Note: I’m putting this together in bits, because I’ve been (voluntarily) seconded by the Ministry of Education for a couple of days to help them draft policy related to Adult & Alternative Education. Sorry if it’s a bit light and/or ranty.

NFL News:

• It might only be Week 10, but I think we know which officiating crew won’t be working the playoffs this January.
• Mike Zimmer admitted to trying out kickers on Monday.
  • Blair Walsh might need John Walsh’s help soon if he misses another field goal.
• Chip Kelly reaffirmed Monday he has no interest in returning to college ball.
  • Meanwhile, at Arkansas, Bobby Petrino pours a nice merlot and reads his reviews…
• Feeling untouchable again, Drew Brees took direct aim at NFL HQ for the reason behind declining ratings and popularity. Here’s the money quote:

“Listen, we as players want the best for this league. This league has so many great things to offer … and for a long time the fans were really enjoying it. And now it seems like that’s taken a hit. And it really feels like it’s been the culmination of the last few years and the way the business of football is being run in the front office. That’s the concerning part at this point for us.”

It’s Election Day! Finally, and thank God. This whole rant is written from the perspective of a Canadian wondering WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

About 10 days ago, Horatio made a comment that “Hillary Clinton is the Cleveland Browns of politics. 2 yards from the end zone and she kicks the fucking ball through the back of the end zone.” I’m not wholly convinced of that, because I think her whole campaign has been trying to play prevent defence versus the ’07 Patriots. [Plus, the Weiner emails are just Plaxico shooting himself while wearing sweat pants.]

The level of Republican corruption in this election has been laughable, and on a par with most South Asian dictatorships. Voter suppression drives under the guise of ending voter fraud; limited early registration and advance polling; having to use courts to register eligible voters; political operatives in high positions (i.e. – head of the FBI) using legal technicalities to conduct investigations & sway voters; and, above all, a candidate constantly in second-place arguing his defeat invalidates the whole process, and millions believing him despite those same people saying Gore was a crybaby.

As a non-American, and a History/Poli Sci major, none of what I am watching makes any sense. Why she hasn’t run away with this is clearly a testament to her unlikeability. Sure, thanks to Nixon’s “Southern Strategy” she was never going to win places like Texas and Mississippi. But that she is having trouble in places like Wisconsin, Ohio & Pennslyvania boggle most non-American minds. Even Oregon is going to be tighter than most people probably expect.

I wouldn’t even argue it’s a double standard, because Elizabeth Warren doesn’t carry the same baggage. [BTW, I’m going to need someone, someday, to explain to me what the whole “Pocahontas” deal is between her and Trump.] She’s getting the grief that comes with being in public life for 30+ years, and having a partner that is Bill Clinton. Trump just appears to be Teflon because he’s been called it all before, but he’s Sebastian Shaw – the more you feed him, the stronger he gets.

Ronald Reagan once called the Soviet Union an “evil empire”, whereas Donald Trump talks about “[w]hat’s wrong with having Russia work with us, instead of always fighting, fighting?” People talk about how much America has changed in the last 30 years, and I’d agree. Having grown up in the Reagan era, those Republicans at least had standards – AIDS-denying, war-on-drugs, trickle-down economics standards, but standards. The people who evoke Reagan’s name these days must surely enjoy sharpening their knives on his spinning body.

Our current Prime Minister’s father once said,

“Living next to you is in some ways like sleeping with an elephant. No matter how friendly and even-tempered is the beast, if I can call it that, one is affected by every twitch and grunt.”

There’s a bunch of trade deals up for negotiation in 2017, and everyone up here is quite nervous about with whom we’ll be negotiating & hoping it’s not the guy who routinely welches on paying his debts. To be fair, it’s also hard working around the fact that the President can sign a deal but the junior Senator from Montana can kill it  because he feels his state gets hurt. (See the Canada – EU CETA deal Wallonia almost killed.)

Exit polls have been rolling in all day. First actual results (I assume) start coming in at 8:00 Eastern, and then it’s a rolling cavalcade until Hawaii finishes democracy off well-past 2:00 AM.

Anyway, all Hail God-Emperor ________, and their Glorious New Regime!

Thanks. It feels good to get that off my chest & outta my head. Please – carry on.

Let’s all spend this evening breaking down the chaos. The Electoral College should be settled by 9:00 Pacific, but some Senate races will go deep into the evening. I’m going to want updates on your state’s craziest Proposition/Amendment, especially the porn one in California.

If you need a suggestion for tonight’s alcohol, I recommend one of the 2017 Whisky Bible “Malts of the Year”, the Koval Four Grain Whisky from Chicago’s Koval Distillery.

Hey Dok – they do tours!

Boy howdy, do we need sports tonight.

Tonight’s sports:

TOO BAD! ELECTION RESULTS OR NOTHING, MOTHERFUCKERS!!

Seriously, all the US national cable sports networks have nothing live scheduled.

• ESPN is just doing Sportscenter or showing old college basketball
  • some schedules are showing ESPN2 having Western Michigan at Kent State at 7:30 ET, so pray for this
• FS1 is showing its “Cancel Your Package” package of:
  • TMZ Sports
  • Speak for Yourself With Cowherd and Whitlock
  • Skip and Shannon: Undisputed
• NBCSN is showing old World Series of Fighting episodes
• USA has Smackdown!, the only live national event of the night.

There’s regional hockey & hoops action, but nothing we can enjoy together, unless you have NBA TV.

In Canada, even the goddamned NHL is in “regional broadcast only” mode, but at least we get

• NBA:
  • 7:00 – Hawks vs. Cavs | Sportsnet1
  • 8:00 – Nuggets vs. Grizzlies | TSN
  • 10:30 – Mavericks vs. Lakers | TSN
  • 10:30 – Pelicans vs. Kings | Sportsnet1

Good luck following the results. Please be civil if discussing topics that divide. We are a dick-joke blog, not Stormfront or Jezebel.

In that vein, from me & Nic to all of you: