![[DOOR FLIES OPEN]](https://doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/DFO-MC-Patch.png)
Before I begin, I remind you, ladies, to check your breasts every three months daily to make sure there is nothing unusual. If you don’t, I’m sure we will be happy to volunteer…
Remember, prevention and early detection is key!
Speaking of, how is football in LA going, you may ask? Let’s follow up:
WEEK FIVE
My team: The Steelers won.
Local Team?
The Rams lost at home as the power of the flip flops boosted the Bills to victory.
WEEK SIX
My team: The Steelers lost embarrasingly to the Dolphins and Big Ben got hurt. He would be out for a while.
Local Team?
The Rams lost on the road to the Lions.
WEEK SEVEN
My team: The Steelers lost, expectedly since Big Ben was out, to the Pats at home.
Local team?
The Rams lost in London to Eli and the ODBs.
WEEK EIGHT
My team: The Steelers lost the bye.
Local team?
The Rams lost the bye.
WEEK NINE
My Team: The Steelers lost to the Ravens, pitifully, as Big Ben came back WAY too early and was ineffective most of the game. As Fozz, who attended the game, can attest, this game was a full-on late term abortion performed with a wire hanger.
Local Team?
The Rams lost at home to the shell-of-their-former-selves Panthers.
OVERALL IMPRESSION
My decision to cut Sunday Ticket has continued to be validated. There is only one game, the Jets game, that was not shown on local TV that I wished I saw. I really did not want to see the Dolphins game and I’m glad I missed most of it. I spent the bye week watching games at a bar with Rikki Tikki Deadly which was MUCH better than sitting at home getting frustrated.
The Rams are a not surprising 3-5 after starting out a surprisingly 3-1. The power of 7-9 compels Jeff Fisher to lead his team to the promised land. Meanwhile, after a 3-1 start and a Big Ben injury, my Steelers have plunged back down to earth and are still (and if that doesn’t tell you how shitty the AFC North is, nothing will) tied with the Ravens for first place at 4-4. The toughest stretch of the season continues as the red-hot Cowboys go into Pittsburgh and will likely shred the “defense” to pieces.
Let’s take a look at the standings, shall we?
| NFC East | W | L | T |
| DAL | 7 | 1 | 0 |
| NYG | 5 | 3 | 0 |
| WAS | 4 | 3 | 1 |
| PHI | 4 | 4 | 0 |
| NFC West | W | L | T |
|---|---|---|---|
| SEA | 5 | 2 | 1 |
| ARI | 3 | 4 | 1 |
| LA | 3 | 5 | 0 |
| SF | 1 | 7 | 0 |
| NFC North | W | L | T |
| MIN | 5 | 3 | 0 |
| DET | 5 | 4 | 0 |
| GB | 4 | 4 | 0 |
| CHI | 2 | 6 | 0 |
| NFC South | W | L | T |
| ATL | 6 | 3 | 0 |
| NO | 4 | 4 | 0 |
| TB | 3 | 5 | 0 |
| CAR | 3 | 5 | 0 |
| AFC East | W | L | T |
| NE | 7 | 1 | 0 |
| MIA | 4 | 4 | 0 |
| BUF | 4 | 5 | 0 |
| NYJ | 3 | 6 | 0 |
| AFC West | W | L | T |
| OAK | 7 | 2 | 0 |
| KC | 6 | 2 | 0 |
| DEN | 6 | 3 | 0 |
| SD | 4 | 5 | 0 |
| AFC North | W | L | T |
| BAL | 4 | 4 | 0 |
| PIT | 4 | 4 | 0 |
| CIN | 3 | 4 | 1 |
| CLE | 0 | 9 | 0 |
| AFC South | W | L | T |
| HOU | 5 | 3 | 0 |
| IND | 4 | 5 | 0 |
| TEN | 4 | 5 | 0 |
| JAX | 2 | 6 | 0 |
As noted above, you can add the Norths to the list of dog shit divisions. You’ve got company, Souths!
Oakland have confirmed that they are a legitimate team even if their owner is Mark Davis.
The Cowboys have also fueled Texas-sized boners all over the Metroplex and beyond with DAK playing well above anything that Jerrah deserves. The Pats are the Pats. KC and Seattle are the most questionable teams with a winning record in a long long time. I’m serious. How the F was Buffalo even close on Monday Night? I guess when you have the 13th Man going for you, things will work out.
The rest of the league is a study in mediocrity and the effect of injuries on the standard of play.
Here are my playoff team predictions at the quarter pole:
AFC: Denver, Oakland, Pittsburgh, New England, Houston, Baltimore.
NFC: Philadelphia, Atlanta, Minnesota, Green Bay, Seattle, Dallas
And here are my updated playoff team predictions at the halfway point:
AFC: Denver, Oakland, Kansas City, New England, Houston, Pathetic Winner of AFC North.
NFC: Philadelphia, Atlanta, Minnesota, Green Bay, Seattle, Dallas
Not much has changed except I now recognize that the 3rd best team in the AFC West is better than anything the AFC North can offer.
As we head into the shorter days (F YOU, Seasonal Adjustment Disorder), I remind you that SonofSpam, Yeah Right, RTD, Brick Meathook, Low Commander, Sunrisesunrise, and I live in Southern California where the temperature this week is in the 80s and the winter surf is up.
I await your hate-fueled diatribes in the comments.
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