As Barry Manilow would caterwaul, “Looks like we made it” to our second Super Bowl as a bunch of kid-like creatures that exist under the DFO banner. Well done everyone! [waits for ecstatic applause to die down] It just goes to show you what can be done with a wee bit of moxie, three cadavers, an empty garage, a government research grant, one teaspoon of wasabi, a pair of cargo shorts from Eddie Bauer, the letter “R”, (“G” can suck it-look at us now buddy, maybe you’ll actually answer your emails in the future) a few bottles of Zantac (150-the extra strength kind), the love of a bi-polar woman, superior gas mileage and some second-hand pot smoke. We’re unbelievably lucky because if you were to combine all these things together at any other point in time you’d not only not get this particular result, you’d more than likely get arrested. I thank God every day that there was no God to interfere with the extraordinarily delicate process that brought this whole thing to fruition. TO THE GAME!
In your daily wanderings across the internubs you may have gleaned that the Falcons of Atlanta are dueling the Patriots of the New England. Based on my long history of watching football I know that each and every member of both teams are going to try their very best to win the game because there is a financial bonus attached to doing so. For some it might be 10k, for others it may be 5 mil-whatever the amount, all participants (including coaches) regard this as “free money” and will do their utmost to have that money dumped into their bank account. Some will secretly record practices, others will intentionally deflate footballs. It’s more than likely that a certain unnamed squad is violating the spirit of a specific rule as I type. I’ve always felt that you are the sum of your actions and not what your guttural one- and two- and three-word responses in press conferences imply.
Okay. Now you know who I’m cheering for. Big whoop. Now it’s time for you folks to chime in. Tell us goobers what you’re up to. What are you cooking? Where are you watching the game? Hey lurker, say hello and let us know that you like what we’re doing and how we might make things better. We’re all ears-except for me, I’m all coccyx. Yeah, that’s right-I’ve got a big coccyx. If you lurk and have a medical degree…please, this condition is not pleasant AT ALL.
Enjoy the game people.
I forgot about Busch Beer’s existence.
Thats gonna be a flat beer
So, my favorite semi-political comment from the internet this week :
“There are officially more black people in Beyonce than in Trump’s cabinet”
http://33.media.tumblr.com/8ad6c7b7abdc41388abe7d9437e68afa/tumblr_ni70bl2mwH1sr6759o1_500.gif
Ministry?! New World Order indeed!
They live without hope.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3BnZgVgPTw
Run, Falcons, run.
Have all DFO stock owning, Uproxx banned, metallic snakeskin shorts wearing members prepared themselves accordingly for the inevitable Dark Times brought on by the Grumblelord and his disciple Dreamboat by securing their underground shelters stocked with Allagash White and cyanide?
Bring back the Bud Bowl
I have no shits to give about the game today. The four year old is sick, the two year old is…two. The TV has been on Disney Jr. all day and doesn’t look to move. But since this is the Straight Oscars, I thought I’d pop in during maximum attendance to wish everyone a happy holiday.
If I had a time machine, leet haxor skillz, and the will to live I would go back in time to hack the large bowl game feed so that every commercial was replaced with this one
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzToNo7A-94
YOU KILL THE JOE YOU MAKE SOME MO
What the fuck? HR Block is building the goddamn future? When did that shit get approved? They do taxes. Let’s have an engineering firm build the future for a little while.
We wasted Watson on this?
What the almighty fuck is that Skittles commercial?
I know porn when I see it.
[buys a big bag of Skittles]
What’d I tell you, Punters for MVP!
KATIE
KATIE
http://nocoastbias.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/1270813-27407967-1600-900-1024×576.jpg
http://www.blastr.com/sites/blastr/files/katee-sackhoff1.jpg
H&R Block: Now with Skynet!
And Hamm!
https://media.tenor.co/images/c30c06fc4dd5ac7d8a09896d7f45fd5c/raw
The commercials so far are as strong as the Pats’ O-Line
You mean they really GRAB your attention?
