Your “Here Comes The Money!” Thursday Afternoon Free Agency Open Thread

It’s March 9 – the start of the League year!

Today at 4:00PM ET marks the point at which teams can sign players & announce whom they’ve signed. For every Reggie White there’s an Albert Haynesworth, so the thrill of signing day will be tempered by about Week-6. Still, there is going to be dozens of team changes and millions of dollars exchanged.

          

With that is going to come various relatives, soon-to-be relatives, and assorted parasites & leeches.

So the player in question is going to need personal strength,

solid financial planning,

      

and the proper attitude to keep it from going to their head,

because it could all come crashing down.

    

Updates will be made below this here line as the afternoon progresses.


pre-12:30 observations:

  • so many rumours.
    • bestest: Jay Cutler to the Jets.

12:45 – the Browns traded for Brock Ostweiler!

  • CBS is reporting it’s going to be Romo time in Houston!
  • ESPN report – Brock Osweiler deal to Browns w/2018 2nd rnd pick in exchange for CLE taking on that horrible contract..

4:00 / 1:00 – Game on!

He’s gone.

 

  • Kevin Zeitler has agreed to join the Browns on a five-year, $60 million
  • Defensive tackle Calais Campbell – a four-year, $60 million deal with the Jaguars
  • Rhett Ellison 4-yr $18M deal with Giants
  • Patriots are giving former Bills CB Stephon Gilmore a five-year, $65 million deal
  • Ravens and former Cardinals S Tony Jefferson reached agreement on a four-year, $36 million deal

I’m just ripping these off of twitter & various sites. Apologies for no acknowledgement of sources.

4:05

  • Ex Skins DL Chris Baker has 3-yr deal with Bucs worth $6M + per year.
  • Alshon Jeffery to the Eagles for 1 year — $14M
  • Jaguars’ OL Luke Joeckel expects to sign 1-year deal with Seattle Seahawks

4:10:

  • S Duron Harmon back to the Pats. Four years, $20m total
  • Tampa Bay deal with DeSean Jackson as a three-year, $35 -million deal, with $20 million guaranteed.
  • Jaguars deal for AJ Bouye, to pay him $44M over the first 3 years; 5-Years, $67 .5M, $26M Fully Guaranteed
  • Eagles have agreed to a 1 year deal with G Chance Warmack.

4:15:

  • here’s why people are calling the Brock trade a steal:
    • Texans have $9M in dead money from Brock Osweiler’s $12M signing bonus. Browns are responsible for his $16M 2017 base salary guarantee.
  • Dammit – students came in.

4:25

  • NFL announces 4 game suspension for Ravens running back Kenneth Dixon.

  • Patriots agree to terms to re-sign safety Duron Harmon – 4 years, max value of $20 million
  • Branden Albert to Jacksonville in exchange for a 7th round pick in the 2018 NFL Draft.
  • Falcons have inked a 3 year deal with Jack Crawford.

4:30:

  • DT Stacy McGee to Washington, five years $25m
  • Oh, god – really?
    • La Canfora: “Been hearing a long time that a package of 3 2nd round picks might be fair value for Garoppolo. Browns now have a ton of them next few years”
  • Tony Jefferson got $9M /year from the Ravens

4:35:

  • La Canfora: Breaking News: Browns shopping Osweiler contract all over the league. Want to trade Brock and late rnd pick for ’18 3rd rnd pick …

4:40:

  • Bills are giving Micah Hyde $30M over 5 years
  • Raiders linebacker Aldon Smith reportedly in crash involving police car.

4:45:

  • New York Jets RB Khiry Robinson was released by the team
  • Jets have officially released Darrelle Revis
  • Brynden Trawick becomes the highest paid special teams player in the league with a 2 year deal with the Titans.
  • DT Akeem Spence to the Lions. Three years, $10 .5m

4:55:

  • Ravens announce deal with Ryan Mallett.
  • Ravens have picked up the contract option for WR Mike Wallace to return to the team in 2017.
  • Packers re-sign LB Nick Perry
  • Seattle is giving former Jaguars’ OL Luke Joeckel a one-year, $8 million contract,

5:00:

  • CB Dre Kirkpatrick (Bengals) re-signed with the Cincinnati Bengals. Terms undisclosed.
  • twitter is full of these references.

