Your “Hold On – I Need A Cup For THose Tears” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • AJ Hawk signed a one-day contract so he could retire a Packer.
  • Dallas jumped early and exercised the 2018 option on OL Zack Martin.
    • It’s worth $9.3 million, which is about $3 million less than he’d command on the open market after 2017.
  • The Bills are going to the family well & brought in Chad Kelly for a tryout pre-draft visit.
    • He missed the combine due to a shredded knee, making him the leading candidate for the Browns’ first-overall pick.
  • One final use of the Rooney Rule on Tuesday, when Ike Taylor joins 7 Rooney grandchildren as pallbearers at Grampa Dan’s funeral.

Finally, Derek Carr – “Christian, Husband, Father and Oakland Raider #RaiderNation What they call work, I call worship!” – went and called disappointed Oakland residents “not true fans” for lamenting the move to Vegas. That should make the next two years playing out the string extra-special to the 4500 people who show up.

  • Well, that must have been a scary couple of hours in the Raiders front office:


Lesser sports playoff madness update:

In case you want to know how Flames fans’ (& their server, litre_cola) night went, allow the fans of the 2013 Maple Leafs to show you:

And Ape has the fallout from the Caps-Leafs series:

https://twitter.com/xmasape/status/854357383132434433

Delicious.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Habs at Rangers – 7:00PM / NBCSN / CBC
    • Penguins at CBJ – 7:00PM | CNBC / Sportsnet360
    • Oilers at Sharks – 10:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Bucks at Raptors – 7:00PM | TSN
    • Bulls at Celtics – 8:00PM | TNT
    • Jazz at Clippers – 10:30PM | TNT

 

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook

Watch how for a split-second he goes for the ball while his central nervous system is trying to fully process what really just happened.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Pain======>brain time.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

Motherfuck everybody rancid-souled P*ts fan right in their gaping assholes with a rotting walrus cock until they die.

Romonobyl

“Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, what did you think of the play?”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

Close relative of the wedgie: THE NUT SHOT
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook

THE HEAD SLAM:
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Brick Meathook

THE FLAMING AEROSOL TO THE FACE:
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

So are we not circlejerking tonight then?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

I laughed way too hard at the Rooney Rule joke.

Brocky

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hey moose, hope i don’t make an ass of myself trying to one up you.

good fun, its all tongue in cheeck

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No, you’re fine….. just don’t break anything…..

http://fat.gfycat.com/NegligiblePhonyKitty.gif

Gratliff

Those damn Japanese tables.
http://i.imgur.com/0TMUTLD.gif

Brocky

can’t blame the table on that one, was a complete miss

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Gratliff

Just no way to treat a third grade teacher.

Brocky

I SHALL

i DO!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brocky

honest to god, looks painful as hell

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Romonobyl

Hey, at least the Facebook Killer is dead. He apparently committed suicide with three shots to the back of his head.

King Hippo

he killed Facebook? Why were we not giving him a fucking medal?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Romonobyl

I’m oddly curious to know the side story to this picture.

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

By stealing Tesla’s work…….

Romonobyl

So true. Folks think Tesla went insane, if true then Edison sent him there.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think he did OK when he moved to on. I think Edison, or at least Tesla’s perception of him, actually motivated him to be a better inventor.

Romonobyl

Huzzah! I’ve never had Facebook, Facetime, Twitter, none of that nonsense. All I need is my onion belt and all is well.

King Hippo

damn skippy

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

On this one we agree.

Romonobyl

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Romonobyl

Now it fucking shows up…

Gratliff

“tech savvy”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK; that was fucking funny.

I am tech sappy.

Romonobyl

Need fresher onions…

Romonobyl

Maybe this one…
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

How many times do your friends and family ask you when are you getting on Facebook? Why don’t you get on Facebook? Fuck.

Romonobyl

Not any more thank God. I’m pretty tech savvy, but I have no interest in seeing a picture of somebody’s lunch.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think most of them have given up on me so at least there is that.

litre_cola

It is tough out there on the streets today. Basically how the fuck did that happen is everyones mood.
I will serve them their sadness beers again tomorrow unless well you know what happens.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

We are in The Darkest Timeline, imaginary chum

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Romonobyl

Am I the only on who sees a lot of “comment image”?

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m seeing that too. I don’t know what the problem is. Imgur again?

Romonobyl

Dammit Balls, see what happens when you go overseas?

ballsofsteelandfury

I know. My bad.

Gratliff

I usually see it for imgur files until I refresh

ballsofsteelandfury

Yeah, I think it’s an imgur issue.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I can see them until I Febreeze.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Somebody told me they could see them on Chrome.

They were showing up for a while on Firefox, but I just check and NOOOOO.

