Your “Wait – What Rules Are My Rules?” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Troy Vincent is having a No Fun League day:
    • He announced the Competition Committee will be looking into amending the personal foul rule to allow immediate ejection after a dangerous hit.
    • The Eagles will propose a rule change to prohibit leaping over the line to block a PAT or field goal
    • The League will be “developing an educational training video for players to show clear examples of appropriate and inappropriate celebrations.”
  • somewhere quiet, a former teammate weeps for what his colleague has become
  • NFL Spring meetings take place March 26-29 in Phoenix, and the Raiders proposed move will be front & centre on the agenda.
    • Based on a projected completion date of 2020, the Raiders would have to play out their lease in Oakland (to 2019) and play one year in a temporary facility.
      • Carson, anyone?
      • Or, even funnier, Santa Clara. Too bad they tore down Candlestick already.
      • if the vote doesn’t succeed, the thinking is that Davis might unilaterally move the team rather than stay in Oakland, like the daddy’s boy he is.
    • the proposed relocation fee is rumoured to be between $325-375 million, a bit more than half what the Rams & Chargers were billed for their move to LA.

Chuck Barris died today. He was 87.

If you grew up in the 1970s, you know him from the shows he developed & babysat you when you were home sick from school.

The Dating Game:

The Newlywed Game:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xq0-A09XiA

The Gong Show:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDxDYIQL6Nc

The original reality TV. It was all crap and I loved it. Go down that rabbit hole for a while, and marvel at what got on TV in the 70s. So many entendres!

His “unofficial autobiography”, Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind, was made into a movie by George Clooney.

The CIA actually issued a press release refuting the book & movie, all to Barris’ amusement. Hell, I expect his will to contain references to Yakov Smirnoff & helping Trump get elected.

RIP you delightful monkey.


The question was asked last night, “Hey Beerguy, why u no mention Blackhawks game? You hatin’?”

   

Pick the one that offends you least.

And while the Canucks fan in me cannot deny perennial resentment towards the current Kane-featured Blackhawks,

The original Chicago stick-handling God

there is a perfectly logical reason why I didn’t mention that game: It wasn’t available for everyone.

The reason for the list I list is because I want to make sure the games we can all talk about are national broadcasts (in the US or Canada). I don’t want to list a game we can’t all shit-talk. Last night’s Blackhawks game was a CSN or WGN regional broadcast in the US, and a Sportsnet Pacific broadcast in Canada. It wasn’t a national game.

According to the Blackhawks website,

Nationally, the Blackhawks will appear exclusively on NBC (including NBC and NBCSN) 11 times, the maximum allowed per the league’s national television agreement. Additionally, the Blackhawks will appear in ten non-exclusive nationally televised games, totaling a league-high 21 national appearances.

meaning that those non-exclusive games are also shared with a regional partner, likely the other team’s broadcaster but with the NBCSN crew calling the game.

In Canada, there is the same headache. Tonight, for example, the Oilers play in Anaheim, but that’s only available on Sportsnet West, which is just on the Prairies, and the same geographical broadcast restrictions apply.

That’s why I always include the channel listing, and that’s why I didn’t list that game. Hope that makes sense.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Leafs at Blue Jackets – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Islanders at Rangers – 8:00PM | NBCSN
  • 2017 World Baseball Classic: U.S. vs. Puerto Rico – 9:00PM | ESPN2 / Sportsnet1
  • NBA:
    • Hawks at Wizards – 8:00PM | ESPN
    • Cavs at Nuggets – 9:00PM | TSN2
    • Knicks at Jazz – 10:30PM | ESPN
  • MLS:
    • Whitecaps FC vs. Toronto FC – 7:00PM | TSN2

That’s it for me this week. Hippo’s got you for the Madness threads (and likely some rage), and tWBS has got your Sexy Friday action. SEE YOU MONDAY!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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LemonJello

Later, Taters! Stay safe out there.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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sunrisesunrise

Great strikeout pitch by Stroman. Ran in on the batters hands perfectly.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, FINE; Wicked Wednesday; Friday is a long way off.
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LemonJello

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litre_cola

If an MLB game or any game for that matter goes over its allotted time does the carrier make the increased rate on the commercials from the original timeslot? If so, then why the impetus on “speeding” up the game?

sunrisesunrise

Millennials and their disposable income are the root cause. This market has a near zero attention span so a game that drags on means they won’t spend their money on it. Baseball is the only team sport that is not timed. With hockey, basketball and soccer you know you are going to be leaving the venue. Football is a different beast altogether.

King Hippo

If there’s one thing Americans love more than solutions in search of a problem, I ain’t found it yet.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

More like Cameltoe 2525, amirite?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You are so right, sir.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
LemonJello

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sunrisesunrise

Hate to see her go…

LemonJello

but love to watch her leave.