5:10:

  • Saints contract with DT Nick Fairley is 4 years, worth almost $30M
  • LB Daren Bates (Raiders) agreed to terms with the Tennessee Titans on a three-year, $6 million contract
  • Chargers free-agent LB Manti Te’o is scheduled to visit the Saints in the next 24 hours
  • Buccaneers are giving RB Jacquizz Rodgers a two-year, $3.3 million contract

5:20:

  • Falcons gave DL Jack Crawford a 3-year deal worth $10 .3M
  • S Jordan Poyer (Browns) agreed to terms with the Buffalo Bills on Thursday, March 9. Terms of the deal were not disclosed.
  • It’s a DUI for Aldon Smith, per PFT.
  • [*Redacted] s signed S DJ Swearinger to a 3-year deal worth $4 .5M per year
  • LB Lerentee McCray to Jacksonville. One year, $3 .5m max

5:30:

  • PK Steven Hauschka (Seahawks) agreed to terms with the Buffalo Bills

  • PK Phil Dawson (49ers) agreed to terms with the Arizona Cardinals

Meow:

5:40:

  • Russell Okung has agreed to go the #Chargers on a 4-year deal for $53M
  • FS Chris Conte (Buccaneers) agreed to terms on a two-year deal with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers

5:50:

  • Steelers have released RB Karlos Williams
  • TE Anthony Fasano (Titans) agreed to terms with the Miami Dolphins

Not that I would ever suggest praying for a meteor, but

Aaaaaaaand this seems like a good place to end:

Headless just seems appropriate.

EDIT: Whoops! It just got gritty in Baltimore:

Alright team, I’ve got to sign out, give the students their Spring Break assignments (ie.- “Don’t let me find out you went to jail!”) & head home. See you tonight in the Open Thread.

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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SonOfSpam

Barkevious is a Colt. If ever a player shoulda gone to the Dawg Pound…

Mingo just pawn in game of life.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Duchess

I like to think that Pace called up Cutler and said “Jay I’m sorry but we’re going…”

Jay “Doooonnn’ttt Caaaarrrrreeee” then hangs up

Horatio Cornblower

“Ravens announce deal with Ryan Mallett”

Ravens: If you stay away from our facilities and stop calling us we will drop the charges.

Mallett: No deal!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Redshirt

Can’t blame Whitworth for leaving. If a crappy team like the Rams wants to overpay for a 35-year old lineman, he’d be crazy not to sign.

Redshirt

Me seeing how the Bengals did today:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVPE7I0I7X4

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
SonOfSpam

“Falcons gave DL Jack Crawford a 3-year deal worth $10.3M”

Figures. He gets paid even though Clarice did all the work.

SonOfSpam

Interesting for her to comment on how she drills chicks, but such was the time I guess.

Sharkbait

Live look at Cutler the moment her got cut:

comment image?w=295&h=231&crop=1

SonOfSpam

A few minutes later, here he is drowning his sorrows:

http://54.85.147.174/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Cat-with-Chicago-Bears-Jersey.jpg

Horatio Cornblower

He looks like the classic criminal defendant whose lawyer bought him a suit and made him put it on 10 minutes before his probable cause hearing.

Of course there will be no probable cause because everyone knows Cutler would never take a shot at anyone.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Manti Te’o is visiting the Saints.

Makes sense, in that his best chance at a reunion with Lennay is via voodoo.

litre_cola

I was looking for a Te’o joke but I just couldn’t find it.

Gratliff

DUI Defeats True Man, per PFT Commenter

Duchess

The browns draft picks over the next two years reads like the numbers from Lost

Horatio Cornblower

The end results will make about as much sense.

Sharkbait

I may be stuck at work late covering this fucking tennis tournament, but at least come tomorrow, I’ll still have a job. Unlike Brock Osweiler.

King Hippo

He could move to Chicago and be the stunt double for Mike Glennon’s neck…

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Insufficiently gracile

Shogun Marcus

But who among us wouldn’t be ok with that severance package? Sign me up.

Duchess

Bigger news is new season of Game of Thrones is coming out July 16.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

How the shit am I supposed to get in the ‘Winter is Coming’ mindset when it’s 200 degrees and I can feel the sweat dripping down my scrotum?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Because dripping down your scrotum.

King Hippo

I will give Jamie Dixon this – he’s damned good at conference tournamenting. And obviously per the post-game, at getting kids to buy in.

nomonkeyfun

Jacquizz isn’t going to be too popular at Mons Venus.

nomonkeyfun

Also, Jacquizz is what Emile Zola said when he orgasmed.

SonOfSpam

He had a certain je ne sais qum.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m glad people in Regina can read these jokes!

SonOfSpam

Kansas blew out of the Big 12 Tournament like dust in the wind.

King Hippo

yeah, this is teh tourney FOAR Hippo. Fuck the ACC

Croooow

Happy Jayhawk Schadenfreude Day!!!!!!

SonOfSpam

Rock Chalk NorvPock

Croooow

Holy crap. Epic clutch free throws.

King Hippo

dude was stone cold

Unsurprised

Fittingly, the rest of the league has already been innoculated to Catler’s bullshit.

Gratliff

I don’t think Jeffrey fits in with the Eagles’ drop-heavy team chemistry.

litre_cola

So what can we trade Aglohor for?

/Phone rings

No, no, we don’t want Brock Lobster.

King Hippo

WOW!!! I stand corrected.

King Hippo

refs controlling this’un

Unsurprised

Revis Island set adrift on memory bliss of you.