I will stop posting imgur wedgie gifs.

http://37.media.tumblr.com/21d2ce93a3d5c92799f74c40bbaeebec/tumblr_mzioh6LV2Q1qh9nffo2_500.gif

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

YOU GUYS YOU GUYS! NETFLIX HAS PERFECTED THE AWESOM-O 4000!

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litre_cola

4 fucking movies? Are you serious? I wondered how the hell he got work for that movie on netflix now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

I may Have zoomed in really far inbox the train looking at this. Maybe.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brocky

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Brocky

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Gratliff

Real Romo would be out for 6 months with a wedgie like that

King Hippo

you mean in a special wheelchair?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I-R-Wedgie?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

Open season on Brendan Smith. No call. Montreal Typical.

Gratliff

Lavy deserved better in Philly
http://i.imgur.com/CCshCp8.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Saw this fucking abomination in person today. It was full of well-to-do, well-aged white folk.
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King Hippo

I hope you dropped your pants, DFO style.

Gratliff

I had just driven for two hours. I just did the slow rolling finger and moved along. Rush hour traffic in that town is fucking murder.

JustStopDude

That’s a shit load of “bless your heart” right in your fucking face…

Gratliff

There are actually more attached signs and flags now.

Romonobyl

They apparently have an issue with verbs.

JustStopDude

Anyone have the courage to see what happens to the cat that was on the plane wing in the gif I showed earlier in the thread?

https://youtu.be/J_8mdH20qTQ

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Why they didn’t cast Elizabeth Holmes as Pennywise in the upcoming version of It is beyond me. Name five CEO’s who love blood more than her. You can’t!

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JustStopDude

She looks like an android that under shot the uncanny valley.

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Unsurprised

Great Sprawl Trilogy reference.

Unsurprised

Why isn’t she in prison?

King Hippo

I no longer think Ossoff will even keep above 45%. His lead is dissipatin’ faster than a cherry pie in a Fat Albert cartoon!

blaxabbath

I paid taxes today as well. I did not enjoy it. But, hey, that’s the price we pay for the luxury of subsidizing every single company that makes Consumer Reports Top 25 Most Hated Companies each year!

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why America need non-existent gun laws.

King Hippo

I don’t think Ossoff’s gonna hold onto 50%, BTW

JustStopDude

I’m paying bills just now. Its fucking terrifying how much money I have been blowing through purchasing a home. My savings and checking account went from like $80k to around $8k in the span of a month.

I was pleasantly surprised how much was in my checking account, until I realized that my shithead old landlord is sitting on my $2k lease breaking check for some reason.

I am still not done unpacking because of being both tired from work and the simple fact that I need book shelves and shit like that. I still have ass loads of shit I have to purchase…like basic stuff. I still have most of my cloths in plastic bins from when I was in the military and constantly moving around.

Unrelated…when the fuck did the Celtics get Buffalo Bob as a center?

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I’d fuck me….I’d fuck me so hard….

Gratliff

Sort of reminds me of what Matt Riddle looks like these days.
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LemonJello
LemonJello

I’m bored.
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herodotus450

Puck avoids visor, hits guy in face; penishead’s insightful comment: “imagine what woulda happened without the visor!”

King Hippo

ewwwww, gross hawkey injury time

Brick Meathook

I did my own taxes this year and finally finished. Fuck you accountant!

My combined Federal and State refunds: FIFTY MILLION DOLLARS!!!

Sweet!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s as good of a time as any to claim it. It’s not like the IRS is gonna have the resources to question it during this administration.

Sharkbait

Wonderful change by the Ice Giants leads to a Alouettes goal.

herodotus450

That Mitchell and Webber look though.

Sharkbait

Holden didn’t help by just falling down though.

herodotus450

Not even 3 minutes in and PenisHead McGuire already has his mouth full of Penguin balls.

herodotus450

I guess they ARE up 3-0 in the series, have looked dominant, and were and still are the easy favorites to win the cup. But still, PenisHead.

King Hippo

3-0 against a college football side is nothing to brag about

JustStopDude

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I wonder if they do bar mitzvahs….

ballsofsteelandfury

Hang on. 714. That’s Orange County!!

Party at Son Of Spam’s house!!

JustStopDude

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King Hippo

Go Habitantes and non-Buckeyes!!

Sharkbait

I agree with half of that statement.

Sharkbait

Let’s go Ice Giants!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

It’s Tax Day in the US. It was extended a few extra days because apparently the Pain Monster doesn’t work over Easter weekend.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCxTbP2m1TE

ballsofsteelandfury

On the bright side, getting tickets to Raider games should be a lot cheaper and easier now. I would love Oakland fans to rip the stadium to shreds in the first game and have the Coliseum be considered unplayable.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

The fans don’t have to do anything during September…

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