Your “In Need Of Emergency Post, Break Glass” National Championship Open Thread

Wait, that doesn’t seem right…

That’s more like it.

NFL News:

  • Doug Marrone will stick around the Jaguras, getting the “interim” removed from his title.
    • And they’ve hired Tom Coughlin as an Executive VP of Football Operations.
  • Depending on your perspective, Joey Porter had a good night or a bad night.
    • That’s for him, God, the police, and The Reverend to sort out.
  • Odell Beckham got inspiration from the Eagles and put a spyhole in the wall at Lambeau after the game.
    • Joke’s on him – no cheerleaders!

So, tonight’s game. I don’t know much about college football anymore, so let’s look at what I gleaned in passing today:

  • I will always enjoy this gif:

  • odds are Tide -6.5
  • over/under is 51
  • Clemson did us all a favour by beating Ohio State

I’m going to say Clemson, in a fantasy scenario, 33-30.

Although, winning might then make Saban decide to become the next Chargers coach.

Enough talk,

Get to game!


Tonight’s sports:

  • College Basketball: St. John’s at Georgetown – 6:30PM | FS1
    • only as an aperitif
  • College Football Playoff National Championship: Clemson vs. Alabama
    8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
  • Monday Night RAW – 8:00 | USA / Sportsnet360
    • only if the game goes bad

LET THE MOCKERY BEGIN!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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ThursdaySkyGoddess

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Spur

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LemonJello

Here’s one similar to the Hound of House LemonJello:
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Jack Russel/Dachshund mix. He’s awesome.

LemonJello

Try this again:
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Curse of Marino

Saban is an asshole but Jesus Christ the man knows how to build a (College)football team.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Would he give the NFL one more go, or does he just stay and dominate collegiate level?

Curse of Marino

I think he knows his limits

LemonJello
The Maestro

He’s already making what, like $7 million a year at Alabama, and is on track to be considered the GOAT based on his success there… why the hell would he ever move and spoil a good thing??

Spur
ThursdaySkyGoddess
scotchnaut

Puppeeze is so stoopid!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

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WCS

Alright, switching over to South Park reruns.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I like all of these lab puppies I am seeing catching up. They are much more fun than the Tide game I just turned on… and just watched another TD on.

Curse of Marino

This Puppy is confused by the lack of defense.

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The Maestro

BAMA WANTS THE BROWNS

Senor Weaselo

So, about those puppies…

ThursdaySkyGoddess

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Curse of Marino

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herodotus450

Not sure what kind of loophole “Athletic Aid” is, but all schools have more than 85 people on it.

litre_cola

I got lost down that rabbit hole for awhile. Good read indeed.

Spur

Wait, there was a Cars 2?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Nope.

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herodotus450

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I wish.”

– Jack Del Rio

herodotus450
Curse of Marino

“Jets Sweep? I dont think the Jets swept anyone in the AFCE, but what do I know? I’m just a puppy”

http://cdn.marketplace.akc.org/media/43445/1452380350_1935_4187.jpg

ThursdaySkyGoddess
Spur
WCS

I like how that Bama commercial implies they actually believe in science there.

litre_cola

Science is religion no?

King Hippo

aka “that Jew shit”

herodotus450

I love how your comment implies they know what the word “implies” means down there in Bama.

King Hippo

numbers, BEYOND what you can count on yer fingers, toes, and willy!

Curse of Marino

Well now that the game is effectively over. I hereby decree that this game thread is now about Labrador Retriever Puppies. Discuss.

http://cdn.marketplace.akc.org/media/43445/1452380350_1935_4187.jpg

litre_cola

Mrs Cola wants one desperately but we live in a condo. Her seeing this pic did not help.

Don T

Great. Another goddamn diversity seminar.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My level of enthusiasm for this game is on par with the level of enthusiasm displayed by Horatio’s wife on a Friday night when the kids are all off at sleepovers.

The Maestro

Can you really blame her though? Being cooped up in a locker with another person 24 hours a day would make anyone go stir-crazy…

King Hippo

“Nice job, young man. We won’t have to rape your Dad while you watch after all.”

Spur

I thought an a-gap stunt for Clemson meant fingering a butthole?

Brick Meathook

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WCS

Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s lookin’ good these days.

herodotus450

If that dude’s name isn’t Clem I’ll eat my cousin’s hat.

litre_cola

Me thinks Bleergh has been appeased this evening already.

WCS

something something CAM NEWTON IS A THUG something

Mr. Ayo

Game. Over.

Spur

GOD DAMMIT

ThursdaySkyGoddess

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King Hippo

FUMBRE!!!!

scotchnaut

Has anyone not from Clemson ever cheered for Clemson?

Curse of Marino

I want Clemson to win because fuck Saban

King Hippo

In football? No. I enjoyed their basketballing under Rick Barnes and Ollie Purnell.

Brocky

the fuck was that.

herodotus450

If Clemson loses they have to rename themselves the “ClemZon Z-sports comedy team featuring DeZhaun Watzon”

Shogun Marcus

I DECREE Mark Hamill the official reader of the Orange menaces tweets forthwith. As the Joker.

Spur

That was like watching a dolphin jump out the water.

WCS

Saban’s going to have that punter shot on the sideline.

Gratliff

Shawn Michaels’ dab technique is on point.
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Spur

Dont worry, Sark is going to be drunk by halftime and call nothing but screens. That’s when Clemson can strike.

Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

one forgets, when you have superior talent at every position, calling the game is pretty goddamned easy. Don’t outthink yourself and run simple shit.

WCS

IT DUN MATTER WENS GOD IS ON YER SIDE!!!11!1!1

— Dabo, Dabo! DABO!

King Hippo

Immaculate Holding!!111

King Hippo

these Big 12 refs DO like they screen time, huh??

WCS

The basketball refs are somehow worse.

King Hippo

probably pretty confused. When they applied to the Big 12, they certainly didn’t expect any basketball to be involved.

Spur

Right? With all the time they get on WWE, you would figure they would be ok.

JustStopDude

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Spur

I need to see more of this.

litre_cola

I agree. I would like to see that segment.

Senor Weaselo

I’ll take a movie.

Don T

I prefer hillbilly aikido, where you use opponent’s lernin’s ‘gainst ’em.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It is called a “jet sweep” because it’s a really shitty play that goes nowhere?

Shogun Marcus

“Interesting. Tell me more.”
-Capt. BlueBunny

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Landed. Who’s picking me up at the airport?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh. I thought you meant landed as in “landed gentry”. Off with you, peasant.

Spur

Anthony Bennett runs a great uber car

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hitting a player out of the play? Isn’t that called “blocking”?

Spur

Big 12 refs

JustStopDude

Holy shit…that was a dumb ass penalty.

AD’s son is a dumbass.

litre_cola

Hey boys, Ice Blue Bombers and Ice Stampeders is on. Some Canadianana for you.

Oh, never mind. DABO DABO DABO