Horatio Cornblower

You two get gold stars

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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LemonJello

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I read that they are thinking of doing away with the intentional walk – you just need to tell the umpire and it’s a done deai. I think they change it so that you only have to throw twice – each “intentional ball” counts as two. That way you’d still seem some funny shit like passed balls and such but the process would only take half as long as before.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Plus that way guys with the yips like Jon Lester don’t get a free pass.

sunrisesunrise

It’s also kind of a weak rule change under the guise of speeding up the game. Intentional walks don’t occur often enough to warrant such a change.

sunrisesunrise

I enjoy the emotions shown in this game so far. Lugo looked like he just let down his country after that HR.

And hearing Manfred say he likes seeing the emotion is interesting.

Horatio Cornblower

You mean, “let down his COMMONWEALTH”

litre_cola

Kinsler good. Anyone know any reason they aren’t starting Posey?

sunrisesunrise

Lucroy is better defensively, arguably.

litre_cola

I disagree but Jimmy Leyland is my spirit animal.

Mr. Ayo

USA! USA! USA!

JustStopDude

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is it wrong that I’m upset by her bad grammar?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yes.

JustStopDude

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LemonJello

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The Dark Secret of FF; blinded a man by putting both eyes out one cold day.

LemonJello

She taught him to read braille immediately after that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

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Brick Meathook

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LemonJello

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Unsurprised

Post the rest.

litre_cola

Evenin, will we have a Don T sighting or is he already wasted for the game?

King Hippo

Wasted since half noon, I’d wager.

King Hippo

I always want to kill people with the “Life Is Good” bumper stickers. With its silly “look at me, I’m so PLAYFUL” font.

But today, I saw something far worse. In the parking lot of my neurologist (nobody being surprised that I have one), “Life Is Wicked Pissah”

WCS

YOUAH DON’T UNDAHSTAHND HOAH HAHHD LIFE FACKIN IS IN BAWSTAHN

LemonJello

Please tell me you set that car on fire, with or without its occupant(s).

King Hippo

I mean…it’s parked in North Cakalaky FOAR God’s sake. People used to at least have the good sense to be ashamed of shit like that around these parts.

Very ashamed that I let the moment pass.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s just the Maine lifestyle. No one unhappy has ever lived there

http://img.wennermedia.com/article-leads-horizontal/rs-172368-king_final.jpg

LemonJello

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LemonJello

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JustStopDude

Good song to zonk out on opiates to…
https://youtu.be/RVCRVCbZul0

King Hippo

Also, most songs that Hippo shares with Most Glorious Commentist Party

Mr. Ayo

Speaking of rules, how lame is it that Jim Leyland can’t suck down a pack of cigs while managing this game tonight? That’s not the ‘MERIKU I grew up in.

King Hippo

I’m pulling for Cal-State Bakersfield, because that’s basically Team Baskets Career College. WOO!!!!

JustStopDude

Honest to god, the moment she starts talking, my boner retracts.

I couldn’t do it. It would be like trying to have sex with a hot young chick with down syndrome.

I’m kind of amazed we haven’t heard she has died from heat stroke, locking herself in a car.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“Well in THAT CASE, here’s an update on Tom Brady’s stolen Super Bowl jersey!”

Annnd reply fail.

I’ve only had one beer…!

King Hippo

Wednesday beers count triple ,, ppl forget that

LemonJello

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Horatio Cornblower

I don’t think I could bang her because it seemed like her creepy father was ALWAYS around.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Backdoor Flies Open.

King Hippo

Know what I could give less than a tin shit about, ESPN? Twitter hissy fits between Lebron and that Ball asshole Dad

Senor Weaselo

Dare I ask what the difference is between a tin shit and the regular kind?

LemonJello

The sound it makes hitting the bowl?

King Hippo

the volume of blood, natch

JustStopDude

I want to fucking know when the exact moment it was decided that reading and covering twitter feeds became fucking news.

At least once a week, my local news accidentally reads off a troll tweet.

Senor Weaselo

I’m pretty sure Dorito Mussolini tweets more often than that.

JustStopDude

You know if it was like brilliant a subtle trolling but its usually like

“And AshGrinder69 says gas all the ki…whoa um so Stacey I guess the fans are really stoked for the Salem Red Soxs this year”

ITS NOT A TELEPROMPTER BOB! YOU HAVE TO PROOF READ AHEAD BEFORE YOU START SAYING THE SHIT!!!

Horatio Cornblower

Good night San Diego, and go fuck yourself,

LemonJello

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LemonJello

Man, that squirrel has some nuts!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Shogun Marcus

Oh Kelly. Wherefore did you go? Why seagal? WHY?!

LemonJello

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King Hippo

Is LemonJello Jeebus? He is, ain’t he??

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Ah, The Lesbian Prison Warden Episode….. the root of many a Moose Fetish.

[somebody on the interwebs made the whole scene in well done gifs]

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Yep – just make sure that the link has the type of image at the end – i,e, ends with .jpg, .png or .gif

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

I always pull the “Direct Link”.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

My imgurs still break.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuut then it shows up on the other computer…….

King Hippo

Illinois coach is super fired up because he’s fired as soon as they lose.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

If they win the NIT is his job safe?

