Ahhh, Mexico City! Did you know that the NFL hasn’t played here since Mahmound Abbas won a landslide victory for the presidency of the Palestinian Authority? Time certainly has flown. Believe it or not, as a Canadian growing up in-you know-I didn’t learn much about The Mexico City! Shall we unpack her? Let’s! Rumour has it that Mexico City is arguably the biggest city in Mexico! Quite some time ago William S. Burroughs taught me that if you want to murder your wife under the guise of playing “William Tell”, the best place to pull it off is right here. This lovely lady of a city has the 2nd largest fresh fish market in the world but also the 27th largest fresh elk market as well! The 1968 Olympics ushered in the tres chic black glove fashion statement. The city has a very generous immigration policy with respect to Canadians because, “they tend to keep the overall temperature down.” The GDP (Gross Dick Pic) of this metropolis and its environs relative to the country as a whole is a whopping 16%! The mayor of Mexico City can cure psoriasis by simply looking at you. Every January 11th, fireworks are stuffed up the butt of Hernando Cortez effigies. What’s with the big grudge, City of Palaces? TO THE GAME!
Hou/Oak-For the smarty-pantses among you (myself included) that thought that the Chiefs were nowhere close to being as good as their record indicated-I give you the Houston Texicans. This whisper-thin “good” 6-3 team has a minus 27 point differential. Sure, they’ve squeaked by lousy teams six times. Huzzah for them! The bad news is that every time they’ve played a good team they’ve been blown out. The wins are not convincing and the losses are disheartening. The secondary is highly ranked but hasn’t faced a wr combo the likes of Crabtree/Cooper so far. Houston can bring the heat against lesser clubs but the Raiders O-line is ranked 2nd in pressure rates (Carr has time to throw the ball) and first in adjusted sack rate (amount of time fooling around with their balls because the athletic cup doesn’t fit quite right) Looks to me that the Raiders will expose themselves to the Texicans.
There you go… HAVE AT IT, MISCHIEF-MAKERS!!!
Holy fuck, Berman isn’t bad enough, they’ve got to throw Stephen A. at us, too?
MY NEW TV, I CALL IT JAMES DUNGEY, BECAUSE THE ONLY THING KEEPING IT FROM GETTING HUNG WAS FINDING A STUD.
oh dear Christ, if this ain’t on the banner come ‘morrow noon,,,ALL THE SMGDH IN THE WORLD
Somewhere this segment is giving a Trump supporter an aneurysm
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Brock vs. Carr (a summary)
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DonT’s candle updates are always a joy. Videmos!!
/whatever “videmos” means ,, smh
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That is from Italian TV….. close enough.
Considering Trump is basically the American Berlusconi, I expect much more of this.
I just spent the last 10 minutes trying to see if Ican totally fit a 55 inch 4K tv in my apartment living room. I may have to settle for the sound bar instead.
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Knock out a wall
As we all collectively rush to find the MUTE button to silence Berman, I feel now is a decent time to notify you all that Lil’ WCS’s first mimicry she’s learned is sticking her tongue out at people.
Next step: giving bad drivers the finger.
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I would NEVAR try to tell a woman I know how to eat a taco better than her ,, no ofence
Parenting win.
I was like 18 months with my mom in the grocery store, when another shopper dropped something an I said “shit, shit”
YOU RAISING THAT CHILLUN RIGHT, DAWG
Probably my favorite thing they’ve ever done.
Since when do cartel gunmen bother with laser sights?
total noobs ,, smgdh
Trump has announced that the summer White House will be located in the deep jungles of Brazil.
Good, maybe he’ll get eaten by some well-meaning tribe down there.
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Looks like Manningbot was able to hack into one of our satellites to dazzle Oszweiler with green lasers.
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“She’s certainly tamed that horse.”
“Yes but what man can tame her?”
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The one commercial that Peyton’s agent wouldn’t let him do…
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Well at least Raiders fans are only bringing lasers to the game instead of knives.
You know the pool in the White House that Nixon had covered over? Trump’s apparently decorating it with artwork stolen from Europe back in the 40’s . . .
Hey, my TV ain’t speakin’ Murican!
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So has anyone been hit with garbage or bags of piss yet?
So, just a regular Raiders game?