Aside, I noticed the notes improved once your students began showing up. Having unpaid interns is awesome, ain’t it?

Croooow

TCU-Kansas tied with less that a minute left.

King Hippo

NFLN now tickering Lobster to be cut, presumably after hearing 30 versions of cell phone laughter after Rob’s 4:35 update

Duchess

Oh Alshon, you will have a great 6 games for the Eagles.

Unsurprised

So many banner-worthy comments throughout today

Spur

Give them hell Romo!*

*play really bad against Dallas please

Croooow

TCU is giving Kansas one heckuva battle. Tie game with 5:40 left.

King Hippo

KS, much like Duke and U*NC, can suck all the dicks and/or eat all the ass.

/with no jelly nor syrup

Unsurprised

Oh. An aristocrat, eh?

Croooow

Jayhawk fans are awful and smug as shit. Trust me.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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SonOfSpam

Browns might just cut him. So they get a 2nd round pick for the right to pay $16 million to a guy who will never play for them. THE SYSTEM WORKS.

Unsurprised

I’d rather be cut. Literally if necessary. Anything not to ever have to go to Cleveland.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

The NFL became the NBA so gradually, I hardly noticed.

Unsurprised

“Apologies for no acknowledgement of sources.”

/Slaps Beerguyrob

Has the Internet taught you nothing? NEVER APOLOGIZE.

nomonkeyfun

Has President Trump taught him nothing. No need for sources either.

Some people are saying that beerguyrob is not actually a Canadian, and that he doesn’t like beer. I don’t know if its true or not, but some people are saying it.

Unsurprised

He admitted as much to me.

Unsurprised

That’s the spirit!

King Hippo

I appreciate the NFLN coverage keeping me from watching Duke coming back to win from a 12-point 2nd half deficit.

Senor Weaselo

Could be worse, you could have been a St. John’s fan watching them play Nova.
/Did not watch that so-called “game”

King Hippo

MOOSE – are you in Dove Valley, and what can you tell us??

Beastmode Ate My Baby

So, if I’m looking at this right, Houston basically bribed Cleveland with a 2nd-round pick to take Brock.

BO is gonna feel so wanted in the Factory.

Senor Weaselo

As opposed to other players, where the Factory is so wanted by them.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

You mean anyone with a pulse?

LemonJello

Can the Brock Lobster thrive in Lake Erie?

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Senor Weaselo

Can anything?

Unsurprised

Worst comes to worse, the Cuyahoga River is all set for the boil. Just add a match.

King Hippo

No guaranteed money FOAR the Lobster after 2017. So basically a free shot since they had to spend to the floor anyway, and they knew RG3 was glue.

King Hippo

BRING BACK CATLER. Smoke ’em if you got ’em Donks!!

LemonJello

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not sure what you’ve been smoking, but it is some bad, bad shit.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Romo to HOU?

Romo to HOU.

Senor Weaselo

MY OLD BOY IS A GODDAMN NONEXISTENT STAR!

LemonJello

Obligatory:

“YEEEEEHAAAAAAA, I AM FUCKIN’ CRAZY!!1!!!!”

http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/1317775/Jerry_Nod_medium.gif

Senor Weaselo

That whole trade… smgdh.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

HOLY CRAP!

http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af117/wonkalumpsMMA/UFC100-LesnarMir-12.gif

What? Oh…Brock Osweiler

Never mind.

Unsurprised

Everything about him makes me want to watch him explode.

SonOfSpam

It’s BROCKTOBER nine months early!!!

SonOfSpam

Seven months early. Math is hard.

King Hippo

CORRECTION – a 4th this year, a 2nd next year. Just to save $10M in cap space on the boat anchor that is Brock Osweiler. Factory can let him shit all over the pitch for 2017, and find a real QB after that.

Cuntler

Heard they might just cut him.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

Maybe they should build a fucking O line so they don’t have to draft new QBs every goddamn year.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
litre_cola

Holy shit I thought you were joking. I went to twitter immediately.

you aren’t. holy shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Which part did you think he was joking about?

Cuntler

Brock lobster to Cleveland? WAAAA??

King Hippo

How much did HOU have to give up for Factory to take on that boat anchor??

King Hippo

Does the NFLN ticker indicate correctly that they had to give up a 2018 2nd rounder just so they didn’t have to take the immediate cap hit of cutting him??

/there will still be a cap hit involving the bonus money, spread out over the life of the contract

Beastmode Ate My Baby

You can exchange compensatory picks now? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS LEAGUE COMING TO???

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Trump’s Unregulated Utopia. By the time he’s done, you will be allowed to sell your baby in exchange for lottery tickets.

Unsurprised

I’d be fine with that.

About time. I’m really going to need a fresh, young liver in four years.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Quick pick or scratch game?

King Hippo

ahhhh….you right. swapping 4th and 6th compensatory slots