LemonJello

Nope. Illini already hired Brad Underwood from OklaSt.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

see below. Plus this is just one of the fired head guy’s assistants, methinks

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
LemonJello

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King Hippo

Johnny Dawkins muthafukkin’ OWNS the NIT!!

/probably shouldn’t put that in his LinkedIn profile

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Taken from the instructional video, “Peter King’s Baseball Ethics.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

PK; ass-to-mouth.
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King Hippo

PK’s dream is to be Villar, but only if Pedroia is playing 2B

LemonJello

And pantsless.

Redshirt

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Senor Weaselo

Obviously fake, Stormtroopers don’t have enough accuracy to throw strikes.

sunrisesunrise

Vader is a notorious bad ball hitter.

WCS

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“We got more gongs than the tap-dancing robot that caught on fire.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Taken from the instructional video, “Pitching Basics With Doc Ellis.”

LemonJello

Did chucklefuck actually drink ANY of that beer?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not sure if his talent level can combine those concepts.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

http://www.gifbin.com/bin/3205004swsw.gif

If you have not already type in Alice Eve gif without safe search on; THOSE SWEETER PUPPIES ARE PERFECT.

LemonJello

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This one ain’t bad at’all.

Redshirt

Wow. Now I hate Star Trek Into Darkness even more. They somehow turned Alice Eve into a B-cup with that 23rd Century Corset Bra. I had no idea.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyQA5vNjihs

They said he didn’t like being in front of the camera, but it just seems like for the Gong Show no fucks were given and he enjoyed. NSFDFO {brief titty flash}

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s why it was so awesome.

Shogun Marcus

Hey YOU! Yeah you. Loosen your grip for a second and ask yourself, “Self. Have I shit to do? Yes? Ok. Would I like to get it done, with musics but NO pesky words to distract? Yes too? May I suggest Pelican? You’ll thank me once you leap.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=-PqSPAV1GVM

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

So I got customers here from a paper company. A Mexican third party did the plant integration system. They are here to basically learn about their drives because they went about 8 years without a problem and then a capacitor aged out and they realized “Holy shit we have no idea how this stuff works”

Through the course of the training I keep hearing from there “Boy we wish we knew you guys existed. Your sales department gave us the impression you folks didn’t do anything at all. We kept offering you money to do the job”

I fucking hate our sales department. Just the service contract for this mill is like 7 figures.

I have no fucking idea what our remote sales guys do other than make us look terrible. I think I close more sales giving customer training than half our field sales people.

Redshirt

Sounds like my work. I once had a ten minute conversation with a Customer Service Representative asking why he won’t contact the customer.

“Its not my job to talk to the customer.”
“No, it its your job. Its literally in the title!”

Redshirt

So its turns out the Hamilton County Prosecutor won’t charge Pacman Jones with a felony because him headbutting cops, telling a cop he wishes he would die tomorrow in between saying “bitch” 21 times, tells him to “suck his dick” 11 times in 18 mins, then spit on a nurse because its a, and this is a direct quote from the County Prosecutor, “a ticky tack kind of charge”.

If that was me, I would currently be in jail being passed around as currency.

Its times like this that I realize that life sucks and God must be a Steelers fan.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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Redshirt

“If I’m going on the 60-day DL, I’m taking you with me!”

LemonJello

Evening, Imaginary Internet Friends!

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Redshirt

Evening, Bringer of Great GIFs!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

http://www.espn.com/mlb/story/_/id/18974233/marcus-stroman-defends-mother-pitching-united-states-puerto-rico

Stroman is also distraught about the treatment his mother has been subjected to since he announced in December that he would pitch for the United States over Puerto Rico.

Don T:

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Don T

Prologue:
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BTW I don’t condone that hazing shit. The guy wants to play for the US, cool. Do well, except against us.

King Hippo

agree, no hazing. Just let Karma lead PUERTO RICO AND YADI TO MOST GLORIOUS VICTORY WOO!!!!!!!!!!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I knew you were smart enough not to disrespect a Latina… I was going to say “like that,” but I think “ever” would probably be a better word choice.

Good luck tonight. I’ll be rooting for the US, but I’ll be just as happy if PR wins. What’s the song of choice that should be played to commemorate such a victory?

Senor Weaselo

For Puerto Rico, something from In the Heights and for the U.S., something from Hamilton. Okay, I’m kidding. A little bit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yym4aYL7Ia0

sunrisesunrise

So far, you’re not getting your wish.

King Hippo

oh fuck off Wayne Rooney, sell his fookin’ corpse to the Chinese instead.

Perhaps I will stay awake for the NIT tonight. Probably not. Everything sucks.

DEAR GOD, NOT THE TARGETING BULLSHIT IN THE NFL TOO (with or without the interminable replay review process).

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude

Sam Rockwell has to be one of the most underused actors in Hollywood right now. “Confessions of a Dangerous Mind” was a brilliant movie.

sunrisesunrise

Was pretty good as Zaphod Beeblebrox. Also as Guy in Galaxy Quest.