No, Brock has actually been throwing some pretty good balls tonight.
Not yet but I keep seeing lasers on the field.
um…. yeah about that…..
But Catler and the Bears aren’t playing!
So the Raiders are who we thought they were or the Texans are what their record states. I am so confused.
Apparently, if you want beet juice, you go to Mexico City.
If you want to beat Jews, you go to Washington D.C. and get named senior advisor to the President.
THAT is god damn good.
Beets by Schrute
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Fatality!
Here’s who you see if you need the GOOD beet juice
Tracking this game on gamecast isn’t as good as being there but IS better than listening to Gruden
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Where is JJ Watt? He playing?
Busy making commercials. Took a personal day
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he ded
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3YmHZ9HMPs
My brother hates me so much for introducing his kids to this song.
he deserves it though. douche bag voted for trump
Call of Duty:
Nothing like DoD-funded video games to keep recruitment up.
obligatory
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I think these fellas need to pray to the local religion of Mexico:
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The juxtaposition of those two ladies has me strangely aroused.
Bakersfield Christian High: Home of the Fightin’ Nepotists!
/not sure if that’s a word
HIS NAME IS FUCKING DEREK FOR GOD’S SAKE IT’S BEEN THREE YEARS!!!
I once watched the fourth quarter of a Longhorns game where they continuously referred to Case McCoy as “Colt McCoy’s brother”. No one said his name until the post game show.
Was I drinking too fast or not fast enough?
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GOD DAMN IT! GREAT JOB MOOSE NOW I FUCKING WANT SOME TACOS.
Seriously, I’m hungry now
Yes.
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A lot of guys celebrate their first time in Mexico.
I read that as celibate, and I thought it was a San Diegans right of passage to head down to Mexeeco in their youth and lose their virginity to a one eyed prostitute.
There’s a hole joke here that I don’t want to post.
Why would he catch that?
THIS JON GRUDEN, I CALL HIM DONALD TRUMP, BECAUSE HE’S AN IRRITATING LOUD MOUTH WHITE GUY MAKING SNIDE REMARKS ABOUT MEXICO
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How did no one see this as incredibly racist?
Actually, when tv stations wanted to ban Speedy Gonzalez, Mexicans complained because they liked the character. Not kidding.
I’ve found that Facebook’s “People You May Know” feature is mostly crap that suggests people you’ve never met, but LinkedIn is creepily good. I just scrolled past a girl I hooked up with after a New Year’s Eve party years ago and I am not sure how she ended up on this list.
What skils did you endorse her for?
Actually, she should have endorsed me for a couple skills.
Crying during sex is indeed a skill
Ice cold, dude. ICE. COLD.
Ice; it’s true.
Also funny: I scrolled past a woman that worked a competing TV station back in my news days. The only thing I remember about her is a time when at a party she talked about getting anal.
Will Smith continues to make mystifying career choices.
He seems to be a sucker for these “spiritual, uplifting, look-how-deep-I-am” films
He’s probably still spending Bad Boys, Men In Black and Independence Day money.
THIS COLLATERAL BEAUTY, I CALL IT A HUGE STEAMING PILE OF SHIT. BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT IT IS
The knowledge is out there; you just need to find it:
Icelandic Phallological Museum ~ Reykjavik | Iceland
Dog Collar Museum ~ Leeds | England
Momofuku Ando Instant Ramen Museum ~ Osaka | Japan
Barbed Wire Museum ~ Kansas | USA
National Mustard Museum ~ Wisconsin | USA
Le Musée des Vampires ~ Paris | France
The Sex Museum ~ Amsterdam | Netherlands
The Garbage Museum ~ Connecticut | USA
Avanos Hair Museum ~ Avanos | Turkey
Meguro Parasitological Museum ~ Tokyo | Japan
Mayonnaise Hall of Fame — Terre Haute, Indiana
Museum of PEZ Memorabilia:
Burlingame, CA
(its a real thing)
I refuse to believe the Garbage Museum is anywhere but northern New Jersey
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THIS GAME, I CALL IT THE BATTLE OF THE ALAMO, BECAUSE THE TEXANS ARE GETTING SLAUGHTERED WHILE MEXICANS CHEER
Oh bravo