Dear America, you can have Arnold. California doesn’t want him.
Brady got up looking like he wanted to fight until he noticed none of his linemen were there to keep him safe.
EAT SHIT BRADY
I fully endorse this sentiment and will contribute to the campaign via PAC.
Hello Hello, DFOers. I’m ready to eat my weight on wings and watch Timmy Bradu grt sacked! Woooooook
Paul McCartney will not be pleased, he is very fragile these days
MORE SACKS FOR THE SACK GOD!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSPNQ82Sq4E
84. I took the over.
Fun fact! The word “fencing” is short for “defencing” so we should give the Atlanta D sabers!
Fuck it give them automatics for all I care.
Wooooo!!!
DIE DIE DIE MY BRADY
I got something to say, I killed a Brady today and it…doesn’t matter much to me, as long as he’s dead
Awww Brady fell down went boom.
How many gifs am I supposed to post to keep Vegas happy? I forgot.
http://iruntheinternet.com/lulzdump/images/gifs/cake-throw-girl-face-concert-1350492916Y.gif
This gif is so fucking great.
I would think she has no problem with a little bit of DNA in the face….. just an assumption.
Something like 84; that’s aboult 2 per minute according to my ciphering.
I really to throw a cake at someone now.
This party is rightfully split between people upstairs watching the game and people downstairs socializing.
Red state/ blue state; that is the way. Tribalism at its most basic.
Down goes asshat
Prop bet first sack Brady MURICA F YEAH
Uh…
Shhhhh don’t tell him.
Aw shit I must have missed it
Ha! Brady was sacked using his own teammate.
Greetings, fellow Openers of the Door which Flies…um…Open…
Yo.
“Defence” used as a verb, drink/cash in Strunk&White prop bet!
I had a conversation the other day with my coworker where we were trying to think of famous people who openly supported Trump, and I mentioned that Brady was buddy-buddy with him. She doesn’t watch football, but she did give birth recently, and it turns out that Giselle is in a bunch of bullshitty natural birth videos, so she Tommy from those. Her conclusions was “Wow, that family is HORRIBLE.”
Eugh. They’re both so lucky to have their looks because they’re both balsa wood stupid.
The unsaid wish in Joe’s statement “Brady has a man” is “and I wish it was me.”
“Challenge accepted.” -Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeem
SHUT THE FUCK UP JOE.
Are you saying us short white guys look the same, Joe?
That play call is proof that concussions are contagious.
Just the fat ones
No late hit flag. I am not disappoint.
If Edelman’s expecting the rules will protect him, he’s in for a rough four years.
I, for one, am looking forward to 3 hours of high-level offensive line play, a down and dirty battle between the punters for field position, and lots and LOTS of red zone field goals.
Trump tweets in 10:
“Some secret society…. they let a WOMAN in. TOTAL LOSERS.”
BREAKING NEWS! THIS JUST IN!
Watch the large bowl through fox’s streaming site app thing, turn on adblock, no commercials! Fuck yeah! This is how you out-hipster the hipsters: “oh, I didn’t even watch the commercials.”
And the bitching begins!
Gonna pay for that wall with some of them delicious Avocados
DON’T WALL OFF MY AVOCADOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSS!!!!
The Avocado Toast Instagram voting bloc will have a lot of influence after that ad.
I reflexively hate anyone who eats avocado toast. BUTTER IS BETTER EAT IT INSTEAD.
THAT’S RIGHT MEXICO IS GOING THROW ALL OF THEIR AVOCADOS OVER THE WALL AND WILL KILL US BY PELTING US WITH DELICOUS HEALTHY FATS
Subject to a tariff near you…
So when do the good commercials air?
Any commercial that trolls xenophobic America is good.
MEXICO???
Straight up trolling
I don’t get it.
That was a TIRE COMMERCIAL?
“Ok Google…shred Brady’s ACL.”