kitchen and it’s glorious.

LemonJello

FUUUCCCCKKKKK YOUUUUUU, Christmas car commercials!

Sharkbait

Chill the fuck out advertisers. Christmas becomes acceptable the day after Thanksgiving

LemonJello

Exactly.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Oh god, Baldinger’s (and Torry Holt’s) hand…

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I enjoyed the stolen base by the fat guy with a not fully medically cleared knee

Spur

It appears half the stadium is filled with Cub fans

Spur

No matter what happens tonight, something in Chicago is getting set on fire.

Croooow

Home Run!!!!!

Sharkbait

Well that didn’t take long.

Spur

Fuck! This is where Joe Buck goes for those few weeks away from football?!? I thought he was in some cave growing his beard in private.

Spur

Been awhile since I purposely watched a baseball game. How many timeouts does each team get? How long is each inning?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

LOOK AT THAT CELLIST SITTING DOWN FOR THE ANTHEM SHOW SOME RESPECT!

Spur

Is this the Raptors/Wizards open thread?

LemonJello

Sorry, next website over.

LemonJello

Cleveland has an orchestra and it’s not made up entirely of hobos? Really?

laserguru

Unbelievable. Obviously a first in a few generations with the Cubs in the World Series, even rarer a game 7 yet and I’m here at work on the busiest day we’ve had in a fucking year.

What the fuck?

I was seriously trying to get out of here by game time but it’s going to be at least an hour and a half after that. God bless the DVR but this shit sucks.

LemonJello

Can you quit? Call in sick? Sudden illness of a relative? Impending meteor strike?

laserguru

I’m the last line of defense here and I’m fucking stuck.

Hopefully not much later than 6, things are wrapping up slowly.

LemonJello

Pete Rose: stroke or heart attack kills him while on air?

laserguru

Mafia hit.

scotchnaut

“Game 7-Cubs/Indians. There’s so much at steak!”

-Andy Reid

LemonJello

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LemonJello

A good evening to all you magnificent sunszabitches. How is everyone doing tonight?

Sharkbait

Stuck at work until 12. Its my thursday so yay?

LemonJello

Ouch. I work 4 x 10s, so tomorrow is my “Friday” and then I get a 3 day weekend.

scotchnaut

Not sober as usual. You?

LemonJello

Working on reducing my sobriety. Trying some of Starr Hill Brewery’s offerings tonight.

scotchnaut

Very few folks are aware that Fats Domino’s “Blueberry Hill” was a prescient protest against the slow onslaught (at the time) of agribusiness.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxZ5iVhQ6iI

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

So either way, there’s going to be rioting in both cities tonight, right? I guess it’s either a warming river glow/full blaze or the end of a few pizza shops/Great Chicago Fire Redux.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like this is an artist’s conception of a Magic 8-ball that Jameis Winston owns where this is the ONLY response it ever shows.

Sharkbait

Good for legal pot finally. I don’t partake save for occasionally at a cookout or something but you can bet your ass I’m voting for it.

scotchnaut

I just scored 94,268 points on the first round of Star Defender 3. If all of you could kneel before me that would be great.

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